


Threatening Realisations

by Axey1677



Series: Threatening Realisations [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Character Death, Death Threats, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-01-21 02:49:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 96,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12448110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Axey1677/pseuds/Axey1677
Summary: The threats against Rafaels life finally come to fruition, with his life on the line will he come to realize what is most important to him?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is my first SVU fic and would love some feedback to help me improve as the chapters go on :)
> 
> *Based after S17*

It has been a long day; Rafael has had spent most of the day attending Sargent Michael Dodds funeral then spent some time in the SVU squad room to pick out the guy who was threatening him in a line up. He managed to make his way to his office without Carisi and Rollins following him, against their request of course but he did agree to have 24/7 security detail temporarily. Once he reached the building he and the officers made their way to his office. When they reached his office he turned and said, “I’m gonna be here for a while, you don’t have to stay here.” 

“We’ll wait outside your office. We can’t leave you alone, sorry but orders are orders.” 

Rafael sighed then nodded as he turned and headed for his desk; pulling out his phone as he sat down, he checked it for the time, 3:30pm. “Good thing I didn’t have to go to court today,” he said staring at the screen as it faded to black. He was slightly hoping there was a message from Olivia, they hadn’t spoken outside of work since he found out she was romantically involved with Ed Tucker. Deciding it wasn’t best to overthink things, he grabbed a bunch of letters that had been pilling up on his desk. The first few were from families writing about cases he’d worked and wanting to thank him for putting away the person responsible for hurting someone they loved. I haven’t gotten many of these… well compared to death threats, he thought. “Speaking of which,” he said as he noticed the handwriting on the next letter; he recognised it because who ever wrote it had written many this past year. He usually just throws this persons letters in his bottom drawer before even reading them, but today he felt like reading them. He opened his bottom drawer grabbed the pile of letters along with a bottle of scotch, he poured himself a drink and began reading. 

After an hour and a half of reading the letters his phone lit up, he looked over and grabbed it off his desk to see his mother’s name on the screen. She had sent him a text, the first few lines gave the subject away, and it was about his Abuelita. He paused for a moment to pour himself his 4th drink and then continued reading; it was about a few of her belongings, at the end his mother apologised for writing this in a text and asks him to come by her place to talk further about it whenever he was free. He began remembering his grandmother and then suddenly feels a huge amount of guilt over her death as he still blames himself. Swallowing the rest of his drink and as he pours another the phone in his hand suddenly started to ring. Seeing Olivia Benson’s name pop up, he held his breath for a moment as he decided whether to answer or not, thinking it was better to answer, he did. 

“He-ello,” he said with a hiccup. 

“Rafael, where are you?” she said sounding worried.

“At work, why?” he responded curiously.

She took a sigh of relief and said; “Rollins and Carisi told me you were getting more death threats other than outside the court house, that the same guy approached you inside an elevator.”

“Yeah what about it?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You were busy and it was handled, they managed to catch that guy. I made an ID, we have him on video, and he will be prosecuted. There’s not much to it now.” Rafael said trying to prove he didn’t need her. 

“Okay... Sure but that’s one guy, from what I hear this has been going on for most of the year and you never mentioned it to me. I don’t want you to go to your place until things settle down, just because we caught one guy doesn’t mean whoever it was wont send more than just a threat next time,” she said sounding worried.

“’Liv… Olivia,” he corrected himself without thinking; “I am not going to stay in some hotel or some strange place just because of threats. I have received threats most of my life they don’t scare me. I can generally tell which ones are just words and which could be fatal.” 

“Don’t stay in some hotel, stay here… with me,” she began but Rafael butted in. 

“With you and Tucker, no thanks.” 

“Tucker isn’t here and I’ll explain the situation to him, he will understand.”

“No. You don’t need to explain anything because I’m not coming.” He wished he said yes instead but his hatred for Tucker stopped him. 

“Why don’t you like him?” Olivia asked.

“I’m not getting into this. Not now,” Rafael clearly was agitated now and paused for a moment to collect his composure before continuing, “I’ll just stay at the office for now, I have a pretty comfortable couch here. I will be fine.” 

“Okay, I’ll talk to you later,” She said then ended the call. 

 

When the call with Olivia ended Rafael sighed as he got up from his desk then walked towards the door and opened it slightly, “Hey, you don’t have to stay here all night,” he said as he poked his head out.

The officer looked up from her phone, “It’s 24/7 for a reason, Sir.”

“I know but I’m not going to leave my office tonight, you and your partner can go home. I’ll sign whatever I have to, talk to whoever I need to besides it’s a secure building at night, I’m going to be fine. I just need some time alone a lot has happened lately, surely you can understand...”

“I’ll give my Captain a call but I cant guarantee anything,” she said as she got up from her chair and dialled.

“Okay, let me know,” he said as he closed the door.

A few minutes later the officer knocked on the door then opened it, “He agreed but you have to stay here and call us if you decide to leave the building even if it’s for dinner.”

“Deal. Thank you,” he replied gratefully, she nodded and closed the door behind her.

 

It was almost 10pm and he was startled by a subtle knock on his office door, the blinds were closed so he couldn’t see who it was. Stuttering because of the empty bottle of scotch, “Wh-h-o’s th-there?”

“It’s me, please let me in,” a familiar voice echoed through the door.

Rafael made his way over to his door trying to compose himself to hide how drunk he was; after a few seconds he opened the door to greet Olivia. “Why did you come to my office?” he said gesturing her inside.

“I didn’t think you should be alone right now,” she said as she closed the door behind her. Olivia looked around and noticed all the open letters surrounding his desk.

“Just catching up on the latest threats on my life. Figured I should probably read a few if people are actually going to start approaching me in public.”

“Barba, you know not to let any of that get to you,” she said unaware of the sadness in Rafael’s eyes when she used his last name.

Still trying to mask being drunk as well as his sadness he stated, “I’ve received threats all my life, I can handle this.” He watched Olivia walk over to his desk and investigate the letters, “What are you doing?”

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to make sure they were just words and not legitimate threats,” she said apologetically realising she over stepped his boundaries.

“’Liv, I’m fine, why don’t you go home to Tucker and Noah.”

“Tucker isn’t home, he’s working plus he has his own place. As for Noah, Carisi and Rollins said they would look after him for the night.” She stopped to look at Rafael’s face to realise the question coming, “Yes, I know she has her own baby but she insisted if it meant that I could check up on you.”

Rafael decided to make his way back to the couch, swaying a little as he walked. “Okay, well as you can see, I’m fine” he stated.

Olivia raising her eyebrows at the clearly not fine Rafael, “You’re drunk, aren’t you?” she asked while she walked over to the couch and sat next to him.

“I have had a few drinks,” he said loosely.

“More than a few I would say,” she quipped and Rafael let out a small chuckle.

Pouring himself another drink from a new bottle and offering one to Olivia, which she agreed to, “Yeah, okay a few might be a bit of an understatement” he added with a slight smile. As his eyes met Olivia’s he asked “So why are you really here? It wasn’t just to check up on me, all though I am flattered that was your excuse.”

She gave out a little laugh, “honestly, the main reason I came here was to make sure you’re okay...” She looked nervous; Rafael noticed this and placed his had on her shoulder to try to comfort her. “I just wanted to talk with you, it’s been weird between us since you found out I was involved with Tucker. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner but I just wanted it to be my secret for a little while.”

Rafael gave her a small smile and a understanding nod, “I get why you didn’t tell me ‘Liv. I just don’t understand why him, he has gone after your badge several times and basically everyone else in your squad too.”

“I don’t really know how it happened either, but it did and I’m happy.”

“Well, if he makes you happen then, I’m happy for you,” he added. It fell silent after that as they both just simply nodded and began drinking. 

It was almost 11pm when Rafael realised they hadn’t spoken a word for the last 10 minutes. “’Liv, I just want you to be happy is all, and if he does that then I wish you the best.”

“I know,” she said nodding, “it’s getting late, I should probably head home. Got a big day tomorrow with Chief Dodds and IAB. Are you sure you don’t want to spend the night at my place, I bet my sofa is more comfortable that this couch.”  
Rafael laughed at the last remark, “I’m sure it is but I’m fine to stay here, besides I don’t think I would even be able to walk down stairs.”

“Alright.” She said simply as she made her way to the door, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Night ‘Liv.”

“Goodnight, Rafael.” She closed the door behind her and left. Once Olivia had left his office, Rafael laid down onto the couch letting out a sigh as he relaxed. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. 

*

He woke to his phone alarm going off at 5:30am, he stretched his arm over to the coffee table where his phone laid, grumbling he said, “Argh, it’s too early for this.” After he turned off his alarm he managed to fall back asleep for a while, until his secretary came in to wake him.

“Sorry to wake you Sir, but its 7:30 now and your first appointment for the day starts in half an hour,” she said as she placed a cup of coffee on the table in front of him.

He sat up and looked at her gratefully, “Thanks for the coffee, I really need it.”

“When don’t you need one?” she said jokingly.

“Good one,” he quipped back. “I will be ready in 20 minutes.”

She said, “Ill let you know when they are here” and he nodded. “Oh and your security detail is here,” she said as she exited his office, closing the door behind her to give him some privacy.

*

The following week was mostly back to normal and despite everyone’s protesting he was sleeping back at his apartment again. His security detail was called off when there weren’t any more threats; hang up calls or anything that would allow 1PP to sign off on more time. It was now 4:30pm and Rafael decided to take the rest of the day off to go have dinner with his mother.

He knocked on her door and said, “It’s me Mamá.”

The door opened after a few seconds, “Hello Rafi. I’m glad you could come by, dinner is almost ready,” she gestured him inside.

“How are you?” he said giving Lucia a kiss on the cheek as he walked in.

“I’m alright, how are you? That was a big case you had to take on, I’ve been watching the news and it doesn’t look like everyone is being civil,” she said referring to the Gary Munson case.

“Well it’s a tough case but he is guilty and now that he killed an officer there’s no way he’s getting off the hook,” he stated.

“So he shouldn’t. But do be careful, he’s already taken down one officer,” she said as she walked into her kitchen.

Rafael followed her and helped set up the dinning room table, “Don’t worry I’ll be fine.” After a few minutes he asked “What belongings were you referring to in the text?”

“Well, I was cleaning a few days ago and found a small box with a few things I know she would want you to have,” she said as she brought the food to the table. She looked Rafael in the eyes and saw a small amount of pain in them; she placed her hand on the side of his face and said, “I know you blame yourself Rafi… you shouldn’t, it was her time.”

He simply nodded as he moved closer to Lucia to give her a hug before they sat down for dinner. “I’ll have a look at it after dinner, this smells too good to let it go cold.”

“Dig in, there’s more if you’re still hungry afterwards.”

After they finished dinner, Rafael helped his mother with the dishes and went to sit down in the lounge room. His mother sat down next to him a few minutes later carrying a small wooden box. “Here it is,” she said handing the box to Rafael. He took the mahogany coloured box letting out a small sigh. “Take your time, I know this may not be easy for you but I think you will like what you see.”

“Okay Mamá,” he said with a slight smile as he opened the box, “I haven’t seen these in so long,” he stated as he picked up a bunch of childhood photos. “Thanks, these are great... Oh look here’s one with all three of us, Ill put that in my office tomorrow,” he said as turned the photo to show Lucia.

As he moved closer to Lucia something in the box rattled, curious to see what it was he removed all the photos from the box. He turned to his mother in surprise as he grabbed the small object, “She wanted you to have her wedding ring,” Lucia paused for a moment as she placed a hand on his knee, “She knows you will give it to a woman who is deserving of it.”

“I… I.. don’t know what to say,” he uttered completely lost for words.

“I know she would have preferred to have given it to you in person, we use to talk about who you might give it to and for a time we both thought maybe you’d give this to Olivia. You would talk so fondly of her we just figured that one day you two would end up together,” she said as she gave him a loving smile.

He looked at her and sighed before saying, “Yeah, I may have missed my chance with her. She’s seeing someone, she says he makes her happy and I won’t stand in the way of that. She of all people deserves to be happy.”

She moved forward and gave her son an affectionate hug and whispered in his ear, “If it’s meant to be, it will happen.”

After a few moments he pulled out of the hug and checked his phone, “It’s getting late Mamá, I have an early start tomorrow,” he said as he put all the stuff back in the box.

“That’s okay, I’ll talk to you soon,” Lucia said as they both stood up and walked towards the door.

He gave his mother another kiss on the cheek then said, “Good night,” and closed the door behind himself. 

By the time Rafael reached his apartment it was 11pm, he entered and hung his grey suit jacket on his coat rack. Realising that he wasn’t tired, he wandered over to his lounge room and turned on the Tv. He placed the small box in his hand on the coffee table as he went to lie down and watch the Tv, after a little while he dosed off. 

Suddenly Rafael woke up in a fright, he quickly realised that he wasn’t alone in his apartment. He saw a dark figure standing at the end of the couch with a gun pointed at him; he quickly jumped up onto his feet “Woah woah… hey just take it ea..asy…” he stuttered as he took a few steps backwards. As the man walked over to the window to see the oncoming garbage truck, Rafael realised his phone was still in his pants pocket and quickly dialled Olivia’s number and put it back in his pocket.

Olivia woke up as her phone rang, noticing it was Rafael she answered and just before she could say hello she heard the conversation he was having.

Clearly shaken up, he managed to say, “H… how’d you get in?”

“When you have a badge you can get in almost anywhere,” the man replied still pointing the gun at Rafael.

“So you’re a cop?” he asked and the officer just nodded. “Why are you doing this?”

“You took down three cops and went after a correctional officer, you don’t understand loyalty. We put ourselves out on the line everyday and you think you can just prosecute us for doing our jobs!” the officer yelled.

“Hey... why don’t you lower the gun and we can talk about this, I had a job to do as well,” Rafael stated as he held his open hands up near his chest. The officer closed the gap between them with a few quick strides and pistol-whipped Rafael in the side of the head and as he fell to his knees the officer walked back over towards the window.

Olivia who was still on the phone heard a loud thud as Rafael hit the floor; she muted herself on her mobile and quickly called Fin using her landline. “Fin, listen to me very carefully, someone is at Barba’s place with a gun. He managed to call me without raising suspicion so I have been listening to what’s been going on for the last few minutes. I need you to get SWAT and a hostage negotiator over there now. Tell them the man holding Barba hostage has a gun and Fin, be careful with who you talk to this guy is a cop. I have to go, I will meet up with you outside Barba’s building.” She quickly hung up her home phone and woke Tucker. “Hey, can you watch Noah for a while, Barba is in trouble I’ve gotta go help out. Lucy should be by soon so you wont be late for work.” Tucker just nodded as he got up, “Thank you” Olivia said as she put her phone back to her ear.

“Okay…” Rafael started to say as he got up from the floor; blood dripping down the side of his face, “from the light that’s coming through the window and the garbage truck that rolled past I’m assuming its what 6 – 6:30, I’m supposed to start work soon, they will know something’s not right if I don’t show up. If you leave now you can walk away from all of this, I don’t even know your name... I wont go looking for you! Please just stop pointing that thing at me!” Rafael’s voice trembling as he spoke.

“I am Officer Seth Blackstone!” as soon as the officer stated his name, Rafael knew one of them wasn’t getting out of here alive.

“Can you please just lower the gun?... We could have a conversation and find a way out of this before things get any worse.”

“You don’t understand!” The man started walking towards Rafael, “Law enforcement are suppose to stick together, but you… you had to take us down, you don’t deserve to get away with that!”

Rafael taking a few steps backwards hitting the wall behind him, “The three officers shot an unarmed man 34 times and Gary Manson raped inmates and killed Sargent Michael Dodds. You can’t tell me they did what was right!”

“YOU HAD NO RIGHT!” the officer yelled not listening to what Rafael was saying. 

Olivia hoping that Rafael could hear him without giving away the phone call, she whispered, “Barba if you can hear me, I’m 5 minutes out from your building, we have a team working on getting to you.”

“WHAT WAS THAT?!” the officer yelled walking fast towards Rafael again. Rafael froze as the man searched his pockets, pulling out his phone. “Who are you talking to? Who is on the other end of this call!?” Seth demanded to know pressing the barrel of the gun against Rafael’s head.

Taking a moment to find his voice, he finally said, “Lieutenant Olivia Benson, head of the Special Victims Unit.”

Now talking into the phone the officer said, “Look, I have your ADA with me. I have a gun pressed to his head. If I hear any sirens or see any cops outside I will kill him.” Rafael’s eyes widen as he saw the determination in the officers eyes.

“Okay… Can we talk about this? You don’t need to do this! I am only a few minutes away. We can help you get out of this, if someone is making you attack him-” she was interrupted before she could finish her train of thought.

“Do you think I’m playing around here?!” He yelled into the phone then he punched Rafael a few times in the ribs causing him to yell in agony and kneel on the floor holding his rips. “Do you hear that,” he said holding the phone close to Rafael; Olivia could hear the coughing and gasping as Rafael tried to regain his breath. The officer continued, “I’m not messing around I came here to kill him and I will,” he turned and threw the phone across the room.

Rafael letting his fight or flight instincts kick in, he managed to get up and tackle the guy to the ground. While they wrestled on the floor the gun went off, suddenly Rafael stopped struggling and rolled over onto his back revealing blood. His stomach was killing him; the blood pooled out drenching his shirt, he tried to apply pressure to the wound but passed out due to shock.

Olivia; who had just arrived at the building, heard the gunshot and ran upstairs to Rafael’s apartment. Drawing her weapon she kicked open the door; as she went through she saw Seth standing next to Rafael, he was still holding the gun, and quickly turned to point it towards her.  
“DON’T DO IT! DROP YOUR WEAPON!” she shouted.

He replied; “I’m not getting out of here alive,” his grip on the gun began to tighten and was about to pull the trigger. Olivia didn’t hesitate; she shot the officer twice in the chest and made her way to Rafael; kicking the gun away from Seth’s hand as she passed him. Using her radio she called for a bus, “STAY WITH ME!” she yelled as she applied pressure to his stomach, “Please don’t go.” 

As the EMT’s arrived his pulse was very weak, “Ma’am, we need you to step away from him so we can get him out of here,” they instructed Olivia, who simply nodded and stepped out of their way, wiping a few tears away with the back of her hand.

As they made their way down stairs; Fin was waiting in the lobby, “Is he going to make it ‘Liv?”

“I’m not sure, he’s lost a lot of blood, his pulse is weakening by the minute and…” she paused as he looked down at her hands and shirt which were covered in his blood.

“Go with him, I’ll fill in Rollins and Carisi, get things sorted over here and we will meet you at the hospital,” Fin stated as he pulled out his phone and started dialling.

“Thank you!” Olivia said as she ran towards the ambulance.

“Can I ride along?” Olivia asked the young paramedic, who was entering the back of the ambulance.

She nodded, “Okay but you may have to help me.”

“I can do that,” Olivia replied as she stepped inside closing the doors behind her.

“We’re good to go!” the woman yelled out to the driver.

"Rodger that!” the man replied and began driving towards the nearest hospital.

The woman looked at Olivia and asked, “Okay, well we have to try and stabilize him. There’s an IV in that drawer, can you grab it for me?”

She grabbed the bag and handed it to the paramedic, “Will he make it?” she asked looking very concerned.

“I’m going to be honest, it’s hard to say. He’s lost a lot of blood and gut wounds are one of the hardest to recover from but we sure as hell are going to try our best,” she replied as she hooked up the IV. The woman then grabbed a pair of scissors to cut open Rafael’s blood soaked shirt, “Here..” she said as she pealed the shirt away from his skin. She then got some gauze and packed them into his bleeding wound, “I’ll need you to keep the pressure. We have to slow down if not stop the bleeding.” Olivia nodded and did as she was told.

A few minutes later Rafael regains slight consciousness and attempts to speak, “O.. O.. Olivia”; his eyes open but unable to see anything but a bright light, “Don’t leave….”

“I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere,” Olivia said.

As the woman looked into Rafael’s eyes she said, “I think he’s hallucinating, he probably cant hear you.”

Rafael continued with laboured breathing, “Olivia… please... stop… I… love…” His eyes rolled back as they closed, he lost consciousness.

Not long after, his chest stopped moving and he was no longer breathing, “WE’RE LOSING HIM!” the woman yelled as she grabbed the defibrillator. “Can you give him CPR?” Olivia nodded placing her hands on his chest and began. While defibrillator was charging the paramedic placed one of the strips on his right side of his chest and the other slightly lower on the left. Shortly after the defibrillator was charged and the doctor yelled, “CLEAR!” Olivia stopped lifting her hands off his body and just sat the in complete shock as she watched the electricity cause Rafael’s body to jump. He was breathing again, “I have to intubate him but I don’t know how long I can keep him. WHAT’S THE ETA ON THE HOSPITAL?”

The driver replied, “WE’RE 5 MINUTE OUT, JUST KEEP HIM BREATHING!”

The paramedic then opened his mouth, slid a tube down his neck and then connected a oxygen pump. She then put on her stethoscope and put it on his chest as she squeezed the pump; “I’m in,” she said taking her stethoscope off with one hand and continuing to squeeze the pump with the other.

The ambulance pulled up at the emergency entrance and a team of doctors and nurses ran from the building. “We’re losing him again!” the woman in the ambulance yelled as she jumped on top of him in the gurney to give him CPR as they rolled him into the hospital. One of the nurses from the ER grabbed the pump and gently continued to squeeze it when the woman on top of him gave the signal. “We have to get him to surgery, NOW!” she said as they rushed him into the ER.

“I’m sorry but you cant go past here,” a small nurse said to Olivia who was running along side them.

“O… O..Kay” she said out of breath. The nurse went through the doors and Olivia walked around to the waiting room, her phone buzzing in her pocket. She pulled it out and saw Rollins name on the screen and answered, “Benson.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of the shooting

“Hey ‘Liv, your on speaker, Carisi and I are on our way to the hospital. Is he going to make it?” Amanda asked.

“It’s to hard to say,” her voice trembling. “He’s stopped breathing twice and now they’ve taken him straight to surgery.” 

“He’s a fighter ‘Liv, he wont give up that easy,” Amanda paused to gather her thoughts. “Fin said that CSU is setting up in Barba’s apartment now so he should be able to make his way to the hospital soon. He also said that IAB will want you to talk them through what happened...”

“They can wait until I know Barba is in the clear-“ Olivia started but was interrupted by Rollins. 

“They told Fin that they are okay to wait most of the day, but they wish to take your statement as soon as possible. ‘Liv, they know it was a good shooting but this need to be done by the book.” 

“Okay, but I’ll wait till you two get here that way someone is waiting for any sort of news,” she reluctantly said.

Carisi said sounding distant from the phone, “We are only a few minutes out, talk to you then,” and the call ended.

 

Not long after the call had ended Carisi and Rollins were walking towards Olivia, “We’re here and we aren’t going anywhere until we know he’s going to be okay,” Amanda said.

“I guess I should go call IAB now and get them down here to take my statement,” Olivia replied as she went to pull her phone from her pocket.

“Maybe before you do that, you should clean up a bit,” Carisi said as he pointed to the blood on Olivia’s hands and shirt.

Olivia looked down and sighed, “Oh, I forgot about the blood…” she paused with tears forming in her eyes and then added “All of his blood.” 

“Here, come with me and I’ll help you clean up,” Rollins said as she placed an arm around Olivia.

“Okay… Carisi can you call IAB and tell them they can come now,” Olivia added as she let Amanda guided her to the nearest bathroom.

 

Once the two women were inside Olivia slowly made her way to lean against the sink facing the mirror. “I gave away the phone,” she said in a soft voice.  
“I’m sorry, what phone?” Amanda replied.

“Rafael… He managed to call me without alerting the man so that I could listen in on the conversation and get everyone necessary down to his apartment,” she paused. She looked down and began shaking her head, “I spoke to Rafael to let him know we were on our way. I knew I shouldn’t have but I did. The guy heard it and now look where we are,” she gestured to the building as she finished; her eyes beginning to tear up.

Amanda took a few steps and placed a hand on Olivia’s shoulder, “’Liv, Barba wont ever blame you… from what I heard the officer had no plans on letting him leave that building alive. He has a fighting chance now because of you.” Olivia simply nodded as she wiped away the few tears that ran down her face. Olivia stayed silent as she turned on the faucet and washed the blood off her hands, once the blood was gone she cupped her hands under the running water and splashed her face. As Olivia used some paper towels to dry her face and hands Amanda said, “Now, do you want me to run to your place and get you another shirt?” pointing to the bloodied one Olivia was wearing.

“No, this shirt will be fine. It’s only IAB, maybe the sight of blood will scare them off,” Olivia joked. Amanda let out a small laugh and Olivia added, “But I did leave my jacket in my car, could you call Fin and ask him to bring it for me.”

“Sure thing,” as she replied someone knocked on the door, “Who is it?” she asked.

“It’s Carisi, I just thought I should let you know IAB will be here in 10.”

“Thanks Carisi,” Olivia replied. “I’m done now anyway,” she added as she opened the door, “I’ll be in the waiting room.”

 

A few hours later, Olivia, Amanda, Sonny and Fin were all sitting in the waiting room impatiently waiting for some sort of news. Olivia was leaning forward with her head resting in her hands as she tried to gather her thoughts. “It hasn’t even been two weeks since we were here last,” she mumbled to herself lifting her head. 

“What was that?” Fin said.

Distressed she continued “Dodds was here just over a week ago, similar injury and now he’s gone!”

Fin was about to respond to her before he was interrupted, “’Liv, he survived the shot and the surgery, it was other factors that sadly killed him,” Amanda said. 

A familiar voice shot down the hallway, “Barba may be a sarcastic asshole with a big ego but he’s definitely a fighter.” They all turned slightly to see who was talking, “Hey ‘Liv. How you are holding up?” Tucker asked as he made his way towards her. 

“I’m not the one who got shot,” she quickly replied.

“I know that, but you just lost your Sargent and now this. It can’t be easy on you… on any of you,” he said as he looked at the others. 

“Arent you suppose to be at work? Would have thought IAB would want all hands on deck for this one...” Amanda said.

“I’ve taken an hour or so off work to be here for Olivia. I think they’ll manage just fine without me, it is a pretty open and shut case,” Tucker said sounding sure.

“Open and shut?! He was attacked by a cop, who probably wasn’t working alone…” Olivia started when Tucker interrupted.

“I’m aware that there’s still more investigation to be done. What I meant was the shooter is dead, so without him and no actual evidence that he wasn’t working alone the case probably will die with him.” Tucker looked around at their faces; which looked angry, and quickly added, “You guys know how these things go… there’s always a part of the investigation that never really closes and I can assure you that with him being an ADA people are going to constantly be looking for something just to make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

Olivia motioned for Tucker to come sit next to her as they all just sat there quietly for a while.

 

20 minutes later a doctor entered the waiting and they all stood up, “Any news?” Fin quickly asked.

“It was touch and go for a while but we managed to stabilize him and remove the bullet,” the doctor began and everyone looked relieved. “However he’s not in the clear just yet-“

“What do you mean, you just said you stabilized him!” Carisi interrupted.

The doctor cleared his throat and then continued, “What I was trying to say is that he had a very invasive surgery to repair most of the damage from the bullet. He may be stable now but he did flat line during the surgery, which means his status could change in a matter of seconds… but in saying that, I’m hopeful.”

Olivia finally able to speak asks, “When can we see him?”

“He will be out for awhile but when we think he’s stable enough, you can see him then.”

“Okay thank you,” Olivia replied and the doctor left the room.

Tucker turned to Olivia and said, “Okay so now that you have some good news, you should go home and-“

“I’m not going anywhere!” Olivia said annoyed at the suggestion.

“Why not? You now know he’s alive and who knows when the doctors will allow you to see him, I’m sure one of your detective’s can stay behind if need be. You need to rest, I’ll even take the rest of the day off if you want.”

“No, its fine. I’ll just wait here and-”

“So you would rather spend time waiting for him rather than me… Now why’s that?”

“I’m not having this conversation now,” Olivia replied even more irritated “Why don’t you go back to work, it’s not like you want to be here anyway. I’m staying.”

“’Liv, I understand that he’s your friend but don’t forget you have your own life. You’ve already been here all day, you can always come back tomorrow.” Olivia simply gave him a glare so he added, “Okay fine! I’m going, call me when you leave.” Tucker turned and walked away from Olivia before she could say anything else.

 

“Hey ‘Liv why don’t we get a cup of coffee?” Amanda asked.

Olivia turned her head and smiled at Amanda, “That sounds great.”

As they walked towards the cafeteria Amanda broke the silence between them, “ Do you mind if I ask you what that was about?”

“With Tucker?” Amanda nodded so Olivia continued, “I don’t know. To be honest he’s been acting weird lately, especially if I work late and it happens to be with Barba.”  
“Jealousy, maybe?” 

“It feels like it’s more than that but I don’t know… I’m just over his snide comments here and there about it.”

“Maybe you two need to sit down and talk about what’s really going on,” Amanda suggested.

“Yeah, probably but I don’t think that’s going to go to well if this is about what I think its about.”

“Well you wont know until you talk.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Olivia said as she gave Amanda a small smile. 

 

A few minutes later Olivia and Amanda are back from getting coffee, Olivia hands Fin a cup as she says, “You guys don’t need to wait with me, I’m not leaving until I see him. Amanda you have your baby girl to get back to and Fin you’ve got your dinner with your son tonight.”

“Come on Olivia, what about Noah? He’s going to need you home soon,” Amanda said.

“Lucy is with him at the moment but I’ve already asked her to drop him off here later on,” she replied.

“How about Carisi and I pick Noah up and take him with us for a few hours, that way you can see Barba and change your shirt before Noah see’s you,” Rollins suggested.

“Only if that’s okay with you.”

“Honestly it’s not a problem, take as long as you need. We can even take him over night if you want,” Carisi answered back. Olivia let out a small smile of gratitude as Carisi continued; “Well we should get going so we can get everything organised for tonight.” Amanda agreed and they both said their goodbyes and left.

“How about I stay for a little longer to give you company until I have to head off,” Fin said.

She nodded, “That would be really nice.”

 

For the next 15 minutes after Carisi and Rollins left, Olivia and Fin talked about his dinner plans with his son and the weekend to come. As silence fell on the conversation Olivia hesitantly said, “Hey Fin, can I tell you something?” 

Fin replied, “Sure ‘Liv, you can tell me anything.”

“Please don’t tell anyone else, I just feel like I need to talk to someone about it.”

“Hey ‘Liv, what ever it is. I’m here for you. I won’t say a word to anyone,” he said as he placed a hand on her shoulder.

She placed her own hand on top of his and looked at Fin, “Thanks I appreciate that.” She took a deep breath in and out then continued; “Okay so when we were in the ambulance and Barba regained consciousness, well sort of. The EMT said he was most likely hallucinating but he said something during…”

“What did he say?”

“He said my name, begged me not to leave and then said he loves…”

There was a small pause before Fin asked, “Is that all he said?”

“Yeah, he lost consciousness before he could finish what he was saying.”

“And you’re thing he was about to say he loves you or something along those lines?”

“I don’t know what to think… what do you think he was going to say?”

Fin took a moment to think then said, “Well, ‘Liv, it’s not hard to see he’s got feelings for you, I can’t say that’s what he was about to say. But if you’re going to ask him about it or how he feels just make sure you know how you feel first. Don’t want to be opening up something he’s been trying to deal with for awhile.”

Olivia nod her head and sighed, “I understand.”

“I’ve got to start heading off now ‘Liv, sorry,” Fin said looking at his watch.

“Have fun, say hi to Ken for me.”

Fin smiled and said, “I will. Are you going to be okay here on your own?”

“I’ll be fine, thanks for staying as long as you did,” she replied.

“No problem, he’s my friend too. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Fin casually walked out of the waiting room and left.

 

Not long after Fin left a Nurse came into the waiting room and said, “He’s heavily sedated so he won’t be waking up anytime soon but you can go see him now.”

“Thank you,” Olivia said as she stood up from her seat putting her jacket on and walked into the small, grim looking hospital room and she saw Rafael lying on the bed with his eyes closed. She quietly pulled a chair closer to his bed and sat down as she watched his unconscious body rise and fall as he breathed. She shifted her gaze to his head and saw the bandage where the officer had pistol-whipped him; she took a deep breath and quietly said, “I’m sorry,” as her eyes began to water. After sitting quietly by Rafael’s side for 20 minutes, Olivia got up and walked out his room to call Amanda.

“Rollins,” Amanda answered.

“Hey, is it still okay if Noah spends the night? If not I can come get him,” Olivia asked.

“It’s not a problem, I was just about to call you to ask the same thing. He’s already fast asleep, how’s Barba?”

“He’s asleep now and probably wont wake until morning, I just figured until we find out if this guy was working alone or not someone should be here with him.”  
“You could post a uniform there… You don’t have to stay,” Amanda said.

“Now you sound like tucker.”

“I just know you’re feeling a little guilty over what happened so you want to do everything you can to help. Just don’t burn yourself out; I know he wouldn’t blame you for what happened. I’m here for you if you want to talk about anything.” Amanda said reassuringly.

“Thanks. I’ll spend the night here and get a uniform over in the morning. Goodnight.”

“Night ‘Liv.”

As the call disconnected Olivia walked back into Rafael’s room and made herself comfortable on the chair she previously placed near his bed. She sat there just watching him noticing all the little things he did; the way his chest moves with each breath, the small twitches his hands do and even the way his hair moves in the breeze from the fan. She did this for hours until she just drifted off to sleep.

 

Rafael slowly opened up his eyes and looked around the room noticing that it wasn’t his apartment but a dimly lit room with grey walls and curtains hanging from the ceiling. As he turned his head to his left towards the entrance he saw someone asleep on a chair next to his bed. At first he thought it was his mother but he soon after realised that it was Olivia; wonder how long she’s been here for, he thought. 

As nurse walked into the room Rafael slowly put his index finger up to his lips and pointed towards Olivia. The nurse nodded and quietly said, “Good morning Mr Barba, how are you feeling today?”

“Sore but alive,” he replied in a whisper. 

“Well that’s always good to hear,” the nurse smiled. “I’m just going to have a look at your charts,” she said as she picked up a file at the end of the bed.  
“Do you know how long she’s been here for?” he said gesturing towards Olivia.

The nurse looked up from the file and said, “I’m sorry I don’t, I started an hour ago but from what I hear you have a guardian angel though.”

“Excuse me?” 

“Well from what I’ve heard from the news and other nurses, some officer made it to you rather quickly which saved your life,” she said as she put the file away. “Looks like morphine is still working so you don’t need anymore right now but I’ll be back later to give you some more.”

Rafael looked at her confused before saying, “wait before you go, do you know who this officer was?”

She shook her head and replied, “I’m sorry, they didn’t mention who.”

Rafael just nodded and watched the nurse leave the room. 

 

Olivia woke up not long after the nurse left. “What, no flowers?” Rafael joked; his voice was husky.

“I see you haven’t lost your sense of humour” Olivia quipped as she stretched; checking her phone.

Rafael gave out a small laugh, “Is all of that mine?” he asked has he nodded to her bloodied shirt when her jacket opened.

“Oh... um yeah, I forgot about that,” Olivia replied closing her jacket again. “I didn’t really like this shirt anyway,” she joked. 

He let out a small laugh as he said, “That’s good then,” he paused for a second. “I guess you were the officer the nurse was referring to.”

“Come again?” she said confused.

He winced as he tried to sit up, as this skin around stitches pulled; Olivia got off the chair and moved closer to help him get comfortable and he smiled gratefully then said, “When I woke the nurse said I was very lucky that some officer was there after lost consciousness. I mean I just assumed it was someone the department sent.”

Olivia sat back down, “You were in trouble, of course I was going to do everything I could do to help,” she replied.

“The guy had a gun ‘Liv,” he paused as looked her in the eyes. “You have Noah, I would never ask you to put your life on the line like that for me. You could have died. ” 

“You could have died too. Not only is it apart of my job but I care about what happens to you,” she said with a gentle and calming voice. “You never have to ask, not that you would… you can be quite stubborn.”

“No I’m not,” he joked as he gave her a smirk. After a few moments of silence he decided to change the subject, “I guess I won’t be getting my suit back any time soon.”  
Olivia let out a slight chuckle, “Unfortunately no, its now evidence and I don’t think you would want it back anyway.”

“So no hope of even getting my suspenders back then,” he added slightly disappointed. 

“You have loads of suspenders, why do you want these ones back?”

“I love my pink and black striped suspenders, they were hard enough to find the first time around,” he said looking into Olivia’s eyes as she placed a hand on his knee. His gaze went down to where her hand was resting and he smiled, “That’s okay, I needed to do a cull of my suspenders anyway. But moving on… how long have you been waiting?” his eyes went back to hers.

“I rode in the ambulance with you… I wasn’t going to leave here you on your own.”

“Wait,” he looked over to the clock on the wall, “What day is it?” Rafael said slightly confused, “Were you here on your own all that time?”

“It’s now Friday, you were shot yesterday. As for your other question I wasn’t alone, Rollins, Carisi and Fin were here…” she paused before adding, “Tucker was here too but he didn’t stay long. Besides I had to deal with IAB and you know how long that can take.”

“You didn’t have to stay…” Rafael said looking at Olivia, “Thank you.”

She smiled a little and asked, “So how much do you remember?”

“The whole thing or after I got shot?”

Olivia said, “As much as you can remember.”

“Umm, well when I woke up I saw a figure holding a gun so I jumped to my feet terrified. When he was distracted I quickly called you and I’m so glad that you picked up your phone I wouldn’t be here if you didn’t,” Rafael’s breathing began to quicken. “He said he was doing this because of the cops I persecuted and Gary Munson, I mean I’ve gotten a lot of threats since but I never thought a cop would come after me. The moment he said his name I knew we both weren’t getting out alive,” he paused to try and regain his composure; it didn’t work. After a few seconds he continued, “I remember lying on the floor bleeding and thinking I’m going to die.” As he said those words a tear fell down his cheek but he continued, “I trying to apply pressure to my stomach and then it all goes black. Honestly, I can’t tell what was real or a dream after that, everything just felt so surreal…” he finished as he wiped the tear from his face.

“Like what?” She asked curiously, “We can stop if you want to.” 

“I’m fine,” he reassured before continuing, “Well, I remember waking up unable to see anything but a bright light then I saw you but you were walking away… and… I uh… tried to catch up and even called out to you but you wouldn’t stop and I couldn’t catch up, after that everything went black… It felt so real.” He finished looking rather uncomfortable. 

Olivia realising he must be talking about what he hallucinated in the ambulance she decided not to push him further, “That’s okay, it’s enough for now. The squad is looking into whether this guy was alone or if he had partners.”

Rafael suddenly looked shocked and said, “Wait! Has anyone spoken to my mother? I just remembered the nurse said this was all over the news.”

“I believe someone has informed her not long after you were brought to the hospital but told her to stay home until we knew you were safe,” Olivia replied. “You can use my phone to call her if you would like.”

“Don’t you have to go home to Noah soon?”

“Amanda sent me a message earlier saying that she dropped him off to Lucy,” she answered as she handed him the phone.

“Okay, thank you,” he said. “Cute photo,” he added looking at her background image on her phone.

She smiled, “Thanks, Noah and I took that photo at the park.” She got up from the chair and began to head towards the door, “I’ll give you some privacy, I’m going to get some coffee would you like some?”

“Oh my god, yes please.”

Olivia laughed and added, “Take as long as you need.”

 

Rafael smiled as he watched Olivia walk out of the room and disappear into the hallway. Once she was gone from view he dialled his mothers number and waited until she answered, “h..hello?”

“Hey Mamá…”

“Oh my, RAFI!” he could hear the relief in her voice. “I’m so happy to hear your voice. When I didn’t hear anything… I thought…”

Rafael let out a small exhale before saying, “I know, but I’m okay now. How are you?”

“Much better now that I know you’re okay. I’m coming over.”

“Mamá don’t rush over,” as he tried to sit up right he let out a groaned.

“Rafi are you okay?”

“I’m fine, just tender but as I was saying if you’ve got things to do, do them first. It’s not like I’m going anywhere any time soon.”

“Okay… I’ll see you later.” 

“I’d love that. Talk to you when you get here,” Rafael replied.

“That’s okay, Ill see you later.”

“Bye Mamá, love you,” he said as he ended the call.

 

While he was closing Olivia’s phone a text came through from Tucker, it read: Hey Liv, you didn’t come home last night, I think we need to talk… there was more but the notification didn’t show it. Rafael didn’t mean to read any and as soon as he realised it was from Tucker he put the phone down. Few minutes later Olivia walked back into the room holding one cup of coffee, “Thought you were going to have one,” he said referring to the cup.

“I am, this is mine. I was getting you a cup but the doctor said you shouldn’t have any this early on after surgery… Sorry I tried,” she replied.

“Geez no coffee, now that’s just torture,” he said jokingly as he watched her sit back down into the chair next to the bed. “Oh you got a message from Tucker… I didn’t mean to read anything.” 

Olivia picked up her phone and said, “It’s fine, I’m sure it’s nothing big.”

“Are you two okay?” he asked concerned.

“Yeah, just had a disagreement yesterday, nothing big.”

“I’m here for you if you ever need to talk about anything.”

“You’re the one in the hospital I think I should be saying that to you,” she smiled. “How’s your mother?”

Rafael answered, “Better now, she thought no one contacted her afterwards because I was dead.”

“Wow, if I had known that no one contacted her after you were stable, I would have done it myself,” Olivia said shocked. 

He smiled at her and said, “I know. Its fine now, she’s going to come by later.”

“That’s good to hear.” Olivia took a sip of her coffee and placed it on the bedside table and quickly read the message Tucker had left her; she sighed. 

Rafael just watched her as she ran her hand through her hair while she read the message. After a while he said, “How’s the case going?”

“Yours? We’re getting there. I have Fin and Rollins talking to people who knew Seth and Carisi is back at your apartment collecting a few things. Was there anything you would like to have now?”

Rafael thought for a moment before saying, “There was a box… I think I put it on the coffee table. I would prefer it if that didn’t get lost in evidence.” 

“If there is no evidentiary value to the case on it, I’ll have Carisi bring it over.” 

“Oh… I took some work home the other day,” he remembered.

“You’re in the hospital I think you’re entitled a few days off work,” she joked.

Rafael smiled, “Yeah I know but it would help time pass if I had something to do while I’m stuck here.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” she replied looking down at the time on her phone, “I’m sorry but it’s 11:30 I have to go now, I’ll have a uniform posted outside your door-“  
“I don’t want a uniform,” he said anxious. He was clearly uncomfortable as he moved around in his bed, which caused him to wince in pain when the stitches pulled. “I’m in here because of a cop I didn’t know.” 

Olivia paused for a moment when she saw him in pain then said, “I understand but I don’t want to leave you without any sort of protection,” she replied calmly. “I’ll call Cragen, I hear he’s in town for a bit.” 

“He doesn’t need to be here babysitting me, I’ll be fine.” 

“Will you quit being so stubborn for once,” she said, “I’ll call Cragen and ask him to stop by to see if you’re okay. He might stay for a little while but he’s free to go on his own accord, is that okay with you?” she asked.

He looked at her for a moment and smiled a little, “Well I’m not going to win this so yeah it’s fine.”

“Glad you know when to just accept what I’m saying,” she laughed. “Okay, I gotta go. Talk to you soon,” she said as she walked out of the room.

“Bye ‘Liv.”

 

Olivia went home before going to the precinct; as she walked through the door Tucker said, “’Liv is that you?”

“Yeah,” she said with a sigh, “Figured you would be at work.” She walked into her living room and saw him sitting on the couch.

He watched her as entered the room, “So you’re avoiding me? I took the day off in case you needed something.”

“I’m not avoiding you, I just didn’t want to come home and have this conversation the second I walk through the door,” she said slightly irritated.

“We need to talk. I understand that you care for him. He is your ADA; you two work closely together… I just want to know how closely,” Tucker said.

“What are you implying?” she retorted annoyed at the implication.

Tucker got up from his seat and walked towards Olivia, “Come on ‘Liv, you know what I’m saying,” he stopped a few steps away from her.

Olivia simply said, “Why don’t you just come out and say it!”

“Fine! Are you sleeping with him?”

“I can’t believe this,” she said as she walked into her kitchen, Tucker followed.

“That’s not an answer ‘Liv,” Tucker replied calmly.

Olivia turned suddenly to face Tucker, “NO! I’m not sleeping with him! Have I given you any reason to think that I’m that kind of person?”

“No you haven’t but you have been distant for the last few weeks… I just figured it was stress but then you wouldn’t leave his side yesterday. I had to ask,” Tucker said apologetically.

She sighed, “You didn’t have to ask, you should have trusted me.”

“I should have but it’s him,” he replied. “If it was anyone else...”

“Do you even hear yourself? Are you going to start accusing me of sleeping with Fin next?” 

“Come on ‘Liv! It’s not like this is the first time you’ve stayed out late because of Barba… As I recall you don’t do that with anyone in your squad.”

Olivia just shook her head for a moment before saying, “I’ve heard your snide comments about this already… But I’m not going to justify my relationship with Barba to you of all people. This is ridiculous!”

“Maybe you’re right but I can’t pretend that I don’t see anything between the two of you. And until I know for sure what’s going on there, I think we need to take some time apart…”

“Ed…” she looked speechless. 

“It’s not that I don’t trust you Olivia because I do with my life but there’s this constant nagging in the back of my head whenever you work late and as much as I would love to ignore it, I don’t think its going to go away anytime soon.”

“We can get through this…”

“I don’t think we can,” he paused as he took her hand, “I truly am sorry but it’s for the best.”

She sighed then said, “It doesn’t have to end here.”

“Maybe not but it’s time, take care ‘Liv,” he kissed her forehead then let go of her hand and walked out of her apartment.

Once she heard the door close; Olivia walked into her bedroom, closed the door behind her and leaned against it. She placed the palms of both her hands on her eyes and moved them up running her fingers through her hair. She stood there for a while just thinking about what Tucker just said and what Rafael said in the ambulance. Finally she decided to do what she came home for, she had a quick shower, got dressed and left to go to the precinct. 

 

Rafael was lying in his bed reading some of the work Carisi brought over earlier when someone entered the room saying, “Hey Rafi.”

Rafael put his paperwork on his chest and smiled at his mother, “Hey, it’s good to see you.” 

Lucia walked towards Rafael as he pushed the button to raise the back of his bed. When she was close she gave him a kiss on the cheek and said, “I’m glad you’re okay.” She then sat down in the chair Olivia was sitting in earlier and said, “Why are you working while you’re in the hospital?”

“I needed something to do, you know I cant sit still for too long,” he smiled. “One of ‘Liv’s detectives dropped it off earlier along with a few other things.”  
“How is Olivia? Have you seen her since?” she asked.

“She was here when I woke up, stayed all night.”

“Oh?” she said surprised, “She’s lovely.”

“Yeah,” he replied. 

“Is that the box I gave you the other night?” Lucia said as she looked over on the bedside table.

“Oh, yeah. Carisi dropped it off with my paperwork. I didn’t want it getting lost while so many people were going in and out of my home.”

She smiled and said, “Lost or opened?”

“I’m not ashamed of childhood photo’s,” he responded.

“I wasn’t talking about the photo’s”

He smiled a little, “Okay, I didn’t want people to see the ring and ask a bunch of unwanted questions.”

“I understand. You’ve always been a private person.”

“Guess old habits die hard,” he smirked.

There was a quiet knock on the hospital room’s door, “I hope I’m not interrupting anything…” a voice said.

Rafael leaned his head to his right to see over his mother shoulder, “Hey Captain,” he retorted with a grin.

“I’m retired and you know it,” Cragen replied smiling back, entering the room.

Lucia got up from her chair as Cragen walked towards them, she extended her hand to shake his, “I don’t believe we’ve met, I’m Lucia,” she said.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Donald Cragen,” he replied smiling, “Are you Rafael’s sister?”

“Oh you’re too kind,” she laughed, “I’m his mother.” 

“How are you feeling?” Cragen said as he looked over to Rafael.

“You can tell Olivia I’m still alive,” he quipped.

Cragen laughed, “Don’t worry, she’ll be the first call I make. But seriously how are you feeling?”

“I’m alright,” he replied.

“Are you on any pain medication?”

“Why, you dealing?” he smirked. Cragen and Lucia both gave a little smile and just looked at him when he said, “Morphine but it wore off about an hour ago. It hurts when I move too much but nothing I can’t handle. I think the nurse will be in soon to give me some more.”

“I can go check if you want,” Lucia said with a worried look on her face.

“Don’t worry, she said she’ll be back at some point to refill it. Speaking of which…” he said as he saw the nurse walked into the room.

“Are you here to give him some more painkillers?” Lucia asked the nurse.

“I am,” the nurse replied as she walked around to the other side of the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“I kinda wish people would stop asking me that,” he said, “The morphine wore off a little while ago other than that I’m alright.”

“Well I’ll give you some more,” she said as she pulled out a new IV bag. She unhooked the old bag and quickly replaced it with the new one then said, “It should start working soon,” Rafael nodded his head.

“Thank you,” he said and the nurse left the room not long after. “How long are you in town for?” Rafael asked Cragen.

“Only a few days then Eileen and I are going back to Europe for a few months.”

“Oh that sounds wonderful,” Lucia said smiling. “Have you been there before?”

“We have,” Cragen smiled, “We did a world trip a few years ago and since then we go back to the places we love.”

“I hope I get the chance to do that,” Rafael said.

“You will one day,” Cragen replied.

Rafael smiled, “Maybe someday.” He began to feel the affects of the morphine kicking in. 

“Rafi, you look tired.”

“I am a little. The morphine kicked in,” he replied.

“Well we will leave you to rest… I’ll come visit tomorrow,” she said motherly.

“I’ll see you then, Love you… Thanks Cragen for stopping by and have a good trip to Europe,” Rafael said.

“Thanks,” Cragen smiled, “I’ll walk you out, Lucia.”

“How kind, thank you.” Rafael closed his eyes and could hear his mother as they walked away, “While we’re walking would you mind telling me about your trip around the world.” They were no longer within hearing distance but Rafael assumed Cragen would indulge her. Not long after they left, Rafael was asleep.

 

Rafael began to wake up when he heard a voice “-Okay thanks for letting me know. You can handle this without me but if you need me do call… Oh I gotta go now he’s waking up.” His eyes slowly opened as he looked around the room to find who was talking, “Hey” the familiar voice said placing a hand on his. 

He realised who it was and smiled, “Hey,” his voice was husky. 

He coughed as he looked around the room for water, “Here..” Olivia said passing him a cup of water.

After taking a sip he said, “Thank you.” A few moments later he tried to put the water on his bedside table but stretching his stomach pulled at his stitches, which made him flinch spilling some of the water; Olivia saw him cringing in pain and leaned forward quickly grabbed the cup just before he was about to drop it. He put both his hands on his stomach and held his breath as he regained his composure.

“Are you okay?” Olivia said quietly and calmly.

“Y..yeah,” he said letting his breath out. “I’m fine, just tender is all.”

Olivia tenderly said, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”

“Thank you,” he smiled. 

“I see you’ve been doing some light reading,” Olivia joked as she pointed to all the paperwork on his bed.

“Helps pass the time. Speaking of time, how long were you sitting there for?” 

“Not long. I sat down, got a call and then you woke up,” she placed the cup on the bedside table next to a wooden box and leaned back in her chair. “I can’t stay long though… Lucy’s going out later.”

“That’s fine,” Rafael replied. Olivia kept looking at her phone as if she was expecting a call, “Waiting for something?” he asked.

“Uh, no actually, it’s nothing,” she replied.

“You sure? You seem distracted,” he said, “If you don’t want to talk about it...”

“It’s honestly nothing…” she sighed, “Tucker and I broke up.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry ‘Liv.” 

“Don’t be. It’s for the best,” she smiled a little. “Anyway, I spoke to the doctors and they said you can probably be discharged in a week, maybe less if everything goes well.”

“That’s good to hear,” he replied. After a few moments Rafael hesitantly said, “I didn’t ask before… what happened to the officer?”

Olivia sighed, “He’s dead.”

“Oh, how?

“Uh, I shot him. He pulled the gun on me, I had to.”

“Do we know if he was alone?”

“You know I can’t talk about it.”

“Please ‘Liv,” he pleaded, “I just need to know if I should be watching my back.” 

She sighed and said, “Truth is we don’t know yet, not for sure. But it doesn’t look like he was working with anyone.” He looked away from her and just stared at the wall, a few moments passed before she said, “I’ll always have your back but if you want to take time off from your job, everyone would understand.”

He smiled and turned to look at her, “I know you’ve got my back and I’m not about to let some jackass ruin my life... I love my job; I’ll be back at work as soon as I can. Hell I’m still working now,” he laughed as he piled up the paperwork on his bed.

“Well I’m glad you still want to work.”

“Of course, I honestly don’t think anything will change my mind about that.”

She smiled, “Well if you’re still working… mind letting me look at some of those cases, maybe I can help.”

“Actually, I have one you could help me with,” he said as he handed her a file. “It’s the Lauren Holmes V Ryan Walters, I need more before I can prosecute. Do we have anything new?”

“I think Fin is trying to locate a possible witness but she’s proving hard to find.”

Rafael sighed, “I need this witness, we’ve got no DNA so it’s a he said she said right now and unfortunately it’s one I cant win the way it is.”

“I’ll get on it, make sure she’s found as soon as possible but for now I have to go,” she said sounding apologetically.

“Alright, keep me posted if you find anything please.”

“Always, I’ll come by when I can,” she said as she stood up.

He smiled, “Don’t worry, I’m going to be find if you don’t come visit. I’m sure my mother will be here most of the time anyway.”

“Okay,” she smiled back, “Talk to you soon.”

“Bye ‘Liv.”

“Bye Rafael.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, this chapter is much longer than the others purely cause I didn't want to split it and have it lacking. Also, first smut scene I've ever written so hopefully it's alright...

Rafael was slowly packing up his stuff in the small hospital room when he heard a knock on the door, “You didn’t need to come, I can get check myself out and find a way home,” he said turning to see Olivia standing in the doorway.

“Do you even know how you’re going to get home?” 

“I… hadn’t gotten that far yet,” he admitted, “Probably get a cab.”

Olivia smiled as she walked into the room to help him pack, “Good thing I’m here then.” She grabbed the small wooden box from the side table and gave it to Rafael to put in his bag, “What’s in there by the way? I’ve noticed it a few times now.”

“Have a drink with me and I’ll show you,” he replied cheekily.

She let out a small chuckle and said, “I’ll hold you to that offer when you’re 100%”

“’Till then,” he smiled. As he finished packing and zipped up his bag he added, “How are things without me?”

“Not the same,” she said as she looked him in the eyes, “This new ADA is causing a lot of headaches.”

“I’ll bet you said that about me when we first started working together…” he teased.

Olivia laughed, “Maybe but at least you got the job done, this guy makes it feel like we aren’t getting anywhere with most cases and the ones that would be slam dunk cases, he’s not even prosecuting.”

“Who do you have?”

“Peter Russell, do you know him?”

Rafael sighed, “Yeah, he’s probably one of the worst ADA’s out there; he’s been drunk during trials, more than a few DUI’s and most judge’s won’t sign his warrants because he does a half-ass job at writing them up. I’m pretty sure he’s only has a job because he’s the son of some high up politician in the mayors office.”

“And we got stuck with him… Great!”

“At least its only temporarily,” he said smiling.

“Only thing preventing me from yelling at this guy,” she smirked. “Anyway, time to get going,” she said as she walked out the door and pulled a wheelchair back into the room.

“I can walk you know,” he said smiling.

“Doc’s orders.”

“Fiiiiine,” he sighed as he got into the wheelchair and put his bags on his lap.

 

They made their way down to the front desk where a young receptionist greeted them, “How can I help?” 

“Hi, just here to check Rafael Barba out,” Rafael watched Olivia as she spoke. Watching the way she smiled, how she would flip her hair out of her face and even the way she just stood there talking. His mind had wandered off to the many times they worked late in his office and how comfortable he felt around her when Olivia brought him back to the present, “Rafael?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“There’s just a few questions you need to answer then after that you sign this form and we’re good to go,” Olivia said.

“Oh, yeah that’s fine.”

The receptionist nodded, “Okay so first question, do you have any chronic pains?” she asked.

“No,” he answered.

“That’s good, you understand how to take any medication you have been given?”

“Yeah.”

“I have here that the doctors want you to use a cane while you’re wound is still healing, do you have one?”

“No, but I can get one. It’s not a problem.”

“Okay last one, your details such as phone number and address are still the same?”

He sighed, “Yeah… same number, same address.”

The young lady handed him a form, which he signed it and handed it back, “Good to go?” Olivia asked.

“All good, have a lovely day,” she said as they began to make their way towards the front doors.

As they got to the car Olivia stopped and made her way to the front of the wheelchair holding out a hand, “Where are you going to be staying?”

“My place,” he replied as he took her hand and she pulled him out of the chair. 

She opened the passenger door as she asked, “Are you sure?”

“It’s my home,” he simply said and she nodded as she closed the door behind him.

Olivia walked around the car, got in the driver’s side when she said, “Oh, I got you this.” She reached around to the back seat of the car and grabbed a small wrapped box.

“What’s this?” he asked as he took the box.

“Open it and find out,” she replied.

As he opened the box he noticed what it was, “”Liv you really shouldn’t have.”

“I got your old phone broken, the least I could do is replace it.”

He looked up from the box to her, “You really didn’t but thank you,” he smiled.

“You’re welcome,” she said placing a hand on his.

He looked at her hand on his and his heart began to race, “’Liv… I… uh.”

“You?”

He closed his eyes and cleared his throat; when he opened his eyes again he looked at her then said, “We should get going.”

She sighed as she removed her hand, “Yeah.” 

 

When they reached his apartment he pulled a key out of his pocket when Olivia said, “That’s not going to work.”

“What? It’s my key…” he said confused.

She searched her handbag and pulled out a small envelope, “I got your locks changed and with everyone going through your apartment I figured you would want some sort of security.”

He took the envelope from her, “Thanks.” 

He slid the key out and opened the door; he then took a few steps into his apartment before he stopped in his tracks. The whole apartment has been tossed; pillows and paperwork everywhere, his rug is gone; his lounge has cut marks and missing pieces, even his coffee table is on its side. His mind was racing with the events of that day; being pistol-whipped, punched and shot, his hands moved to his stomach unconsciously. “You okay?” Olivia said as she placed a hand on his shoulder. 

He flinched under her touch, “Yeah I’m fine,” he added as he walked further into the apartment, away from her.

“Are you sure?” she said sounding worried.

“I said I’m fine,” he barked. He stopped walking, turned to face her; pausing for a moment before he sighed, “I’m sorry, it’s just harder than I thought it would be.”

Olivia walked closer to him as she said, “I understand.” As she got closer she noticed the worn look on his face and pulled him in close for a tight hug. When Rafael wrapped his arms around her, he burrowed his head into the base of her neck and took in a deep breath as he relaxed against her. He closed his eyes as she began to run a hand up and down his back slowly; he just stood there enjoying the moment for as long as he could, relishing in the tenderness of her touch. They stood there for a while before Olivia said, “We should probably get started on cleaning this place up.”

Rafael sighed as he pulled away from her; “Yeah, your CSU guys left this in worse condition than I did,” he gave a half-assed laugh.

She smiled a little, “Yeah, unfortunately they take what they need and leave. But we’ll have this place looking great when we’re done.”

Rafael walked into the middle of his living room and began picking up some papers, “Guess we better get started.”

 

They started with the papers all over the floor then moved to picking up the scattered pillows and placing them back on his grey lounge. When Rafael left the room, Olivia grabbed a wet cloth and wiped up any residual blood of the walls and floor. When he returned he saw what she was doing and said, “You know, I could have done that…”

“I know, I just wanted to get it out of the way,” she replied.

“Alright. Looks like all we have to do now is vacuum” he said gesturing to the vacuum in his hand. “After that all that’s left would be putting the table up right.”

“Sounds good.”

10 minutes later they put the coffee table up right again and Rafael said, “Thanks for your help.”

“No problem, I know what its like coming home to a mess like this,” she said as she sat down on his lounge.

He sat down next to her as he asked, “How’d you deal with it all?”

Turning her body to face him she said, “Having someone to talk to helped a lot, I guess moving was good too. Having new surroundings allowed me to relax when I walked through the door.”

He nodded as he said, “Yeah and I bet knowing that Lewis is dead helped a lot.”

“And Seth’s dead too…” she said slightly confused.

“I just mean you knew Lewis was working alone so with his death you’ve got nothing to worry about…” he paused for a moment before adding, “It was a fucking cop ‘Liv… Even if I move they’ll know where to look to find me if they really want kill me next time.”

She placed a hand on his knee, “There’s not going to be a next time,” she said calmly.

He placed his hand on top of hers as he turned to look her in the eyes, “You can’t guarantee that and you know it.”

She sighed, “Your right but I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure you're safe.”

He gave her a small smile, “You’re the best. Thank you.” She smiled back at him and moved closer to him so they were shoulder to shoulder, their faces inches apart. 

Rafael’s eyes darted from her eyes to her lips and back again a few times before taking a deep breath, “Do you… want to stay for dinner?”

She moved back a little before answering, “Oh, I wish I could but I promised Noah I’d take him out for dinner as a mother son date night.”

“Oh… sounds like a great night out,” he said.

“He’s so excited; he hasn’t stopped talking about it for the last three days now,” she said with a big smile. “It’s going to be great and if he really enjoys it we might even make it a regular thing.”

“Well that would be great,” he smiled back.

She looked at her watch, “Wow is that really the time… I’m sorry but I’ve got to get going,” she said.

“Don’t be sorry. Go, be with Noah, have a great night out. I’m going to be fine.”

“Feel free to call me anytime if you want someone to talk to,” she said as she stood up.

“Alright; now go before you’re late for your date,” he said smiling as he slowly, stood up; wincing once as his stomach muscles tensed, “I’m fine,” he said as he saw the concern on her face. He walked her to the door and they said their goodbyes; once she was gone he went straight into his office and buried himself in work.

 

“Wake up Asshole!” Seth shouted.

Rafael jumped to his feet; his surroundings were dark and unfamiliar, “You’re dead!” his voice was shaky. “Where am I?”

Seth walked towards him pointing a gun at his head, “You’re where you deserve to be!”

As Seth pressed the gun against his forehead Rafael screamed, “Please! NO!”

“You’re going to die,” he said calmly as pulled the trigger.

Rafael suddenly woke in a cold sweat and out of breath in his office; he looked around the room franticly looking for Seth; as he looked around the room he grabbed his phone. When he realised he was alone he began to relax; he looked at the phone in his hand and noticed his thumb was hovering over Olivia’s name. He thought about calling her briefly and was about to when he noticed the time, “Wow is it really 12:30am.” He put his phone in his pocket as stood up; he began to walk towards his bedroom but stopped when he got to the door. Not wanting to go back to sleep anytime soon he went to his front door and left his apartment. He walked around the city; holding his stomach for support; would be great if I had a cane right about now he thought. He wondered for an hour before stumbling onto a 24-hour diner; he ended up spending most of the night there lost in his own thoughts.

 

A few days later, Rafael was lying on his lounge watching TV when his phone rang, “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Fin. Just calling to let you know we’ve located the witness in Lauren's case.”

Rafael sat up and muted the TV, “Thanks for letting me know. Have you told Peter yet?”

“You’re kidding right?” Fin said, “We’re on direct orders from ‘Liv to not let him touch your cases.”

Rafael laughed, “Well I’m glad, means I’m not working on these case for nothing.”

“Do you ever take a day off?” Fin laughed.

“Not if I can hep it. Speaking of which I’ll be allowed to officially come back soon now that I’ve got a cane.”

“Thank god,” Fin laughed, “I’m not sure how long we’ll last with Peter.”

“Glad to know I’m missed,” he replied. “I have to get going now, got a PT appointment. Talk when I can.”

“Good luck,” Fin said as he hung up.

Rafael slowly got off his lounge; turning the TV off as he stood up, he grabbed wallet off the coffee table and placed it along with his phone in his pocket. He made his way to the front door; he grabbed a jacket off the coat hanger and the cane that was just resting on the wall next to the door. He let out a small sigh as he opened the door and left.

 

Rafael slowly made his way through the rehab centre; the walls were a dull grey accompanied with a few portraits of; what Rafael assumed to be, past and current physicians. Their waiting rooms were just as drab with dark grey seating and white tables scattered around. As he made his way to the front desk the young man greeted him, “Hello Sir, what are you here for?”

When Rafael made it to the desk he could read the man’s name badge, “Well, Bryan, I have an appointment with… uh sorry one second.” he searched through his pockets for his phone. Once he found it he looked at his calendar, “Ah that’s right, Addison Lee. I have an appointment with her.”

“No problem, she’s just up the hall and to the right. Do you need help getting there?” he asked gesturing to Rafael’s cane.

“I’ll be fine,” Rafael replied as he turned.

“Alright,” Bryan said.

 

Rafael gradually made his way up the hall; as he reached the end he read the door that said, Addison Lee Physical Therapist, and knocked on it. “Come in,” a lady’s voice said. Rafael opened the door and walked into the office, “Mr Barba I assume.”

“Yeah but Rafael is fine,” he replied as he closed the door behind him then he made his way to the seat in front of her desk.

“Okay, Rafael please sit,” she said gesturing to the chair and he did. “As this is your first appointment, we’re going to take it slow,” she paused as she searched her computer. “It says here that you’re here after abdominal surgery so were going to focus on getting those muscles strong enough so you wont need that cane anymore, sound good?”

“I’m just getting use to this thing,” he said smiling. “But sounds good to me.”

“Awesome,” she said smiling back. “Well shall we head into the therapy room and get started?” Addison added as she got up.

“Sure,” he answered. Rafael managed to get up without causing himself too much pain by using his cane as support. “Lead the way,” he said slightly out of breath.

They left her office and walked a few doors down into the therapy room, “Okay can you go lie down over there please,” Addison said pointing to a long bench. Rafael just nodded and walked over to the bench. When he lied down she stood over him and said, “We’ll start with an easy one, place your hands on your hips for me,” she paused as he followed her instructions. “Good. Now breathe in through your nose and as breathe out pull your stomach towards your spine.” Rafael followed and as he let his breath out and pulled in his stomach Addison added, “Hold that… One… Two… Three… and release.” 

Rafael moaned in pain as he relaxed; “Thought you said it was easy,” he said trying to joke through the pain. 

“I said it was easy not painless,” she smiled trying to comfort. “Unfortunately we need to do it three more times.”

He sighed, “Okay.”

When they finished that exercise she let him catch his breath before starting the next one. “I want you to bend your legs so your feet are flat on the bench… Good. Now tighten your stomach like we just did and bring your knees down to your left as far as you comfortably can and hold them there for five seconds. Once those five seconds are up bring your knees back up. Understand?”

“Got it,” he said. Once he finished that part of the exercise he said out of breath, “Let me guess… I have to do that on the right side too…”

“You would be correct,” she smiled. “We’ll do this one a few more times too afterwards I’ve got some simple leg exercises that will take us to the end of our session.”

 

When the session ended they went back to her office and sat at her desk, “So to just recap the session; most of the exercises we went through today you can do at home. Here’s a list of them,” she paused as she handed him the piece of paper. I would like you to do the ones I’ve highlighted twice to three times a day and the others just one to two times. Also I have you scheduled in twice a week, Tuesday’s and Friday’s is that fine with you?”

“It’s fine,” he answered.

“Good, any questions before you go?”

He hesitated before asking, “When do you think I can get back to work?”

“Well generally I would recommend a few months but based on what I’ve seen today… I would suggest a few weeks.”

“Any way to speed that up?”

She sighed, “Your body needs time to heal…”

“I get that, I really do but I have to get back to work as soon as I can. There’s got to be something we can work out,” he tried to negotiate.

“How physical is your job Rafael?” Addison asked hesitantly.

“Well I’m a lawyer so I would say not very physical apart from the constant standing… but that’s what the cane’s for, right?”

She smiled, “I should have guessed you were a lawyer with all the negotiation you’re trying to do.” Rafael laughed a little, “I suppose could start working next week but I would recommend part time so you’re not over doing it too quickly.”

“I can live with that. Thank you.”

“Any other questions?”

He smiled, “No, I’m done.”

“Alrighty, that concludes our first session. I’ll see you next Tuesday,” she smiled.

Rafael slowly got up and made his way to the door as he said, “See you then.”

 

When Rafael got home he spent part of the afternoon talking to the DA trying to convince him that he could return part time as of next week. The conversation took longer that anticipated, over an hour had passed when the DA finally agreed. Now that he was officially allowed to work, he went back into his office and continued on the Lauren Holmes V Ryan Walters case. A few hours later he left his office and walked towards his kitchen and made himself a cup of coffee. Once he had his coffee in hand, he made his way over his office and continued working. Not long after he sat back down his phone rang, “Hello.”

“Hey, it’s me. Fin told me that you had a PT session today, how’d that go?” Olivia said.

“As good as to be expected,” he shrugged.

“You’re probably busy but would you like to get something to eat?” Olivia asked.

“Sure, where?”

She thought for a moment before asking, “What do you feel like?”

“We could do Italian, Chinese or we could go to a restaurant. What do you want to do?” he replied.

“How about I get some Italian food and bring it over to your place,” she suggested.

“Sounds great,” he said smiling.

“Awesome, I’ll see you in 40,” she said ending the call.

 

40 minutes later there was a knock on his door; “Coming,” he said walking to door with his cane.

“Nice cane,” she said smiling as he opened the door.

He smiled back, “Thanks.”

“See you went with a very stylish pimp cane,” she laughed.

He gestured her inside, “Well gotta look good when I’m kicking ass in the court room,” he joked.

“When don’t you,” she said walking towards his kitchen. She placed the food on the island bench, “Where do you keep your bowls?”

“Bottom drawer to your right,” he answered as took down a two wine glasses from a shelf. “Red or white?”

“Hmmm, I think red would be lovely.” She watched him as he left the kitchen and walk into his office. A moment later he returned with a bottle of Merlot, “Using your secret stash, I see.”

He smiled as he entered the kitchen, “I’d say this is a cause to celebrate,” he said. 

“How come?” she said confused.

“I get to come back to work on Monday.”

“Don’t you think it’s too soon?” she sounded slightly concerned.

“You sound like Jack,” he smiled, “I spent an hour trying to convince him to let me work again. He agreed to part time for now but if any of my cases involve a trial I get to do it.”

“Oh wow, that’s great news,” she paused for a moment, “You know I only want what’s best for you, right?”

“I know but I cant just stay here and do nothing,” he said as he popped the cork on the wine. 

Olivia walked over to his dinning table and she placed the food on the table then turned her head to watch Rafael; he poured one glass then paused for a moment. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just had think whether I’m even allowed to drink,” he said as he poured his glass, “One glass should be fine.” 

He walked over to table placing Olivia’s glass next to her as he walked past; once he sat down Olivia picked up her glass, “To having you back even if its only part time,” she smiled. 

He smiled as he raised his glass, “To working with you again,” he took a sip. As they began to eat Rafael asked, “How’d your date night go?”

“It was great! Noah wanted to go out for Chinese then when we got home we snuggled on the lounge and watched a movie until he fell asleep,” she smiled.

Rafael picked up his wine, “That really does sound like the perfect night," he said as he took a sip. 

“It was,” she said taking a mouthful of pasta. She watched Rafael as he sat there eating in silence, “How are things with you?”

He looked up from his bowl and thought for a moment before saying, “Everything’s been fine.”

Olivia raised one eyebrow, as she said, “So no problems with being back here?”

“None,” he lied and went back to eating.

“Well that’s good,” she could tell he was lying but decided to change the subject. “So coming back Monday, going to come by the precinct?”

“Yeah probably, we have to talk about the witness you found,” he smiled.

“Oh yeah, well that’s good. Be great to see you on your first day back,” she smiled back.

After dinner they spent the next few hours just talking and enjoying each other’s company. Olivia left not long after 9pm to get home to Noah and shortly after Rafael went to bed.

 

On Monday Rafael was walking into the squad room. “Nice cane,” Carisi said when he saw him.

“Thanks,” he said smiling; “Might get me some sympathy points with the jury when I get back into the court room.”

Carisi laughed, “Well that’s a new one.”

“So where's 'Liv?” he asked.

“You know you can take more time before coming back to work…” 

He smiled, “You missed me that much?”

Carisi said slightly defensive, “I didn’t mean-“

“I know,” he interrupted, “I just want to get back to work. So where’s ‘Liv?”

“Her office,” Carisi replied.

“Thanks. We’ll talk later,” Rafael said as he walked towards Olivia’s office.

 

When he entered her office he saw that she was on the phone; “Okay Peter, I’ll try to find more evidence,” she said as she gestured Rafael to sit. “Yes… I got it,” she said rolling her eyes; Rafael smiled at that, “Okay… Yeh… I have to go now… Uhuh… Bye.”

“Sounds like your having fun.”

She sighed, “You have no idea.”

“Well to take your mind off whatever task he’s given you, shall we talk the Lauren Holmes V Ryan Walters case?”

“Sounds good,” she replied as she opened the file on her desk. “Well as you know, it’s a drunken he said she said. Lauren admits to being drunk but she remembers saying no.”

“And Ryan didn’t listen,” Rafael added.

She nodded, “And now we have Jody, she’s the witness we were talking about.”

“How credible is she?”

“Well Lauren and her went to the party together and Lauren made her first outcry to her. Jody say’s she saw her go into his room then come out crying and when she asked what was wrong Lauren said she was raped.”

“Alright, well I’m ready for the trial so you can arrest him and we’ll go from there.”

Olivia stood up and closed her office door before saying “How’s your first day going?”

He sighed, “Apart from the sideways looks I get every now and then, pretty good. But I’m just glad to be at work again. It sure beats PT.”

She laughed as she made her way back to her desk, “How much longer in physical therapy?”

“I don’t know, she said it could be another few weeks before we even consider cutting down the sessions.”

As she sat down she asked, “Have you seen anyone else?”

“You mean a therapist…” he said uncomfortable, “No, I don’t need one.”

“It’s not a bad thing to do. Even if you only go for a session or two, Dr. Peter Lindstrom really helped me.”

“I know but I just can’t do it right now,” he sighed.

“I understand but if you ever need anything… I’m here,” she said with a smile.

He smiled, “I know… I just want to move on.”

“Yeah, I get that…” she said. “It took a while for me to get over the looks I got from everyone when I came back after Lewis.”

“Lewis... That shouldn’t have happened. If I-”

Olivia interrupted him, “You didn’t screw up the case the lab did. I don’t blame you, so please stop blaming yourself.”

“I could say the same thing…” he said. 

She sighed, “I guess we both need to work on that.”

“Yeah,” he smiled, “We’ll get there.” He opened his mouth as if to say something, paused for a moment and decided against it.

“What?” Olivia asked.

“I was going to ask how my case is going,” he responded.

“Oh, well its not going as well as we hoped… We’re still trying to gather information about Seth but we’re also fighting to keep the case. A lot of people want to take charge cause its such a high profile case.”

“High profile,” he scoffed. “Why the sudden interest in me? I know I’m not in 1PP’s good graces…”

“Well, you are an ADA who was shot by a corrupt cop in your own home… 1PP and IAB basically want to close the case as soon as they can but there’s a lot of interest from Major Case and even the FBI-“

“This is ridiculous,” he said rolling his eyes, “They just want to cover their ass... They don’t give a damn about me. They’ll end up saying he went rogue and acted alone even if he didn’t just to get it out of the news. Even if you get to keep the case you’ll be under pressure to do the same and I get it… The department needs to save face.”  
“Rafael, 1PP has told me to stand down… I want you to know I’ll still be investigating until I can give you something definitive.”

“Thanks,” he said as he got up, “I have to go back to the office now. I have some papers that need to be filed by the end to the day. Talk to you later,” he said quickly opening the door and quickly left.

 

A few minutes later Carisi was at Olivia’s office door, “What was that about?”

“I told him about his case,” Olivia said.

“Oh and about the all the people who want to take the case from us?”

She nodded, “Yeah and he doesn’t trust the department. His thinking is that they just want to save face and honestly I don’t blame him.”

“Yeah, that’s gotta be rough.” Carisi said sympathetic.

“Yeah it would be but with time things will get easier, we just have to be there for him.” Olivia nodded. “Oh and while you’re here Carisi, do you mind going to arrest Ryan Walters and take Rollins with you.” 

“No problem Lieu,” he answered and walked out of her office.

 

*

 

Almost two weeks later Rafael was sitting in the bar near the courthouse having a drink of whiskey when Fin walked in and sat next to him, “Hey Barba,” he said. “I’ll have what he’s having,” he said to the bartender.

Rafael turned to look at Fin as he sat down, “Hey, what are you doing here?”

“Just came in to get a quick drink, thought you might be here. Tough day in court, I heard that the jury came back not guilty.”

“Yeah… It was a drunken he said she said. It was always going to be tough but when Jody the only witness to see Lauren go into the room with Ryan recanted on the stand. The defence painted Lauren as a drunk party girl wanting to get lucky…” he sighed, “It’s hard for the jury not to victim blame…” 

“Yeah that’s messed up,” Fin replied.

“Tell me about it… She’s such as sweet kid too. You know what she did after the trial?”

“No? What happened?”

“She came to my office to thank me… I mean I lost the case and usually when I lose I either don’t hear back from them or they get angry which is completely understandable.” He gave out a slight smile, “So when she came to me to thank me it just went to show what kind of girl she really is... She gets victim blamed and the piece of trash gets to walk free.”

Fin nodded, “That’s tough.” Rafael just nodded and took a sip of his drink, “How many of those have you had?” Fin asked.

“This would be my second. Why? Gonna count my drinks for me?”

“Hey you can drink as much as you want. Just do us a favour and don’t show up to work drunk.”

Rafael smiled slightly, “Don’t worry, I don’t plan on drinking much.”

They sat there in silence for a moment as they took a few sips of their drinks, “What are you going to do?” Fin asked out of the blue.

“Excuse me?” Rafael said confused.

“With Olivia.”

Rafael put his glass down and turned his head to see Fin better, “What are you talking about?”

“Come on, don’t play dumb,” Fin responded. “It’s pretty obvious from where I’m sitting that you like her. When are you going to get up the courage to do something about it?” Rafael just scoffed at Fin so he added, “All I’m saying is you’ve waited a long time so maybe don’t waste your chance now.”

“I don’t like Olivia that way,” he said embarrassed and defensive, “And besides, if I did, I can’t date her. It could ruin both our careers.” Rafael finished his drink and stood up, grabbing his cane then his jacket from the back of the chair.

“You don’t have to leave,” Fin said.

“I think I do, I’ve got a bunch of paperwork that’s just sitting at home waiting to be done. Job’s never over,” he replied, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I didn’t mean to cross any boundaries. I’m sorry,” Fin apologised.

“Don’t worry about it, bye.” Rafael left the bar and got a taxi to go home, Fin’s words running through his head; he decided to make an unexpected stop.

 

Rafael arrived at Olivia’s apartment; he paused at her door willing himself to just walk away. Instead he knocked on the door, waiting for her to answer felt as if time was standing still. There was a muffled “Who is it?” through the door, he wanted to answer but was unable to find his voice. The locks on the door flicked over and the door opened slightly not long after, “Rafael? What are you doing here? It’s 10:30.” 

“I can’t do this anymore,” he said.

“Can’t do what?” she said as she gestured him inside.

He entered, placed his cane against a wall and continued to walk into her living room; “I can’t just stand on the sidelines anymore.”

Olivia closed the door and followed behind, “What are you talking about?”

He walked towards her and stopped a few inches away from her, “You.” He leaned in and kissed her.

Olivia pulled away and took a few steps back, “What are you doing?”

“I’m sorry…” Rafael said regretfully; looking away from Olivia, “I didn’t mean to. I just couldn’t continue without letting you know how I felt... I should leave.”

“Don’t go,” she said. 

Rafael turned his head to look at Olivia, she smiled and he took a few steps to close the gap between them; he could smell her perfume. He caressed her cheek with his right hand while placing his left hand on her back and pulled her closer. He ran his thumb over Olivia’s soft, bottom lip before leaning in and kissing her; moving his hand to the back of her neck. She leaned into the kiss opening her mouth and used her tongue to guide his tongue into her mouth; he tasted of whiskey. Things began to get intense; his heart was racing, he moved his left hand down to her ass as he took a few steps forward without breaking the kiss and pushed Olivia against a wall. There was a thud, which made Olivia exhale suddenly, but she quickly regained her breath without ending the kiss. He broke the kiss, his forehead touching hers, lips just centimetres away from each other. “You okay?” he whispered out of breath, his breath was hot against her skin. 

“I’m fine,” she smiled and then started kissing him again. Her left hand was running up and down his back while her right hand moved down to his ass and pulled him closer; he was hard. He moved his right hand from her neck and was now caressing her breast; his left hand grabbed her leg, wrapped it around him and then went back to her ass. Their tongues were dancing between her mouth and his. Rafael started grinding against Olivia; causing their bodies to move up and down along the wall. A few moments later she broke the kiss and said out of breath, “Let’s move this into the bedroom.”

Rafael stopped to regain his composure and cleared his throat before saying, “Yeah, okay.” 

Olivia unwrapped her leg from around Rafael, and then he pushed himself up using the wall. He took a step back to let Olivia straighten herself out before she grabbed his hand and was leading him towards her bedroom. Once they were both inside Olivia quietly closed the door and walked over to where Rafael was standing. He removed his suit jacket and threw it on a chair in the corner of the room and they began to kiss again. Olivia ran her hands along his shoulders, catching on his suspenders and sliding them down his arms until they hung loosely around his waist. She; while still kissing him, tugged on the bottom his shirt until it came out of his pants and began to unbutton it slowly. Once his shirt was unbuttoned she ran her hands up and down his warm chest, she suddenly stopped when she felt his stomach. Breaking the kiss she looked down at his stomach, she saw the scar of his bullet wound. Quickly looking in Rafael’s eyes; who look slightly uncomfortable, she then kneeled down and began to kiss his wound. After a few kisses on the scar she began to move back up kissing along his chest as she did and once she was fully standing she began kissing his lips again. Rafael began to undo her top, “Just rip it,” Olivia whispered softly.

He grabbed each side of her shirt and pulled, buttons flew in all directions. He stopped the kiss and watched as he slid the shirt off her shoulders, down her arms and onto the floor. He ran his hands up the sides of her stomach and around to her back where the clasp of her bra was; his touch on her skin was giving her butterflies. After undoing her bra, he slid it off quickly and cupped one of her breast with his left hand as the other slid in-between her pants and underwear, grabbing her ass. He kissed her, tongues intertwining with each other; Olivia moved her hand down his stomach, onto his pants and stopped when she felt his hard erection, he let out a low grunt into her mouth. He leaned forward slowly, gently pushing her on the bed; he paused for a second to regain his breath then asked, “Yes?” 

“Yes,” she answered. He got up; removed his shirt tossing it to the side, unbuckled her belt and slid her pants off. He slowly removed her underwear; he could feel her skin twitch under his touch, once they were gone he got to on his knees. Olivia watched as his face disappeared between her legs, shortly after she felt his hot kisses running up her thigh. When he reached her vagina he softly kiss the outside of her labia; he then looked up as he gently ran his tongue between her lips, he watched as Olivia moaned as she arched her back. Satisfied with her reaction he moved his tongue to her clitoris; occasionally flicking his tongue. He brought left hand up; sliding along her stomach till he reached her breast, he began to play with her nipple, “Stop teasing me,” she moaned. When she was wet enough he brought up his right hand and he inserted two fingers into her. “Oh.. my.. god” she said out of breath as he slowly began to thrust his fingers further inside her. As he picked up the pace she said, “I’m going to come,” and after a few more deep thrusts she climaxed; her muscles tensed up as she arched her back, “Rafael!” she moaned. When he got up she could see her juices running down his chin in the light, “I knew you were good with your tongue but wow,” she said smiling, “There’s a towel on the chair.”

He made his way over to the chair and as he wiped his face he began to ask, “Where do you-“ 

“That drawer,” she said pointing to her bedside table. He promptly put the towel down and walked over to the drawer. He opened it, took out a packet of condoms, grabbing one and tossing the box back into the drawer as he closed it. Olivia sat up as she watched Rafael walked back over to the bed; he removed the rest of his clothing, rolled the condom onto his shaft and he then kissed her pushing her back down onto the bed as he did so. As she guided him into her he groaned into her mouth; she smiled against his lips and resumed kissing. As their bodies began to move with each other Olivia’s ran her hands along his back while Rafael had one arm holding him up while his free hand was squeezing one of her breasts. The kiss broke; faces next to each other’s, as Olivia wrapped her legs around his waist pushing him in even deeper, “faster,” she whispered in his ear. 

Her voice gave him goose bumps, he began to thrust harder and faster; Olivia’s nails digging into his back as she let out a moan. She began kissing his neck and as she moved along his neck she started nipping at his skin; causing him to moan a little, after a few nips Olivia stopped half way up his neck and sucked hard drawing another moan from him. Soon after Olivia unwrapped her legs from his waist and used her body to push Rafael on to his back, he was more than willing to obey so he rolled over with her. She sat up, straddling him as she moved her hips slowly up and down on his shaft making him moaned. He put his hands on her ass and moved along with her motions. As she began to move faster Rafael sat up, moving his hands up her smooth back pulling her in close. She leaned and kissed him, tongues intertwining with each other as their bodies moved faster. His hands moved to her breasts, caressing them as they kissed. She ran her hands down his slightly hairy chest pushed him back down on the bed; she followed without breaking the kiss. 

He jerked his hips faster causing them both to moan; “I’m close,” he grunted. He put his arm around Olivia’s back and rolled over putting Olivia back to the bottom. After a few more deep thrusts he stuttered “Oh… god,” as he came. 

“Oh! Yes!” she said as she climaxed arching her back. When they both came down from their climaxes Olivia said out of breath, “Stay the night please.”  
“I’d love to,” he smiled.

 

Later that night something woke Olivia during the night; she turned her body to look at the man sleeping next to her, he was tense and shaking. His hands were in fists so tight that his knuckles were white and his breathing was very rapid. Olivia sat up, quickly turned her bedside lamp on and placed her hand on Rafael’s forehead; his skin was cold to the touch and his hair was drenched in sweat. Suddenly Rafael woke up and quickly sat up turning his body as he did so that his feet were on the floor; he was panicked and out of breath. “Rafael?” Olivia said in a whisper. He turned his head slightly to the right as he heard his name, Olivia moved closer to him placing her hand on his cold back; he flinched. 

“I’m… I’m sorry,” he stuttered. “I thought… never mind. I should go.” He was about to get up when Olivia grabbed his arm and moved even closer stopping him.

She placed her chin on his shoulder, “You don’t have to go anywhere… I’m right here,” Olivia whispered in his ear supportively. She tilted her head and kissed his shoulder, he sighed. 

“’Liv-” he began to say when she interrupted him.

“You don’t need to be sorry or explain anything, I understand.” Olivia moved back a little to give Rafael some space, “You can go if you want to.”

Rafael twisted his body so he could look Olivia face to face; only then did she see the tears in his eyes glistening in the light. He was trying to say something but he lost his voice. After a few moments he was able to say, “I… I don’t want to go.”

“Don’t, just come lie down with me. We don’t have to talk about this anymore if you don’t want to,” she said gesturing him to lie down. He nodded, got back into bed and lied down next to her; staring at the ceiling. Olivia lied down next to him, placing her arm along his chest. Rafael turned his head to look at Olivia; she smiled, he smiled back as he moved his arm under her to pull her in closer and he kissed her forehead then closed his eyes. 

 

There was a faint knock on the bedroom door when Rafael started to wake up, “Mommy?” a little boy’s muffled voice said through the closed door. 

Rafael looked over to Olivia as she sat up, “Yes sweetie?” she said tenderly. 

“I’m hungry…” 

“Okay Noah, why don’t you go into the lounge room and watch some TV. I’ll be out in a minute and get you some breakfast,” she said as she got up from the bed. 

“Okay Mommy,” Noah replied as he walked away from the door. 

Rafael watched as Olivia walked around the room towards her closet; “’Liv…” she turned to look at him as she put underwear on, his eye’s darted from her to the door and back. 

She smiled, “Don’t worry, he’s a heavy sleeper.”

“He’s still going to see me, I can’t avoid that,” he replied.

“You don’t have to avoid it… have breakfast with us.”

“I can’t,” he said as he looked over at the alarm clock on the bedside table. “I’ll have to leave soon if I’m to get clean clothes and get to work on time.”

She paused for a moment before asking, “Do you have court appearances today?”

“I don’t believe so, why?” he answered curiously as he got out of bed pulling on his boxers.

“Then wear the same suit as yesterday, no one will notice.”

Rafael laughed, “You’re kidding right? I work with your squad which just happens to be a bunch of detectives.”

She laughed a little, “Okay… so maybe some people might notice but they wont think anything of it besides you’ve got clean shirts in your office,” she said walking closer to him. “Will you please have breakfast with us?” she asked as she hugged him.

“Okay… you’ve twisted my arm,” he said with a smirk and gave her a quick kiss.

As she let him go she hesitantly asked, “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything,” he smiled.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were having nightmares?”

He sighed, “I didn’t want you of all people to see me as a victim. It’s bad enough having the cane and the scar to remind me of that day. Most of the people in my office and even some in yours give me this look that says dead man walking and believe me, I know I shouldn’t have survived but seeing those looks just reminds me that everyone else thinks that too. And if you looked at me the way they do I don’t think I would have been able to handle it.”

“I wouldn’t have done that,” she said grabbing his left hand.

“I just… didn’t want to take that chance,” he said caressing her face with his right hand. 

“You can trust me,” she said.

He kissed her, “I do.”

“We should probably get ready, Noah’s waiting,” she said letting go of his hand.

 

They got dressed and began to walk towards the kitchen when Rafael grabbed Olivia’s hand stopping her in the doorway. “Go be with your son, I’ll make us some breakfast,” he said with a tender smile; she gave him a kiss on the cheek and went towards the living room. As Rafael made bacon and eggs he would glance over to the living room and watch Olivia and Noah; who were sitting on the lounge talking about a dream Noah had. He finished cooking when Olivia said, “Something smells good,” when she got up Noah followed her to the bench. 

“Hope your hungry,” Rafael said as he put a few pieces of bacon and egg on three plates. 

As Noah sat down Rafael passed him a plate and then gave one to Olivia, “Thank you,” she said smiling.

“Mommy can I have some juice?” Noah asked.

“Sure,” she said as she walked around the bench and into the kitchen. “Orange or apple?”

“Orange please,” Noah answered.

She smiled as she poured him a glass and handed it to him, “Want a cup of coffee?” she asked Rafael.

“Do you even need to ask?” he jested.

“Good point,” she chuckled, “Why don’t you go sit down and start eating, I’ll get the coffee.”

He nodded as he left the kitchen; he then walked around to the bench and sat next to Noah, “Any good?” he asked Noah gesturing to the food.

“It’s pretty good but it’s not as good as mom’s,” Noah replied.

“I bet it’s not,” he winked. “What are you and Lucy going to be doing today?”

“Umm… I don’t know, I hope we get to go to the park though,” Noah said as he ate his breakfast.

Rafael nodded as he ate a piece of bacon, “What’s your favourite thing at the park?”

“I like the swings,” he paused, “Oh and the sandpit… I get to build castles.”

“Wow… that sounds like so much fun. Wish I could go,” Rafael said smiling.

“Maybe you could join us one weekend,” Olivia said as she handed Rafael a cup of coffee.

Rafael had a sip of his coffee then said, “Sounds good to me.”

 

They spent the rest of the morning just sitting around talking about weekend plans until Lucy came in, “Hey Olivia,” she said entered.

“Hey, you’re early,” Olivia said.

“It’s 8am,” Lucy replied.

“Is it really that late?” Rafael said shocked as he checked his watch. “I have to go, I’m late.”

“Sorry,” Olivia said.

“Don’t be, I just lost track of time,” he smiled as he got off the lounge. Once he made his way to the door he turned back and said, “I’ll see you later,” he looked at Olivia then said, “Have a good day Noah.”

 

When Rafael got to his office he said good morning to his secretary as he passed her; she gave him a small giggle as her cheeks blushed then gave him a smile and said “Good morning Sir.”

“I’ll be in my office if anyone needs me,” he said brushing off the odd giggle and walked into his office. He closed the blinds shut on all his windows, walked over to a set of drawers then pulled out a shirt and quickly changed the one he was wearing. Once he changed his shirt he sat down at his desk and began to work.

 

A few hours later Rafael’s phone began to ring, “Barba,” he answered.

“Hey, it’s Olivia.”

“What’s up?” 

“We’ve got a case here and the guy wants to make a plea… can you come down and see what we can do?” she asked.

“Uh, yeah I can… what kind of plea are we looking at?”

“He might have some information about this sex trafficking ring that he works for but wont share what it is until you get here.”

Rafael sighed, “Of course he wouldn’t… I’m on my way. Oh, before I leave though… Is Fin at the precinct?”

“No, he’s off interviewing some reluctant witnesses to this trafficking ring, why?”

“Oh its nothing, I just… its nothing, I’m leaving now.” 

“Okay, talk to you when you get here,” Olivia said then ended the call.

 

Rafael got off the elevator and walked into the squad room where Carisi and Rollins sat talking at their desks. They both looked over as he walked in, “Hey Barba, isn’t that the same suit as yesterday?” Rollins said.

“Uh, yeah,” Rafael replied. “I was running late this morning…”

“Yeah, I’m sure that’s what happened,” Carisi added with a smile.

“What are you getting at?” Rafael asked.

Rollins got up from her chair and began to walk towards the interrogation room, “Nice hickey,” she whispered in Rafael’s ear as she walked past.

Rafael’s face was shocked, “W-what?” he stuttered.

“Bathrooms that way,” Carisi said pointing across the room, “Oh, and Benson is in her office.”

Rafael nodded and then walked towards the bathroom, his could feel his cheeks beginning to blush. He entered the bathroom and walked straight for the nearest sink with a mirror; he moved his head up slightly to get a better view of his neck and spotted the hickey, it was dark red making it hard to miss. He was blushing even more as he turned the tap on; he cupped his hand under the running water, bent down and splashed his face with it. When he stood back up he grabbed some paper towels then dried his face afterwards he looked in the mirror briefly to see if the redness in his face was gone; it was so he left the bathroom. Carisi smiled at him as he walked across the squad room and into Olivia’s office, he closed the door behind him as he said, “Are you kidding me?”

“What?” Olivia said confused as she looked up from her computer. 

“You gave me a hickey,” he quietly said as he walked over to her desk.

Olivia let out a laugh as she said, “You’re only finding out now?” 

“I can’t believe you did that, what are we fifteen?”

She laughed, “Well last night i felt like one.”

He placed his hands on her desk, leaned forward and quietly said; “You have that affect on me too but I can’t be walking around with a hickey I don’t even know about.”  
“Well, it’s not like it’s the only mark I left,” she said smiling.

He smiled, “No, no its not… but at least I can hide the scratches. We can’t have people snooping around…”

Olivia leaned forward as she closed her computer, “I know, I’m sorry… but in my defence I thought your collar would’ve covered it.” Their faces were close enough to kiss; Rafael had to fight the urge to close the gap but before he almost gave in Olivia got up from her chair. She walked over to the windows looking into the squad room, Rafael watched her as she closed the blinds. 

“I have a meeting with Rita Calhoun later today and she notices everything...” Olivia walked over to Rafael; they were inches away from each other and they stood there for a moment. Rafael fought against his impulses, struggling not to kiss her; after a few short moments he managed to stay in control then said, “We need to talk about what this means for us.”

“I know, dinner?” she replied.

“Yeah,” he said as walked around her to the two-way mirror, “This the guy?”

She turned to face him, “Yeah… Guess we go in there then?”

“Yeah, do you have any idea what this guy might have?” Rafael asked as he turned to look at her.

“I honestly don’t know,” she replied.

“Okay,” he said as he walked over to the door of the interrogation room and entered.

Olivia following closely behind and said, “This is our ADA Rafael Barba, I’d start talking now.”

“What’s my deal?” the man said looking towards Rafael.

Rafael sighed, “Depends on the information you give us… If you cooperate and the information leads to an arrest I’ll talk to the judge for leniency.”

“Is that really the best you can do?” he replied sceptical.

“Well at the moment you’re facing a Kidnapping charge which could mean life in prison… I might be able to drop that down to False Imprisonment but I can’t do anything about any of the Sex Trafficking charges.”

The man considered this for a moment then said, “Okay… It’ll have to do.”

“So, what’s this information?” Olivia asked.

“There are a few… or so… well I don’t really know how many exactly but I guess there are a few-”

“Look don’t dance around it, your deal is conditional on this information,” Rafael said agitated.

“Ok.. ok.. ok.. Look, there are a few cops in on this operation-“

“COPS?” Olivia said.

When Rafael heard cops his eyes slightly widened, his heart began to speed up and he got a cold chill down the back of his neck. “Are you sure they’re cops?”

“Hell yeah I’m sure, they threatened to arrest me if I didn’t do what they said.”

Suddenly Rafael was finding it harder to breath and just turned to Olivia as he whispered, “Can you take the rest of his statement?” She nodded and he left the room quickly trying to catch his breath. Just my luck he thought as he made his way towards a chair in Olivia’s office and tried to slow down his heartbeat by inhaling and exhaling slowly.

Not long after Olivia entered the room saying, “He gave us a few names to start with… One of them is a captain so this isn’t going to be easy. Plus we don’t actually know how many crooked cops are involved.”

“Okay well it sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate now so I’ll leave you to get to work,” he said quickly as he headed for the door.

“How are you with all this?” she asked genuinely.

“I’m fine,” he said as he stood still facing the door; he tried to hide his face from her gaze. He felt embarrassed for letting his emotions get the better of him during the interrogation, “I have to go, there’s a bunch of paperwork that I need to do plus the meeting with Rita…” he said as he just walked out of her office before Olivia could say anything to change his mind.

 

As he walked towards his office his secretary said, “Rita Calhoun waiting in your office also you received some mail so I put them on your desk.”

“Oh okay,” he replied as he continued to make his way to his office door.

“Do you need anything else?” she asked. 

“No, I’m fine for now,” he said turning to her and smiling, “Thank you.” He turned back to his door and entered his office.

 

Rita was sitting in a chair in front of his desk; she turned her head as he closed the door, “Your early,” he said walking across the room to his desk.

“I like to be punctual,” Rita said as she watched him sit. She glanced at his neck and smiled, “Busy night councillor?” Rafael instinctively brought his hand up to his neck to cover the hickey.

“Well now that’s none of your business,” he retorted.

“That’s true.”

“Why did you schedule this meeting anyway?” he asked. He glanced over and saw the pile of letters on the end of his desk; he removed his hand from his neck and grabbed them.

“Well, I’m working for a client that currently has a case going through this office-“ she began. 

Rafael nodded along to what she was saying as he shifted through the envelopes; he heart dropped the moment he recognised the handwriting on one of the envelopes. How can this be? he thought as he stared at the writing.

“Barba?” 

“What?” he said as if being pulled out of a trance.

“Did you hear anything I said?” Rita asked.

“Uh,” he paused as he tried to remember what she was saying. “I’m sorry, I must have tuned out, mind saying it again?”

“Fine, I’ll make it short as you clearly have something else on your mind,” she frowned. “My client has a case going through this office and currently Peter Russell is her prosecutor. She’s realised he’s as useless as a doorknob and wants to see if there was anyone else so I’m here to see if you’ll take the case.”

“I’ll see what I can do. I can’t guarantee anything but it shouldn’t be that hard to take a case away from Peter,” he said as he glanced back to the letter. “I’ll set up another meeting when I have the case and we’ll talk it out.”

“Great,” she said as she stood up. “I’ll leave you to get back to whatever’s on your mind.”

“Talk soon,” he replied as he watched her leave. He waited until his office door closed before grabbing the envelope then opened it; he took a moment to calm his nerves before pulling out the letter inside; his heart was still beating quickly. He pulled the small note and read it: Better watch your back Barba, suddenly he found it hard to breath; which causes his heart to race even faster. He grabbed his phone and dialled Olivia; she answered after a few rings, “Benson.”

“He’s not dead,” Rafael said panicked 

“What’s going on?” she replied alarmed.

“Seth! He’s still alive!” he said shaking at his desk.

“Where are you?” she asked quickly. He didn’t answer her, “Rafael, where are you?” she asked again calmly.

“My office,” he replied on the verge of tears.

“I’m on my way, stay there,” she said ending the call.

 

Olivia put her phone in her pocket with her left hand as she picked up her jacket in her right. While she was putting her jacket on she rushed out of her office and made her way to the elevator, “Where are you going ‘Liv? Rollins asked.

“Barba’s office,” she replied as she began to jog, “Something’s not right.”

“Want us to come?” Carisi asked as he and Rollins followed her to the elevator.

“No, just stay here and call me if you need me,” Olivia said as the doors closed.

 

Not long after Olivia was at Rafael’s office; she knocked on the door but there was no answer. She turned to his secretary and asked, “Did he leave?”

“No, he’s probably working on a case and just zoned out. He does that a lot,” she replied completely unaware of what was going on.

“Okay… Well he’s expecting me,” Olivia said as she slowly opened the door. As she entered his office she noticed Rafael sitting behind his desk with letters scattered all around him. She closed the door behind her and said, “What’s going on?” He didn’t seem to hear her so she walked over to him, “What’s going on?” she repeated.

“It has to be him,” he whispered as he shuffled a few papers around.

“Who? Seth?” she asked.

“It’s got to be… Somehow he’s back,” he looked up to Olivia, “How sure are we that you got him? I never identified him…”

She sighed as she walked around his desk to stand next to him, “He’s dead. We’ve confirmed it was Seth. What’s going on?”

“I got this,” he said as he handing her the note, “It’s the same handwriting as before…” he gestured to all the letters on his desk. Olivia picked one up and compared it to the new one as he continued; “I assumed it was Seth cause I haven’t received any more since… Well until today.” 

Olivia looked up from the letters and saw Rafael just staring at the letters on his desk so Olivia bent down to be eye level with him and placed a hand on his shoulder, “He might have sent it ages ago and it got lost in the mail but whatever it is we’re going to figure it out,” she said calmly.

He turned his head to look at her and whispered, “It has to be him… I can’t go through this again… not on top of another corrupt cop case.”

“I think I’ve got a file or two in my office about Seth, how about we go and see if there’s anything we can use to compare the handwriting with.”

Rafael got up from his chair and hugged her tightly, “I just need this to be over,” he mumbled into her shoulder.

She wrapped her arms around him and said, “Well get through this together;” she stood there holding him for a while until he relaxed. “Shall we head to my office?” she suggested. 

As he moved out of the hug he nodded then he turned to his desk and picked up his phone along with the new note, “I’m ready.”

 

As they walked into the squad room Carisi said, “Hey what’s going on?”

Rafael froze where he was and thought about his answer but before he could say anything Olivia said, “Oh, it was just to do with our case.”

“You sure? You ran out of here pretty fast,” Carisi replied.

“Yeah, I overreacted,” she said as she continued walking to her office. “Don’t you have work to do?” she asked over her shoulder; trying to stop any unwanted questions.  
“Yeah Lieu, Rollins and I were about to head out.”

She just nodded as she waited for Rafael to enter her office then closed the door behind him, “Thank you,” he said as he sat in the chair in front of her desk.

She smiled, “I understand what its like, you don’t have to worry about me saying anything.”

“I appreciate that,” he smiled back. “Where’s the file?” he hesitantly asked, “I’m not even sure I want to know now.”

Olivia walked around her desk and opened her bottom drawer, “Its in here,” she said as she took out the file. 

He sighed as he watched her place it on her desk, “Guess its time to find out if it was him.” She nodded as she slowly opened up the file and took out a piece of paper, “Can I?” Rafael asked. She gave him the handwritten form and his heart sunk, “It’s not him,” he whispered.

“I didn’t catch that, what did you say?” she said as she watched him search his pockets for the note.

His hands were shaking as he pulled out the note then sat it beside the form, “Fuck!” he cried and then he stood up quickly and walked over to the two-way glass. “It’s not him!”

“Are you sure?” she asked him as she turned the form and note around for her to see. 

Turning slowly to face her; heart pounding, “It’s not over,” his voice trembled.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long to be uploaded... hopefully the next one wont be so far away

He looked away from Olivia and muttered, “It’s not over,” as he started to pace.

Olivia watched him as he begun to pace back and forth in front of the two-way mirror, “I don’t know how this can be,” she said shocked. “I got an email this morning saying that IAB was closing your case.”

Rafael’s mind was spinning, he started having flashbacks from the shooting; being hit with the gun, punched repeatedly in the ribs and suddenly his mind went straight to being shot. He looked down and watched as the blood poured out of his body; as he places a hand on his stomach to stop it he succumbs to panic; he begins to hyperventilate. His heart was beating so hard and fast he felt he as if he was on the verge of passing out.

“Rafael?“ Olivia asked as she watched him place a hand on his stomach.

He was suddenly pulled back into the present, “You...” he began as he looked around the room. “You said he was working alone!” he snarled.

“I said there wasn’t’ any evidence that he was working with someone,” she replied calmly.

He stopped pacing and turned to her, “Fuck sake Olivia! It’s the same thing.”

She walked around her desk to stand with him, “You’re right,” she said as she placed a hand on his shoulder.

He pulled away from her, “No puedo hacer esto,” he said as he began pacing again. “You said IAB just closed my case and I suddenly get a note the same day… Clearly someone was keeping tabs.”

“Rafael please sit down… We’ll talk about this together.”

“Who could it be?” he said to himself ignoring Olivia, “It could be someone in my office, IAB maybe… or here…” he added as he walked over to the windows looking out into the squad room.

“Rafael!” Olivia yelled trying to get his attention. “Sit down please,” she said lowering her voice.

“I heard you the first time,” he replied bitterly as he stared out the window.

“I get that you’re angry and you have every right to be but please talk to me so we can work through this,” she said as she walked over to him.

“Shut UP!” he barked as he turned and walked over to her desk grabbing the note.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door; startling both of them, and as it opened Fin said, “Is everything okay in here?”

Olivia looked at Fin, “Everything is fine,” she said then turned her gaze back to Rafael who was putting the note back into his pocket.

Rafael rolled his eyes as he turned and walked towards the door, “Why don’t you mind your own business for once!” he snapped. As he reached the door he said, “Get out of my way!”

“BARBA!” Olivia said.

“It’s fine ‘Liv,” Fin said as he moved out of the doorway, “Let him leave.” They both stood in silence as they watched Rafael leave the squad room and when he was out of sight Fin asked, “What was all that about?”

Olivia sighed as she made her way back to her desk, “He got some bad news,” she said as she sat down.

Fin closed the door behind him then walked over to the seat in front of her desk, “That doesn’t give him the right to go off at you like that.”

She watched Fin sit down as she said, “He has every right to be angry right now.”

“Maybe, but you shouldn’t have to take it,” Fin added.

“He’s standing on the edge right now and if I took a step back I’m afraid he might go over and then who knows what would happen,” she paused for a moment, “I don’t know how it got so bad so quickly…”

“What do you mean?” Fin asked confused.

“I was talking to him this morning and everything was good if not great… Now look at it,” she sighed as she shook her head. After a moment of silence she asked, “What did he mean when he said that you should mind your own business?”

“I saw him last night at the bar; we spoke about the trial and other stuff,” Fin replied.

“That doesn’t sound like anything important,” Olivia said.

“I brought up you, which I should have known was a touchy subject,” Fin began.

“Me? You didn’t tell him about what he said in the ambulance did you?”

“Nah, I only suggested that he shouldn’t waste anymore time.”

 _So that’s why he showed up_ Olivia thought, she then sighed as she raised an eyebrow and said, “You didn’t think that was a bad idea?”

“Well not at the time,” Fin shrugged. “Didn’t know he was going to blow a fuse today…”

“You and me both,” she whispered. “All we can do now is wait until he’s ready to talk.”

 

As Rafael left the precinct he made a quick call his secretary, “Something’s come up, I won’t be coming back in,” then hung up and hailed an on coming cab.

“Where to?” the driver asked as he pulled over.

“I don’t know… Home I guess,” he said then told the cabbie his address.

When the cab started moving the driver asked, “Long day?”

“You have no idea,” Rafael answered as watched the precinct fade out of view.

“Can’t be that bad,” the driver replied.

Rafael sighed, “Look, I’m not in the mood to talk so do you mind just driving.”

“Yeah man, no problem.”

 

When the cab pulled up at his apartment building Rafael handed the driver cash then he got out and made his way to his apartment. Once inside he placed his cane near the door then made his way into his kitchen and pulled out a bottle of scotch. As he grabbed a glass out a drawer his phone buzzed; he placed the glass on the bench and dug his phone out of his pocket. Olivia had sent him a message: Are we still on for dinner tonight? He stood there thinking about what to say and he began to type: I’m sorry about- then he paused for a moment. He deleted the message and sent: No. Rafael sighed as he placed his phone in his pocket and poured himself a drink, not long after he found himself pouring another. Grabbing his glass and the bottle he decided to make his way into the living room and spend the rest of the afternoon drinking.

 

Rafael was opening another bottle of scotch when his phone began to ring, “Barba,” he answered.

“Hey,” Lucia said, “Just calling to check up on you, it’s been a while since we spoke.”

“Oh, hey Mamá. How... are you?” he said slurring a little.

“I’m fine… Have you been drinking Rafi?” she said sounding concerned.

“Yeah, that obvious?”

“It’s only 6:30 and you’re already slurring your words, is everything okay?”

Rafael sighed, “Everything is great, just wanted a few drinks.”

“Don’t lie to me Rafael,” she said.

“I think… I stuffed up,” he admitted.

“How so?”

“You really want to know?”

“I’m your mother… Of course I want to know, maybe I can help,” she suggested.

“Alright… I’ve made my feelings for Olivia clear to her and things were good but I… uh…” he started as a tear rolled down his cheek.

“Take your time,” she said calmly.

“I… got some bad news today and took it out on her. I want to apologise but I’m still angry and I’m afraid,” he paused to wipe his cheek. “More than anything though, I’m ashamed…”

“Rafi I’m sure she understands but avoiding her won’t help.”

“Maybe not, but I can’t face her,” he sighed, “Not now… I shouldn’t have treated her that way, I shouldn’t have told her how I felt… she deserves better.”

“And you deserve to be alone?”

“Maybe,” he mumbled.

“No Rafael, you don’t,” Lucia sighed. “Olivia will understand, you just need to talk to her.”

“Alright Mamá, I’ll think about it.”

“Good,” she replied.

“I should probably get going,” he said.

“Alright, please call me if you need someone to talk to.”

He smiled, “I will. Thank you, this helped a lot.”

“Anytime,” she replied, “I love you.”

“I love you too. Have a good night.” As he hung up the phone he took the new bottle of scotch and poured himself another drink.

 

A few drinks later he found himself thinking about the events of the day; from how great it felt to wake up to Olivia by his side to the moment he was yelling at her. _I knew this morning was too good to be true…_ he thought. As he thought more about what had happened in her office he felt the anger began to bubble up again so he took a sip of his drink. “She said Seth was working alone,” he sneered, “They all did!” he added tightening his grasp around his glass. “I don’t need them! For all I know it’s one of them,” he paused to take another sip. “And her…” he said bitterly, “How can I be so stupid!” his grasp tightened as he spoke. “SHIT!” he yelled as the glass shattered in his hand. He placed the remainder of the glass on his coffee table then paused briefly as he looked at his hand and saw that it was bleeding. As he stood up he heard bits of glass fall onto the floor, “I’ll clean it tomorrow,” he muttered as he left the living room. He stumbled across his apartment as he made his way towards his kitchen sink. He put his hand under the tap and watched mesmerised as the blood ran from his hand and disappeared down the drain. A few minutes later he turned the tap off then walked towards his bedroom; once inside he stripped down to his boxers and went to bed.

 

The next morning Rafael woke up to his alarm; head pounding, he slowly got up as he turned off his alarm and checked his phone. He saw that there was a message from Olivia so he read it as he left his room: Barba, we have a case, call me when you can. As he walked into the kitchen he placed his phone on the bench and sighed as he got himself a cup of water. Cup in hand; he walked over to his lounge room and saw the broken glass on the table and floor, _What happened last night_ he thought. He placed his cup on the table then he cleaned up the glass; as he was putting it in the bin he noticed his hand. Sighing, he made his way to the bathroom, took two aspirin tablets and washed his hand; _I can’t go to work like this_ he thought. A few minutes later he decided not to go to work so he left the bathroom and he made his way back to his bedroom.

 

Later that day Olivia was calling Rafael but she got no answer; confused she called his office, “Hello Rafael Barba’s office, how can I help?” his secretary answered.

“Hey, it’s Olivia is Barba there?”

“No actually, he didn’t show today but something came up yesterday so he’s probably dealing with that still. Peter’s here if you want-“

“No that’s okay. Thanks anyway,” Olivia said ending the call. Worried, she quickly dialled his number again but there was still no answer. “Pick up damn it!”

Olivia picked up her gun and made her way towards the elevator, trying his phone again. “Where you going?” Fin asked.

“Barba’s. He didn’t show today… and he’s not answering his phone,” she sounded stressed.

Fin got up from his desk, “Want backup?”

“No stay here, you’re in charge till I get back.”

 

Rafael woke to someone banging on the door, “RAFAEL IF YOU CAN HERE ME OPEN THE DOOR,” Olivia shouted.

He got out of bed; pulled on a shirt then made his way over to the front door, “What?” he asked as he opened the door.

“Oh thank god,” Olivia sighed in relief, “You didn’t show up to work or answer your phone… I thought…”

“Well as you can see… I’m fine,” he said turning around and walking towards his living room.

“Don’t walk away,” she said as she grabbed his arm.

Rafael pulled his arm from her grip and continued walking, “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Rafael, please stop this,” she pleaded as she followed him. When they were in the living room she said, “Don’t push me away...” He turned to face her but didn’t say anything, “I’m here for you, always have been…” she added but he still remained silent. “Okay… Call me anytime you feel like talking,” she sighed then turned and began to walk towards the front door.

He watched her leave the room, “WAIT!” he shouted as she reached the door; “Don’t go… I’m sorry.” She stopped in front of the door and turned to find him standing in the hallway, “I… I’m sorry… I was an ass.”

“It’s fine, I don’t care about that. I just want you to talk to me.”

He sighed, “It’s not fine ‘Liv. I care about you a lot and you don’t deserve to be treated that way.”

“I understand, I really do. After Lewis I use to be all over the place, one moment I’m completely fine and then the next I would be spacing out or angry for no reason. So you don’t need to explain yourself to me… I’m not going anywhere,” she smiled as she walked closer to him.

“I’m scared ‘Liv,” he mumbled as he watched her; “I can’t deal with this.”

“You’re not alone Raf, I’m here every step of the way,” she said as she wrapped her arms around him.

He pulled her in close, “What did I do to deserve someone like you,” he smiled as he placed a hand on her cheek.

She smiled then leaned in and kissed him; once the kiss broke she hesitantly said, “We still need to talk about the other night.”

“Yeah, guess I shouldn’t have cancelled on dinner. If I didn’t I probably wouldn’t have woken up with a hangover and sore hand,” he smirked as let her go and walked back into the living room.

Following him she asked, “What happened?”

“To be honest I don’t remember,” he sighed, “But forgetting was kinda the point.” Olivia nodded, “Want to talk about the other night now?” he asked.

“If that’s fine with you,” she replied.

“I wanted to make it a little more romantic but now’s as good a time as any,” he smiled as he sat on the lounge. “I’ll be honest with you; I’ve wanted this for a long time and if you’ll let me I’d like to give us a shot.”

She sat down next to him, “That’s what I want too,” she paused for a moment; “But if we’re being honest, I have to say that I’ve known how you felt for a while now,” she admitted.

Rafael looked surprised, “You never said anything… Who told you?”

“You did-“

“I think I would remember that,” he interrupted.

“In the ambulance, you were hallucinating and I think you remember what you said.”

“I thought that was a dream…” he whispered. “Why didn’t you say something then?”

“I didn’t want to start something we weren’t ready for,” she sighed. “But I want this… I never realised how much I wanted this until now,” he leaned in and kissed her.

When the kiss broke he smiled, “We’re really doing this?”

She smiled as she got up slightly she threw her leg over his lap so she was straddling him. He looked up at her surprised then placed his hands on her ass as she leaned down and kissed him. Tongues interlocking, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders then she began grinding against him causing him to grunt. He moved his hands up to her shirt and slowly began to unbutton it when suddenly Olivia’s phone started to ring; breaking the kiss she sat up straight and was searching through her pockets. Rafael leaned in and began kissing her chest as he whispered, “Don’t answer it.”

“I have to,” she said as she took her phone out, “Benson.” Rafael sighed as he leaned back and listened to her side of the conversation. “Chief who?” she said confused, “Okay… When will he be there?... NOW?...” She paused for a moment as she sighed, “Okay I’m on my way…” she said as she ended the call.

“Guess you’re leaving now,” he said disappointed.

“We are,” she replied as she slowly got up.

He watched her button her shirt as he said, “What? I’m not going in today.”

“Chief Carter wants you there,” she answered.

“Who the hell is that?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know, must be the replacement for Dodds while he’s on leave.”

He sighed, “Okay give me 15 minutes to get dressed.”

“You could go in that,” she smiled.

He laughed as he got up, “I’m not going in my boxers.”

 

30 minutes later they were walking towards Olivia’s office when they heard laughter coming out of it. Fin was leaning on Olivia’s desk when he saw them enter, “Oh hey Lieutenant; this is Chief James Carter,” he said pointing to the stocky man sitting on the chair in front of him.

Olivia walked over to him and shook his hand, “Nice to meet you, I’m Olivia Benson and this is ADA Rafael Barba.”

“Nice to finally meet you both,” Carter replied.

“How do you two know each other?” Olivia asked.

“We met at Barba’s apartment actually; when the whole Seth thing happened,” Fin said.

Rafael raised an eyebrow, “Why were you at my apartment?”

“I heard the call over the radio so I made my way over to help out,” Carter answered.

“A Chief showing up to a crime scene-“ Rafael started.

“You’re an ADA I had to go,” Carter interrupted.

Rafael sighed, “Okay.”

“So why are you here?” Olivia asked.

Carter stood up as he said, “I’m here because I got wind of this trafficking case your people are working on.”

“Wow that was fast,” Olivia said as she walked over to her desk. “What does 1PP want with this so early?” she asked as she sat down.

“I just want to make sure that things don’t get blown out of proportion.”

“You mean when it comes to the cops that are involved,” Rafael scoffed.

“Just try not to take down innocent cops this time,” Carter retorted. “We don’t want a repeat of what happened,” he added gesturing to Rafael’s cane.

Rafael frowned, “None of those cops were innocent.”

“In your opinion,” Carter said.

“In MY opinion?! They broke the laws they were suppose to uphold,” Rafael replied annoyed.

Carter glared at Rafael then said, “All I’m saying is make sure you’re right because it’s a lot harder to run with a cane.”

Rafael snarled, “How dare-“

“That’s out of line,” Olivia interrupted him.

“Just making a point,” Carter shrugged.

“Back on topic… Our investigation has only just started and you and I both know suspects tend to cast blame onto someone else if they can. And with everything that’s been going on with the department calling corrupt cop is easy to do.”

“Exactly,” Carter said turning to Olivia, “So I’ll be working closely with you on this case.”

“Is that all?” Rafael huffed.

“For you two but if you wouldn’t mind Lieutenant I would like to speak to you alone.”

“Okay…” Olivia replied.

“We’ll leave you to it then,” Fin said.

 

As they left Olivia’s office Rafael said, “Can I talk to you?”

“Okay,” Fin said stopping at his desk.

Rafael looked around the room before saying, “Somewhere private…”

Fin raised an eyebrow, “Uh, yeah alright,” he said turning and walking towards the break room.

Once inside Rafael sighed, “I need to apologise for yesterday. I didn’t mean to snap at you, I lost control of my emotions and took it out on you and Olivia.”

“Hey man, you got bad news sometimes shit happens,” Fin shrugged.

“Bad news? Olivia said that?”

“Yeah, all she said about it so whatever it was must have been pretty bad for you to act like an ass.”

Rafael sighed, “I got a note yesterday… A threat. It was the same handwriting as before,” he paused as he took a deep breath. “Before I was shot… I assumed it was Seth but as it turns out it’s not.”

“Oh… Well I get why you’d be pissed then.”

“Still doesn’t excuse my behaviour but thanks for understanding.”

Fin shrugged, “It’s fine and while we’re here I want to apologise if I stepped over any boundaries the other day.”

“You did… but if we’re being honest I needed to hear it and who knows maybe I’ll do something about it,” Rafael smirked.

Fin raised an eyebrow but before he could say anything Olivia walked in, “Well that was… Interesting to say the least.”

Rafael turned to face her as he asked, “What did he say?”

“He wanted to make sure that we don’t destroy what’s left of the department.”

“So what does he want us to do then?” Fin said.

She looked at fin and said, “As he said want’s us to be damn sure we’re right.” Changing her glance to Rafael she added, “And he said not let emotions cloud our judgment.”

“Meaning me…” Rafael rolled his eyes.

Olivia sighed, “With everything that’s happened he want’s to protect the department.”

“Yeah, he seems like a good cop,” Fin said.

“You’re kidding me right?” Rafael said sarcastically. “Were we in the same meeting?”

Fin sighed, “Yeah things got a little heated back there but I’ve spent time with him. He’s just a loyal guy and only wants what’s best for the department so you can’t really blame him for being cautious.”

“You don’t agree with him do you?” Rafael asked Olivia.

“I just met him and yeah the way he spoke to you is uncalled for but Fin has a point,” she replied.

“I guess,” Rafael sighed as he walked towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Olivia asked following him.

“Home, I still have a pounding headache and that meeting didn’t help.”

“Oh… That’s understandable,” Olivia said as they went towards the elevator. “Want me to take you?”

“No,” Rafael said whilst looking round. “Not unless you’re taking the rest of the day off,” he whispered.

Olivia sighed, “I wish I could but with Chief Carter now involved in the trafficking case I have to spend the rest of the afternoon sending him files.”

“Of course you do,” he said rolling his eyes, “How about dinner then?”

“Sounds good,” she smiled, “7:00?”

“7:00’s good. I’ll make a reservation,” he smiled as he entered the elevator.

 

That evening Rafael was on his phone outside the restaurant when he sent Olivia a message saying: Where are you? As he looked up from his phone he saw Olivia walking towards him, “Wow,” he said to himself.

She was wearing a sexy red knee length dress with a black cardigan over the top; “I’m so sorry I’m late,” she said as she approached him.

Smiling he said, “Don’t be.”

“Where’s your cane?” she asked.

“Decided not to use it tonight,” he answered.

“I hope this is okay I ran out of time,” she said looking down at her dress.

“You look stunning,” he awed. As she smiled he held out his hand, “Shall we?”

Taking his hand she said, “Lead the way.”

They entered the restaurant and walked up to the front desk, “Welcome, how may I help you two tonight?” the petite hostess asked.

“Evening Jessica, there should be a reservation for two under Barba,” Rafael replied.

Jessica looked at the book in front of her, “Ah yes, right this way,” she said. She grabbed two menus and led them towards a dimly lit corner booth; which had small rose centrepiece. “Here’s your table;” she paused as she placed the menus down then added, “Your waiter shouldn’t be too long,”

“Thank you,” Olivia smiled. As Jessica left Rafael helped Olivia into the booth, “Come here often?” she asked.

He sat on the other side of the booth, “What makes you say that?”

“You know her name.”

Rafael smiled, “Yeah cause I read her badge.”

“Oh,” Olivia laughed. After looking around she added, “It’s a nice restaurant though.”

“Glad you think so,” he replied. “How was your afternoon?”

She sighed, “Slow… Chief Carter had me sending files, re-writing some then sending them again but at least I had something to look forward to.”

Curious, Rafael asked, “What’s your take on him?”

“Carter? I’m not sure; he can be passive aggressive as we saw today but deep down he’s only trying to do what’s right. Plus Fin has spent more time with him than either of us has and he seems to think he’s okay.”

“And what… We just take Fin’s word?” he argued.

“I’ve known Fin for a long time… he’s not often wrong about other cops.”

“Maybe so, but I still don’t like Carter,” Rafael simply said.

“You don’t know him,” Olivia replied.

“Neither do you.”

“True but not every aggressive cop is dirty,” she said. “My old partner is a good example of that.”

“I guess,” he shrugged.

A waiter approached the booth and said, “Are you ready to order any drinks?”

“Wine?” Rafael asked Olivia who nodded. “Two glasses of your finest Shiraz.”

The waiter smiled as he wrote down the order, “Ready to order anything else?”

“Not right now,” Rafael replied, the waiter nodded and left the table.

“What are you going to have?” Olivia asked looking the menu.

After reading the menu Rafael said, “I can’t decide between the seared scallops and steak or the caramelised pork belly… What about you?”

“Hmm, how about we get both and share,” she suggested looking up at him.

“Sounds good to me,” he nodded.

After a few moments of silence Olivia hesitantly asks, “How are you doing?”

Rafael raised an eyebrow; “I’m having dinner with a beautiful woman… I think I’m doing pretty good.”

“You know what I mean,” she smiled.

He sighed, “I’m alright… Better than yesterday.”

She leaned across the table and took his hand, “We’re going to get this guy.”

“It’s going to be harder if Carter is watching your every move.”

“To be honest he was more interested in you.”

“How so?” he asked curiously.

“He was just asking a lot of questions about you but I wouldn’t read into it too much,” she said.

“How can I not… he basically threatened me.”

Before Olivia could say any more the waiter came up to the booth and placed the two glasses of wine on the table then he said, “Are we ready to order?” Rafael nodded then proceeded to tell the waiter their order; once that was done they watched as the waiter left.

“Now that’s out of the way, why don’t you tell me what the great Rafael Barba does on his time off?” Olivia jested.

He laughed, “Well on occasion I see a few shows on Broadway or I spend time with my mother other than that I work. However lately most of my spare time goes into PT.”

“Didn’t peg you for a Broadway guy,” she said impressed.

“I’m full of surprises,” he smiled.

“How’s PT going?”

“Not bad actually… I only have one session a week now and because I do the exercises daily it looks as though I can start leaving my cane at home.”

“Oh, is that why it’s not here?” she asked.

“Yeah… something like that,” he answered.

“Well I’m happy to hear it wasn’t because of what Carter said.”

Rafael frowned a little, “We should probably stop talking about him, after all this is suppose to be our night,” he said as he raised his glass.

“What are we toasting?” she said joining him.

“Us… It’s about time,” he smiled.

“To us,” she said and they both took a sip from their glasses.

After a moment Rafael asks, “What about you; what do you do?”

“Do what?”

“On your days off… I hadn’t asked you yet.”

“Oh,” she laughed. “Lately Noah has me spending a lot of time at the park,” she smiled; “But when I can get him away from those swings we just hang out and have fun, which personally are my favourite days.”

“That must be nice,” Rafael said.

“It is… You should join us one day,” she suggested.

“I’d love to,” he smiled.

Smiling back Olivia said, “Oh I have something for you.” She searched through her handbag and pulled out a small present.

“What’s this?” he said as she handed it to him.

“Open it and find out,” she teased.

He slowly undid the ribbon then opened the box, “You didn’t have to,” he said as he saw the black and pink striped suspenders.

“They were your favourite… Plus you looked great in them so it’s a win - win,” she smirked. “Maybe you could try them on later…”

“Only if you take them off me,” he winked.

“That’s only fair,” she said running her toes up his inner thigh.

He slid further into the booth and kissed her, “Dios que eres hermosa,” he whispered.

“I have no idea what you just said but geez it was sexy,” she smiled.

He laughed, “I’ll remember that.”

“Of course you will,” she quipped as she leaned in and kissed him.

A moment later the waiter said, “Sorry to interrupt…”

Olivia chuckled as Rafael cleared his throat, “It’s fine.”

As Rafael slid to his original seat the waiter placed the food on the table and said, “Was there anything else?”

“No we’re fine, thank you,” Olivia smiled.

“Okay, enjoy your meal,” the waiter said then left.

 

After dinner Rafael asked, “Did you want dessert?”

“Hmm,” Olivia said as she opened the desert menu.

“We could share a soufflé or-“ he began to suggest.

“Or…” Olivia said as looked up from her menu and ran her toes up his inner leg again.

Rafael looked at her in amusement, “You’re such a tease,” he smirked.

“You haven’t seen anything yet… Counsellor,” she teased bitting her lip.

“Oh I believe that,” he grinned. Rafael glanced at her lips then back to her eyes, “Wanna get out of here?”

“I do,” she smiled. Rafael got out of the booth then held out his hand and helped Olivia up, “Thank you,” she said. They made their way to the counter and Jessica gave Rafael the check; as he was paying Olivia placed her hand on his ass, “Wish we were alone already,” she whispered.

He gave a small laugh then handed Jessica the check as he turned to Olivia and said, “Let’s get out of here.” Once outside of the restaurant they began to walk when he said, “It’s a little chilly.”

He stopped as he took of his jacket and handed it to Olivia, “Thank you,” she smiled as she put it on. He smiled back as he wrapped his arm around her waist and continued walking.

“Do you remember the first case we worked on together,” she asked.

“Hmm,” he said as he thought. “That was the erotic novelist one, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“What about it?”

Olivia stopped and pulled Rafael aside, “I just remembered thinking during the trial that you were going to be something special… I realised now how true that was,” she smiled wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Took us a while but we’re here now and I’m not going to give this up anytime soon,” he smiled back then leaned in and kissed her. Once the kiss was broken she unwrapped her arms and grabbed his hand and they walked down the street. After a moment of silence Rafael chuckled, “You know, I don’t think Rita ever forgave me for the stunt I pulled in that case.”

“Well I certainly wasn’t expecting you to put a belt around your neck in court,” she laughed.

Suddenly someone shouted ““Evening Counsellor!” from behind them.

Rafael paused for a moment as he turned and saw a patrolman walking towards them, “I think you have the wrong person,” he said as he turned back and continued walking.

“I ain’t got the wrong person,” the patrolman replied as he walked closely behind them.

Rafael stopped and faced the patrolman, “Do I know you?” he frowned.

“No,” the officer paused, “But I’ve heard a lot about you…”

“From who?” he asked confused.

“Everyone,” the officer smiled. “You’re not very popular Barrrba.”

Rafael’s eyes widened but before he could reply Olivia said, “Who are you?”

“No-one important… but ain’t it interesting to see someone like you with someone like him at some fancy restaurant... Hope I ain’t interrupting anything,” the patrolman sneered. “You’d think a Lieutenant would understand loyalty,” he mumbled.

“We’re done here,” Rafael huffed as he began to turn away. “Come on Olivia.”

“That’s alright Barrrba… We’ll see you around,” the officer said as he walked away.

“What did he just say?” Rafael said alarmed. “We? ‘Liv tell me you heard that too.”

“I did,” she said as she searched her handbag.

“What are you doing?”

“I saw his badge number,” she said pulling out her phone, “I’ll make a note and search it tomorrow.”

“Good idea,” Rafael said as he hailed a cab.

 

During the cab ride back to Rafael’s apartment he said, “I don’t know what would have happened if you weren’t with me.”

“I think he was just trying to get under your skin,” Olivia reassured.

“But what about next time… he said we,” he paused as he looked out the window. “He approached me out of no where… What happens when they have a gun on them.”

After a moment Olivia placed her hand on his thigh; Rafael looked from the window to her hand as she said, “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

He placed a hand on hers as he shifted his gaze to her face, “I can’t live this way… I’m can’t let fear run my life… not again,” he sighed.

“What do you mean?”

“It was a long time ago…” he said turning his head back to the window, “I just want this to be over.”

“I know,” she replied.

 

As the cab pulled up to his apartment he turned his head to Olivia and asked, “Do you still want to come up?”

“I’d love to,” she smiled.

Rafael climbed out of the cab before helping Olivia out the other side. He took her hand and escorted her up to his apartment. As they entered his apartment Rafael said, “Nightcap?”

“Sounds good,” she said as they walked into the living room.

“Wine or scotch?”

“Scotch I think,” she answered as she sat down on the lounge.

He smiled, “Okay, make yourself comfortable while I go get it,” he said then went to his kitchen.

While she was waiting Olivia removed Rafael’s jacket and her cardigan, “Maybe bring the bottle,” she shouted.

She heard him laugh then a moment later he returned with two glasses and the bottle, “I’ve only got half a bottle left,” he said.

“That’s fine,” she smiled as she watched him put the glasses on the coffee table.

He poured the drinks then handed one to Olivia as he sat down next to her; after a moment of silence between them he said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to end this way.”

“It’s been a great night,” she said placing her drink on the coffee table. She leaned in and whispered, “And it’s not over yet,” then kissed his cheek.

“Is that so,” he smiled as he turned to looked at her. He leaned in and began to kiss along her neck; “Is this what you had in mind?” he smiled against her skin.

“Something like that,” she laughed.

He continued kissing up her neck and when he reached her jaw line he whispered, “Me encanta la forma en que saboreas.”

His voice sent shivers down Olivia’s body and as he continued kissing her she said, “Say something else in Spanish.” He pulled away and sat up right, “Please?” she added.

He smirked, “Only if you call me Counsellor again.”

“Really?” she giggled. “You like that?”

“What can I say,” he shrugged, “It’s sexy when you say it.”

“Well… Counsellor,” she smiled, “Will you say something else in Spanish for me?”

As he leaned in he whispered, ”Cualquier cosa por ti.” He placed his hand on her knee and slowly slid his hand under her dress along her outer thigh.

As Olivia leaned back she moved her legs onto the lounge behind Rafael then she took hold of his tie and pulled him with her; he used his free hand to hold himself above her. “You know…” she smiled, “I can speak some Spanish.”

He lifted himself slightly as he rotated his body so one of his knees was in-between Olivia’s legs. “Why doesn’t that surprise me,” he chuckled. “So you know what I’ve been saying then?”

“I’m a little rusty,” she laughed, “I only understood that last one.”

“That’s alright then… Can’t have you ruining all my fun,” he smirked as he leaned down and kissed her.

While they kissed Olivia let go of his tie then moved her hands down to his waist and gently untucked his shirt; once it was free she slid her hands under the shirt and lightly ran her fingers along his back. Rafael moved his mouth away from hers and softly kissed her as he worked his way down her neck; after a few lingering kisses he continued his way down to her collar bone. “Rafa-“ she exhaled as she closed her eyes. A moment later Olivia opened her eyes again; as he continued to kiss her, she moved her hands out of his shirt and tried to unbutton it from the top. As Olivia unbuttons the first few buttons on Rafael’s shirt, he paused for a moment and sat up.

He smiled, “Thought this would be easier,” he said as he undid his tie. Once that was off he pulled the shirt over his head and tossed it behind him then leaned back down to kiss her.

As their tongues danced together Olivia ran her right hand softly up Rafael’s neck then into his hair; whilst her other hand slid lightly down his smooth back. She stopped at the small of his back and gently pushed him closer to her; after he moved closer she felt his erection on her leg. As Rafael leaned further down, he moved his free hand along her silky dress and caressed her breast. Shortly after Rafael gently began to rock his hips against Olivia causing them both to grunt. Rafael removed his hand from Olivia’s breast and placed it on her knee; he then glided his hand along Olivia’s thigh, stopping when he reached her ass. As they began to move faster Olivia moved both of her hands down to Rafael’s leather belt and began to unbuckle it; the sound of his belt buckle filled the otherwise silent room. When Rafael felt his belt loosen he broke the kiss then moved his hand from Olivia’s ass and took hold of his belt; he then promptly slid it out of his pants with ease and tossed it across the room. While Rafael leaned in to kiss her Olivia zipped his pants and slid her hand along his erection making him moan. As Rafael started to jerk against Olivia’s hand he moved his hand back to her ass and pulled her closer to him. After a few slow thrusts Rafael broke the kiss and started to get up, “I’ll be back,” he whispered out of breath.

As Rafael stood up Olivia grabbed his arm and asked, “Where are you going?”

“To get a con-“

“Don’t leave,” Olivia interrupted.

“’Liv,” Rafael sighed.

“It’s fine,” she smiled, “Sit back down Counsellor.”

“Whatever you say,” he smiled as he stripped down to his boxers.

Olivia moved her legs so Rafael could sit on the lounge; once he was comfortable she stood up briefly and removed her underwear then straddled him. He looked up at her smiling then placed his hands on her ass as she leaned down and kissed him. While their tongues danced together Olivia wrapped her arms around Rafael’s neck and started to grind against him causing him to grunt. He sat up straight as he glided his hands up her back and undid the zipper on her dress as it loosened he broke the kiss then lifted the dress over her and tossed it behind the lounge. Rafael then quickly removed her bra and tossed it behind him; then he placed his left hand back on her ass while he caressed her breast with his right. As he began to kiss her chest Olivia ran her hands down Rafael’s chest towards his boxers; she stopped when she felt his hard erection. She stopped grinding as she pulled the top of his boxers down releasing his shaft; she takes him in one hand and gently stokes him making him moan. As Olivia stroked him, Rafael moved his attention to Olivia’s breast and began kissing her as he worked his way towards her nipple. He moved his right hand to her nipple and began gently playing with it whilst with his mouth he gently sucked other nipple; Olivia shuddered under his touch. While he played with her nipple with his hand he moved his mouth along her breast and he gently bit her causing her to groan; satisfied with her response he leaned back into the lounge. As he looked up at her Olivia leaned in and kissed him; as their tongues intertwined Olivia felt him leak pre-come in her hand. She then lifted herself off his lap and guided him in making them both moan; after she gently lowered herself on him she slowly started to move her hips up and down along his shaft. Rafael moved both of his hands to either side of her hips and began thrusting along with her movements. Olivia placed her left hand on Rafael’s chest then moved her right hand behind his head and started playing with his hair. Rafael grabs hold of Olivia’s hips tightly as he thrusts deeply into her; Olivia breaks the kiss as she arches her back. After a few more slow deep thrusts Olivia pulled Rafael’s hair as she threw her head back and moaned “RAFAEL!”

As pleasure begins to overcome Olivia her pace quickens; she bounces herself up and down on Rafael’s shaft, her moaning starts to become more frequent and intense. Following her lead Rafael quickened his pace and began doing short fast thrusts into her; making himself grunt. He releases his grip on one side of her hip then softly glides his hand along her smooth skin and caressed her breast; pinching her nipple on occasion. As Olivia lets out another loud moan Rafael sees that she’s getting close “Not… yet,” he whispers out of breath as he slowly sat up straight.

He leans in and kisses her once more; their bodies moving slowly as the motion of their hips slows down. He wrapped both arms around her waist and he stood up slightly; keeping himself inside her as he rotates them on the lounge. With Olivia now lying on the lounge she wraps her legs around his waist and pulls him in deep; the feeling fills Rafael with ecstasy. Breaking the kiss he unwraps his arms then placed one hand on her breast and the other just beside Olivia’s head to support himself as he leans further in. He begins to grunt and moan along with Olivia as he moves back and forth pushing himself deeper and deeper into Olivia making her quiver. “Oh Rafa… Don’t stop,” she utters barely able to get the words out as he quickens the speed of his thrusting.

He continues to thrust as Olivia reaches her climax, letting out a collection of loud moans. Rafael leans down and begins kissing along her neck getting a few extra moans from her as she begins to come down from her climax. He leans back and whispered “Eres tan sexy,” slowing down his thrusts. As they both begin to quieten down, Rafael does a few last deep thrusts making him let out one last extended moan as he finishes inside her.

Olivia placed a hand behind Rafael’s head then pulled him back down and started kissing him. Not long after Rafael broke this kiss and as he tried to catch his breath he asked, “Are you… staying the night? I’d like it if you could.”

“I would love to,” she smiled. “Mind if I take a shower?”

“Of course,” he smiled. As Rafael slid himself out of her and put his shaft back into his boxers, “I’ll get it ready,” he said as he stood up. Shortly after Olivia heard the shower running so she got off the lounge; collected her underwear and made her way towards the bathroom. “I’ve put a towel on the basin with a shirt you can use if you want,” Rafael said standing with his hand under the running water.

“Thank you,” she smiled.

“Water should be good now,” he said as he moved away from the shower. As he got to the door he added, “I’ll leave you to it.”

“Aren’t you going to have a shower?” Olivia asked as she walked towards the shower.

“I’ve already cleaned myself up… it’s all yours,” he smiled.

“Alright, I’ll see you in bed then,” she said.

 

Ten minutes later Olivia was walking into Rafael’s bedroom wearing the Harvard sweatshirt he gave her, “Are you asleep?” she whispered.

“Not without you,” Rafael replied as he lifted the covers.

When Olivia got in the bed next to him he put the covers down and pulled her in close to him. She placed her head on his chest and said, “I had a great time tonight.”

Rafael kissed the top of her head, “So did I.”

Olivia relaxed against the rise and fall of his chest; closing her eyes she said, “Good night Raf.”

“Night ‘Liv,” he yawed. He watched as Olivia drifted off to sleep; not long after he joined her.

 

 

The next morning Rafael felt a kiss on his cheek, “What was that for?” he asked smiling.

“Just wanted to say good morning,” she replied.

Opening his eyes he said, “Well good morning to you too,” he turned to his side and gently kissed her.

“We should probably get up,” she smiled.

“Do we have to?” he jested as he kissed her again.

She laughed, “Yes we do.”

“To be continued then,” he smiled. “I’ll make us some coffee,” he added as he got up.

“I’m just going to have a quick shower while you do that, I have to go soon,” she said.

He sighed, “I know.”

As Olivia got up and walked towards the bathroom, Rafael went towards the kitchen and began making coffee. Ten minutes later Olivia emerged from the shower and smiled when she saw that Rafael had placed her dress carefully on the bed for her. Shortly after she left the bedroom and walked towards the kitchen, “Geez that smells good,” she said.

Rafael was leaning against his kitchen counter drinking his coffee when she entered; his eyes shifted up and down Olivia’s body as he said, “Are you sure you have to go.” She laughed as she walked towards him; he put his cup down and placed his hands on her waist and pulled her in. “Surely we could be a little late,” he smiled then began kissing her neck.

“Rafa…” she whispered closing her eyes, “I wish I could-” He interrupted her with a gentle kiss on the lips. When the kiss was over she said, “You know we can’t.”

“Yeah but it was worth a shot,” he smirked as he let go of her. He walked over to his coffee machine and poured her a cup, “How’s that trafficking case going?” he asked.

“Slowly… I was going to work on that today after I search that badge number,” she said as he handed her the cup.

“Call me if you get anything on either of those things,” he sighed as he leaned back against the counter.

“Always,” she replied as she drank some coffee. A few moments later Olivia had finished her coffee and sighed, “I have to go home now.”

“I’ll walk you down,” he said as he stood up.

“No it’s fine,” she smiled. “Finish your coffee and do what you need to do… I’ll see you later,” she added as she left the kitchen.

“Alright, but I’m going to at least walk you to the door,” he said following her.

“Okay,” she replied.

Once at the door Olivia opened it and started to walk out, “Aren’t you forgetting something?” Rafael said from behind her.

“I don’t think so,” Olivia replied confused.

“Come here,” he smiled as he took her hand pulling her closer and kissed her one last time. As their tongues intertwining Rafael wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her against his body.

Olivia put her arms around his neck and as the kiss broke she whispered out of breath, “You’re making me want to stay even more.”

“You had your chance to stay,” he smirked.

They stood there wrapped up in each other’s arms; gazing into each other’s eyes for a while until they heard someone walking down the hallway, “I have to go,” she said letting go of him.

“I’ll talk to you later,” he replied as he let go of her and watched her leave. Once she was out of sight he closed the door to his apartment and got ready for work, half an hour later he was leaving for work himself.

 

Later that morning Rafael was working in his office when his phone rang, “Barba.”

“Hey, it’s me,” Olivia said. “Just calling to say I’ve run that badge number.”

“Oh,” he replied.

“Yeah… You remember the precinct Brian went undercover in?”

“The one we helped IAB take down?”

“That’s the one… Well apparently this guy belonged to that precinct but unfortunately that’s all I can pull.”

“Why? Shouldn’t you be able to access a simple personnel file?” Rafael asked confused.

“I should be able to but it looks like someone has redacted majority of the file.”

“Who would have the authority to do that?”

Olivia sighed, “Someone high up… Whoever it was they made sure I couldn’t even get this officers name. Sorry I couldn’t give you any definitive answers.”

“There must be someone looking out for him… that could be the ‘We’ he was referring to.”

“It’s possible but I’ll keep digging and let you know if I find anything else.”

“Thanks,” he sighed then hung up the phone.

 

 

*

 

A few weeks later Rafael met Olivia at the park, “Hey!” he yelled when he saw her. Walking over to the swings Rafael said, “Sorry I’m late.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Olivia smiled. “We got here about ten minutes ago,” she paused as she walked closer to him, “Do you own anything casual?” she laughed.

“Not really,” he answered chuckling. “This is as casual as it gets.”

“You’re basically wearing a suit,” she replied.

“I don’t have a vest or a tie,” he smirked.

“Fair enough,” Olivia smiled. “What’s behind your back?” she asked gesturing to the hand he was hiding.

Rafael smiled, “I decided to make a quick stop,” he said as he moved his hand from behind his back.

“Oh Raf, you didn’t have to,” she replied as he handed her a stuffed dog, “It’s so cute.”

“It’s for Noah. I wasn’t sure if I should get the dog or the tiger,” he paused for a moment, “That’s not something I thought I would ever say,” Rafael chuckled to himself.

“He’s going to love it,” she smiled. As she turned around she said, “Noah honey, come here and look at what Rafael got you.”

Noah jumped off the swing and ran over to Olivia, “Oh cool,” Noah said taking the stuffed dog from Olivia, “Thank you,” he added as he looked at Rafael.

“No problem,” Rafael smiled.

“Do you want me to hold it while you play?” Olivia asked.

“Okay,” Noah answered.

“Lets sit over there,” Olivia suggested as she pointed towards a bench next to the swings, Rafael nodded.

As they all made their way over to the seat Noah tugged at Rafael’s sleeve, “Do you want to play?”

Rafael turned his head and looked at Noah, “Sure. Did you want to play on the swings?”

“Can we play in the sandpit?” Noah asked.

“Um, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Olivia said as they reached the seat.

“I’m fine with playing in the sandpit,” Rafael replied.

“Your suit-“ she began.

Interrupting her Rafael smiled, “It’s fine ‘Liv. Besides it’s what drycleaners are for.”

“Alright,” she smiled, “You might want these,” she added as she picked up a plastic bucket and shovel.

As Rafael took them from her he said, “Thanks.” Noah took his hand and they began to walk away.

“You might want to take your shoes off,” she added as she watched them.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” he replied as Noah led him to the sandpit.        

“Just remember I warned you,” Olivia smiled.

Olivia watched as they played in the sandpit; Noah was in the middle of the sandpit digging with the shovel while Rafael awkwardly kneeled next to him filling the bucket with sand.

A few buckets of sand later Rafael and Noah had built themselves a sandcastle, “Does it need a moat?” he asked Noah.

“Hmm.. Maybe,” Noah answered as he began to dig around the castle.

As Rafael joined him he asked, “Will it have alligators?”

“Yeah that’s cool,” Noah smiled. “Oh and a dragon!”

“A dragon?” Rafael questioned.

Noah nodded, “Cool castles have dragons.”

“That’s fair,” he laughed, “Dragons are cool.”

Ten minutes later Olivia walked over to them holding her bag, “Mommy look at our castle!” Noah called out to her.

“OH that’s great,” Olivia smiled.

“Yeah! It’s got alligators and dragons and umm… what’s this?” Noah asked Rafael.

“A sad looking horse,” Rafael replied. “I’m not very good at this.”

Olivia laughed then looked at Noah and added, “That looks very good Noah but unfortunately it’s starting to rain so we better get home.”

“Aww,” Noah said.

“Aww, I was just getting the hang of this,” Rafael smiled.

“Can’t we just stay a little longer Mommy?” Noah asked.

Olivia sighed, “Sorry sweetie, but we can come back another day when it’s not raining.”

Noah got up and walked over to Olivia, “Okay,” he sighed.

Rafael slowly got up and brushed the sand off his trousers, “Why don’t we go home and watch a movie?” he suggested.

“I’d like that, what about you Noah?” Olivia replied.

“Oh yeah!” Noah smiled.

“What movie would you like to watch?” Olivia asked.

“Ummm,” Noah paused as he thought, “I don’t know.”

Walking out of the sandpit Rafael said, “How about you think about it while we go home?”

Noah smiled, “Okay.”

“Here let me carry that,” Rafael said as he took Noah’s backpack from Olivia.

“Thanks,” she smiled, “Noah do you want to carry this home?” she asked as she held out the stuffed dog. Noah nodded and took the dog from Olivia, “Ready to go?”

“Ready!” Noah replied.

“Let’s go before it starts pouring down,” Rafael answered.

 

Half an hour later they arrived at Olivia’s apartment and as they entered Olivia said, “Can you put your bag in your room please Noah?”

“Okay,” Noah said as Rafael handed him the bag.

As Noah ran off to his room Olivia looked over her shoulder to Rafael and asked, “Do you want anything to drink or eat?”

“No I’m fine,” Rafael replied as he followed her into the apartment.

Olivia nodded then said, “Noah are you hungry?”

“No Mommy,” Noah replied as he entered the lounge room with his stuffed dog.

“So what movie are we going to watch?” Rafael asked Noah.

Noah thought for a moment then excitedly yelled, “FROZEN!”

“Frozen? What’s that?” Rafael asked confused.

Olivia laughed, “Only a movie I’ve seen five times this week.”

“That good?” he smiled.

“Noah loves it and soon enough you’ll know every song,” Olivia replied. “I’ll put it on while you two make yourselves comfortable on the lounge.”

“Okay,” Noah smiled as he sat in the middle of the lounge.

“Mind if I take my shoes off?” Rafael asked as he sat next to Noah.

“Yeah that’s fine,” she chuckled, “You don’t need to ask.”

“I know but it’s not my home,” he shrugged. He untied his shoes and as he slid one of his feet out he noticed his shoe was filled with sand, “Guess I brought the sandpit home,” he jested.

“I tried to warn you,” she laughed, “You’re gonna have sand in your shoes for weeks.”

Rafael smirked, “It’s okay I’ve got like three pairs.”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me,” she smiled as she sat on the other side of Noah.

When Rafael finished taking his shoes off he placed them under the coffee table then asked Noah, “So, you like the dog?”

“Yeah,” Noah smiled as he hugged the toy.

“Got a name for it?” Rafael asked.

“Hmm… Charlie I think,” Noah replied.

Rafael smiled, “Good choice.”

“Who’s ready to watch Frozen?” Olivia smiled.

“ME!” Noah answered.

Olivia laughed, “Okay.”

As she pressed play Rafael crossed his legs and leaned back into the lounge; placed his arm along the backrest behind Noah, “So you never actually answered my question before… What is this movie about?”

“Just watch and find out,” Olivia smiled as she placed her arm along the backrest; placing her hand in his.

He looked over to Olivia and smiled, “Alright.”

 

As the movie ended Rafael looked over to Olivia and smiled when he noticed that she had fallen asleep with Noah in her lap snuggling the toy dog. He gently got up from the lounge; walked over to the chair next to him and took the blanket then made his way back to the lounge as quietly as he could. Trying not to wake them he placed the blanket over the both of them then as he walked back to the chair he picked up his shoes then sat down. As he was putting his shoes on Olivia woke up, “I didn’t mean to wake you,” he whispered.

“Are you going?” she yawned.

“Yeah, I wanted to let you two rest,” he answered as he finished putting on his shoes.

“You don’t have to go,” she sighed.

“I know,” he smiled as he stood up. He walked over to Olivia, leaned down and kissed her tenderly on the forehead, “Go back to sleep, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay,” she yawned.

Rafael walked across the living room and just as he was turning the corner to the front door he looked behind him. He smiled when he saw Olivia falling back to sleep, “Adiós mi amor,” he whispered then turned and left.

 

 

The next day as Rafael was walking into Olivia’s office he said, “What’s this new lead in the trafficking case?”

Olivia held up a hand then said into her phone, “I know Peter, that’s why I need a warrant… Okay can you at least try to get one?” she grumbled. Rolling her eyes, “Okay fine,” she replied then ended the call. She took a deep breath then looked at Rafael, “When is he leaving?”

Rafael smiled, “I know he’s not the best but surely he’s not that bad.”

“Don’t even joke… You know he’s terrible,” she sighed.

“Yeah, what was it this time?”

“Rita wants me to look into this case for her but without a warrant there’s not much more I can do,” Olivia huffed.

“This wouldn’t happen to be Norma Cooper?” he asked.

Olivia frowned a little, “How do you know her?”

“I don’t… Rita asked me to take the case from Peter a week or so ago and I’ve been trying to but I can’t seem to convince Peter to give it to me.”

“Oh,” she replied. “Don’t know why he doesn’t… It’s not like he’s working the case now.”

Rafael shrugged, “I don’t know.” After a moment of silence Rafael asked, “So what’s this new lead?”

“Right… One of the cop names we got sounded familiar so I had Fin chase it down,” she said getting up from her desk.

“And?” Rafael asked as he watched her walk over to the door and close it.

“Detective Nick Warren was from the corrupt precinct Brian went undercover in,” she continued as she walked over to he desk.

“Really?” he said surprised, “Roaches sure know how to hide.”

“I tried to access his file but its redacted just like the patrolman’s,” she sighed as she leaned against her desk.

“Still don’t have a name for him?”

“Sorry,” she said shaking her head.

He sighed, “It’s fine… Tell me more about Warren.”

“Fin found that he was connected to some known associates of the trafficking ring so I sent Carisi to follow Warren until he found something.”

“The fact that I’m here now means that he did,” Rafael said.

Olivia nodded, “Blue J and Katrina Reznov; the known associates of the ring I mentioned, entered Warrens apartment and stayed for a few hours. We’re thinking that his apartment is a safe house or drop zone.”

“Wait… Blue J… Really?” Rafael jested.

“I don’t get it either,” she chuckled.

“Guess the all cool names were taken,” Rafael smiled, “If they are known associates why aren’t we going after them?”

“These people are smart; Katrina especially, every time we get close they go underground and any evidence disappears with them. But now that we know there are dirty cops working with them we can hopefully get something before they get away again.”

Rafael nodded, “So you want a warrant for Warren’s apartment including electronics and possible DNA?”

“I don’t know how much we’ll actually find but that should cover it,” she nodded.

“Yeah I can get that to you in a few hours,” Rafael said as he turned towards the door.

“Hey can you stay a minute?” Olivia asked as she stood up.

“Yeah, why?” Rafael replied turning to face her.

She walked towards him and as she stopped just in front of him she said, “I just wanted to say that Noah had a great time yesterday… he wont put the toy dog down.”

“You mean Charlie,” Rafael smiled.

Olivia chuckled, “Right, Charlie.”

“Well I’m glad he likes it.”

“You were great with him yesterday,” Olivia smiled, “I’m just sorry we fell asleep.”

“Don’t be,” he said as he caressed her cheek, “I had a great time with you both… I wouldn’t change a thing.”

He leaned in and kissed her; lost in the moment they didn’t hear the door open, “Oh… Didn’t mean to interrupt,” Amanda said. “I’ll come back later,” she added as she tried to hide her smile.

As the door closed Olivia laughed, “Well cat’s out of the bag now.”

“’Liv I can’t have her telling everyone,” Rafael said.

“Well the only person she’d probably tell is Carisi,” Olivia smiled.

“’Liv,” he said seriously.

Olivia sighed, “I’ll talk to her.”

“She’s going to have questions.”

“Probably but it’s going to be fine,” Olivia replied.

“You might as well tell Fin and Carisi while you’re at it,” he grumbled. “They’re going to find out now anyway.”

“What about the threats?” Olivia asked.

Rafael frowned, “Fin already knows, isn’t that enough.”

“I think the others deserve to know,” she replied.

“Fine… Tell me how it goes,” he said walking towards the door.

“I will… Oh and don’t forget to get that warrant.” Rafael lifted his arm in acknowledgement as he left.

 

Shortly after Rafael left Olivia walked over to the door of her office, “Hey Rollins where’s Carisi?” Olivia asked.

“He’s just in the break room,” Amanda said as she got up from her desk.

“And Fin?” Olivia asked as Amanda approached her.

“He’s with Carisi,” she answered. After a moment of silence between them Amanda said, “So… You and Barba?”

“Can you get the others and meet me in my office,” she said turning back into her office.

“Sure,” Amanda replied.

A moment later all three of them were entering Olivia’s office, “Close the door and take a seat please,” Olivia said.

“What’s this about Lieu?” Carisi asked as he sat on the lounge near the door.

“I’ve got something I need to tell you,” she replied. “Barba and I are in a relationship.”

“When did this happen?” Fin asked.

“A while,” Olivia admitted. “But don’t say anything, we haven’t disclosed yet. I wouldn’t even be telling you guys if it wasn’t for Rollins.”

Amanda laughed, “My bad.”

“It’s fine, it was bound to come out eventually,” Olivia said. “The main reason why I’m telling you is so that you don’t go telling anyone else.”

“Why haven’t you two disclosed yet?” Carisi asked

Olivia sighed, “That’s the other thing I wanted to talk about… Barba’s been getting threats again so he doesn’t want to disclose till Dodds is back.”

“I thought the case was closed,” Amanda said.

“Officially it is,” Fin said.

“You knew?” Carisi asked Fin.

“Barba told me when it started up again,” Fin admitted.

“What? Why you and not us?” Carisi replied.

“You gotta understand that he doesn’t trust a lot of people at the moment,” Fin answered. “He probably wouldn’t have told me if he hadn’t snapped at us,” he added gesturing to Olivia and himself.

Carisi was about to say something when Olivia interrupted, “The point is you know now so don’t go sharing any of this… to anyone.”

“Rodger,” Carisi answered as the others just nodded.

“Okay that’s all,” Olivia said.

Carisi and Fin stood up and walked towards the door; just before leaving Carisi turned and asked, “Coming Rollins?”

“I’ll be out soon,” Amanda answered.

“Uh okay,” Carisi said as he left.

“Rollins, what are you doing?” Olivia asked.

Amanda smiled, “So…”

“So what?”

“Details,” Amanda grinned, “Time for us girls to talk.”

Olivia smiled, “Don’t you have work to do?”

“Come on,” Amanda begged, “We can’t do much until Barba get’s that warrant.”

“Alright,” Olivia replied.

“So what’s it like?”

“Honestly its great,” she smiled as she pushed some hair behind her ear. “He’s so kind and thoughtful plus he’s great with Noah.”

Amanda smiled, “So he wasn’t awkward around Noah?”

“A little although I thought it would be worse,” Olivia answered. “I knew he wasn’t a big fan of kids but he really tries with Noah.”

“Well that’s good,” Amanda paused for a moment, “You know it’s about time you two got together… We all thought it was going to happen years ago.”

“Really? Did everyone expect this but us?” Olivia laughed.

Amanda shrugged, “Guess so.”

“At least its happening now.”

“Yeah,” Amanda nodded. A moment later Amanda asked, “Do you reckon he can sing?”

Olivia laughed, “That’s a random question.”

“Well he’s got everything going for him… he’s good looking, he’s great at his job and now he’s got the woman of his dreams,” Amanda giggled. “So the question is can he sing?”

“I… I don’t know,” Olivia replied, “It never crossed my mind.”

“I bet $20 he can,” Amanda laughed.

Olivia smiled, “I’ll take that bet.”

 

 

Meanwhile, when Rafael entered his office he noticed a small envelope leaning against his name plaque on his desk; curious, he picked it up. It was blank on the outside and as he opened he realised there was a photo inside; when he pulled it out he saw the photo was of him at the park with Olivia and Noah. A moment later he flipped it and saw a note on the back of the photo: There’s more than one way to get to you. Suddenly he felt his chest tighten as his heart began to beat faster as he realises he’s putting them in danger, “Shit,” he said as he put the photo on his desk. He ran his hand through his hair as he started to pace in front of his desk, “I can’t do this,” he whispered, “I can’t put them in danger.” As he paced he quickly glanced through his door and saw his secretary, “Hey,” he shouted through the door.

Making her way back to his office door she said, “Yes?”

“You didn’t happen to see who left this letter on my desk, did you?” Rafael asked as he picked up the envelope.

“No sorry, I just came back from my break and it wasn’t there when I left,” she shrugged.

He sighed, “Okay thanks.”

“Was that all?”

“Yeah,” Rafael replied.

“Okay,” She nodded and walked towards her desk.

Rafael took his phone out of his pocket and called Olivia, “Hey we were just talking about you,” she said as she answered.

“We?” Rafael asked.

“Amanda’s here,” Olivia replied, “You only just left surely you don’t have the warrant already.”

“I don’t,” Rafael said bluntly.

Amanda’s muffled voice came through the phone, “You should ask him.”

Then Olivia laughed, “I’m not going to.”

“I’m sorry to interrupt the fun but I need to talk to you,” his voice trembled.

“What’s going on?” Olivia replied sounding serious.

Rafael took a deep breath, “I got another note but this time it came with a picture.”

“One second,” she said. Then in the distance he heard Olivia say, “Amanda can you give me a minute.” A moment later into the phone she said, “Okay, what’s the picture?”

“Us,” he paused, “It’s of us with Noah at the park, ‘Liv.”

“What!”

“There was a note on the back saying that there are other ways to get to me… I’m putting the two of you in danger,” he hesitated, “I don’t want anything to happen to you because of me.”

“Don’t Rafael… Don’t go there,” Olivia said calmly.

“It’s one thing when they’re after me but now…” he said out of breath, “Now…”

“Rafael,” she whispered soothingly, “I need you to stop for a moment and take a deep breath with me.” Rafael closed his eyes as he took a deep breath while he listened to Olivia’s voice, “Good… now again.”

After taking a few deep breaths Rafael regained his composer he said, “Okay… I think it’s passing now...”

“Alright,” Olivia replied.

“We need to find where these are coming from ‘Liv… It’s not just about me anymore,” Rafael sighed, “I can’t risk losing you or Noah.”

“We’re going to get them,” Olivia replied. “Threatening Noah was a big mistake.”

“I’m…” Rafael hesitated, “I’m so sorry that you’re personally involved now-”

“I was always personally involved…” Olivia interrupted. “No one comes after my family and gets away with it.”

“I have to go now… my next meeting is here,” he sighed.

“Okay… Do you want me to come by and pick up the warrant later so we can talk more about this?” Olivia asked.

“No I’ll just email the warrant to you when I get it.”

“Alright,” Olivia replied.

“Oh and ‘Liv,” Rafael said.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for being there.”

“Always.”

 

A few hours later Rafael was working at his desk when his secretary knocked on his door, “Yes?” he said not looking up from his laptop.

The door opened and she said, “There’s a Carter here to see you.”

“What?” he replied confused looking up from his laptop.

“He just showed up and said he wont leave till he talks to you.”

He sighed, “Argh, okay send him in.”

“Sure,” she replied.

A moment later Carter entered, “We need to talk,” he roared as he slammed the door closed behind him.

“Do we?” Rafael retorted.

“You sent out a search warrant for Detective Warren,” Carter said.

“What about it?” Rafael interrupted. “I have actual work that needs to be done so can you cut to the chase.”

“Why didn’t you run this through me! Detective Warren is a remarkable young cop who doesn’t deserve some Island Beaner ruining his reputation.”

“Yeah… he was so remarkable he was breaking the law without your knowledge,” Rafael sneered. “You’re either incompetent or in on it… I will find out which one it is.”

“You better watch what you’re saying!” Carter roared.

“Or what?” he retorted as he stood up from his desk. Carter remained silent as he glared at Rafael, “What are you going to do...”

Before Carter could respond Rafael’s secretary opened the door, “Sorry to disturb you... but your mother is here.”

“Tell her I’ll just be a moment,” Rafael replied.

Once the door was closed again Carter said, “Don’t let your emotions cloud your judgement… I want you to veto this warrant.”

“I don’t work for NYPD,” Rafael huffed.

“You only have so many friends Barba,” Carter snarled, “You better watch what you say.”

Rafael walked around his desk, “Why are you so interested in Warren?” he asked as he stopped in front of Carter.

“That’s none of your business,” he snorted.

“It is when you come into MY office demanding that I stop this warrant,” Rafael retorted.

“Just do it!” he yelled.

“Go see Benson about it because I’m not going to stop anything. This guy; cop or not, is a suspect.”

“Fine,” Carter huffed. The room fell into silence as Rafael watched Carter walk towards the door; just before opening the door Carter turn his head to Rafael and said, “Lovely weather we having.”

“What?” Rafael said confused.

“Yesterday was beautiful… I went for a walk in the park. It’s interesting what you can find when your not looking,” Carter smiled.

“What’s that suppose to mean?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” Carter said.

“We’re done here!” Rafael huffed.

As Carter closed the door behind himself Rafael leaned against his desk as he tried to calm down before seeing his mother but he heard mumbling coming from outside the door. He quickly made his way to his door and heard Carter talking to Lucia; opening the door Rafael said, “Get away from her!”

“I was only introducing myself,” Carter replied with a grin.

“Back off,” Rafael hissed.

“Rafael, don’t be rude,” Lucia said.

“It’s fine… He’s got a lot to think about,” Carter said. Rafael glared at Carter as he turned to Lucia and said, “It was nice meeting you Mrs Barba,” Carter shot Rafael a sidewards glance as he said, “Hope to see you again soon.”

Before Rafael could say anything Carter left, “I’ve just got to put a few things away then we can go,” he said gesturing her inside. “It’ll only take a few minutes.”

“That’s okay,” she said as she walked into his office. “James seems like a nice guy,” she added as she went towards his desk.

Rafael sighed, “I don’t like him,” he mumbled as he walked around his desk and started packing up his files.

“How long do you have?” Lucia asked.

“It’s a short lunch today… I’ve got so much to do this afternoon, sorry,” Rafael replied.

“That’s okay,” Lucia smiled, “I’ve got a lot of paperwork to do anyway.”

Rafael placed the files along with his laptop in his top drawer and locked it then said, “Okay we can head downstairs now… What do you feel like for lunch?”

“Whatever’s easier for you,” she replied.

“Alright, how about we see what the food cart of the day is?” he suggested.

“Sounds good.”

As Rafael walked around his desk he took his phone out of his pocket and quickly sent a text to Olivia saying: We need to talk about Carter, can you come over tonight? “Let’s go,” he said looking up from his phone. When they reached the elevator Rafael received a text from Olivia saying: Okay I’ll see you tonight.

“I’m guessing that’s Olivia,” Lucia smiled as they got on the elevator.

“What makes you say that?” Rafael asked.

“You smiled while you read it,” she said.

Rafael frowned a little, “Did I?”

Lucia nodded, “You did and I’m assuming there’s only two people who’s name you’d be happy to see on your phone… Olivia and myself.”

Rafael laughed, “Yeah you’re probably right.”

“Always am,” she smirked. “And while we’re on the topic… We should have dinner soon and bring Olivia.”

“That’d be nice,” he smiled.

“Her son should come along too,” she added.

Rafael nodded, “I’ll ask ‘Liv tonight,” he said as they got off the elevator.

 

They spent the next half an hour outside the courthouse eating lunch, as they were finishing their meals Rafael’s phone began to ring, “Yeah?” he answered. As he stood up he said, “I’m on my way up now, just tell them to wait in my office.”

When Rafael ended the call Lucia said, “So that’s the end of your break then?”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “Sorry it wasn’t longer.”

“It’s fine Rafí,” she smiled as she stood up next to him.

“I’ll call you soon and we can organise that dinner,” he said as he began to walk away, “Love you.”

“Ahem… Where’s my hug?” Lucia called out.

“Right,” Rafael said as he stopped and quickly walked back to his mother. He gave her a hug and kissed her on the cheek before turning around and making his way back to his office.

“See you soon,” she said.

 

 

That night Olivia went to Rafael’s apartment, she knocked on the door but there was loud music playing. She knocked again, after a while she twisted the knob and found it wasn’t locked and as she opened the door she said, “Rafael?” There was no answer, “Rafael?” she called out again entering his apartment. She heard music coming from his study; the door was closed, as she walked closer she recognised the song. She smiled as she opened the door slowly and quietly, Rafael was singing.

“ _Maybe there’s a God above, But all I ever really learnt from love, Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you_ ,” he sung facing the other way, not seeing Olivia standing in the doorway. She just stood there watching in complete awe of what she was watching. “ _And it’s not a cry that you hear at night, it’s not somebody who has seen the light, it’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah-“_ he continued singing. As he turned he stopped suddenly when he saw Olivia; he quickly walked over to his stereo and paused the music. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Not long… you don’t need to stop for my sake,” she smiled as she walked towards him. “I didn’t know you could sing.”

“Not many people do,” he said smiling as he hugged her.

“I now owe Rollins 20 bucks,” she mumbled into his shoulder.

He laughed, “Why?”

“We made a silly little bet this morning… you’ve got everything going for you so we bet whether or not you sing… clearly I got the bad end of the bet,” she joked.

He laughed again as he said, “Well you should know not to bet against me by now.”

“You’d think I would know that,” she smiled. “Why were you singing?”

“It help’s me unwind,” he said he broke the hug. He spun around to his stereo turning it back on, playing a slow song. Turning back to Olivia he held out one of his hands as he said, “Dance with me.” She smiled and took his hand. He walked her into the middle of the room, pulled her close and began to sway; with every movement they slowly rotated.

 

After the song ended they stopped dancing and Olivia said, “I can’t stay long, Lucy has plans later.”

Rafael nodded, “That’s fine.”

“Why’d you want to talk about Carter?” Olivia asked.

“He stopped by my office earlier today,” he said turning the music off again.

“Why?” she asked as she watched him walk towards the door.

As he walked towards the lounge room he replied, “To stop the warrant I gave you for Warren.”

Following him she said, “What?”

“Yeah he wouldn’t tell me why so I didn’t… Not that I would have if he had,” Rafael shrugged as he sat on the lounge.

Olivia sat next to him, “So that’s why he came by my office complaining about you,” she sighed.

“Well I sent him your way,” Rafael replied.

“Why? You knew I needed that warrant,” she said confused.

“I had to get him out of my office… Things got a little heated,” he smirked.

Olivia smiled, “Of course they did.”

“He knows about us ‘Liv,” he sighed.

“What makes you think that?”

“Well I got this photo of us from the park earlier,” he said as he pulled out the photo from his suit pocket. “Then when he was leaving my office he said something about being at the park yesterday.”

“That could be a coincidence,” she suggested.

“It’s not,” he shook his head. “He’s got to be behind the threats.”

“It’s possible,” Olivia sighed, “He didn’t tell us about Warren.”

Rafael frowned, “What did you find out?”

“Warren is his son,” she replied.

“What?!”

“Yeah… We were searching Warrens home when we came across a bunch of photos of the two of them together so I asked Warren about it but he wouldn’t give us an answer. After that I got Carisi to collect a DNA sample from him and send it to the Lab; we only got the results a few hours ago.”

“That was fast,” Rafael commented.

“Well with them both being in the system it wouldn’t have been hard to find the match,” Olivia said.

“How are we only finding this now?” Rafael asked.

“Carter must have gone to a lot of trouble to hide it and I don’t know why,” she said.

“We have to find the connection between him and these other cops but be careful…” Rafael said.

“I don’t want to jump to conclusions until we know something more solid,” Olivia sighed.

“That’s fine ‘Liv but still be careful around him,” he sighed. “Anyway onto a more cheery topic,” Rafael smiled, “My mother wants to have dinner with you.”

“Oh that would be great,” she smiled. “Just let me know when so I can organise something for Noah.”

“She wants Noah to come along too,” he replied. “I think it would be good for all of us to spend an evening together.”

“It would be nice to be able to sit down and talk with Lucia for once,” Olivia agreed.

“Great, I’ll call her later so we can start organising it.”

Olivia nodded as she looked down at her watch, “Oh I’ve got to go.”

“Already?” Rafael sighed as he looked at the time, “I didn’t realise it was getting late.”

“Sorry,” Olivia said as she stood up.

“It’s fine ‘Liv” Rafael said as he stood up next to her, “I’ll walk you to the door.” Olivia nodded then they made their way towards the door, “Thanks for coming over,” he said as he opened the door.

“No problem,” she replied. As she walked past him she gave him a kiss on the cheek, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Rafael grabbed her hand as she was walking through the door, “Raf?” she asked as she stopped.

Rafael smiled as he closed the gap between them and tenderly kissed her.

When the kiss ended Olivia smiled, “As much as I enjoyed that, I really do need to go.”

“See you tomorrow,” Rafael smiled back.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve had to change the time line in the last chapter by a few weeks… sorry. 
> 
> The next chapter might be the "official" ending but I'm thinking of doing an alternative ending as well.

The next day Olivia was making her way to her office when she saw Amanda. She decided to make a slight detour past Amanda’s desk and as she walked by she quietly placed $20 in front of her. Amanda looked up at Olivia smiling, “I knew it,” she laughed.

Olivia laughed, “Now don’t go telling everyone.”

“Morning Lieu,” Carisi said as he approached his desk.

“Morning,” Olivia smiled. She made her way towards her office but stopped just before the door, “Have we heard anything back from TARU?”

“About Warren?” Rollins asked.

“Yeah,” Olivia nodded.

“I’ll make a call,” Carisi said as he picked up the phone on his desk.

“Okay, I’ll be in my office,” Olivia replied then walked into her office.

As Olivia opened her computer Carisi knocked on the door, “I just got off the phone with TARU.”

“Yeah,” she replied gesturing him into her office, “What do we have?”

“Bad news,” Carisi sighed, “The phones have been wiped clean and they are going to need more time to crack the laptops.”

“That it?” Olivia frowned, “We don’t have anything concrete to arrest him with.”

“We could ask him to come in,” Carisi suggested. “Make it out like we have more than what we’ve got… He’s probably on edge as it is so it wont take much to convince him.”

“We can’t let him get away,” Olivia nodded as she stood up, “Alright.” She walked over to her door and called out, “Fin!” then walked back over to her desk.

After a minute Fin entered, “Yeah?”

“I want you and Carisi to go get Nick Warren; we’ve got to try something now before we lose track of him.”

“Yeah no problem,” Fin replied, “Let’s go… I’m driving.”

“Oh come on,” Carisi said as they left Olivia’s office, “You always drive.”

Olivia digs her phone out of her pocket and dials Rafael’s number; he answered almost immediately, “Hey!”

“That was fast,” Olivia laughed.

“I was just about to call you,” he replied.

“Oh, how come?”

“I was just talking with my mother about that dinner I mentioned and we were thinking Friday but I wanted to check with you first,” he answered.

“That sounds great,” she replied.

“Perfect,” Rafael said. “Now, why were you calling me?”

“Oh right, I almost forgot,” Olivia chuckled. “I have Fin and Carisi bringing Warren in for questioning and figured I should let you know.”

“How long till he’s there?” Rafael asked.

“Fin just left so maybe an hour or so… You don’t need to be here for the interrogation,” Olivia replied.

Rafael sighed, “I know I don’t have to but I’m going to.”

“Rafael I don’t think it’s a good idea-“

“You not going to change my mind Olivia. I just want to hear what he has to say first hand,” Rafael interrupted.

“Okay,” she sighed, “I’ll see you soon.” As she ended the call she placed her phone on her desk and went to work on her computer.

 

An hour and a half later Rafael entered the squad room; when Amanda saw him she said, “Olivia’s waiting in her office for you.”

“Thanks,” Rafael replied. He took a few steps towards Olivia’s office before pausing for a moment and turning back towards Rollins’ desk, “Do you have a moment?”

“I do but ‘Liv’s been waiting for a while now,” Amanda answered.

“She can wait a little longer, this wont take long,” Rafael said.

“Oh?”

Rafael looked around the room as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, “You don’t mind looking at something for me, do you? I would really appreciate your opinion.”

As he looked through his phone Amanda asked, “What’s this about?”

“You know ‘Liv pretty well,” he mumbled looking up from his phone, “What do you think?” he added turning his phone to Amanda.

She took the phone from him and looked at the photo, “WOW! You didn’t, did you?”

“Too much?” he replied disappointed.

“You got ‘Liv a diamond necklace?”

“I mean… I thought it was a good idea at the time,” he sighed.

Amanda looked up from the phone, “Oh I didn’t mean it was bad… It’s beautiful. She’ll love it.”

“You think so?”

“I do,” she replied, “Looks expensive.”

“She’s worth it,” he smiled.

“You two are so good together,” Amanda smiled; “Now you better get going,” she added motioning towards Olivia’s office.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Rafael nodded. “Thank you,” he said as he walked towards Olivia’s office.

 

“I’m sorry I’m late,” Rafael said as he entered her office. “My meeting ran longer than I thought… You haven’t started without me have you?”

“No,” Olivia answered as she got up from her desk.

“Good,” he replied. “I didn’t want to miss any of this.”

“Why are you so interested in him?” Olivia questioned.

“It’s my job,” he frowned, “I’m working this case.”

“There’s something more to it than that,” she sighed. “Is it Carter?”

Rafael walked over to the interrogation window avoiding her question; “This him?” he asked looking at the tall thin man slowly pacing around the room.

“Yeah,” Olivia replied walking up to him.

“He’s not at all what I imagined,” he paused, “He doesn’t look like his father.”

“He’s a bit skittish which means we’re going to have to calm him if we’re going to get him to talk,” Olivia said.

“I guess we better go in then,” Rafael replied.

“Before we go in I should mention that we found pill bottles at his apartment… By the way he’s acting I think he’s probably on something now.”

“Great,” Rafael rolled his eyes, “It’s bad enough he still carries a gun… Now he’s possibly high.”

“We’ve taken his gun,” Olivia reassured.

“You don’t have enough to hold him,” Rafael muttered. “If he’s smart, he’ll know that.”

“Rafael-“

“Let’s just go in,” he sighed as he walked over to the door.

Warren jumped as they entered the room, “I sh-shouldn’t be here.”

“We just have a few questions,” Olivia said calmly.

Warren started pacing again, “I’m one of you.”

“Please sit down,” Olivia replied. “We can sort all this out.”

“Okay,” Warren nodded.

“Do you remember me?” Olivia asked as she sat down.

“Yes; you were at my apartment yesterday,” Warren answered. “I don’t remember him though… was h-he there?”

“No, this is ADA Rafael Barba,” she replied looking over her shoulder to Rafael.

“Ohhh,” Warren mused.

“What’s that suppose to mean?” Rafael frowned as he walked over to the table.

“You’re that guy everyone’s been talking about,” Warren replied.

Sitting on the edge of the table Rafael asked, “Who’s everyone?”

“Like you don’t know,” Warren smiled. “Why am I here anyway?”

“You have a connection with a person of interest,” Olivia answered.

“Who?” Warren asked.

“Katrina Reznov,” Olivia said. Warren quickly looked down at the table as he shifted in his seat; Olivia continued, “I know you’re uncomfortable but we need to talk about her.”

“I want a lawyer,” Warren mumbled.

“We can’t help you if you call a lawyer,” Olivia calmly replied.

“Lawyer,” Warren said looking down at the table.

Rafael sighed, “We both know you’re a dead man walking-“

“Barba,” Olivia frowned.

Ignoring Olivia Rafael continued, “Help us and we can help you.” When Warren didn’t look up he added, “Look… I’m sure Reznov already knows that we’ve searched your apartment and brought you in for questioning… She’s going to start playing defence; destroying any trace of evidence or anyone she perceives as a threat.”

“Barba,” Olivia said again.

“She wont hesitate to kill a cop… Even if he’s the Chief’s son,” Rafael finished.

Warren looked up from the table shocked, “LAWYER!” he yelled.

“Fine,” Rafael grumbled.

“My office… Now,” Olivia huffed as she walked towards the door. Olivia made Rafael walk through the door first and she Olivia closed the door behind her she said, “What the hell was THAT?”

Rafael stopped near her desk, “What?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about…” she huffed as she walked towards her desk. “I specifically told you that we have to calm him… Why did you go so hard on him?”

“I was only saying what we were all thinking,” Rafael replied as he faced her.

“This is because of Carter, isn’t it?” Olivia retorted.

“Not everything is about Carter,” Rafael grumbled.

“Rafael,” she said.

“He met my mother!” Rafael snapped. “I figured I could meet his son to… well… I don’t know what.”

“When did he meet Lucia?” Olivia asked confused.

“Yesterday,” he answered.

“Why didn’t you tell me yesterday?” she asked.

“I know you ‘Liv… You wouldn’t have let me near that interrogation if I had,” Rafael replied.

“You’re damn right,” Olivia frowned.

“Look… I just need to take these guys down.”

“That’s not the way we do things and you know it,” she said crossing her arms.

“So it’s okay for you to almost kill Lewis but I can’t put some pressure on Warren!” Rafael barked.

Olivia looked furious, “It’s different and you know it!”

Rafael rolled his eyes, “No it’s not! My life is on the line!”

“Warren has nothing to do with it,” she huffed. “You’re only interested cause he’s Carters son.”

“Whatever… Can we just move on from this?” Rafael asked.

“No,” Olivia huffed, “I’m not going to sit by and watch you threaten someone out of… What… Paranoia? Hate? Frustration?”

“Does it matter?” Rafael snarled.

“It does matter!” Olivia scowled. “You can’t just threaten Warren to try and get back at Carter on a whim... Why are you doing this?”

“BECAUSE OF YOU!” he shouted. “He knows about us now and every second I spend with you while this is still going on is just putting you more at risk. I can’t just stand by and watch that happen.”

“What-“ Olivia began.

“I love you alright, if you can’t see that,” Rafael sighed, “Then what are we doing?”

“Raf-”

Rafael shook his head as he turned away, “Talk to you later,” he muttered as he walked out of her office; slamming the door behind him.

As Rafael left he noticed Amanda walking towards him, “What’s going on?” she asked.

“Go away,” he hissed as he quickened his pace.

 

As Carisi left the break room and saw Rafael storming off, “What’s up with him?” he asked as he walked towards Amanda.

“You didn’t hear the fight they just had?” Amanda asked surprised.

“I heard bits and pieces,” Carisi admitted, “It sounded rough.”

“Yeah, You should go check up on him,” she suggested.

Carisi frowned, “He just told you to go away… What makes you think he’ll want to talk to me?”

“I think he needs someone to talk to before this gets worse,” she sighed.

“You’re probably right,” he nodded. “I should get going… he’s probably already waiting for a cab.”

“While you do that, I’m going to go check on ‘Liv.”

“Yeah… Talk later,” Carisi said as he left.

 

Amanda watched Carisi leave before turning around and walking towards Olivia’s office; she knocked on the door, “Come in,” Olivia’s muffled voice came through.

Opening the door slowly Amanda noticed Olivia standing in front of interrogation window, “I just want to see if you’re okay,” she hesitated.

Olivia sighed, “I’m alright.”

“You sure? I’m sure everyone in the squad room heard you two,” Amanda paused, “If anyone didn’t know about you two I think they do now.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Olivia replied walking back over to her desk. “I don’t even know where we are now…”

“’Liv, I think Barba just has a lot on his plate at the moment,” Amanda reassured.

“Maybe but now that Carter knows about us things are going to get complicated,” Olivia sighed.

“Wait you were hiding it from Carter… Why him?” Amanda asked walking towards Olivia.

“Barba doesn’t trust him,” Olivia answered as she sat on the edge of her desk.

“How do you know Carter knows?”

“He said something to Barba,” Olivia replied. “Now he thinks Carter is behind the threats.”

“What?” Amanda frowned. “No wonder why he’s on edge.”

“Yeah,” Olivia sighed, “I shouldn’t have let him near Warren.”

“You can’t blame yourself,” Amanda said placing a hand on Olivia’s shoulder. “I don’t think anyone could have seen this coming-”

“I should have,” Olivia interrupted. “I know how he feels about Carter but I can’t just sit by while he treats Warren like that… We needed him to talk and now he probably wont.”

“We’ll get them ‘Liv,” Amanda reassured.

Olivia sighed, “Do you mind releasing him? We can’t hold him.”

“Sure,” Amanda nodded, “If you need anything, just ask.”

Olivia smiled, “Thank you.”

 

Meanwhile as Carisi was jogging out of the precinct he yelled out, “Hey wait up!”

Rafael stopped where he was and turned, “What? I’ve got things to do.”

“I’m sure they can wait,” Carisi replied walking up to him. “Want to get a cup of coffee?”

“I want to get out of here,” he huffed.

“Then let’s,” Carisi smiled. “Come on, you look like you need a coffee.”

Rafael laughed a little, “I’ve had three already.”

“What’s a fourth, you’re bound to have it eventually.”

“Alright,” Rafael said, “If you’re buying.”

Carisi laughed, “I can do that. We’ll go to the one down the block.”

Rafael nodded as he began walking down the block alongside Carisi; a few minutes passed between them before Rafael sighed, “So… How much did you hear?”

“Enough,” Carisi answered, “It sounded rough.”

“I just,” Rafael hesitated, “I don’t even know anymore.”

“Don’t know what? If you want to be with her?”

Rafael sighed, “She drives me crazy… but I wouldn’t change it.”

“Then what’s going on?” Carisi asked.

“I don’t think she believes me about Carter,” Rafael answered.

“Chief Carter?” Carisi asked confused. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Other than threatening me?” Rafael frowned, “I’m not having this conversation with you. If even she doesn’t believe me then what’s the point…”

“Rafael, I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s going on,” Carisi said.

“Let’s just get this coffee and get back to work,” Rafael replied.

“Come on, don’t do that,” Carisi frowned.

“I can’t do this right now,” he sighed, “I’m just going to go back to my office… I’ll see you around.”

“Leaving without your coffee?” Carisi questioned.

“Yeah, I’ve got back to back meetings and a whole lot of paperwork waiting for me,” Rafael said as he started to walk away.

“Okay,” Carisi sighed, “If you need anything-“

“I got it, thanks,” he frowned as he left. Rafael spent the rest of the day working in his office.

 

Later that night as Rafael entered his apartment he felt as if someone was watching him; he paused for a moment when he saw a dark figure down the hall, “H-hello?” he stuttered. No one answered so he slowly continued into his apartment towards the figure, “Seth?” Rafael frowned. As he got closer he said, “Carter?” When he neared he turned on the lights and the figure disappeared. Rafael sighed, “Get a hold of yourself Barba.” He made his way to his kitchen and was about to pour himself a bourbon when his phone rang; startling him, “’Liv?”

“Hey,” Olivia said, “I think we need to talk.”

“Yeah,” Rafael replied. “I was going to call you later… I was out of line today; I shouldn’t have behaved like that...” he hesitated, “I’m sorry I brought up Lewis, it was a cheap shot.”

Olivia sighed, “I didn’t expect you of all people to use that against me.”

“I know… I’ve regretted it all day,” he sighed. “I don’t expect you to forgive me-“

“I hate that you brought Lewis into it but I know what you’re going through,” Olivia said.

“Yeah but I shouldn’t have stormed out the way I did,” Rafael added.

“That’s what I really want to talk about,” Olivia hesitated, “What you said just before you left…”

“I don’t really want to do this over the phone,” he replied, “But I guess we should talk about it now.”

“Are we still…”

“Together?” Rafael finished, “I want to be… But it’s up to you if you want to be with me.”

“Of course I do,” Olivia replied.

“I meant it when I said I love you... Not how I wanted to tell you but I meant it,” he added. “I understand if you want to take a step back or-“

“I love you too,” she interrupted.

“You do?”

“Yes,” Olivia laughed, “You’re a jackass sometimes but I wouldn’t change it.”

“Well, at least that’s something I guess,” Rafael smiled.

“I should probably get going though,” Olivia paused, “It’s Noah’s bedtime.”

“Alright, but,” Rafael began.

“But what?”

“I know you have a day off coming up to spend with Noah and I was wondering…” he hesitated, “If I could join you.”

“Don’t you have to work?” Olivia asked.

“I can take the day off… I think it’s important for us to get away from all this for a while and just focus on us,” he replied.

“Sounds good,” Olivia agreed, “We were going to see a movie, you okay with that?”

“Of course,” Rafael answered. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Good night.”

 

Two days later Olivia met Rafael at the park with Noah, “Hey!” she shouted when she saw Rafael.

Smiling Rafael jogs over to her; when he reaches her he replied, “Hey.”

“I see you went with something more casual this time,” Olivia smiled.

Rafael laughed, “Well I thought jeans and a shirt would be better.”

“Hi Rafi,” Noah smiles looking up at him.

Rafael smiled, “Hey kiddo.”

“Can I go play?” Noah asked Olivia.

“Okay but don’t go too far,” Olivia nodded.

“Did you tell him to call me that?” Rafael asked as they watched Noah run over to the swings.

“No actually,” she replied as she turned towards Rafael. “He came up with it on his own.”

“Oh,” Rafael smiled.

“How come?”

“It’s just… That it’s what my mother calls me,” he answered.

“I didn’t know,” Olivia said.

“I like it,” Rafael grinned. “We still seeing a movie?”

“Yeah, it’s not for another hour,” Olivia answered, “This way Noah can play a little.”

“Sounds good,” Rafael nodded.

“RAFI?” Noah called out from the swings.

Rafael started to walk closer to Noah, “Yeah?”

“Can you push me?” Noah asked.

“Of course,” Rafael answered as he walked behind Noah. “Ready?”

“Ready!” Noah shouted excitedly.

“Here we go,” Rafael laughed as he started to push Noah.

 

Almost an hour later Rafael and Noah were in the sandpit when Olivia said, “We should probably start heading off.”

“Yeah alright,” Rafael said getting up. “Can you pass me my shoes?”

“Sure,” Olivia answered. As she gave Rafael his shoes she added, “Noah, let’s put your shoes on.”

“Do we have to go?” Noah asked as he walked over to Olivia.

“We’re going to see a movie,” Olivia nodded.

“Oh yeah,” Noah smiled.

As they were getting ready Olivia’s phone started to ring, “Sometimes I hate your phone,” Rafael smirked.

“Can you finish helping Noah with his shoes?” Olivia asked as she looked for her phone.

“Yeah,” he replied.

She pulled out her phone and answered, “Benson.” As she was on the phone she watched Noah and Rafael; “He’s knows it’s my day off right?” she sighed, “Okay… Does he want Barba there?... Alright, see you soon.”

Rafael watched Olivia place her phone back in her pocket, “What was that about?” he asked.

“Carter wants to talk,” she replied.

“It’s your day off,” he frowned, “Do you know what its about?”

“No but he’s waiting at the precinct,” she answered.

Rafael sighed, “Guess we better get going then.”

“Actually,” Olivia paused, “He doesn’t want you there.”

“Oh,” he said surprised, “Well in that case I’ll take Noah back to my place.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” he smiled.

“Thank you,” Olivia smiled, “Noah sweetie?”

“Yes Mommy?” Noah answered as he stood up.

“Do you want to grab your bag? You’re going to hang out with Rafa at his place for a little while,” she said. “Maybe we can see a movie later.”

“Okay,” Noah replied as he picked up his bag, “Can we watch Frozen again?”

“I didn’t pack it,” she answered.

“Um… I’ve got it,” Rafael said.

“What?” Olivia laughed, “Why do you have Frozen?”

Rafael smiled, “I bought it along with a few other stuff for Noah in case he ever came over.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Olivia smiled.

“I know,” he chuckled, “Oh and while I think about it… I’ve got something for you too.” As Rafael rummaged though his pockets he muttered to himself, “Where did I put it?”

“What are you looking for?” Olivia asked.

Rafael took out a small envelope from his shirt pocket, “Here it is,” he smiled. “I want you to have this,” he added as he passed it to her.

After Olivia took the envelope she opened it and slid out a key, “Rafael?”

“We can talk about it later,” he paused, “You can test it out later today when you meet up with us again.”

“Okay,” Olivia replied, “I’ll see you both later.”

 

When Olivia entered the squad room she noticed Carter standing in her office doorway. As she approached Carter snarled, “It’s about time you got here.”

“It’s my day off-” she began.

“I don’t care,” he interrupted. “We need to talk.”

“Okay… How about we go inside my office first,” she sighed. Carter looked around the squad room then nodded as he walked back into her office. Olivia closed the door behind them and slowly made her way towards her desk, “So what’s this about?”

“How could you interrogate Detective Warren and not tell me?” he huffed as he sat in the chair in front of her desk. “Don’t tell me your new toy has clouded your judgement.”

“Excuse me!” Olivia frowned.

“You heard me!” Carter snorted, “I’m sure he told you all about our little meeting the other day.”

“How dare-“

“Unfortunately I can’t do anything about you two and believe me I’ve tried,” he snarled.

“What’s that suppose to mean?”

“Let’s just say that they wont do anything until Dodds gets back,” he grumbled, “Just remember to think with your head… You’ve got a job to do.”

Olivia sighed, “I can be objective…”

“Prove it,” he growled, “Why didn’t you tell me about Warren?”

“I didn’t tell you about Warren because you never mentioned he was your son.”

“I was trying to protect him,” Carter replied. “He’s good police.”

“He’s an addict.”

“I know,” he paused, “I’m trying to help him.”

“He’s gotten himself mixed up with some really bad people… if you want to help him convince him to help us,” Olivia reasoned.

“What are his chances of walking?” Carter asked.

“Not that good,” Olivia answered honestly. “Barba could probably get him a good deal but he’d probably have to do a few years.”

“Barba wont try that hard,” he frowned.

“Give him a chance,” Olivia sighed, “You’ve been on his case ever since you took over for Dodds.”

Carter hesitated, “I guess I’ve been a little hard on him… But with everything he’s done against the department-”

“He got stuck with those cases,” Olivia interrupted. “He’s good at what he does you just need to give him some space.”

“Maybe but he was out of line in the interrogation-“

“You heard about that?” Olivia asked.

“Of course I did,” Carter frowned, “It was my son… Remember?”

“Barba isn’t always like that,” Olivia sighed, “You’ve been putting him under a lot of stress. Just give him space.”

“Okay,” Carter said as he stood up, “I’ll give him some space but if he steps out of line again… We’re going to have a bigger problem on our hands.”

“Are you going?” Olivia asked as she got up from her desk.

“I am but you aren’t,” Carter replied. “I want everything you have on Warren.”

Olivia frowned, “I can’t.”

“You can and you will,” Carter huffed. “Surely you can understand wanting to protect your kid.”

“I do,” Olivia replied, “But you’re too close to this now, I can’t just hand you everything we have on your son.”

“I’ll make this simple… Give me the files or your resignation.”

Olivia sighed, “Fine, I’ll have the files to you tomorrow.”

“Today,” Carter demanded as he left her office.

Olivia sat back down at her desk and started to get to work.

 

Two hours later; Olivia walked up to Rafael’s apartment she took out the key he gave her and unlocked the door; as she opened it she heard Frozen in the background and laughed. When she closed the door behind her she could hear Noah singing along with _let it go_. When she got closer to the living room she was surprised to hear Rafael singing along with Noah. She tried to quietly enter the room so she could watch them but Noah saw her, “Mommy!”

“Hey,” Olivia smiled as Noah ran up to her and hugged her. She looked over to Rafael; who was sitting on the floor, and asked, “What have you two been up to?”

“We’ve been watching Frozen and playing with robots,” Rafael answered as he started to get up.

“We got ice-cream too,” Noah added letting go of Olivia.

“Is that so,” Olivia raised an eyebrow. “How was it?”

“It was yummy,” Noah answered, “I had chocolate.”

As Rafael walked over to them he said, “Hope that’s okay... I saw the shop as we walked home.”

“It’s fine,” Olivia laughed, “Maybe next time I can join you two.”

“Look Mommy,” Noah said walking over to where Rafael was and picked up a robot.

“That’s cool,” Olivia smiled as she walked over to them. When she approached them she noticed a lot of toys on the floor, “You didn’t get all of these, did you?”

Rafael laughed, “I might have… I also bought him some clothes.”

“What really?” she smiled.

“I had to,” he replied. “Besides, Noah likes it.”

“What’d you buy?” Olivia asked raising an eyebrow.

Rafael smirked, “A suit.”

“Oh god,” Olivia jested, “I should have known.”

“Come on, it’s adorable,” Rafael chuckled, “You get to have a mini me and who doesn’t want that.”

“One of you is enough,” she quipped.

Rafael sat down on the lounge and watched Noah begin to play with the toys again, “Come sit down,” he said to Olivia.

Olivia smiled and sat next to him, “Can we talk about the key?”

“If that’s what you want to talk about,” Rafael answered.

“You didn’t give me the key because you felt bad about the other day, right?” Olivia asked.

“No,” Rafael smiled, “I’ve been wanting to give it to you for a while now. I gave it to you because because I love you.”

“I was going to give you one,” Olivia smiled.

“Don’t do it just cause I gave you one,” Rafael hesitated, “I don’t want to force your hand.”

“You’re not… You’re basically there all the time anyway,” Olivia laughed, “It would make things easier if you had a key of your own.”

“Alright,” Rafael smiled, “Thank you.”

Olivia leaned in an gave Rafael a quick kiss, “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Rafael grinned, “Oh and while we’re talking about this… I cleared out some space so if you wanted to you could leave your stuff here.”

“Thank you,” Olivia smiled. “Did you want anything of yours back?”

“I have stuff at your place?” Rafael questioned.

“Yeah,” she chuckled, “You’ve been forgetting a few things here and there.”

“In that case, I’ll just leave whatever I have there… If that’s fine with you,” he said.

“Of course.”

“Now that we have that sorted,” Rafael smiled, “How was your afternoon anyway?”

“Noah, do you want to play while Rafael and I talk?” Olivia asked. Noah nodded and continued playing with the toys. “Carter was upset that we spoke to Warren,” she said to Rafael.

“We saw that coming,” Rafael remarked. “Does he know about what was said?”

“He didn’t seem like it but I can’t be sure,” she answered. “It really feels like all he was doing is protecting his son.”

“You can’t honestly believe that after everything I’ve told you?”

“I think he’s genuinely trying to help Warren,” Olivia replied.

Rafael rolled his eyes, “I thought I had finally convinced you not to trust him.”

“We should talk about this somewhere else,” she said looking towards Noah.

“Fine,” Rafael said getting off the lounge. “Bedroom then,” he added as he left the room.

As Olivia stood up she turned to Noah, “We’ll be back, okay?”

“Okie,” Noah smiled as he continued to play with the toys.

Shortly after Olivia left the room and made her way towards the bedroom; leaving the door open, “Rafael, he understands that he’s been hard on you,” she said.

Rafael scoffed, “ _HARD…_ He’s threatened me! And it seems like you don’t even care as long he’s sorry.”

“That’s not fair,” Olivia frowned.

“Not fair? It’s not fair that I’m alone against people who are out for my life.”

“You’ve never been alone,” Olivia replied.

“Then why are you always defending him?” Rafael barked.

“I’m don’t,” she answered.

“You do!” Rafael snarled; “He wants to rip us apart… He’s pitting you against me and you’re letting it work!”

Olivia walked closer to him, “Don’t do this.”

Rafael took a few steps away from her, “I’m trying to survive this but you want me to be friendly with _him_. You were in the room when he first threatened me… It’s only gotten worse and you still insist he’s a good guy… What’s he got to do to convince you that he’s who I say he is?” Olivia was lost for words so Rafael added, “I need you.”

“I’m right here,” Olivia replied taking a step closer.

“It doesn’t feel like it,” he mumbled as he looked away.

“Stop pushing me away then,” Olivia sighed.

“I don’t mean to,” he admitted. “I just… I have this feeling that something bad is about to happen and I can’t do anything about it except prepare myself... I need you to believe me about Carter.”

Olivia closed the gap between them and placed her hand on his shoulder, “Okay, I believe you.”

“Don’t just say that,” Rafael sighed looking back to her.

“I’m not,” she replied as she pulled him into a hug, “I’m here for you, always have been.”

He hugged her back; relishing in her tender embrace, while they hugged he mumbled, “He’s trying to play you… don’t let him.”

“I won’t,” she said breaking the hug.

“I know I’ve been a little irrational lately, I’ve got a lot on my mind… But I’m working on it,” Rafael uttered.

“You can always talk to me,” Olivia replied, “We’re a team.”

“I know,” Rafael smiled a little. “It’s been getting to me lately, that’s all… I mean it never went away but now it’s actually getting to me.”

“Have you seen anyone yet?” Olivia asked.

“No I haven’t seen a therapist… I don’t have the time right now,” he shook his head, “Maybe when it’s all over.”

“Raf, you can’t keep putting this off.”

“I’m too busy right now,” he said walking over to the door. As he looked out for Noah he continued, “I have Jack wanting me to keep an eye on Peter; if you ask me it would just be easier if I was given his cases. Then I’ve got to watch out for Carter and now…” he paused as he looked back to Olivia. “Now I’ve screwed things up with our trafficking case, Warren’s not going to talk and there’s no way Carter will help us.”

“We’ll get Warren, don’t worry about that,” Olivia reassured. “But promise me that if it gets worse you will see someone.”

“I can do that,” Rafael nodded, “Thank you.”

Olivia walked over to him, “It’s nothing.”

“No ‘Liv,” Rafael said wrapping his arms around her waist and looking her in the eyes, “It means the world to me just knowing you’ve got my back.”

Olivia leaned in and kissed him, “Always will.”

Rafael smiled, “We should probably go back to Noah.”

“Yeah,” Olivia agreed, “We might have to leave soon though.”

“You got here like an hour ago,” Rafael sighed as he let go of Olivia, “Why do you have to leave so soon?”

“Noah’s got to go to bed soon, he’s got a big day tomorrow with Lucy,” she answered.

“I have a bed,” Rafael smirked, “You could stay the night.”

“You only have one bed,” Olivia commented.

“And?” he laughed, “I can sleep on the couch.”

“I don’t want to kick you out of your bed,” she said.

“I don’t mind, I wouldn’t offer if I did,” he replied.

Olivia smiled, “Thank you but I think it would be easier for Lucy if we we’re home.”

“Alright,” he nodded, “Let’s head out there.”

“Yeah, Noah is probably wondering where we are,” Olivia said as she started to head towards the lounge room.

Following her Rafael said, “Oh and don’t forget we have dinner with my mother tomorrow.”

“Oh yeah,” Olivia smiled, “I can’t wait.”

As they entered the living room Olivia frowned, “Where’s Noah?”

Rafael continued further into the room and noticed that his lounge was missing the cushions then saw the fort next to his coffee table. He walked over to the fort and as he kneeled down he lifted one side of the blanket, “Hello?” he smiled.

“RAFI!” Noah laughed, “You found me!”

“Nice fort,” Rafael commented.

“It’s a castle,” Noah corrected.

Rafael laughed as he turned his head to look at Olivia, “My bad.”

“I’m sorry,” she mouthed.

“You kidding? I’ve always wanted a castle,” Rafael smirked. “Now,” he added as he turned back to Noah, “May I come in my lord?”

Noah giggled, “You may!”

“You’re not going to fit,” Olivia laughed as she walked over to them.

“I’ll fit,” Rafael said dropping the blanket as he stood up, “I’ve just got to go in the other side.” He made his way around the coffee table then kneeled down and started to crawl next to Noah, “It’s pretty cosy in here,” he smiled as he leaned on his side.

Olivia kneeled down, “Knock knock?”

“Who do you think that is?” Rafael asked Noah.

“Hmm, maybe it’s a traveller or…” Noah thought. “Or a WITCH!” he shouted excitedly.

Rafael laughed, “Ooor… it could be a Queen.”

“Oh yeah!” Noah smiled.

“Shall we find out?” Rafael asked.

“Okay,” Noah nodded, “Come in!”

Olivia lifted the blanket as she said, “Afternoon my kings.”

“He’s not a king,” Noah frowned.

“Oh,” Olivia laughed. “What is he?”

“Yeah?” Rafael smirked.

“Umm,” Noah thought, “One of those clowns.”

“Oh… a jester, I can do that,” Rafael laughed. “What are you?”

“Well I quite like the idea of being a witch,” Olivia smiled. “Shall we play?”

“Yes!” Noah yelled excitedly.

 

Later in the afternoon Olivia was sitting on the floor when she sighed, “We probably should get going now.”

“Alright,” Rafael nodded. “I’ll get him,” he said as he made his way to the fort. After he lifted the blanket Rafael bent down and picked up Noah, “Our little king is all tired out,” he smiled.

Olivia laughed, “Ruling over a castle is hard work.”

“I still can’t believe he banished me,” Rafael laughed as Noah wrapped his arms around Rafael’s neck.

“Well you shouldn’t have taken the ruby,” she shrugged.

“Hey,” Rafael smirked, “You asked for it.”

“I’m the witch, you’re not suppose to trust me,” she smiled.

“I’ll remember that,” he jested. Rafael walked over to Olivia, “I don’t think he’s going to wake up anytime soon... You know you could stay a little while longer,” he suggested.

“I have to go,” she replied, “If I don’t leave now I probably wont leave.”

“I’m fine with that,” he smiled.

“Hon,” she sighed.

“I know,” he nodded, “I had to try.”

Olivia started for the front door when she said, “Today was really nice.”

Following her he replied, “It was good to just get to spend time with the both of you.”

“It’s just a shame we missed the movie,” she said.

“There’s always next time,” Rafael smiled.

Reaching the door Olivia turned to him and smiled, “Wouldn’t that be nice.” As Rafael approached the door, “I can take him.”

“I’ve got him,” he replied, ”I’ll walk you down.”

“Raf, you don’t have to,” she said closing the gap between them.

“I’ll take all the time I can get with you,” he smiled.

Olivia placed one hand on Rafael’s shoulder and the other gently on Noah’s back; “I love you,” she leaned in and kissed him.

He kissed her back, “I love you too.”

Olivia smiled as she left the apartment; Rafael followed closely behind. They slowly made their way outside and Rafael helped Olivia put Noah into her car. As he closed Noah’s door Rafael said, “So I guess this is goodnight.”

“Yeah,” Olivia nodded, “Gotta get this little guy to bed.”

Rafael moved closer to Olivia as he smiled, “Come here.” He took hold of Olivia’s hand and pulled her towards him then wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Well then,” she smiled as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

He smirked as he leaned in and kissed her passionately, as their tongues danced together Rafael leaned against her; pushing her onto the side of the car. As he glided one hand from her waist to the base of her neck he used the hand that was still on her waist to pull her even closer. Olivia started to run her hand through his hair while the other moved down his back when they heard a soft knock on the window. “Mommy?” Noah yawned.

“Whoops,” Rafael smiled as he stood up straight.

Olivia looked in the back seat as she smiled, “Go back to sleep sweetie… We’re going home now.”

“Okay,” Noah said as he closed his eyes.

“Alright,” Olivia said turning back to Rafael, “Now I really have to go.”

Rafael nodded, “Night, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you then,” Olivia smiled as she got in the car.

 

The next night, Rafael knocked on Olivia’s door and as he waited he heard muffled shuffling’s coming from inside; shortly after the door opened, “Remind me to give you that key,” Olivia said as she walked back towards her living room.

Rafael chuckled as he followed her, “Hello to you too.” When he noticed what she was wearing he smiled, “You’re not wearing a towel to dinner… No matter how much I’d enjoy that.”

“Very funny,” she said rolling her eyes; “I can’t decide what to wear.”

“Wear the red dress,” he suggested.

“You don’t think that’s too much, do you?”

Rafael smiled as he closed the gap between them, “I think that dress is sexy,” he leaned in and kissed her.

When the kiss broke Olivia huffed, “I don’t know,” then she walked towards her bedroom.

“You’re over thinking it,” Rafael said following her.

“This is the first time I’m actually going to meet your mother properly,” she said looking in her wardrobe.

“She already loves you,” Rafael smiled. “Relax, everything is going to be fine.”

Olivia just stared into her closet for a moment before saying, “Red dress then?”

“I think so,” Rafael said walking towards her. “I also think that this would be beautiful with that dress,” he added.

Olivia turned around to find him holding out a red velvet box; “What’s this?” she asked as he handed it to her.

“Just a little something I thought you would like,” Rafael smiled.

As Olivia opened the box she saw a beautiful diamond necklace; it was vivid pear-shaped aquamarine surrounded by smaller round diamonds set in platinum. “Oh my, Rafael, you really shouldn’t have,” Olivia looked up from the necklace, “I love it,” she smiled as she gave him a kiss. When the kiss broke she walked over to the mirror above her drawers, “Can you help me put it on?”

“Of course,” he said as he walked over to her. While Rafael removed the necklace from the box Olivia pushes her hair out of the way; when the necklace was free Rafael gently placed it on her and did it up.

As Rafael wrapped his arms around her waist she asked looking into the mirror, “Does it look okay?”

Rafael leaned in and gave her a few gentle kisses along her neck, “It looks good,” he said against her skin, “It’s almost as beautiful as you.”

Rafael loosened his grip around her as she twisted herself around to face him; she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, “Thank you.” Rafael smiled as he gave her another kiss and as he started to undo the towel she was wearing when Olivia added, “We’re going to be late.”

“And?” he jested as he kissed her again, “We can be a little late.”

“Rafael,” she sighed, “Why don’t you help Noah get dressed?”

He laughed, “Are you sure you don’t need help?”

“I’ll manage,” she smiled.

“Alright,” Rafael said as he let go of her, “I’ll be out there.”

 

When Olivia was ready she left her room and walked into the living room, “Rafael?” she called out.

“Yeah?” he answered back.

“Where are you?”

“In Noah’s room,” he chuckled.

“Don’t come in!” Noah shouted.

“We’re gonna be late,” she replied.

A few minutes later Rafael emerged from Noah’s room, “I see you went with the red dress,” he smiled, “Looks good.”

“Well you seem to like it,” Olivia smiled.

He walked closer to Olivia and gave her a quick kiss, “Like it?” Rafael smirked, “That’s an understatement.”

“Maybe a little,” she grinned. “Where’s Noah?”

“He wants to make an entrance,” Rafael chuckled.

“You’re teaching him your bad habits,” she laughed.

“Bad habits?” he said raising his eyebrows, “And here I thought you loved it when I strut.”

“Oh I do,” Olivia said wrapping her arms around his waist and kissed him. “So, when’s he going to come out?”

“Now… Noah,” Rafael called out, “Come on out.”

Not long after Noah ran into the living room wearing a suit, “Look Mommy!” he yelled excited.

“Don’t you look handsome,” she smiled.

“Rafi did my tie,” Noah smiled as he pointed to his bowtie.

“And it matches his,” Olivia noted which made Rafael laugh, “We should probably get going though.”

“Yeah,” Rafael nodded, “Oh but before we go… I want to ask you something.”

“Sure,” Olivia said as she picked up Noah.

“It shouldn’t come up but if it does, can you please not mention any thing of the threats or Carter…” Rafael sighed.

“You haven’t told her?” Olivia questioned.

“I don’t want to worry her,” he hesitated, “She thought I died once… I don’t want her stressing over it being a possibility again.”

“I think you should tell her,” Olivia sighed, “But okay, I won’t say anything.”

“Thank you,” Rafael smiled, “Let’s go.”

 

Twenty minutes later they arrived outside of an Italian restaurant, “I think she’s inside,” Rafael said as he looked around the street. “Come on, let’s go in,” he smiled as he took hold of Olivia’s hand. As he led them inside he spotted his mother sitting at a square table, “Over there,” he gestured.

“Hello,” Lucia greeted when they approached the table.

“Hey Mamá,” Rafael smiled. “You know Olivia and this-“

“This must be Noah,” Lucia said, “Don’t you look handsome.”

“Say hello Noah,” Olivia smiled.

“Hi,” Noah said shyly.

Rafael pulled out a chair for Olivia, “Thank you,” she said as she sat down.

“You can sit here kiddo,” Rafael smiled as he helped Noah on his chair. Once Noah was in his chair Rafael made his way around the table and kissed his mother on the cheek, “How long have you been waiting?”

“Maybe five minutes,” Lucia replied.

Rafael sat between Noah and Lucia, “Have you ordered anything yet?”

“Not yet,” Lucia answered. Looking over to Olivia she added, “You look beautiful dear.”

“Thank you,” Olivia blushed, “So do you.”

Rafael smiled, “The both of you always do.”

Lucia leaned over and gave Rafael a hug, “Isn’t he sweet,” she said looking over to Olivia.

Olivia laughed, “Yeah, he has his moments.”

“Ouch,” Rafael smirked.

“Mommy, I’m hungry,” Noah whispered.

“What would you like?” Olivia asked as she picked up a menu and shared it with Noah.

“Umm… Spaghetti,” Noah smiled.

Olivia laughed, “Alright.”

“Are you ready to order?” Rafael asked.

“Yeah,” Lucia replied, “I’ll have the carbonara.”

Olivia smiled, “I think I’ll have that too.”

“Alright,” Rafael said as he gestured the waitress over.

The waitress walked over to the table, “Good evening. Are we ready to order?”

“We are,” Rafael smiled, “Can we get a kids spaghetti… two carbonaras and one spinach and ricotta ravioli.”

“Great,” the waitress smiled, “Any drinks tonight?”

“Wine?” Rafael asked. When both Lucia and Olivia nodded he continued, “Three glasses of Chardonnay and a small lemonade.”

“No problem, I’ll bring those over to you shortly,” the waitress said.

“Thanks Emily,” Rafael replied as she walked away.

“You read her badge again, didn’t you?” Olivia asked.

Rafael laughed, “Not this time… We come here pretty often.”

“Oh,” Olivia smiled, “That’s nice.”

“Rafí and I have come here at least once a month for a while now,” Lucia smiled.

“I didn’t realise the two of you were that close,” Olivia said.

“We always have been… I’m so lucky that my Rafí grew up to be the man he is now,” Lucia said looking over to Rafael.

“Mamá…” Rafael blushed.

“You could have been so different,” Lucia continued placing a hand on his, “I’m so proud of you.”

“I had you,” Rafael said placing his other hand on top of his mothers.

As they all sat in momentary silence Emily arrived at the table, “Alright, so who had the carbonara?”

“One here and the other over there,” Olivia smiled.

When the waitress finished placing down the bowls, “What about the spaghetti?”

“That’s mine,” Noah replied excitedly.

“Which mean this one must be yours,” Emily smiled at Rafael.

“Thanks,” Rafael said as she placed his bowl down.

“Is there anything I can get you before I go?” Emily asked placing a hand on Rafael’s shoulder.

“I think we’re all good for now,” Olivia said.

“Alright,” Emily replied then turning to Rafael she added, “Just give me a call if you need anything.”

“Will do,” Rafael smiled. Olivia glared at the waitress as she walked away, “What was that?” he laughed.

“Nothing,” Olivia replied.

“She’s just being friendly,” Rafael added.

“I’m _sure_ that’s all it was,” Olivia said sarcastically, “This looks great, let’s dig in.”

 

As they finished dinner Rafael placed his cutlery on his plate and said, “I’m so full… how was your meals?”

“Really good,” Olivia replied.

“Good as usual,” Lucia added.

“What about yours kiddo?” Rafael asked.

“It was yummy,” Noah smiled.

Rafael nodded, “That’s good, I’m glad you liked it… I guess after we finish our drinks we should probably head off.”

“Yeah,” Olivia agreed.

Noah leaned over to Olivia and says, “Mommy, I need to go to the bathroom.”

“Oh,” Olivia replied. Turning to Rafael she asked, “Where are the bathrooms?”

“I’ll take him,” Rafael answered as he pushed his seat back.

“Thank you,” Olivia smiled.

As Rafael stood up he turned to Noah; “Come on,” he said holding out his hand.

“Okay,” Noah smiled and took Rafael’s hand.

Once Rafael and Noah left the table Lucia said, “So, you two seem happy together.”

“We are,” Olivia smiled, “He’s so good with Noah.”

“Well that’s good,” Lucia replied as she looked around for Rafael. When she couldn’t see him she added, “Just promise me one thing.”

“What’s that?” Olivia asked curiously.

“Please try not to break his heart again.”

“Again?” Olivia said confused.

Lucia sighed, “Don’t tell him I said anything… He’s too proud to admit it to anyone but when he found out you were with Tucker I could see that it hurt him.”

“I didn’t know…” Olivia hesitated, “I would never hurt him on purpose.”

“He’s gotten good at putting up barriers to protect himself,” Lucia added, “But you’ve managed to break through a lot of them so just be careful, the last thing I want is to see him hurt.”

“I get it,” Olivia paused, “But you don’t have to worry, I’m not going anywhere.”

Lucia smiled, “I’m his mother, it’s my job to worry but I am glad to hear that… “How is Noah with all this?”

“Noah is fine,” Olivia smiled, “He’s taken to Rafael rather quickly…”

“Really? Well that’s great… How is Rafí with all this?” Lucia asked.

“Great,” Olivia nodded, “He tries and that’s all I could ask for.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Lucia replied as she took a sip of her drink.

Rafael walked back to the table with Noah, “So what’d I miss?”

“Nothing dear,” Lucia smiled, “We were just talking.”

“Whatever she told you about me… it isn’t true,” Rafael smirked as he helped Noah back in his seat.

“That’s a shame,” Olivia smiled as she finished her drink.

“Well in that case, it’s all true,” Rafael laughed.

Olivia watched Rafael as he made his way back to his chair, “Thank you for that.”

“Don’t mention it,” Rafael smiled as he sat down.

The waitress walked over to the table, “How was everything this evening?”

“It was great,” Olivia answered.

“That’s good to hear,” Emily nodded, “Was there anything else?”

“No, I think we’re done,” Rafael replied.

“Well when you’re ready just come up to the counter to pay,” Emily smiled at Rafael then left.

Rafael finished his drink, “I’ll get this one.”

“I’ll half it,” Lucia said.

“No, it’s fine,” Rafael smiled. “I’ll meet you up there,” he added as he stood up.

Rafael made his way up to the counter where Emily was waiting; he handed her his card and paid for dinner. When she gave him his card back she passed him a note, “What’s this?” Rafael looked dumbfounded.

“In case things don’t work out with her,” Emily smiled, “Give me a call.”

Before Rafael could say anything else Emily walked away; swaying her hips. As he turned around Olivia was walking towards him, “What’s wrong?” she said looking at him confused.

“I… Umm,” he frowned, “I just got given a number.”

“What?” Olivia questioned, “From the waitress?”

“Yeah,” Rafael said as he tossed the note in the bin. “Let’s go,” he added as he took Olivia’s hand.

“Sounds good to me,” Olivia nodded.

 

When they got outside the restaurant Rafael turned to his mother, “It was good to see you tonight.”

“I can’t wait to do it again,” Lucia smiled.

“That would be nice,” Rafael smiled, “But for now we have to head off, we’ll see you soon,” Rafael leaned in and hugged Lucia.

As Rafael hugged her Lucia whispered, “Don’t let this one go.”

“I don’t plan on it,” Rafael smiled as the hug broke.

“It was nice to see you again Olivia,” Lucia smiled, “And to finally meet you Noah.”

“I’m glad we got to do this,” Olivia replied. “Hopefully we can do this again sometime.”

“Looking forward to it,” Lucia nodded, “Good night.”

“Night,” Olivia and Rafael both said.

“Good night,” Noah smiled.

While Lucia walked down the street Rafael turned to Olivia, “Ready to go home?”

Olivia took hold of Rafael’s hand, “Sure.”

Rafael gave Olivia a quick kiss before hailing a cab home.

 

Once they got to Olivia’s apartment building Rafael walked Olivia and Noah back to their apartment, “Thank you for coming out to dinner with my mother,” Rafael said as they reached the door.

“It was great to actually sit down and talk to her properly,” Olivia replied.

“Mommy can I go inside?” Noah asked.

“Sure sweetie,” Olivia answered as she opened the door for him. “You can turn the TV on if you want,” she said as Noah ran into the apartment.

“Okay,” Noah replied.

Olivia turned to Rafael, “Do you want to come-“ Olivia started but was interrupted by her phone. “Benson.”

“Who is it?” Rafael whispered.

“Carisi,” Olivia answered, “Oh, I was talking to Rafael… What’s the problem?” Olivia ducked her head in the door to check on Noah before saying, “Are you kidding me?... I’ll have to bring Noah with us… Okay see you in 30.”

When Olivia ended the call Rafael asked, “That doesn’t sound good, what’s going on?”

“I sent Carisi to arrest Warren and it turns out he’s tried to overdose on something so he’s being rushed to the hospital,” Olivia sighed, “We’ve got to get over there.”

“Carter’s not going to like this,” Rafael commented. “Guess we should get going.”

“Noah!” Olivia called out, “We have to go out again.”

“Can’t I stay here with Rafi?” Noah asked as he walked towards the door.

“Sorry but he’s coming to,” Olivia replied.

“Don’t worry… We’ll be back soon,” Rafael smiled.

Noah sighed, “Okay... Can I bring Charlie?”

Olivia smiled, “Sure, go grab him and we’ll leave.” As Noah ran back inside Olivia looked over to Rafael and saw him smiling, “He hardly puts it down.”

“I’m glad he likes it,” Rafael laughed.

Noah ran back to the door a moment later, “Ready?” Olivia asked.

Noah simply nodded and they left for the hospital.

 

Half an hour later they got out of a cab and made their way into the hospital. As they walked in Rafael tensed up, “You okay?” Olivia asked.

“Yeah…” he sighed, “I just don’t like being back here.”

Olivia nodded as they continued walking towards the waiting area, “Carisi should be around here somewhere.”

“He’s probably talking with a doctor… Do you want to go see if you can find where Warren is and I’ll take Noah to the waiting area?” Rafael suggested.

“Are you sure?” Olivia asked.

“We’ll be fine,” Rafael smiled.

“Okay thanks,” Olivia replied.

“Come on Noah, we’ll wait over here,” Rafael said holding out his hand.

Noah smiled as he took Rafael’s hand, “Bye Mommy,” he said as he looked over his shoulder to Olivia.

While they made their way towards the waiting room Rafael asked, “Did you enjoy dinner?”

“Yeah,” Noah nodded, “Can we do it again?”

“Really?” Rafael smiled, “Of course we can.”

“When we go home can we play?” Noah asked.

“If it’s not too late… I don’t see why not,” Rafael shrugged, “What do you want to play?”

“Umm, robots or hide and seek or-“

As Noah spoke Rafael spotted Carter down the hallway talking to a doctor; Carter suddenly looked over and he looked furious. When the doctor had finished talking to him he stood there for a moment waiting for the doctor to turn the corner before barrelling down the hallway towards Rafael. Instinctively Rafael pulled Noah behind him, “YOU!” Carter roared.

Rafael felt Noah jump, “Just stay behind me,” he said calmly to Noah.

“HE’S DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU!” Carter shouted as he entered the waiting area.

“I didn’t-“ Rafael began.

“YOU FUCKING KILLED MY SON!”

“Calm down,” Rafael said, “I know you’re upset but-“

“Oh fuck OFF,” Carter snarled. “You drove him to it!”

“Look!” Rafael snapped, “I know your angry but this isn’t the time.”

Carter’s nostrils were flaring, “Not the time?! How dare you try to shove me aside after you kill my son!”

Rafael felt Noah tightly grab hold of his jacket, “Back off! You’re scaring Noah!”

“I DON’T CARE!”

 

Olivia was talking to Carisi when she heard yelling coming from the waiting room; she was trying to listen when Carisi asked, “’Liv everything alright?”

“Noah’s in there,” Olivia said concerned as she turned and started to jog towards it; Carisi followed. As she entered she saw Carter yelling at Rafael, “If you thought things were bad before… Just you wait!”

“Carter-“ Olivia said.

“Mommy!” Noah yelled as he ran towards her.

Carter turned his gaze to Olivia, “I’d keep my son away from him if I were you.” Looking back to Rafael he added, “He might end up like mine.”

“Is that a threat?” Olivia frowned.

“It’s an observation,” Carter huffed.

“I think you should leave,” Carisi said as he stepped in front of Carter.

“You’re right… I’ve got a funeral to plan,” Carter frowned. He leaned towards Rafael as he whispered, “You better watch your back,” then he left.

“You okay sweetie?” Olivia asked Noah.

Noah nodded as he gave her a hug, “Can we go home now?”

“Soon,” Olivia smiled. “How are you doing?” she asked turning to Rafael.

“I’m fine,” he sighed, “What else do we have to do here? Warren’s gone.”

“IAB are on their way,” Olivia replied.

“Do you have to be here for that?” Rafael frowned, “Surely Carisi can deal with them.”

“I don’t know who they’re sending,” she sighed, “And with Warren being a cop and Carter’s son, I’ve got to be here when they show up.”

“Yeah, alright,” Rafael nodded.

“Anyone want a cup of coffee?” Carisi asked.

“Sure,” Rafael answered as he sat down.

“I could use one too,” Olivia replied, “I’ll go get them, Noah want a chocolate?”

“Yes please,” Noah said.

“I can go get them ‘Liv,” Carisi suggested.

Olivia smiled, “That’s alright… I’m going to see if I can find Warren’s doctor.”

“Alright,” Carisi replied.

“Can you hold Charlie?” Noah asked Rafael.

“Sure,” Rafael said taking the stuffed dog from Noah.

When Olivia left the room with Noah, Carisi sat down next to Rafael, “How are you? Carter seemed pretty pissed.”

“I’m fine,” Rafael answered.

“What did he say before we showed up?” Carisi asked.

“Nothing really,” Rafael sighed. As he looked down at the toy dog in his hands he added, “To be honest all I could think about was how scared Noah must have been…”

“That’s what being a parent is like,” Carisi replied.

“I tried to get rid of Carter but the more I spoke the angrier he got… and he’s got a good reason to be, what he said is true…”

“Rafael-“

“Then you two walk in and he’s gone in, I don’t know, five minutes maybe,” Rafael shrugged, “I just wish I could have done that.”

“You can’t blame yourself for any of it,” Carisi sighed.

“Look,” Rafael mumbled, “It’s over now… I just want to get out of here.”

“Yeah,” Carisi nodded, “Sorry about your night.”

“It’s alright… Didn’t think it would end up like this but what can you do,” he shrugged.

“How was dinner anyway?” Carisi asked.

“Yeah it was good… It was really nice to have a proper family night,” Rafael answered.

“Oh really? That’s great,” Carisi smiled. “I noticed that Noah’s all dressed up, that was you, wasn’t it?”

“Maybe,” Rafael smirked.

Carisi laughed, “Of course, I bet ‘Liv enjoyed that.”

“Yeah, she had a few things to say about it-“ Rafael began.

“Evening,” Tucker interrupted as he walking into the waiting room. “Any of you know where Olivia is?”

“She’s gone to talk to the doctor,” Carisi said as he stood up. “I’ll go get her.”

“Okay, I’ll be here,” Tucker replied.

When Carisi left Rafael looked over to Tucker and asked, “How long will this take?”

“I don’t know… You welcome to leave anytime,” Tucker replied.

“I’m here for ‘Liv,” Rafael retorted as he stood up.

After a few minutes of silence Tucker asked, “Is it true about you and ‘Liv?”

Rafael frowned, “What? That really doesn’t matter right now.”

“No it doesn’t,” Tucker agreed, “But is it true?”

“It’s got nothing to do with this,” Rafael huffed.

“So it is true,” Tucker grumbled. “I knew I was right.”

“Right about what?” Rafael asked confused.

“Don’t play dumb,” Tucker frowned, “I’m sure she told you all about what happened between us.”

“Uh no,” Rafael replied, “She didn’t share anything about it and I never asked. It’s a private matter.”

“Whatever,” Tucker said as he rolled his eyes.

“Who told you about us?” Rafael asked.

“I over heard your buddy Carter talking about it this morning,” Tucker answered.

“Who was he with?”

“I don’t know some patrolman,” Tucker replied.

Rafael rolled his eyes, “Of course it was.”

Tucker frowned but before he could say anything Olivia entered the room with Noah and Carisi, “Sorry, ” she said as she walked closer.

“EDDIE!” Noah shouted as he ran across the room and gave Tucker a hug.

“Hey,” Tucker said.

“Look what I have,” Noah smiled as he showed Tucker his chocolate.

“That’s nice,” Tucker smiled.

As Noah spoke to Tucker, Olivia looked over to Rafael who was looking uncomfortable. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know it would be him,” she sighed as she handed him his coffee, “Are you okay?”

“I think I’ll wait somewhere else,” Rafael mumbled as he took his coffee, “Noah do you want to come wait with me?”

“I want to stay with Mommy,” Noah replied.

“Oh,” Rafael said taken back, “Um, okay…”

“Raf-“  
“It’s fine… I’m going to get some air, come find me when you’re done,” he sighed. “Oh and here,” Rafael added as he gave Olivia the stuffed dog.

As Rafael walked away he heard Tucker say, “If you don’t mind Noah, I’ve got to talk to your Mom… It’s good to see you ‘Liv;” Rafael rolled his eyes as he left the room.

 

An hour later, Olivia was carrying Noah when she found Rafael wandering around outside the hospital, “Ready to leave?” she asked as she approached him.

“Thought you’d never ask,” he smiled.

“I’m sorry about before,” Olivia hesitated, “Noah didn’t mean anything by it.”

“It’s fine ‘Liv,” he paused, “I get it… I’m not going to hold it against him.”

Olivia nodded, “Okay, let’s go home.”

“Do you want me to take him?” Rafael asked.

“That would be great,” Olivia smiled as she slowly handed Noah to Rafael. “I’ll wake him when we get closer to home.”

Rafael nodded, “Alright, I’ll hail a cab.”

Not long after they caught a cab back to her place; when they reach Olivia’s apartment building; Rafael paid the driver and they all got out. Noah started to walk towards the building when Olivia said, “Wait by the door Noah,” Olivia said.

“Okay Mommy,” Noah yawned.

“Are you coming up?” Olivia asked Rafael.

Rafael sighed, “No, I think I should get going.”

“You Okay?” Olivia asked. “You’ve been quiet ever since Carter made a scene in the hospital.”

“I’m fine,” Rafael responded.

“Don’t blame yourself Rafa. You didn’t kill him.”

“I might not have given him the pills but I sure as hell stuck him in a corner,” Rafael replied. “I pushed way too hard because he was Carter’s son… My emotions got the better of me.”

“You didn’t know this was going to happen,” Olivia said.

“No but now Carter has threatened our son because of me,” Rafael sighed.

“Our?” Olivia repeated surprised.

“What?” Rafael said confused.

“You said _our_ son,” she smiled.

“Did I?” Rafael looked surprised. “I wasn’t thinking, sorry.”

When Rafael turned his head way from her she placed a hand on his upper arm, “Rafael, don’t be sor-“

As Rafael looks around the street he notices a man standing off in the distance; he quickly looks back at Olivia, “Does that guy look familiar to you?” he interrupted.

They both turn to the direction Rafael indicated when Olivia said, “Who? There’s no one there.”

“I could have sworn I saw someone,” Rafael frowned as he searched the street. “Maybe it’s just my paranoia… Sometimes I still see Seth lurking in the dark so it was probably that.”

“Rafael you never mentioned that,” Olivia replied concerned.

“I can handle it,” he said looking back at Olivia. “I should get going.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to come up?”

“I think I’m just going to walk for a while,” he sighed. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

As Olivia watched him walk down the street she called out, “Call me if you need anything.”

Rafael looked over his shoulder and gave Olivia a smile before continuing on his way.

  
As Rafael walked down the street he couldn’t help but get lost in his own thoughts for a while until he heard a noise behind him making him jump. Rafael stopped as he looked around the street but there was nothing there, “Hello?” Not long after a cat jumped on top of a dumpster in an alley, “It’s just a cat,” he mumbled. Now on edge Rafael quickly continued walking down the street; occasionally looking over his shoulder. He jumped again when his phone got a message, “Calm down there’s nothing out there,” he sighed. He looked down as he tried to get his phone out of his pocket when suddenly someone pulled him into a dark alley and pinned him up against a wall. “If you scream I’ll kill you,” he huffed as he placed a knife against Rafael’s throat. “Do you understand?” Rafael; heart pounding and unable to speak, just nodded so the man continued, “Do you recognise me?”

It took a moment for Rafael to find his voice, “You’re…you’re that patrolman.”

“Good job Barrrba,” he grinned. “Ain’t you been busy… not everyone has the balls to kill a Chiefs son.”

“I didn’t-“

“You’ve almost destroyed my career; you’ve gone after good cops and now you’ve killed my friend!” the man growled as he pressed the knife harder against Rafael’s neck.

Barely able to speak Rafael uttered, “Please… don’t… kill…”

“Oh you’re pathetic,” the man chuckled, “I ain’t gonna kill you, if I was you’d be dead.”

Rafael’s heart was pounding, “What do you want?”

“I want you to understand that killing Warren was a big mistake… Before it was a bit of fun but now we’re coming for you and there’s nothing you can do to stop it,” the man threatened. The man pulled the knife away from Rafael’s neck then punched him in the ribs a few times causing him to fall to the ground coughing, “This is a warning!” he yelled.

As Rafael got to his knees he noticed the man was starting to walk away, “We’re gonna get him you know… Carter,” he coughed.

The man stopped in his tracks and walked back to Rafael, “I’d watch what you say next,” he growled.

“You’re just a pawn and Carter is a coward!” Rafael huffed.

“You don’t learn do you?” The man laughed. When he was close enough he kicked him in the side making Rafael fall on his side holding his ribs; he stood over Rafael watching him wheeze. Kneeling down he whispered, “If I were you I wouldn’t go telling anyone about any of this especially that girlfriend of yours… Not unless you want more blood on your hands.” Rafael managed a quick nod then the man stood up and walked away again.

 

Rafael stayed on the ground of the alleyway for a moment as he tried to gather enough strength to get up. He waited five minutes to pass to make sure the man wasn’t coming back; deciding he was in the clear, he slowly got of the ground and walked back the way he came. He soon found himself knocking on Olivia’s door. As the door opened Rafael said, “I changed my mind… If the offer is still on the table I’d like to stay.”

“Of course…” she replied as she gestured him inside, “What happened?”

“Nothing… I just… Don’t want to be alone in my apartment tonight,” he whispered.

“Something happened Rafael… You’re bleeding and you’re holding your side,” she pointed out.

Rafael raised his hand to his neck to see for himself, “I… I must have scratched myself without realising.” He made his way over to her window and looked down at the street, “It’s nothing.”

“It’s something; otherwise you wouldn’t be surveilling the street,” she said walking over to him. As he watched the street Olivia looked closely at his neck, “That’s not a scratch… it’s too deep. What happened?”

Turning his gaze to her he replied, “It’s really nothing…”

“Hon don’t lie to me,” she sighed placing a hand on his side; he winced at her touch. “Sorry,” she whispered.

“Mommy?” Noah said walking into the room.

Olivia looked over to him, “How come you’re out of bed?”

“I’m thirsty,” he replied rubbing his eyes.

“Oh,” she smiled as she started to walk over to him, “I’ll get you some water.” She looked back at Rafael; who had turned his gaze back to the window, “We’re not done talking about this.”

Rafael sighed, “We should be.”

Olivia walked into her kitchen with Noah following closely behind; “I’ll get you a glass of water,” she said grabbing a glass of the bench.

She filled the glass up with tap water and gave it to Noah, “Thank you,” he said taking the glass.

When he finished Noah handed the glass back, “Okay,” Olivia smiled, “It’s time you got some sleep.” As they walked out of the kitchen Olivia added, “Say goodnight Noah.”

Noah ran up to Rafael and gave him a hug, “Night Rafi.”

A little surprised Rafael replied, “Night kiddo;” as he tried to hide how much pain he was in.

“Come on,” Olivia motioned for Noah to follow her. “I’ll tuck you in but you need to go to sleep this time.”

“Okay,” Noah yawned.

Five minutes later Olivia emerged from Noah’s room; closing the door behind her, she walked into the living room to find that Rafael had taken his jacket off and gone to sit on the lounge.

“Do you want to watch something?” he asked.

“I want to talk about what’s going on,” Olivia replied as she sat next to him.

Rafael sighed, “You’re not going to let this go…”

“Please just talk to me,” Olivia replied.

Rafael looked away uncomfortable, “I cant,” he mumbled.

“Okay,” she sighed as she stood up again.

“Where you going?” Rafael frowned.

“I’ll be back,” she smiled.

Rafael watched her as she left the room and entered her bedroom.

 

Ten minutes had passed when Olivia emerged from her room again, “Everything okay?” Rafael asked as he turned on the lounge to face her.

“I’m fine,” she smiled as she walked into the living room. Stopping just in front of him she held out a hand and added, “Come with me Counsellor.”

Rafael smiled, “You’re going to make me regret telling you that, aren’t you?”

“Only if you don’t do what I say,” she jested.

“Fair enough,” he chuckled. He took Olivia’s hand and slowly stood up; moving his free hand to his ribs as he winced a few times.

“You okay?” Olivia asked when he was fully standing; Rafael nodded and gave a small smile. “Okay, let’s go,” she said leading him towards her room; once inside she paused for a moment. “In there,” she pointed towards the ensuite.

“Oh,” Rafael replied confused as he walked into the ensuite. “’Liv you really didn’t have to,” he smiled when he saw that she had drawn him a bath.

“I figured you needed something to relax,” she smiled as she walked up behind him. He turned around to face her, “Let me help you,” she added as she started undoing his tie.

As he watched her with pure awe he gently brushed a piece of hair out of her face; “I love you,” he whispered as he leaned in and kissed her on the forehead.

She smiled as she removed his tie then unbuttoned his shirt, “This might hurt a little,” she sighed as she started to remove his shirt; he flinched a little. When the shirt was off she placed it along with his tie on the basin then turned back to him and noticed that his ribs were already showing signs of bruising. “Why don’t you finish getting undressed and hop in… I’m just going to get out of this dress.”

“Are you joining me?” he smirked.

“No,” she smiled, “I’ll sit with you and talk but this is for you.”

“Okay,” he replied as Olivia left the room. He finished getting undressed and got in the bathtub; once he was settled in the tub he looked out the door and caught a few glimpses of Olivia walking back and forth in the bedroom. Shortly after she entered the ensuite; Rafael’s eyes ran up and down her body; she was wearing his Harvard sweatshirt which stopped halfway up her thigh, “So that’s where it went,” he laughed.

“You left it here,” she shrugged, “It smells like you so I wear it.”

“Well, when you wear it like that… I’ve got no problem with it,” he smirked.

She came over to the bathtub and sat on the side, “So,” she hesitated, “Are you going to tell me what happened?”

Rafael sighed, “Are we done flirting?” Olivia just looked at him; “I told you I can’t.”

“Why can’t you?” she asked.

“I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Okay… Now you really have to tell me what’s going on,” Olivia retorted.

He sighed, “Turns out I’m not as paranoid as I thought… The man I saw was that patrolman…”

“How do you know?” Olivia asked.

“Well I got a pretty good glimpse at him when he held a knife against my throat,” Rafael paused, “He said if I told anyone, others would get hurt. I don’t want that ‘Liv.”

“That explains the cut but what about your ribs?”

“Well you know me,” he shrugged, “I sometimes forget to shut up.”

“You didn’t?” Olivia sighed.

“Yeah…” he said as he raised his hand out of the water and on top of Olivia’s. “Now that I’ve answered your questions do I get a reward?” Rafael smirked.

“Hon… Not tonight… Not in your condition,” Olivia replied.

Rafael laughed a little, “That’s not what I meant.”

“Oh,” Olivia smiled.

“What I want is you to join me in here,” Rafael smiled. “I just want to hold you close to me.”

“I don’t know, this was meant for you,” Olivia replied.

“To get me to talk, I know,” Rafael smirked.

“What?” Olivia jested.

Rafael sat up closer to Olivia, “Come on, you got me relaxed and vulnerable so I would open up and I gotta admit it worked before I could catch on.”

Olivia laughed, “I was surprised that it worked.”

He moved his hand from hers and placed it on her thigh, “So?”

“Hon-“

“All I want is to hold you,” Rafael interrupted.

“Alright,” Olivia replied as she got off the bath ledge.

Rafael watched Olivia as she removed the sweatshirt revealing that all she was wearing underneath was her underwear, “You were already planning on joining me, weren’t you?”

Olivia smirked, “Maybe but I enjoyed you trying to convince me.”

“Come on then,” Rafael smirked.

“Give me a second,” Olivia laughed. She slowly removed her underwear then walked out of the bathroom; as she left Rafael watched her every move. When she entered again she noticed Rafael grinning, “Are you just gonna watch or make room for me?”

“After a show like that, you don’t even need to ask,” he smirked as he moved back in the bath as Olivia climbed in. When Olivia was in the bath she felt Rafael brush her hair to the side as he leaned forward against her. Soon after she found herself relishing in the tender kisses he was placing behind just behind her ear. He stopped kissing her and leaned back, “I have something I want to ask,” he said.

“Go ahead,” she replied looking over her shoulder.

After a moment Rafael sighed, “Noah isn’t afraid of me, is he?”

“What?” Olivia frowned, “Afraid of you?”

“Yeah, because of what happened with Carter.”

“No Hon,” she reassured. “I spoke to him afterwards and he told me that you put yourself between him and Carter… he thinks you protected him.”

“But he seemed to avoid me afterwards,” he hesitated.

“Raf… He wasn’t avoiding you,” Olivia replied, “He wanted to talk to Tucker… We might have gone our own ways but Noah doesn’t understand what happened.”

“I get that,” Rafael paused, “I just… I don’t want to lose anything with Noah.”

“You’re a good man,” Olivia smiled. “It’s going to be fine.”

“I hope so,” he said as he started to run his fingers through Olivia’s hair.

As Rafael ran his hand through Olivia’s hair she said, “You said our son earlier… Do you actually consider Noah as your son?”

He moved both of his hands slowly down to her stomach and pulled her closer to him, “I do,” he whispered. “I wanted to talk to you before I said anything but after everything tonight… It just slipped out.”

She relaxed against his chest, “Oh,” she said.

“Honestly wherever I go I don’t feel safe; I’m on edge all the time but with you and Noah… I feel like I’m home. I want you to know that I’m serious about us and if allow me to I’m would like to take the leap into fatherhood. I want to be there for the both of you.”

“I would love nothing more,” Olivia smiled.

“Do you think Noah would come to see me as a father figure?” he asked.

“Rafa… Noah loves you. You teach him so much and at times he does his best to copy you. He already does,” she answered.

“I’m glad,” Rafael said.

As Rafael gently ran his fingers along Olivia stomach she said, “Can you sing to me?”

“I don’t know how good it’s going to be,” he paused, “What do you want to hear?”

“Anything, I just want to hear you sing again,” she replied.

“I’ll see what I can do,” he smiled. After a moment of thought he started to softly sing _Cant take my eyes off of you_ to her. As he sang Olivia closed her eyes and relaxed against him; feeling to his voice travel through her. Soon after the song was over Rafael realised Olivia had drifted off to sleep in his arms so he just quietly hummed to himself as he closed his eyes and relaxed against the side of the tub.

 

20 minutes later Olivia woke up and realised she was still in the bath, “Rafael?” she asked as she slowly sat up. She looked over her shoulder and saw that he had fallen asleep too. “Raf honey,” she said as she gently tried to wake him.

He frowned, “What time is it?”

“I don’t know… It’s late and we should get out of the bath,” she replied.

It took him a moment or two wake up, “Okay,” he nodded as he opened his eyes.

Rafael watched as Olivia got out of the bathtub and grabbed a towel; when she turned she said, “Your turn.”

Rafael started to get up but was quickly reminded that his ribs hurt so he stopped. Looking away from her as he asked, “Can you help me?”

“You don’t have to be embarrassed for asking,” Olivia said as she wrapped the towel around herself. “Of course I’ll help you,” she added as she leaned over the tub. He looked back at Olivia and smiled as he placed his arm around her shoulders; Olivia wrapped her arm under his and around his back, “On three,” she said.

“Okay,” Rafael nodded.

“One… Two…” she counted slowly as Rafael braced himself. “Three,” she finished and they both worked together as he slowly stood up.

Slightly out of breath he said, “Thank you.”

“It’s alright,” Olivia smiled as she handed him a towel. After she dried herself, she picked up his sweatshirt and put in on then made her way into her bedroom. She opened a drawer and got out some underwear for herself and a pair of boxers for Rafael. She quickly put hers on then walked back to Rafael, “Here, did you want a shirt?”

“No, thanks,” Rafael smiled as he took the boxers from her.

“Alright, I’ll meet you in there,” Olivia said as she turned around and went to bed.

He slowly dried himself then put on the boxers and as he made his way into the bedroom, “You gonna move over?” he smiled.

“Oh I don’t know, maybe,” Olivia jested as she moved over a little.

“I’m injured you have to be nice to me,” he smirked as he got in the bed.

As he relaxed Olivia moved closer to him and put an arm across his chest, “Is this okay?” she asked.

“It’s great,” he said closing his eyes, “I always enjoy having you close to me.”

She kissed him on the cheek then whispered, “Good night, Raf.”

“Good night,” he replied; not long after they both were asleep.

 

The next morning; Rafael winced as sat up in the bed, “You okay?” Olivia asked sitting up next to him.

He slowly stood up, “I’m fine,” he mumbled.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

Turning to face her, “I have to do something.”

Olivia looked down his torso and saw the dark bruises on his side, “Are you seeing a doctor?”

“No, it’s probably just a cracked rib… I can deal with it,” he sighed as he turned and made his way over to the drawers.

“How do you know that’s all it is?” she asked concerned.

“I’ve had more than my share of cracked ribs… It hurts but I’m not going to die,” he gave a half-assed laughed as he took a shirt out of the drawer. “It sure as hell beats being shot.”

“Bet you have some pretty badass stories to go alone with those injuries,” Olivia quipped.

Rafael smiled, “I wish that was the case... It would make me sound much cooler.”

“Tell me one of those stories and I’ll be the judge of that,” she laughed.

“I’m way too sober for that conversation.”

“Alright,” Olivia replied, “Can you please see a doctor today?”

“Okay but it’s not going to make a difference,” he shrugged as he walked back over to Olivia, “I’ll do it later.”

“Surely what you have planned can wait an hour,” she sighed. “What are you doing anyway?”

Rafael hesitated, “I’m going to Carter.”

“What? Why?” Olivia frowned.

“I need to talk to him before things get worse,” he answered putting on his shirt.

“I’m coming with you,” Olivia said as she got out of bed.

“No,” Rafael sighed. “I have to do this alone… I’m going to apologise to him.”

“It’s not your fault that Warren died,” she uttered as she walked over to Rafael.

“Carter thinks it is,” he paused, “And so do I… I’ve just got to do this.”

“Be careful,” she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Rafael smiled, “I’m not going anywhere,” he leaned in and kissed her.

“Can you see a doctor before you go to him?” Olivia asked concerned.

“Alright,” Rafael nodded, “For you I will.”

“Thank you,” she smiled as she let go of him.

Rafael walked back over to drawers and pulled out a pair of jeans; as he slowly put them on he hesitated, “Did we ever find out what actually happened to Warren?”

“He overdosed on Oxy,” Olivia sighed, “It looks like it’s going to be ruled a suicide.”

“That’s all you have?” Rafael frowned.

“It’s still an on going investigation… It only happened last night,” Olivia answered.

Rafael nodded, “Yeah, fair enough… I should probably get going.”

“Call me when you’re done,” Olivia requested.

“Of course,” he smiled.

“And here,” she smiled as she picked up a key off the bedside table, “You can let yourself in when your done.”

“Aren’t you at work today?”

“I am but you wont be so if you want to you can relax here instead of going back to your apartment,” she replied.

“Thanks,” he smiled, “I’ll talk to you later,” he added as he left.

 

Two hour later Rafael found himself walking through the busy floors of 1PP; he looked around for Carters office for ten minutes before he finally gave in and asked one of the officers. Once he was pointed in the right direction he slowly made his way towards Carters office; after some contemplation Rafael knocked on the door door, “What?” Carter shouted.

“I, umm,” Rafael hesitated as he entered the office.

“What the hell do you want?” Carter snarled, “You’ve got a lot of nerve showing your face here.”

“I want to talk… To apologise actually,” Rafael said. Carter only glared at Rafael so he continued, “I know things have been a little hostile between us and I just want to try to deescalate things before they get worse.”

“Worse,” Carter huffed, “My son is dead.”

“I didn’t mean for that to happen,” Rafael sighed, “I just wanted Warren to talk.”

Carter suddenly stood up from his desk and growled, “Well now he’s not going to be doing a whole lot of that.”

“I know,” Rafael mumbled, “I can’t take that back… I wish I could-”

“Fuck off… You’re only saying this to save yourself,” Carter interrupted. “I heard you had an accident last night… I hope you learnt a lesson.”

“I got the message,” Rafael replied, “But don’t expect me to just roll over and take it. I get that you’re mourning and I’m truly sorry for your loss however sending your pal to threaten me wont work anymore… I’m not scared of you.”

“You will be!” Carter bellowed as he slammed his fist on the table, “You deserve everything that’s coming to you. Now get out of my office!”

“Fine,” Rafael huffed, “I’ll show myself out.”

 

As he made his way out of 1PP Rafael called Olivia, “Hey,” he said when she answered.

“How’d it go?” Olivia asked.

“Could have gone better,” Rafael admitted, “He didn’t care for anything I was saying and well I can’t blame him.”

“Did he say anything?”

“Other than get out, not really,” he sighed.

“Oh,” Olivia replied, “Well what about the doctors, what did they say?”

“They said one is broken and a few more are bruised,” he paused, “They also said I was lucky, it could have been a lot worse if the broken rib had punctured something but it didn’t so they gave me some painkillers and sent me on my way… I told you it wasn’t that bad.”

“Just take it easy,” she sighed.

“Yeah, I’m heading back to yours now,” he said. “Is Noah there?”

“No Lucy took him to the movies today so you have a few hours to yourself,” she replied.

“Alright, I’ll see you when you get home,” he said ending the call.

 

*

 

The next few weeks were quiet, Carter had stopped coming around to the squad room and Olivia and Rafael worked on the trafficking case the best they could but their only solid lead was gone.

 

*

 

Rafael was half asleep in the bed at Olivia’s apartment when he heard Noah giggling softly as he entered the room. Rafael kept his eyes close as he listened to Olivia hushing Noah as he walked closer to him; when Noah was close enough he jumped on Rafael and smiled “Rafí, you gotta get up!”

Rafael laughed as he opened his eyes, “You got me.”

As Rafael sat up he grabbed Noah and tickled him, “RAFI, stop,” Noah laughed.

Rafael stopped and looked over to the doorway to find it empty, “Did your mother send you in?”

Noah nodded, “She said you’re gonna be late.”

“Okay,” he smiled, “Tell her I’ll be out in 10.”

“Okie,” Noah said jumping off the bed.

When Noah left the room Rafael got out of bed and got ready for work; ten minutes later he was making his way out of the bedroom when he heard Olivia call out to him, “Your coffee is ready.”

He walked into the kitchen and saw Olivia placing his cup on the bench, “Thank you,” he smiled. Continuing into the kitchen he gave Olivia a kiss on the cheek then picked up his coffee, “I must have slept through my alarms.”

“I turned them off,” Olivia admitted, “I thought you could use the sleep in.”

“Aren’t you sweet,” Rafael smiled as he took a sip of his coffee. “I think I like being woken up this way more anyway,” he added looking at Noah who was in the living room.

“You heard him walking in, didn’t you?” she asked.

“I heard you both,” Rafael nodded, “But it was nice.”

“I’m glad,” she smiled.

“Do you think we’ll hear from Carter today?” he asked.

Olivia sighed, “Probably not… He barely comes to the precinct now and only calls me if he needs a file.”

“I can’t say I miss it,” Rafael chuckled, “It’s good to actually have room to breath again.” He looked down at his watch when he said, “Crap, I’m going to be late.”

“You don’t start till 8 today,” Olivia frowned.

“I know,” Rafael said as he quickly drank his coffee, “But Peter wanted a meeting before then to run over some cases.”

“Sorry,” Olivia sighed, “I didn’t know.”

“It’s fine, it’s only Peter,” Rafael smiled. “If anything this meeting is just going cause more headaches than it’s worth.”

“Okay,” she replied, “Don’t do all the work.”

“I wont,” he kissed her as he walked past.

As Rafael walked towards the door Noah ran over and gave him a hug, “Rafí, are you coming back today?”

“Not today buddy,” Rafael said as he kneeled down.

“Oh,” Noah replied disappointed, “Why not?”

“I’m having dinner with my mother tonight,” he smiled.

“Maybe we could come,” Noah suggested.

Rafael gave a small laugh, “I would love nothing more but unfortunately not this time.” Noah sighed as he bowed his head; “Hey come here,” Rafael said pulling Noah into a proper hug, “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“You promise?” Noah asked.

“I promise,” Rafael smiled.

“I love you Rafí,” Noah mumbled.

Rafael kissed Noah on the top of the head, “I love you too kiddo.” As the hug ended Rafael stood up and continued for the door, “Cya,” he said as he left.

 

Later that morning Rafael was in his office when his phone rang, “Olivia, what’s up?”

“I caught a case,” Olivia paused.

“Okay… What do you need?” Rafael replied.

“She didn’t make it,” Olivia hesitated, “Can you meet me in the morgue?”

“The morgue… Why?” he asked confused, “What’s going on?”

“Raf… I… Can you come to the morgue?” she repeated.

“I’ll leave now…” he said getting up from his desk, “What’s this about?”

Olivia sighed, “I’d rather tell you in person.”

“Okay… see you in 20,” he said as he rushed out of his office.

 

Twenty minutes later he saw Olivia outside of the building, “What’s going on?” he asked as he rushed over.

“Lets go inside first,” she said as she led him into the building.

“Oookay,” he replied as he followed. A few minutes later they were standing in a small room with a lounge against the wall and a window looking into the morgue. “This is where people make ID’s…” Rafael quickly looked over to Olivia, “Why am I here?”

“Rafael… I’m so sorry but I need you to identify her,” Olivia sighed.

Rafael took a deep breath, “Who?”

Olivia hesitantly said, “Lucia.”

Rafael’s heart stopped, “What did you just say?” he whispered turning his gaze to the window. Melinda was standing in the morgue with a sheet-covered body; when Olivia nodded she removed the sheet to reveal the face, “No!” Rafael shouted. He began to feel numb and physically weak, “That’s… That’s… my mother!” he stuttered.

“I got the call this morning… I didn’t know how to tell you-” Olivia began.

“Why did SVU get the call?” Rafael interrupted. “Was… was she…?” he added trying to fight the tears.

“Raf…” she whispered.

Rafael’s stomach dropped, “Was…” he faltered as a tear rolled down his face; “Was-“

“I’m sorry,” she said.

He closed his eyes; “Oh god,” he mumbled. Taking a few steps backwards he found his way to the lounge and sat down; Rafael brought his hands to his face as he began to cry.

“Rafael?” Olivia whispered as she walked over to him.

“I… can’t breathe,” he gasped into his hands as he leaned forward.

As she sat next to him she whispered, “I really am sorry...”

Olivia wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close as he cried into his hands. He sat there in her embrace for what felt like eternity. As his crying starts to quieten Rafael sat back up and looked at Olivia, “I just spoke to her yesterday,” he sniffled, “We were supposed to have dinner tonight.”

“I know.”

“Who… Who killed… her?” he shuddered barely able to speak.

“We don’t know yet,” she sighed.

Taking a deep breath he asked, “What happened to her?”

Olivia tilted her head slightly “Raf…”

“Please ‘Liv,” he begged as fresh tears rolled down his face. “I need to know,” he added as he wiped his face with his hand.

Olivia looked over to the mirror and saw Melinda; “Okay,” she sighed, “but I don’t know everything… Melinda was going to tell me after.” Olivia stood up then turned to help Rafael up, “Are you sure you want to hear this?”

He closed his eyes to fight the oncoming tears, “Yes…” he paused as he opened his eyes, “but can I have a moment alone…” he added as he walked over to the window.

“Sure I’ll meet you inside,” she said then she left the room.

 

As Olivia entered the morgue Melinda asked, “How’s he doing?”

Olivia sighed, “He’s grieving.” As Olivia reached Melinda she said, “He wants to know what happened.”

“I would too,” she replied.

Olivia hesitated, “Please don’t go into to much detail about the assault… He doesn’t need to know that.”

“I wasn’t going to ‘Liv,” Melinda reassured. “But if he asks…”

“I don’t want you to hide anything from him… If he asks tell him.”

“Okay,” Melinda said as she placed a hand on Olivia’s shoulder, “How are you holding up?”

“I’m fine,” Olivia replied.

“It’s not easy telling a close friend something like this…” Melinda sighed, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Olivia smiled a little, “I’m fine,” she paused, “He needs me to be here for him and that’s what I plan on doing.”

A moment later Rafael entered the room; he looked drained, his eyes were red and his hair was a mess. He took a deep breath as he approached his mother, “Okay… I’m ready.”

“Are you sure?” Olivia asked. Rafael just nodded as he stared at his mothers’ lifeless face, “Alright… Melinda, when did she die?”

Melinda picked up the file off the bench, “Early this morning but I’m afraid that her ordeal would have lasted a few hours prior,” she answered.

“Tell me everything,” Rafael muttered.

“Whoever attacked her knew what they were doing,” she looked up from the file and watched Rafael as she continued, “She’s got defensive wounds but her nails have been cut and she’s been washed so there’s no DNA evidence. Her wrists were bound behind her back with what looks as though it could have been handcuffs as she was assaulted.”

As Olivia asked, “How bad was the assault?” Rafael clenched his teeth together as he listened.

“It was bad… Not only was she sexually assaulted,” Melinda paused as she saw Rafael close his eyes.

“Keep going,” he said without opening his eyes. He clenched his fist as he added, “I need to know what this sick bastard did to my mother.”

“Are you sure?” Olivia asked; Rafael nodded without saying a word.

“Alright,” Melinda sighed. “She was tortured…. She has cuts and burns all over her torso.”

“How’d she die?” Olivia asked.

“Overdose,” Melinda stated.

“What?” Rafael frowned as he opened his eyes and looked at Melinda. “With what?”

Looking back at the file she replied “Looks like it was Oxycodone.”

Rafael quickly turned his gaze to Olivia, “That’s not a coincidence,” he huffed.  
Olivia looked at him, “You don’t think-“

“I do and you know I’m right,” he replied.

“What?” Melinda asked.

“We think we know who did this,” Olivia started.

“We know who did this,” Rafael corrected, “It was Carter.”

“Yeah,” Olivia agreed. Turning to Rafael she added, “Let’s get you home.”

Rafael nodded and as he watched Melinda and Olivia start to walk away he took a step towards his mother. Rafael brought his hand and brushed some hair out of Lucia’s face, “I’m so sorry Mamá,” he whispered as tears slowly made their way down his face. “I never meant for any of this to happen,” he cried as he kissed her on the forehead. “Siempre te amaré,” he whispered as he took a deep breath; shortly after he made his way over to Olivia; who was waiting at the door for him, “I’m ready to go home now.”

 

When they finally made it back to Rafael’s apartment he entered first; as he walked down the hallway his legs gave out from under him causing him to collapse against the wall. As he started to cry, Olivia quickly closed the door behind her and made her way to Rafael, “How about we get you somewhere comfortable,” she said as she knelt down next to him. He brought his hands up to his face as he sat there leaning on the wall, “Come on,” she said supportively as she wrapped an arm under his and helped him to his feet then slowly guided him towards the bedroom. Once in the bedroom Olivia helped him take his suit jacket off and as she walked over to his cupboard to put the jacket away Rafael climbed on top of his bed. Not long after Olivia got on the other side of the bed and pulled him in close to her. She hummed to him as she ran a hand along his back while the other tangled in his hair; he spent the rest of the night in her tender embrace as he cried.

  
The next morning Olivia stretched her arm out to the other side of the bed; it was empty. She opened her eyes and looked around the room but there was no sign of Rafael. Confused, she picked up her phone and noticed that it was only 5:34am, “Rafael?” she called out as she slowly got out of bed; there was no answer. As she walked towards the bedroom door she looked on his dresser and noticed her gun was missing from her holster; her stomach dropped. _Oh god_ she thought as she opened the bedroom door, “Rafael?” she said quietly. Moving from the bedroom she searched his apartment looking for him; occasionally calling out his name and getting no response each time. As she got to the doorway of the lounge room she saw him sitting on the lounge with his back to the door; “Rafa?” she said cautiously.

“I couldn’t do it,” his voice was husky.

“Do what?” she asked as she entered the room.

“I… couldn’t…” he sniffled.

As she walked closer to him she looked over his shoulder and saw her gun in his hand, “Rafael…”

“I want him dead,” he croaked.

“I get that… I really do,” she began to say as she walked in front of him. Only then did she see his face; he looked emotionally drained and his eyes were red and puffy.

As a tear rolled down his cheek he whispered, “I was going to kill him… I want to.”

“But you didn’t,” she reassured as knelt down and placed a hand on the gun.

“Olivia,” he sighed as he looked at her with a dead expression. “You don’t understand… I left the apartment,” as he spoke his grip on the gun tightened, “I was going to kill him.”

“Raf-“

“It’s my fault,” he whimpered loosening his grip.

Olivia quickly took the gun out of his hand and placed it on the coffee table behind her. Once the gun was out of the way Olivia sat next to him and pulled into her embrace as he cried. “We’re going to get him,” she whispered soothingly.

He wrapped his arms around Olivia, “Every time I close my eyes… I see her on that slab,” he cried. Olivia sat there for a while just letting him cry; when he stopped he lifted his head, “I’ll understand if you want to walk away from this,” Rafael sighed not looking Olivia in the eyes. “I’d rather watch you leave than lose you forever.”

“Raf I’m not-“

“Don’t decide right now…” he interrupted as he looked at her. “Just promise me you’ll think about it.”

“We’re going to get him,” she reassured.

Rafael looked at her as he fought on coming tears, “I’m glad I have you here with me… I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Olivia gave a slight smile. After a moment of silence she asked, “How long have you been sitting here?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “A while.”

“Oh Raf,” she sighed. As Olivia looked around the room she noticed a bunch of photos scattered across his coffee table, “Family photos?” she asked. Rafael nodded as Olivia picked up one, “What’s happening in this one?”

“It was uh I don’t know maybe my 6th birthday… Mom worked so hard to make it perfect,” he smiled a little, “She always did… I never forgot that.”

“That’s sweet,” Olivia said as she put the photo down and picked up another, “What about this one?

“I know what you’re doing,” he smiled a little. Olivia just smiled back as he continued, “Mom saved up enough money to take me to Cuba for a few days to visit family… It was a great trip, I wouldn’t mind taking Noah one day.”

“He’d love that,” Olivia replied. Olivia continued picking up some photo’s here and there to take Rafael’s mind off the death of his mother. After a few photos Olivia found one that’s face down; as she picks it up she asks, “Who’s this?”

Rafael’s body language suddenly changed; his jaw tensed up, he made a fist and began to breath heavily, “My father,” he grumbled.

“Oh, you’ve never mentioned him,” Olivia paused, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up anything uncomfortable.”

“You didn’t know,” Rafael replied as he relaxed a little. “He was…” he mumbled, “He was abusive.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Olivia said.

He turned his gaze from the photo to Olivia, “I want to, you deserve to know.”

“Okay.”

“He use to beat us all the time,” Rafael sighed, “Dinner was the worst time though… I sit quietly at the table every night in fear of when the beating would come because it always did.” Rafael took a deep breath before continuing, “Honestly it didn’t matter what I did he’d find a reason to hit me but my mother got it worse... He didn’t attack her every day like he did with me but when he did he’d take her to their room and… she could be stuck in there for hours but whenever she did get out she’d have bruises for weeks at a time. Occasionally she’d have a fracture or dislocation of some sort…”

“Raf,” Olivia said placing a hand on his, “You don’t have to do this.”

“It’s okay,” he continued, “As I got older the less afraid I was of him. I eventually worked up enough nerve and stood up to him… I ended up in the hospital for a week but it was worth it. He knew I wasn’t afraid anymore… That all his power was fleeting... Not long after he left us. He’s actually the reason why I worked so hard to be a prosecutor; people like him shouldn’t get to walk free.”

“He made you the man you are today,” Olivia said.

“No,” Rafael paused, “My mother did... All he ever taught me was how to drink, it was my mother who taught me the value of love and respect.”

Olivia nodded, “She was a lovely lady.”

“That she was,” Rafael smiled.

“I think we should put these away for now, is that okay?” Olivia asked; gesturing to the photos. Rafael nodded as he watched as Olivia get up and start collecting some photos, “Where do they go?” she asked.

“In that box,” he answered pointing to the small wooden box under the coffee table.

“Isn’t that the same box you had in the hospital?” she asked as she continued grabbing photos.

“Yeah,” Rafael paused, “We never did get around to that drink, did we?”

“We can have it now if you want,” she suggested.

Rafael looked over to the window, “The sun is only just rising… I think it may be a little early to start drinking.”

“I think it would be understandable if you wanted a drink now,” she replied.

Rafael smiled a little, “I’m fine without one for now.”

“How about coffee instead?”

Rafael thought for a moment, “No, I’m alright but help yourself if you want one.”

“No coffee?” Olivia asked as she raised her eyebrow.

“I should probably sleep at some point today… If I can,” he sighed.

“It wouldn’t be a bad idea,” she nodded as she reached for the box. As she pulls the box closer to herself something inside rattled; “What’s in here?” she asked as she started to open the box.

“Um,” Rafael muttered.

“Oh wow,” Olivia gasped as she saw a diamond ring. “Why do you have this?”

“My grandmother left me the box along with her ring,” he hesitated, “I forgot it was in there. Just ignore it please.”

“Okay,” Olivia said as she started putting some photos in the box. “Um,” she hesitated.

“What?” Rafael asked, “You can ask me anything.”

“We need to talk about what happened earlier Rafael,” Olivia paused, “You can’t be taking my gun.”

“I know,” he sighed. “I don’t have an excuse for why I did.”

“Why’d you come back?” she asked as she grabbed some more photos off the table.

“You.”

“What, me?” Olivia frowned.

“As I was trying to figure out what I was going to do all I could think about was you,” Rafael replied. “There’s so much that you add to my life… Excitement, romance and well… even a family. If I followed through I’d be giving up way too much and there’s not chance in hell that I’m willing to do that.”

She smiled, “I’m glad to hear that.” She glanced down at the photo of his father as she put it in the box, “Some people undervalue that.”

“I’m not like him,” Rafael frowned, “I don’t hurt people.”

Olivia put the box down and took Rafael by the hands, “I know hon, I understand the temptation you had today, you’re too good to stoop down to his level.”

Rafael smiled a little, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said as she kissed him. When the kiss broke Olivia picked the box up again and continued packing away the photos. As Olivia finished putting the photos away she closed the box and stood up, “I’ve got to go the precinct for a little while then I need to pick up Noah.”

“Oh,” Rafael sighed, “I guess I’ll see you later.”

“Actually… “ she hesitated, “I would like it if you came with me.”

“I don’t want to leave my apartment,” he mumbled.

She tilted her head to the side a little, “I know but I don’t want you to be alone right now… especially after this morning.”

“I’m going to be fine,” he replied.

“That’s not what I’m worried about,” Olivia sighed, “Please just come with me… I’d feel better if you did.”

“Fine,” he huffed.

“I know you don’t want to but I appreciate it,” she smiled gently.

“Guess I’ll get dressed then,” he muttered as he stood up; he then promptly left the room.

 

Twenty minutes later Olivia walked towards Rafael’s room, “What’s taking you so long?” she said as she entered his room. “What are you doing?” she asked when saw him leaning against his bedside table.

“Writing a letter,” he answered.

“A letter? For who?” she asked as she walked closer.

“It’s nothing,” Rafael mumbled. “I’m done now,” he said putting down the pen and folding the letter in half before Olivia could see it. “Where’d you put that box?”

“Oh it’s right here,” Olivia said as she handed the box to him, “I wasn’t sure where you wanted it so I brought it in here.”

“Thanks,” he said taking the box from Olivia. He opened it and placed the letter underneath all the photos then closed the box and put it on his bedside table, “I’m ready now... Let’s get this over and done with.”

 

An hour later they pulled up outside the precinct, “I’m just going to stay in the car,” Rafael sighed.

“Rafael,” Olivia whispered.

“I’m not in the mood to go up there and have everyone tell me how sorry they are for me,” he muttered.

“I get that but I can’t leave you here…” she hesitated, “I don’t know if Carter is going to show up.”

Rafael shifted his gaze to her, “Don’t you trust me anymore?” he asked.

“I trust you with my life… not with his,” she replied.

Rafael sat silently for a moment; a bit taken aback by her honesty, “That’s fair,” he finally said opening his door, “Okay but I’m walking straight into your office.”

“That’s fine,” she replied as she got out.

 

As they walked into the squad room Rafael walked straight to Olivia’s office without acknowledging anyone. Carisi walked up to Olivia; who was slowly making her own way towards her office, “What’s going on? Why’s he here?”

“I made him,” Olivia answered.

“Why?” Rollins asked walking closer to them.

“I have my reasons,” Olivia sighed.

“Should we give him our condolences?” Rollins asked looking over to Olivia’s office.

“No, he doesn’t want that. He just needs space right now so I’m just going to get what I need and we’re going to leave,” Olivia replied.

“Okay,” Carisi said, “Let us know if there is anything we can do for him.”

Olivia nodded as she continued walking to her office.

 

Not long after they arrived Carter came bursting through her office door, “I need to talk to you,” he said.

“I’m going to wait outside,” Rafael huffed as he began to walk towards the door.

“No need to leave, I’m not going to be here long,” Carter muttered.

“Fine,” Rafael said rolling his eyes as he walked over to the interrogation window avoiding eye contact with Carter. As Olivia and Carter spoke Rafael just stared through the window.

“Why are you here?” Olivia asked.

“I need some reports,” Carter replied.

“Can’t they wait,” Olivia frowned, “I’ve got other things to do.”

“No,” Carter huffed, “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t important.”

In the background Rafael scoffed; he could feel his anger rising each time he heard Carters voice but he remained mostly silent.

Ignoring Rafael Olivia continued, “What reports do you want?”

“The latest you’ve got on the trafficking case-“

“Should you still be working that?” Olivia interrupted.

Carter paused for a moment, “I’m still on the case,” he bitterly replied.

“Okay,” she responded, “What’s the other reports?”

“Only one other at this stage… The case you caught yesterday,” Carter said fighting the urge to look over to Rafael as he quickly spun away from the window.

“You’re kidding me right?” Olivia frowned.

“I’ve got orders,” Carter shrugged. “Send them to me by the end of the day,” he added as he turned towards the door. Just before he reached the door he paused then turned to look over to Rafael and said, “I’m sorry for your lose, Lucia-“

“Don’t you DARE say her name,” Rafael snarled.

“I heard it was brutal…” Carter added fighting a twisted smile.

“DON’T talk about my mother!” Rafael roared as he clenched his fist tight.

“Maybe if you had of listened to me you wouldn’t have pissed off the wrong person,” Carter said losing control of his smile for a second.

Rafael closed the gap between them and punched Carter on the nose, “FUCK YOU!” he hissed.

“Arrest him! He just assaulted me!” Carter huffed as he cupped his hands to his throbbing nose.

“I didn’t see anything,” Olivia shrugged.

“FINE! If you wont do it, I will!” Carter snarled as he removed his hands showing the blood running down his face.

Olivia watched Carter take out his cuffs; “Carter you can’t,” she pleaded.

“I can and I will,” Carter replied as he looked at Rafael he added, “Question is are you going to make resisting arrest an extra charge?”

Rafael paused as he looked over to Olivia and sighed, “I’m sorry.” He turned around for Carter; who then slammed him up against the nearest wall and promptly put the cuffs on him. As Carter pulled Rafael off the wall he tightened the cuffs around Rafael’s wrists, “A little tight don’t you think?” Rafael scoffed.

Carter tightened them more as he leaned in behind Rafael, “Just making sure you can’t get free.”

“You’re the one who should be in cuffs,” Rafael snarled.

“Don’t say anything until I get you a lawyer,” Olivia rushed.

“I am a lawyer,” Rafael replied.

“Shut up and listen,” Olivia huffed, “I’m calling Rita.”

Carter yanked Rafael backwards causing him to almost fall backwards, “Time to go sunshine.” Rafael glared at Carter over his shoulder, “You can death stare me all you want but you’re not going to sucker punch me again,” Carter snorted as he guided Rafael through the door.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy!!

“What the hell?” Carisi muttered standing up from his desk.

“What?” Amanda asked him.

“Look,” Carisi said as he motioned towards Olivia’s office, “Carter’s face is a mess.”

“Wait! Is Barba in handcuffs?” Amanda questioned, “What the hell happened?!”

As they watched Carter push Rafael out of Olivia’s office they heard Olivia, “Carter, please don’t do this,” she pleaded. Carter kept pushing Rafael forward as he ignored her, “CARTER!” Olivia frowned as she followed, “He didn’t mean it.”

“Yes I did,” Rafael huffed.

“Shut up,” Olivia hissed.

“I would listen to her if I was you,” Carter smiled.

While Carter pushed Rafael towards the elevator Olivia turned quickly to Amanda, “Call Rita for me,” she rushed. She then turned back and jogged to catch up to Carter, “Can’t we just talk about this?”

“Talk?” Carter laughed, “And here I thought you were only good on your knees.”

Rafael stopped in his tracks just before the elevator and turned to face Carter, “DON’T YOU TALK TO HER LIKE THAT!”

“KEEP MOVING,” Carter snarled as he shoved Rafael backwards into the elevator doors.

Rafael slammed against the elevator doors, “Screw you!” he huffed; when he got his footing again he took a few steps towards Carter. When he was face to face with Carter again Rafael glanced over Carter’s shoulder and noticed Olivia; she looked shocked. Pulling on his handcuffs Rafael growled, “So help me God, when I get free of these I’m going to-“

“Going to what?” Carter said taking a step forward so they were only inches away from each other. “Do your worst and I’ll do mine,” he sneered.

Carisi cautiously joined Olivia, “What’s going on?”

“Talk about it later… I’ve got to stop this before it gets worse,” she sighed as she walked towards Carter, “Rafael just let it go.”

Rafael clenched his jaw as he stared down Carter, “No one talks to you like that,” he growled.

“Right now it doesn’t matter, let’s just focus on getting you home,” Olivia said but when it looked like Rafael wasn’t listening she placed a hand on his shoulder, “Listen to me please… He’s not worth it.”

Rafael glanced down to her hand and sighed, “You’re right.”

“Well, she’s got you wrapped around her finger,” Carter remarked as he brushed passed Rafael and pushed the elevator button.

Rafael’s lip curled; “Ignore him,” Olivia said.

“Olivia?” Amanda rushed as she jogged towards the elevator, “I spoke to Rita-“

“We can talk about that in a minute,” Olivia interrupted.

“Don’t worry,” Carter smiled as the elevator opened, “We’re leaving now.”

“I’ll walk you down,” Olivia said stepping into the elevator.

“What, don’t you trust me?” Carter sneered looking at Olivia; she just glared at him. “Whatever,” he shrugged while he took Rafael’s arm and pulled him in, “Come on.”

Rafael rolled his eyes as he stepped into the elevator, “Let’s get this over with. I’ll be home before noon.”

“Yeah, right…” Carter laughed as he moved to the back of the elevator.

When the doors closed Olivia stood next to Rafael, “Promise me you won’t say anything stupid.”

Rafael laughed slightly, “You know I can’t make that promise.”

“Rafael,” Olivia sighed, “Now isn’t the time for jokes.”

“I know,” Rafael nodded, “But don’t worry… This is bullshit; I could easily talk this down-“

“Wait for Rita,” Olivia advised as the elevator opened again.

“You two done yet?” Carter teased. Rafael looked over his shoulder and glared at Carter, “Oh come on,” Carter grinned, “Don’t give me that look… We’re going to have a fun time.”

Carter took hold of Rafael by the arm then led him out of the precinct; Olivia followed closely behind, “Where are you taking him?” she asked.

“Where do you think,” Carter huffed, “Use your brain.”

“I’ll meet you at 1PP,” Olivia said to Rafael.

“Yeah okay,” Rafael nodded. “See you soon,” he added as he leaned towards her to kiss her.

Just before they kissed Carter sneered, “How sweet,” and he pulled Rafael back. “Now lets go,” he added as he guided Rafael towards his car. When they arrived at the car Carter opened the back door then took hold of Rafael by the top of head, “Get in.” As he pushed Rafael down he smiled, “Watch your head,” then slammed his head into the side of the car. “My bad,” he laughed to himself.

“Hey! You can’t do that,” frowned Olivia.

“Relax,” Carter shrugged, “It was an accident.”

“I’m fine ‘Liv,” Rafael reassured, “Just tell Rita where to meet me.”

“Okay,” Olivia said then she turned around and walked back towards the precinct.

“Well, now that we’re finally alone…” Carter grinned as he leaned in the back of the car. He reached in under the front seat and pulled out a white cloth, “Breath deep for me... We’re going to take a ride.”

“Get fucked,” Rafael snarled.

Carter smirked, “Oh don’t be like that.” He took hold of the back of Rafael’s head with one hand and pressed the cloth against his face with the other, “Don’t worry… You’ll wake up.”

Rafael tried to pull his head away but Carter’s grip was too strong; as he inhaled the sweet smell of chloroform started to make him feel light headed. As his eyesight blurred he thought saw a figure walking towards the car, “O… Liv-,” Rafael stuttered as he passed out.

 

When Olivia got back up to the squad room she was bombarded with questioned from Carisi and Rollins, “What’s going on?” Carisi asked.

“What happened?” Amanda asked next.

“Why was he arrested?” Carisi frowned.

“Okay,” Olivia huffed, “I can’t answer your questions if you don’t give me the time to do so.”

“Sorry,” sighed Amanda.

“Rafael’s been arrested for assault-” Olivia began.

“That’s ridiculous,” Carisi frowned, “Barba wouldn’t do that.”

“Carter pushed him too far so he punched him… As you saw Raf wasn’t in the mood to talk as it was,” Olivia replied.

“What did he do?” Amanda asked.

“Carter brought up Lucia-“

“Geez,” Amanda reacted, “I’d want to punch him for that.”

“I wanted to,” Olivia admitted, “He played on Rafael’s emotions and sadly it worked.”

“Yeah but Barba shouldn’t have been here to begin with,” Amanda commented.

Olivia frowned, “Don’t put this on me.”

“I…” Amanda stuttered, “I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant-“

“She meant that we all saw the way he walked here,” Carisi interjected, “It was obvious there was something eating him up,”

“He’s mourning his mother,” Olivia scowled.

“I know,” Amanda said cautiously, “But… there was something else and don’t pretend you didn’t see it.”

“You know him better than we do,” Carisi added, “If we saw it then you definitely did and that’s why you brought him here, isn’t it?” Olivia sighed as she looked around the squad room; Carisi continued when she didn’t say anything, “What was it? Must have been big.”

“It’s not important,” Olivia answered.

“It might be,” Amanda sighed, “Could go to his state of mind… It could help.”

Olivia took a deep breath as she said, “It could hurt.”

“Come on ‘Liv,” Amanda frowned, “You brought him here because of it.”

“Can you stop guilting me… I can do that myself,” Olivia said as she turned and walked towards her office.

“We’re not,” Carisi uttered following her.

“Talk to us so we can help,” Amanda said entering the office behind Carisi.

“I had no choice,” Olivia mumbled as she reached her desk, “I couldn’t trust him by himself.”

“You don’t trust him?” Amanda questioned.

“Close the door,” Olivia said. She watched Amanda close the door behind her; “This doesn’t look good for the both of us so this doesn’t leave the room… Are we all agreeing on that?”

“Yeah,” Carisi and Amanda both said together.

“He took my gun,” Olivia admitted.

Carisi frowned, “Are you sure? It’s not like him.”

“I found him in the living room holding my gun,” Olivia replied. “And that’s all I’m going to say about it so let’s get started on getting him home.”

“Okay so what’s next?” Carisi asked.

“You said you got a hold of Rita before,” Olivia said to Amanda, “What did she say?”

“I told her Barba was arrested and that you wanted to talk to her but she is as confused as we were,” Amanda replied. “I told her you’d call her back when things calmed down.”

“Okay,” Olivia nodded.

“What do you want us to do?” Carisi asked, “I want to help.”

“I know you do but right now there’s not a whole lot that can be done,” Olivia said. “I’ll be in my office talking to Rita if you need me,” she added as he walked away.

 

As Olivia entered her office she took out her phone from her pocket and called Rita; the dial tone seem to take forever before Rita finally answered, “Olivia?”

“Yeah,” Olivia replied, “Sorry I wasn’t able to talk to you when Rollins called, I didn’t think I would take so long.”

“What’s going on? When I was on the phone with Amanda she seemed preoccupied and I heard yelling,” Rita said.

“Yeah it’s been stressful around here,” Olivia sighed, “Amanda said she told you Barba was arrested-“

“Yeah,” Rita interrupted, “What the hell is going on with that?”

“It’s a long story but Rafael has been on edge a lot recently and with his mother’s murder-“

“What!” Rita exclaimed.

“Yeah, she died yesterday so it’s been rough,” Olivia said glumly. “But as I was saying Chief Carter walked into my office and mentioned her and Rafael lost it,” she continued, “He punched Carter in the face.”

“Wow,” Rita replied, “So Carter arrested him for assault?”

“He did because I wouldn’t,” Olivia answered.

“So where is he now?”

“I believe Carter is taking him down to 1PP,” Olivia sighed, “I was hoping you would be Rafael’s lawyer, if you’re not too busy.”

Rita was quiet for a moment before replying, “Of course, I’ll just have to move some stuff around… But why me?”

“We have history with you,” Olivia said, “We don’t always see eye to eye but you’re really good at what you do and Barba would agree. I just have a bad feeling about this so I thought he could use someone like you.”

“Well I’m glad you thought of me,” Rita replied.

“How much will I owe you?” Olivia asked.

“I’ll do it pro bono,” Rita answered.

“You don’t have to do that,” Olivia frowned.

“I’m taking a New York ADA as a client… It’s a good endorsement for me,” Rita remarked.

“Okay,” Olivia laughed.

“But it he is a friend so of course I’ll do what I can,” Rita added.

“Thank you,” Olivia replied, “How long do you think it will take you to get down to 1PP?”

“Um, I have to finish this meeting I’m in so maybe 40 minutes,” Rita sighed, “Is that okay?”

“That’s okay. It should give them enough time to process him and get him into an interrogation room,” Olivia said. “I’ll meet you there.”

“Should you be there?” Rita asked cautiously.

“I don’t care if I shouldn’t be there,” Olivia frowned, “I’m going.”

“Okay, well in that case I’ll see you there,” Rita said then ended the call.

 

Rafael slowly began to wake up, “Wh-Where am I?” he stuttered as he looked at the floor of the car. When he remembered what happened he quickly sat up and looked out the window, “Where am I?” he repeated when he noticed a warehouse.

“Does it matter?” Carter said; Rafael turned his head and saw Carter sitting in the drivers seat; facing forward. “You won’t be leaving here,” he continued, “But I did give you a chance to avoid all of this and you didn’t take it.”

“Bullshit,” Rafael scoffed, “You had it out for me from the moment we met… I bet even before then; I wouldn’t put it past you being behind the threats I’ve received for the past year.”

“Well,” Carter shrugged, “I didn’t write or send them but I wont deny giving the order.”

“Why?” frowned Rafael, “Surely you had better things to do... your job being one.”

“At first it was just meaningless threats but as time went on and you continued to take down good police it turned into something more,” Carter snorted. “I sent Seth to scare you but I should never have intrusted that with a moron like him.”

“Ohhhh,” Rafael sighed. “So that’s why you were at my apartment… I knew you didn’t go because it was your job, you wanted to see if I was still alive to play your sick game.”

“Maybe,” Carter smiled as he turned to face Rafael; his nose was swollen and his eyes had already begun to bruise. “For awhile it was just harmless fun… well harmless for me,” he chuckled, “I just wanted to see how far I could take it before you quit or snapped, which ever came first. But then you had to go and make it personal by killed my son.”

“I apologised for that,” Rafael sighed, “It was an accident… I told you this before but you didn’t care.”

Carter frowned, “Would you want to hear from the person who murdered your mother that they were sorry but lets move past it?”

“No,” Rafael mumbled under his breath.

“Exactly,” Carter nodded, “You’d want them either dead or to rot in prison… So here we are.”

“I’m guessing this isn’t just a detour to the prison?” Rafael said sarcastically.

“You think you’re funny, don’t you?”

“I have my moments,” Rafael smirked.

“I’ll fix that,” Carter remarked.

Rafael frowned, “You can’t do shit.”

“Is that so?” Carter laughed, “Well aren’t you in for a surprise then.”

“Whatever,” Rafael rolled his eyes, “Do your worst.”

“I will,” Carter grinned. After a moment of silence between the two Carter said, “You know, I didn’t think I would be getting my hands on you so soon after Lucia’s death-“

“Don’t say her name,” Rafael huffed.

Carter ignored him as he continued, “I figured you’d stay home mourning Lucia but when I saw you in Benson’s office I thought I would make the most of the opportunity I had and I’ve got to hand it do you… I didn’t think you’d have the balls to punch me in the open like that.”

Rafael chuckled, “How is your nose? I got you pretty good by the looks of it.”

“You broke it,” Carter shrugged, “But that’s nothing compared to what’s coming your way.”

“What’s that, more of your pathetic empty threats,” Rafael snickered.

“Keep laughing, when I start your going to regret even coming into work today,” Carter smirked. “Speaking of work… Why were you at the precinct anyway? Not that I don’t appreciate it.”

“Does it matter?” Rafael mumbled looking out the window.

“I guess not… I’m just curious,” Carter shrugged. “It’s not going to change anything.”

Rafael sighed, “Olivia asked me to go with her.”

“So it’s her fault you’re here,” Carter smirked.

“No it’s not,” Rafael frowned looking back to Carter, “I’ll never blame her.”

“Why not?” Carter asked.

“She wanted to make sure I didn’t try to kill you,” Rafael muttered.

“You kill me? Now that’s funny,” Carter laughed.

“You will pay for all of this,” Rafael frowned, “I’ll make sure of it.”

Carter chuckled, “Says the man who’s handcuffed in the back of MY car in an unknown location.”

“For now,” Rafael huffed. “You’re lucky I have someone like Olivia.”

Carter smirked, “But your not… Look where you are, all because she convinced you to go with her.”

Rafael sighed, “I could never blame her.”

“Sure you can,” Carter said turning back to the front, “She brought you there… It’s almost as much her fault as it is yours. I mean think about it… She knew you were in no condition to be out yet she insisted on taking you to a place where I was more than likely to show up at…”

Rafael thought for a moment, “I don’t think… She wouldn’t… No, it’s not her fault,“ he frowned.

“Yeah keep telling yourself that,” Carter shrugged.

Rafael sat in silence for a while as he stared out the window lost in thought; ten minutes had past before he asked, “Why are we still in the car?”

“I’m waiting for a message,” Carter answered, “Plus I wasn’t going to carry your dead weight inside when I could just wait for you to do that yourself.”

“What’s so important about this message?” Rafael asked.

“You’ll see,” Carter replied, “I just have to know everything is in place before we can get started.”

“Which moron is this time?” Rafael remarked as he looked back at Carter.

“Does it matter?” Carter retorted.

Rafael chuckled, “Guess not… I mean they’re all moron’s if they work for you.”

Carter sighed as he twisted his body to look at Rafael, “I’m not going to lie… You’re not the first person I’ve brought here but you’re the only one who’s ever been cocky enough to insult me. Don’t you care what happens anymore? Surely you’re not quitting early.”

“Can you not?” Rafael huffed, “You’ve made it clear that I’m not leaving so the least you could do is quit trying to get in my head.”

“Give me some credit,” Carter replied turning to the front again, “If I was really trying, you’d be second guessing everything.”

Rafael rolled his eyes, “Are you sure you’re not just losing your touch?”

“Guess we’ll find out,” Carter replied as he took his phone out of his pocket. He had a twisted smile as he said, “Let’s get started.” Carter got out of the car and slammed his door shut, rocking the car. Rafael watched as Carter made his way around the front of the car, when he reached Rafael’s door he opened it and leaned in, “Come on, you don’t have all day,” Carter smirked; taking hold of Rafael’s bicep. Rafael didn’t put up a fight as Carter pulled him from the car when he was out Carter pushed him against the side of the car, “Run and it will be the last thing you ever do,” he said calmly.

“I get it,” Rafael sighed as he leaned back against the car. While he relaxed he tilted his head back and he closed his eyes as the warmth of the sun fell across his face giving him the odd feeling of comfort. The feeling was so overwhelming he couldn’t help but smile a little.

“What are you smiling about?” frowned Carter.

“Nothing,” Rafael shrugged as he started to take a deep breath.

After he took a few deep breaths he heard Carter mutter, “You’re oddly calm...”

Rafael opened his eyes to find Carter standing right in front of him, “Just enjoying the sun.”

“Enjoy it while it lasts,” Carter remarked as he slammed the back car door shut.

Rafael said rolling his eyes, “You can’t do shit.”

“Let’s find out if that’s true,” Carter huffed as he took hold of Rafael’s arm, “Get moving.”

As Carter pushed Rafael forward Rafael looked up at the rusty warehouse; it looked old and uncared for. While the walked towards the building they stepped into the large shadow the warehouse was casting; all the warmth of the sun was stripped away from Rafael and replaced with the cold feeling of dread. “Why here?” Rafael frowned.

“What?”

“Why did you pick this dump?” Rafael asked.

Carter stopped walking for a moment as he looked up at the warehouse, “I got a call years ago where the owner killed an employee but instead of reporting it he wanted it to disappear. I made that happen without hesitation and since then I’ve owned him, so I use this place whenever I want.”

“So you’ve always been crooked,” Rafael remarked as he continued looking around the building.

Carter laughed, “I would say I’m an opportunist.” As he began walking again he noticed Rafael looking around, “Interested in the building, are we?”

“Just having a look,” Rafael said.

“You’re not going to figure out where we are,” Carter smirked.

“That’s not what-“

“Bullshit,” Carter chuckled, “I would be doing the same thing… But the difference is you’re not a cop and just because you’re sleeping with one doesn’t make you one… Although I’ve got to hand it to you, you picked a doozy. She’s probably worked her way though half the department by now-”

Rafael stopped suddenly, “DON’T TALK ABOUT HER LIKE THAT!” he roared as he spun around to face Carter.

“Well it’s probably true,” Carter remarked, “I did my research before I showed up.”

“She’s worked hard to get to where she is today,” Rafael huffed, “She’s the most dedicated cop I have ever met so of course someone like you would want to tear her down.”

“Sure,” Carter nodded, “But I’m also sure she had help. I mean think about it, you’ve got Cassidy, Tucker and hell I’d bet that she was doing her old partner and he was married-”

“STOP!” Rafael frowned.

“But you’ve thought about this all before, haven’t you?” Carter grinned. “What if I told you I’ve even heard rumours about some ADA before you-”

“SHUT UP!” Rafael roared; pulling on the handcuffs.

Carter laughed, “So you see you’re not even that special, just another notch in her belt.”

“I SAID SHUT UP!” Rafael shouted; his shoulders were straining as he pulled against the handcuffs with all his strength.

“I just struck gold, didn’t I?” Carter smiled.

“You have no fucking idea what you talking about!” Rafael yelled. “You don’t know her!”

“I think you’re the one who doesn’t know her,” Carter remarked, “Has she ever told you about any of them?” Rafael just stood there silent; jaw clenched and nostrils flaring. “I’ll take that as a no,” Carter laughed, “Just think about it for a moment… Why wouldn’t she talk to you about it? I can only think of a few reasons… One, she doesn’t care and think it’s not going to last. Two, she’s using you like you’re using her. Or three, she’s ashamed of what she’s done.”

The handcuffs were cutting into Rafael’s wrists, “If I was free-“

“But your not so just stop there,” Carter smirked. “You only hate me because you know what I’m saying is true,” he said pushing Rafael toward the building again, “It was easy to find things on her but you... You on the other hand have hidden your dirty laundry very well, which makes me think it’s gotta be something bad.”

“You can’t find anything because there is nothing,” Rafael frowned.

“Everyone has something,” Carter remarked, “You might as well tell me.”

“I’m done talking,” Rafael huffed.

Carter smiled, “Interesting.” As they reached the warehouse Carter took a forward and opened the door, “After you,” he gestured.

Rafael rolled his eyes as he brushed past Carter and entered the building. He stopped for a moment as he looked around; the dark feeling of dread returned stronger, “This is a slaughter house…”

“In her glory days,” Carter nodded, “You should have seen her then, she was beautiful.” He closed the door behind him then moved closer to Rafael, “Now she’s only used for the odd storage,” he sighed.

“You’re twisted,” Rafael mumbled.

“Keep walking,” Carter frowned.

“No,” Rafael said standing strong.

Carter placed a hand on his holster, “Move.”

“I’m not scared of you,” frowned Rafael.

Carter removed his gun and held the barrel against Rafael’s chest, “I can end this right here and now but I would have thought you’d have more fight in you… Or at least you would give Benson a chance to find you.”

“How do you know she’s hasn’t already?” Rafael huffed.

“You’re still with me, aren’t you?” Carter sneered, “But then again, I think we’ve established she might not actually care what happens to you…. However it’s your choice, keep moving or die right now.” Rafael sighed as he turned around and started walking down the dark and dingy hallway, “Smart choice,” Carter remarked. As Rafael walked down the hallway he felt Carter press his gun against the small of his back. Rafael grimaced when he saw a big brownish red stain on the floor; Carter noticed and laughed, “That’s what happens when you run but I gotta admit, it was a good shot.” Rafael took a deep breath as they reached the end of the hallway; they were met with a set of rusty dual doors. Rafael watched Carter push against one of the heavy doors, “Well, come on,” he puffed, “Get inside.”

Rafael walked in to a big open room filled with packaging crates, “This is bullshit,” he muttered.

“Oh cry me a river,” Carter sneered as he took hold of Rafael’s arm.

“Get fucked,” Rafael huffed.

Carter snickered as he guided Rafael towards a seat in the middle of the room, “Sit,” Carter commanded as he pushed Rafael forward as he let go.

Rafael stumbled forward a little before turning around to face Carter, “No,” he snarled, “You can’t do this.”

Carter grinned as he placed his gun back in the holster, “Who’s going to stop me?”

“Olivia will,” Rafael huffed, “Sooner or later, she will find me.”

“I’m betting on later,” Carter replied, “Now sit!”

“Undo these cuffs and maybe I will,” Rafael shrugged.

Carter took a quick step forward and punched Rafael hard in the stomach; as Rafael fell to his knees coughing Carter bent down and growled, “You will learn to do what I say.”

Rafael glared as he watched Carter stand up straight, “Is this how you taught Warren?... No wonder he ended up the way he did,” he gasped.

Carter curled his lip as he brought his knee up and connected it with Rafael’s face, “You’re asking for it, aren’t you.”

Rafael felt his mouth fill up with blood so he spat at Carter, “Screw you,” he slurred feeling the blood dribble down his chin.

“GET UP!” Carter huffed as he took a handful of Rafael’s hair and pulled until he was standing. “Sit your ass down,” he snarled as he dragged Rafael towards the chair.

“Why... should… I?” wheezed Rafael.

“If you don’t I’ll tell my associate to get the boy now,” Carter frowned as he let go of Rafael.

“What?” Rafael frowned, “What have you done to Noah?!”

“Nothing… yet,” laughed Carter, “Get in the chair.”

“You don’t have a way to get to him,” Rafael said sceptically.

“No?” Carter said as he pulled out his phone. “Then… What’s this?” he added as he turned the phone to Rafael; showing a photo of Noah, “It’s the message I was waiting for… So, I wouldn’t push my luck if I was you.” Rafael sighed as he sat in the chair, “Good,” grinned Carter.

“What are you going to do to him?” Rafael asked.

“Well that’s up to you,” Carter shrugged, “You clearly care for the boy.”

“Please don’t hurt my son.”

“Why not? You killed mine,” Carter huffed.

“And you killed my mother!” Rafael snarled; feeling more blood dribbling down his chin.

“That I did,” Carter nodded, “I mean there’s no point in denying it… but I wouldn’t have if you didn’t call me a coward right after you killed my son.”

“Don’t pretend that it was all my doing… You wanted to get back at me. No matter what I said that night, you would have gone after her,” Rafael grumbled.

“Probably,” Carter agreed.

“What you did to her…” Rafael hesitated.

“Don’t worry,” Carter grinned, “She was as high as a kite for most of it so she didn’t feel much… But boy did she enjoy herself when she could.”

“FUCK YOU!” Rafael roared spitting blood. “Let me out of these and we can end this,” he added as he started to get out of the chair.

“No I don’t think so,” Carter laughed pushing Rafael back down, “This has been a long time coming so I think I’ll have some fun first.” Carter reached around his back and pulled a knife from his belt; he grinned as he slowly leaned forward gliding the blade softly along Rafael’s thigh. As Carter leaned over him, Rafael quickly raised his other leg and kicked Carter hard in the stomach pushing him back; Carter dropped the knife as he stumbled backwards, “You… little… shit!” he gasped.

“You can’t expect me to just sit back and take it,” smirked Rafael.

When Carter regained his breath he bent down to pick up the knife and spotted something just pass Rafael, “Well… That could be useful,” he smirked. Rafael started to stand up when Carter rushed forward and forced him back down, “We aren’t done yet,” Carter grinned as he continued around to the back of Rafael.

Rafael heard something metal gliding along the concrete, “What was that?”

Carter ignored Rafael as he put the knife in his belt then walked back around revealing the rusty metal pole in his hand. He raised it to his shoulder as he asked, “Now are you going to kick me again?”

“Come closer and find out,” Rafael snarled.

“Wrong answer,” Carter smiled as he swung the pole hitting Rafael’s knee with full force. Rafael cried out in pain while Carter laughed, “Scream as loud as you want… No one’s going to hear you.”

The pain coming from his knee was intense, “You… fucking…” Rafael growled as a few tears ran down his face.

“What was that?” Carter said bringing the pipe up to his shoulder.

Rafael watched the pipe intently, “Nothing,” he muttered under his breath.

“That’s what I thought.”

As the pain in Rafael’s knee slowly dulled to a constant throbbing Rafael uttered, “You’re not going to get away with this.”

“I think I will,” Carter shrugged.

Rafael shook his head, “Olivia wont let you… She’ll come for me.”

“Will she?” Carter snickered, “You’ve still got a lot of faith in her.”

“She wont let me down,” Rafael said.

“Sorry to disappoint but I don’t think she’s going to choose you this time,” Carter replied.

“Choose?”

“Yeah,” Carter nodded, “In time you’ll find out what I mean.” Carter dropped the pole on the ground and pulled the knife back out, “But that doesn’t matter right now so let’s get back to business… Soon you’ll be begging me to end everything,” he grinned as he leaned forward again. “But I’m not going to let you off that easy… You will suffer,” he added as he ran the blade up Rafael’s stomach towards his neck. “I’ve got all day to make it happen and I plan on doing just that so how about we open up that shirt of yours,” he sneered as he hooked the blade under the buttons on Rafael’s shirt and worked his way down cutting open the shirt. When the last button was gone Carter took hold of both sides of the shirt and pushed it open, “That’s better,” he muttered.

Rafael tried to move but Carter placed a hand on his chest pinning him against the back of the chair, “If you wanted my shirt off all you had to do was ask,” Rafael smirked.

Carter rolled his eyes as he brought the knife back up and placed it on Rafael’s right pec; the blade was cold on Rafael’s bare skin. Carter then pressed down hard on the knife drawing blood, “You really have to learn to shut up.”

Rafael clenched his jaw as he felt Carter slide the blade across his chest; his breathing fastened as he did his best to hide the pain, “That… all… you got?” he panted.

“I’m only just getting started,” Carter said as he placed the knife on the left side of Rafael’s collarbone.

“Bring it,” Rafael sneered.

“I’m so glad you said that,” he grinned as he slid the blade along Rafael’s collarbone. Rafael kept his face as still as he could as he felt fresh blood run down his chest; “Oh don’t be like that,” Carter frowned, “You gotta give me something to work with.”

Rafael gritted his teeth as he spoke, “I’m not… giving you… what you want that easily.”

“I think you’re a little backwards,” Carter sighed, “Your suppose to play along so I get bored….”

“I know,” Rafael said feeling sweat start to run down his face. “But either way you’re not going to leave me alone so why play along… At least this way I can annoy the crap out of you for as long as I can.”

Carter grinned, “Perhaps you should really think about your choices better… The more you annoy me the worse it’s going to get for you.” He started to glide the blade across Rafael’s chest a number of times; each time Rafael did his best to give Carter nothing. The third time Carter began to get frustrated when Rafael hardly flinched, “You’re going to give me something sooner or-“ Carter paused when he noticed Rafael’s gunshot scar. “You know, I was shot a while back now-“

“Shame it didn’t kill you,” Rafael muttered, “Would have saved me a headache or two.”  
“As I was saying, I was shot in the shoulder but I’ve lost feeling where it’s scarred. What about yours, do you get phantom pains or just don’t feel anything?”

“You’re kidding, right?” Rafael laughed, “Why the fuck do you want to know that?”

“Curiosity,” Carter answered. As he ran the blade down Rafael’s stomach and lingered over his scar, “Do you feel this?”

“Where’s this going? Rafael scowled.

He looked Rafael in the eyes as he said, “I just want to know if you can feel this…” he paused as he plunged an inch of the blade into Rafael’s scar, “Surely that’s gotta hurt.”

Rafael held his breath as he tried to hide the pain but Carter twisted the blade slightly, making it unbearable; he screamed out in pain. He could feel his hair sticking to his face as more sweat ran down along side a few tears. As he got light headed everything started to go out of focus; his eyes got heavy and he was about to pass out when Carter tapped him a few times on the side of the face.

“Hey, we’re not done yet,” Carter laughed, “If you can’t handle this…”

“This…” Rafael panted as he tried to focus on Carter’s face, “This is nothing…”

“You’re going to need to get better at this,” Carter smirked as he removed the blade from Rafael’s stomach.

Feeling light-headed Rafael slowly looked down and watched as the blood seeped out of him, “I… I can… go all day,” he stuttered as he started to pass out.

“HEY!” Carter said tapping him on the face again, “What did I just say?”

As Rafael tried to focus on Carter he saw him pull a cloth out of his pocket, “W-What’s that?”

Carter looked at the cloth for a moment, “I can’t have you bleeding out on me,” he smirked as he began pushing it into Rafael’s bleeding wound.

Rafael yelled out in pain; he felt Carter’s fingers twisting inside him as he slowly stuffed the cloth into the wound. “Y-you son of a-AAAH!” he screamed; flinching as Carter shoved the rest in.

Carter laughed, “Surely your mother didn’t raise you to speak that way.”

“She did the best she could,” he muttered sounding hoarse.

“Losing your voice already?” Carter chuckled to himself, “How can you go on like this? How are you going to scream out to your Lieutenant in this state?” Rafael stayed silent as he looked down at his wound; feeling the pain intensify with each pulse. “Let’s be honest though, would she even care?”

“Can you stop talking about her,” Rafael sighed.

“Why, are you having second thoughts?” Carter smirked.

“No,” Rafael replied, “I’m just tired of hearing your lies.”

“I guess I can find someone else to talk about,” Carter shrugged, “What about the boy?”

“Leave him out of this,” Rafael huffed.

“He’s not even your son… Hell he’s not really her son-“

“Why are you doing this?” Rafael muttered, “You’ve got me… You don’t need to talk about them.”

Ignoring Rafael, Carter continued, “You’ll never know what it’s like to have a son… but maybe you’ll know what it feels like to lose one.”

“Don’t hurt him!” Rafael shouted.

“We’ll see how the day unfolds,” Carter shrugged, “But for now lets get back to you… Do you think he’ll miss you? I wonder if he’ll even notice that you’re gone.”

Rafael glared at Carter, “I don’t know but I know I love him and his mother and the memories of the ones we love will always stay.”

“Perhaps but who’s to say they love you?” Carter laughed. “I mean not long ago Noah had another Daddy, you remember Ed don’t you?” he smiled. “I’m sure at the time he meant a lot to the boy, does he miss him? If he does then he doesn’t care for you much and if he doesn’t then well… what hope is there for you.” Rafael sighed as he remembered what happened at the hospital; seeing Noah choose to stay with Tucker hurt him more than he would care admit to anyone, including himself. Unknowingly the sadness he felt come over him had shown on his face, “By that expression, I take it he’s probably half way to forgetting you ever existed,” Carter chuckled.

“Shut up,” Rafael huffed.

Carter leaned over Rafael, “You’ll never know what it’s like to have a true family,” he whispered. As he looked over Rafael’s bleeding body he saw something, “Well,” he sneered, “Look’s like you picked a bad day to wear a belt.”

While Carter fiddled with the belt buckle Rafael managed to muster up enough energy to lift his good leg and kick Carter away, “You’re not going to get away with this,” he mumbled.

“You know,” Carter panted out of breath, “For a lawyer, you’re pretty stupid.”

His eyes darted to the pole on the floor; Rafael saw this, “No… No more,” he pleaded as Carter went down to pick it up.

He stopped before he reached the pole, “What?” he frowned; standing back up, “Are you going to behave?”

“I wont kick you, if that’s what you’re asking,” Rafael sighed.

Carter smiled, “Good boy.” He leaned back over Rafael and undid the belt; sliding it out with ease. He wrapped one end of the belt around his hand and pulled it tight with the other making a snapping sound, “Now this is going to be fun,” he laughed as he began to whip the belt across Rafael’s chest.

 

After five minutes of continuous lashing Carter stopped; out of breath he huffed, “You’re tough, I’ll give you that.”

“Sc-ew you“ Rafael panted as he felt all the welts across his chest throb. He was in agony as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

“I’ve got a call to make so use this time to catch your breath,” Carter mumbled as he started to walk away.

Rafael relished in his time alone; he could barely move, he was tired just thinking about running while he had the chance. He opened his eyes as he lifted his head and looked around the room; Carter stood on the edge of the room, phone pressed to his ear. Even if he had the energy to run he doubted he could make it through those doors before Carter could pull his gun. Deciding against it, Rafael stayed in his seat; leaning back again and just breathing in the stale air while he could.

 

Twenty minutes later Rafael could hear footsteps nearing him, “Here,” Carter smiled, “You have a choice... Belt, Pipe or Knife.”

“You’re sick,” Rafael frowned, “I’m not choosing.”

“Come on,” he sneered, “I’ve been making all the choices, its your turn.”

“No.”

“Okay,” Carter nodded as he looked at the belt still in his hand, “Tell me something, did he ever use a belt?”

“Who?” Rafael asked.

Carter’s smile widened, “She told me all about him while she was to high to stop herself.”

The colour drained from Rafael’s face, “W-What?” he stuttered.

“I mean I always knew something happened with a medical history like yours,” Carter sneered.

“You read my medical history, how’d you even-” Rafael frowned, “No, I don’t care about that-”

Carter chuckled, “You’re more interested in what she said.”

“I don’t want to know,” he sighed.

“Oh but you do,” Carter laughed, “You want to know how she called out his name-“

“Don’t,” Rafael said closing his eyes, “Don’t do this.”

“What about how she pleaded me not to stop.” Rafael clenched his jaw as Carter continued, “Or how I had her moaning so loud I thought she’d wake up the building-“

“Stop,” Rafael mumbled, “Please, I… I can’t hear this.”

“Oh but I’m just getting to the good stuff,” Carter smirked, “You really want to hear about how she called out for you,” he paused as he leaned in close and whispered in Rafael’s ear, “Begged for you to help her but you never showed up.”

Rafael opened his eyes to fine Carter inches away, “Fuck you,” he growled as spat in Carter’s face.

“Fucker,” Carter huffed as he wiped his face. “I just wanted to talk,” he added as he jammed his fingers into Rafael’s stab wound; making his whole body tense up, “Now… this feels familiar.”

Rafael trembled as the agonizing pain washed over his body, “Sc-screw y-you,” he stuttered.

“Too much?” Carter smiled as he twisted his fingers one last time before pulling them out of Rafael’s stomach. “How about I leave her alone for now and we talk about your father instead.”

“How about we talk about yours?” Rafael frowned.

Carter laughed, “Nothing to tell; he was honourable man but if you asked me he was always a pushover… Unlike yours, that was a man who knew how to take what he wanted and I can respect that.”

“He was a brute.”

“Sounds like my kind of guy,” smirked Carter.

Rafael nodded, “You’re probably just like him.”

“Must bring back a lot of memories for you,” Carter said.

“Some.”

“What was it like?” he asked curiously.

“What, to live in fear inside your own home?” Rafael frowned. “It was what it was.”

“Who got the most of it?”

“What do you even care,” Rafael huffed, “I’m sick and tired of this shit, just finish this already.”

Carter smiled, “So soon? I don’t think so.”

“Whatever,” Rafael said rolling his eyes.

Carter placed a hand on Rafael’s knee, “Last one, did you save her while he was around?”

“I did what I could,” Rafael frowned, “No that it’s your business.”

“I gave you a chance to save her, any of them,” Carter mumbled, “You choice to assume that was just meant for Olivia and her boy.”

“Yeah,” Rafael sighed, “I didn’t think you were that cold hearted that you would target my mother.”

“She was an easy mark,” he shrugged, “You made it easy. It’s your fault-“

“I know,” Rafael mumbled.

“Anyway,” Carter muttered, “You wanted to finish this so let’s pick up the pace.” He folded the belt in half and whipped it across Rafael’s face; Rafael screamed out in agony as his face began to welt up. He could feel some blood slowly run down his cheek, as he grew weary from the pain. Carter placed a hand on Rafael’s shoulder and shook him, “WAKE UP, it’s not over yet.”

Rafael looked up at Carter and faintly whispered, “Please, stop.”

A devilish grin grew across Carters face as he clenched the belt tightly in his fist. He continued for half an hour, taunting and striking Rafael repeatedly across his body. Carter paused for a moment and took in the side of the man sitting in front of him; Rafael’s face was bruised, bloodied and soaked with tears. “You know, I’m not quite getting the satisfaction I wanted out of this,” he sneered, “Let’s change it up a little.”

“W-What?” Rafael said barely audible.

“You’ll see,” Carter laughed. Rafael watched as Carter unfolded the belt; dropping the buckle.

“N-no,” Rafael stuttered as he watched the buckle swing.

Carter smiled as he swung the belt at Rafael; the buckle connecting with his cheekbone. Rafael let out a harrowing scream; the pain was unbearable. “Now that’s what I wanted to hear,” Carter laughed as he readied his hand for another strike.

“Stop! Please!” Rafael begged.

“Begging already?” Carter commented.

“I can’t… do this anymore,” Rafael panted.

“Fine, I’ll give you a small break,” Carter said putting the belt down. He stood there digging though his pockets and pulled out Rafael’s phone, “Oh I borrowed this from you, hope you don’t mind,” he smiled. “I don’t know how you deal with this thing,” he said looking at the phone, “It hasn’t stopped for the last half hour.” As Carter read the texts on Rafael’s phone he laughed, “Damn she just doesn’t give up, does she? You should hear some of these,” he added as he looked up from the phone. “ _Where are you?... Please answer me… I’ve got Rita with me…_ ” he mocked, “How long do you think it will take her to realise that you’re not going to show up?”

“Let me talk to her,” Rafael pleaded sounding tired, “Let me say goodbye… You denied me that with my mother.”

“Why would I do that?” Carter questioned.

“I don’t know…” Rafael shrugged, “Someone like you probably would get off on it… I just want to say goodbye. She deserves that much-”

“Wait… you actually care for her?” Carter laughed, “I thought you were using her for protection like the coward you are.”

“I would never use her like that,” Rafael frowned.

“So you still don’t think it’s her fault you’re here?” Carter said.

“I… It’s…” Rafael hesitated, “Look, I’m tired… I’m in a lot of pain and it’s probably only going to get worse so please… Just let me tell her that I love her one last time… That’s all I want.”

“All you want?” Carter sneered.

“You’ve got the upper hand here,” Rafael sighed, “I’m done fighting…”

“Have I broken you already?” Carter frowned.

“Do whatever you want… cut me, beat me… kill me… but please,” Rafael’s voice faltered as his eyes watered, “Please let me hear her voice one last time.”

Carter noticed a few tears running down Rafael’s face, “Okay,” he sighed.

“Don’t give me false hope,” Rafael sniffled.

“I’m not,” Carter replied.

“Why’d you change your mind?”

“I didn’t,” Carter shrugged, “I was always going to call her.”

“Why?” Rafael asked.

“Well I’ve got to make sure she’s not going to interfere with this,” Carter mumbled. “Besides I know what it’s like to not be able to say goodbye…”

“That didn’t stop you last time,” Rafael huffed.

“I didn’t actually want to kill her,” whispered Carter. “Or deny you a goodbye… I gave her too much and when I realised it was too late.”

Rafael frowned, “You can’t expect me to believe that… Not with the way you’ve been talking about her.”

“I don’t care if you believe it,” Carter shrugged, “I can’t change what happened so I used it to my advantage… I’m not sorry Lucia died or that you’re here but-”

“Don’t say her name,” Rafael snarled.

“Okay,” Carter nodded, “I didn’t want it to be like this-”

“I don’t care,” Rafael grumbled.

“You don’t want to hear what I have to say?” Carter asked confused.

“Oh please, haven’t you tortured me enough?” Rafael said rolling his eyes, “I heard it before so save me the bullshit speech… Your son committed suicide and you want revenge so we are here.”

Carter’s body language changed; he tensed up as he made a fist and glared at Rafael, “FINE!” he huffed. “I tried to show you some sympathy but you decided to spit in my face instead… You deserve everything that’s coming your way.”

“What’s that, death by boredom?” Rafael said.

“You’re so lucky I need to call her,” Carter snarled, “But before I do I want to go over some ground rules.”

“Like what?”

“Well as you know, I have someone near the boy,” Carter smiled, “If I hear anything I don’t like I wont hesitate to seize and hurt him.”

Rafael took a deep breath, “Okay.”

“Say anything about our location and I will make you regret it,” Carter added pulling the knife from his belt.

“I get it,” Rafael nodded, “Nothing more than a goodbye.”

“Good,” Carter sneered as he used Rafael’s phone and dialled Olivia’s number.

It ran a few times before she answered, “Rafael! Where are you!?”

“Well… If that’s how you answer the phone I can see why he’d prefer to be with me,” Carter laughed.

“What have you done to him?” she asked furiously.

“Well… He’s alive,” Carter shrugged. “He wants to talk to you… But before I hand it over I want you to understand something.”

“What?”

“If I was you, I wouldn’t be tracing this call… Not if you want to see your son again,” he replied.

“WHAT!” she shouted, “What have you done to Noah?”

“Nothing,” Carter answered, “He’s perfectly fine with what’s her name… Lucy… But I have an associate near by so if I hear anything near me I won’t hesitate to send the green light.”

“They have nothing to do with this,” growled Olivia.

“No, but I don’t want you stopping anything,” Carter said.

“You wont get away with this,” she huffed.

“We’ll see,” Carter laughed, “Anyway, here he is,” he added as he held the phone to Rafael’s ear.

“’Liv-,” Rafael uttered sounding weak.

“Rafael, I’m going to get you out of there, it might take time but I will get you,” she rushed.

“’Liv-“

“He’s not going to get away with this… One way or another it will end today,” she huffed. “Just hold on for as-“

“Olivia,” Rafael interrupted, “Please let me talk… I don’t know how much time I’ve got.”

“Okay,” she sighed.

“He’s forcing your hand… Pick Noah or pick me,” he hesitated, “I don’t think he’s bluffing so go get Noah-”

“Hon-“

“Let me finish, please…. I have loved every minute I got to spend with you,” he sniffled as his eyes began to water. “You gave me things that I had given up on getting years ago; you gave me a family… no matter how brief it was and I’ll never be more thankful for that.” Tears started to run down his cheeks, “You brought love… and joy into my life again ‘Liv,” his voice trembled, “I love you so much… But it’s time… Time to let me go.”

“Don’t give up on me,” Olivia uttered, “Tell me where you are.”

Rafael sniffled, “It doesn’t matter.”

“Please,” Olivia pleaded, “Help me.”

Rafael sighed, “It’s some warehouse, I don’t know where.”

“Ah ah ah,” Carter grinned as he put the knife against Rafael’s cheek. “That’s not what we agreed upon,” he added as he took the phone away.

“SCREW YOU!” Rafael barked.

“Now, where are your manners,” Carter laughed as he ran the blade across Rafael’s cheek causing him to scream in pain, “Shh, I’m on the phone.”

“Don’t hurt him!” Olivia shouted.

“It’s too late for that,” Carter snorted as he watched the blood run down Rafael’s face. “Remember you have a choice to make and believe me when I say that I have men everywhere so don’t test your luck or you will lose both,” he added putting the knife in his belt.

“GET NOAH!” Rafael shouted.

“Will you just shut up!” Carter hissed as he punched Rafael in the face.

Rafael almost fell off the chair from the force of the punch; while he waited for the room to stop spinning he felt fresh blood dripping out of his mouth and down his uncovered chest. “I think… you broke… my jaw…” Rafael slurred.

“Oh don’t be a baby,” Carter huffed. “I didn’t hit you that hard,” he added as he ended the phone call.

 

When the call ended Olivia just stood there in complete shock, “Olivia?” Rita said confused, “What’s going on with Barba?”

As she slowly put her phone in her pocket she looked at Rita, “Barba isn’t showing up,” Olivia sighed.

“Yeah, I figured that… What’s going on?” frowned Rita.

“Long story,” Olivia replied, “But he’s alive.”

“For how much longer though,” Rita hesitated, “From what I gathered from the call… It doesn’t sound like he’s in good shape.”

“He’s not,” Olivia agreed, “I don’t know what’s happening to him but he’s ready to give up… I think I’ve bought some time but I don’t know how long.”

“Oh my,” Rita sighed.

“Yeah,” Olivia nodded, “I’ve got to go inside… Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Rita smiled, “Call me if you need me again.”

“I will,” Olivia said turning towards 1PP.

“And Olivia,” Rita called out, “Bring Barba home.”

“I’m certainly going to try,” Olivia nodded as she continued. Olivia quickly entered the plaza and began to make her way upstairs when she spotted Tucker; “HEY!” she called out.

Tucker turned towards her, “What are you doing here?” he questioned.

“Looking for you,” Olivia rushed, “Barba need’s your help.”

“Why should I care?” Tucker frowned.

“Please,” she pleaded, “I need your help… You’re the only one in here I can trust with this.”

“Okay,” he sighed, “What’s going on?”

“Rafael is missing.”

“Are you sure he hasn’t just left,” Tucker shrugged.

“He’s not like that!” Olivia frowned. “He was arrested earlier this morning and he’s been missing ever since.”

“Who arrested him?”

“Carter,” Olivia sighed, “I should have… It would have been safer for him if I did.”

“What do you mean safer? Have you spoken to him since his arrest?” Tucker questioned, “I thought you said he was missing.”

“He is,” Olivia rushed, “Look, I don’t have time to explain everything… He’s being tortured and Noah is in danger-“

“Tortured? Noah?!” Tucker interrupted, “What the hell is going on?”

Olivia sighed as she looked around, “The threats didn’t stop… He thought it was Carter and I should have believed him straight away. Anyway, the night Warren died Raf was jumped and after that it stopped for a while… We figured that Carter was avoiding us… Well that was until Rafael’s mother was murdered.”

“What?” Tucker frowned.

“Yeah… and today Carter showed up at the precinct and pushed Rafael too far so he punched Carter,” she shook her head, “And now he’s being tortured because I can’t find him…”

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before now?” Tucker said confused, “This is something I should have known well before it got to where it is now.”

“You wouldn’t have done anything… At least that’s what Barba thought,” Olivia answered. “So we decided it was best to keep it as quiet as possible.”

“Well, look how that worked out,” Tucker huffed.

“Will you help me or not?” Olivia frowned, “I’m running out of time.”

“Of course I’ll help,” Tucker nodded, “Anything you need.”

“Do you know anyone in the private sector that can trace numbers?” Olivia asked.

“Yeah, why not use ours?” Tucker frowned.

“Carter is probably watching it,” Olivia paused, “Can you track his phone for me… But keep it between us, I don’t know who’s in Carter’s pocket.”

“Yeah sure,” Tucker said pulling his phone out, “I’ll get right on it… Wait, what about Noah?”

“Carter has someone near Noah but I don’t think he’s got hold of him… If I can get Lucy home Noah should be safe,” Olivia replied.

“You focus on that and I’ll find Barba,” Tucker said.

“Thank you,” she said relieved, “I’ll be outside…”

“Okay, I’ll come find you when I’m done,” Tucker nodded then walked away.

 

As Olivia made her way out of the building she quickly dialled Lucy’s number but didn’t answer Olivia’s heart dropped, “Please pick up,” she muttered as she redialled.

“Hey Olivia,” Lucy answered, “Sorry, Noah was showing me something so I just missed your other call.”

“Where are you?” Olivia asked.

“We’re at the park… Why?” Lucy questioned.

“Are you able to get home?”

“Um, yeah I don’t see why not,” Lucy answered, “Are you coming home early?”

Olivia sighed, “No. There’s a threat against you and Noah so I need you to get home as soon as you can.”

“Really? Okay, one second,” Lucy paused. When she spoke again she sounded far from the phone, “Hey Noah, come get your back we’ve got to go.”

Olivia was relieved when she heard Noah’s muffled voice, “Aw, do we have to? Are we going to see Mommy?”

“We’re going home,” Lucy answered.

“Will Rafí be there?” Noah asked.

“Um, I don’t know… Maybe,” Lucy said sounding closer to the phone. “Okay, we’re going to head home now.”

“Okay, thank you,” Olivia paused, “Um and Lucy?”

“Yeah?” Lucy responded but before Olivia could say anything she added, “Hang on-“

“What?” Olivia frowned.

Olivia’s heart stopped when she heard a man’s muffled voice, “Hey! I noticed you two are leaving… I can give you guys a ride.”

“Um, no that’s okay,” Lucy answered.

Olivia whispered, “Lucy-“

“Don’t worry, I’m a friend of both Olivia and Rafael… I heard that there was some trouble and just want to make sure you both get home safely,” the man continued.

“Lucy,” Olivia rushed as she ran her free hand through her hair, “If you can hear me, I need you to know I did not send him... I don’t know him.”

“Okay,” Lucy replied.

“If he knows it’s me on the phone, he might be forced to do something… Can you leave safely?” Olivia asked.

“Who you talking to?” the man’s muffled voice asked, “Is it Olivia?”

“No, it’s just my Mom,” Lucy answered. “Sorry Mom but I’ve got Noah right now so I don’t think I can get home until later.”

Olivia began to pace, “Okay, can you get somewhere like a, um, a restaurant?”

“That sounds good, I’m sure Noah could eat,” Lucy replied.

“Good,” Olivia sighed.

“One second,” Lucy paused for a moment. “I’m busy so I really have to go,” she added away from the phone.

“I can drop you off somewhere,” the man said.

“No that’s fine,” Lucy replied, “We can walk.”

“You know… I’m a cop, you can trust me,” the man huffed.

“No, it’s fine,” Lucy replied sounding flustered.

The man sounded closer, “It’s Olivia isn’t it?”

“I really have to go,” Lucy answered.

“Don’t walk away from me,” the man growled.

“Let go of me!” Lucy shouted.

“Get out of there!” Olivia panicked, “LUCY GRAB NOAH AND RUN!”

Olivia heard the fear in Lucy’s voice, “Noah… We have to go… It’s okay I got you. ”

“I want Mommy,” Noah cried out.

“I know,” Lucy panted, “Just hold on tight-“

“LUCY!” Olivia shouted but the call was disconnected. As she took the phone from her ear she made her way towards the nearest wall; running her free hand through her hair. Her heart was racing as she dialled Lucy’s number again. “Shit,” she muttered when there was no answer; she could feel her eyes start to water.

She closed her eyes as she took a few deep breaths; five minutes later she heard Tuckers voice, “’Liv?” As she opened her eyes and looked at him he added, “What’s wrong?”

“I was talking to Lucy and someone approached them,” Olivia said shaking her head.

“Then what?”

“I don’t know,” Olivia sighed, “The call was disconnected.”

“Where were they?” Tucker asked.

“The park… you know, where Noah likes to go,” Olivia answered. “If Carter gets a hold of my son or Lucy-.”

“He wont,” Tucker reassured as he gave her a hug.

“It’s bad enough I don’t know where Rafael is,” she muttered into his shoulder.

“I know,” he sighed as he broke the hug, “Why don’t you try her again?”

Olivia nodded as she looked down at her phone but before she could do anything it started to ring, “Lucy?!”

“Sorry, I don’t know what happened,” Lucy replied.

“Are you okay? How’s Noah?” Olivia rushed.

“We’re fine,” Lucy reassured, “We ran for it and made it to a near by café… I think we lost him.”

“Okay, stay there and I’ll come get you-” Olivia began.

“’Liv,” Tucker interrupted, “I have a location for Barba, why don’t you go get him and I’ll get Lucy and Noah.”

“I should really be with Noah,” Olivia replied.

“I get that but don’t forget Barba needs your help,” said Tucker, “They’d expect you to go to Noah, that’s why they’re there. If you go they will know where Noah is but if I go I wont draw any unwanted attention.”

“Yeah… Okay,” Olivia sighed, “Okay Lucy, change of plans, Ed is going to come to you. Don’t leave his side please. He’ll take you back to my place; you’ll be safe there.”

“That’s fine,” Lucy said, “We’ll stay here.”

“Okay good, he’s leaving now so it wont be that long. I’ll be home as soon as I can,” Olivia said as she ended the call. She took a deep breath then looked over to Tucker, “Thank you.”

“Don’t be,” smiled Tucker. “I should get going though.”

“What about Rafael?”

“Oh yeah,” Tucker replied as he searched his pockets. “I wrote it down, here,” he added as he handed her a piece of paper. “I figured you could use some help so I called a few friends of mine to meet you there, you can trust them.”

“I have Carisi, Rollins and Fin,” Olivia frowned.

“Yeah but Carter could have a precinct,” Tucker explained, “He’s not going to just let you walk in and take Barba.”

“He’s more likely to be alone,” Olivia replied.

“I don’t care, I’d rather you have the back up and not need it than to find you lying on the ground bleeding out,” Tucker frowned, “Just take the help.”

“You’re right,” Olivia sighed, “I hope I don’t need them but thank you… I just… I need this to go as smoothly as possible.“

“I know,” Tucker nodded, “I just fear that Carter won’t go down quietly... targeting your son was purely a strategic move so I’m sure he’s got an escape plan all set out already and if that is the case you’re going to need as much help as you can get.” He sighed as he continued, “Carter sounds like he’s out for blood and if it comes down to a shooting match I fear that the first side who shoot’s will be the one who walks out.”

“I hope it doesn’t come to that,” she replied.

“That makes two of us,” Tucker sighed, “I should get going though, Lucy’s waiting for me.”

“Yeah,” Olivia nodded, “Hopefully I’ll be home in a few hours at most.”

“Don’t rush this… Do it right and bring him home.”

Olivia smiled, “That’s the plan.”

“Talk to you when it’s all over,” Tucker said as he turned and walked away.

 

Carter was in the middle of running the blade down Rafael’s chest when his phone rang, “Arrrgh this better be good,” he muttered to himself as he stood up. Rafael breathed a sigh of relief as he watched Carter fish the phone out of his pocket. Carter looked at Rafael, “I wouldn’t get too comfortable.”

“What a shame, I was just starting to enjoy this,” Rafael smirked.

“Second wind huh? Guess she does have an affect on you,” Carter remarked. He turned away as he answered the phone, “What?” Carter started to pace in front of Rafael as he continued, “What do you mean you lost them!” he roared, “I don’t care about your excuses… You moron! Without him I’ve got no leverage to keep her away from here… You had one job and you couldn’t even do that right… Whatever, just get your ass here,” Carter rolled his eyes as he ended the call.

“Trouble in paradise?” Rafael smirked.

“You do know what that means for you, right?” Carter frowned.

“What? Are you actually going to kill me now?” Rafael mumbled.

“It means she chose him,” Carter sneered, “She’s not coming for you.”

“Maybe not,” Rafael shrugged, “But at least now I know you can’t hurt him.”

“How touching,” Carter replied. “It amazes me that you still care for them, even though she’s left you here to die.”

“I told her to,” Rafael replied, “They mean everything to me but you wouldn’t understand what that’s like.”

“I did,” Carter huffed, “Before you took it all away from me.”

“Were you willing to die for your son?” Rafael frowned. Carter glared at him; his fist tightening around the handle of the knife, “I’m going to take your silence as a no… Well, you see that’s the difference between you and I; I’m willing to die in order to make sure Noah is far from your grasp,” he paused as he looked Carter in the eyes, “I took my chance to save my son, can you say the same?”

“You have no idea what I did for my son!” Carter snapped.

“You didn’t help him! He needed you and you casted him aside, or worse, you used his addiction to your benefit,” Rafael huffed.

“How dare you accuse me-“

“No,” Rafael interrupted, “Don’t pretend it’s not true… How many times have you used his addiction to your benefit?”

“I…” Carter hesitated, “I never-“

“I know you’ve used it against Olivia to make me out like a bad guy,” Rafael said.

“You are,” Carter frowned.

“Not like you though and I think that’s an important distinction,” Rafael sneered.

“I don’t hide who I am behind a wall of fancy suits,” Carter huffed. “My turn to ask a question… How many people have you killed?”

“I…” Rafael hesitated as he looked away from Carter, “One.”

“That’s not true, is it?” Carter replied.

“I’m not hiding some big secret,” Rafael frowned.

“Then look me in the eye and answer my question, how many?”

Rafael hesitantly looked back at Carter, “I’ve done a lot that I’m not proud of but I’ve never purposely set out to kill anyone.”

“How many?” Carter repeated.

“You lose witness’s all the time… it happens,” Rafael sighed, “How many have you personally disappeared?”

“ANSWER MY QUESTION!” Carter yelled.

“It was years ago,” Rafael mumbled.

“I will not ask you again,” Carter huffed.

“You do what you must to win the case,” Rafael paused, “Sometimes… sometimes you put the case before the victim and once that happens, you deal with the aftermath any way you can.”

“What did you do?”

“I gave her a loan,” Rafael sighed, “I knew she’d buy drugs but I let it happen because I needed her testimony and by God did she deliver… But she overdosed hours later leaving behind a 10 year old daughter.”

“So you’ve always had it out for junkies?” Carter huffed.

“No!” Rafael frowned. “It’s not like that! I didn’t want either of them to die, I didn’t mean-”

“Boohoo,” Carter mocked.

“I wouldn’t expect sympathy from you,” Rafael mumbled, “You’d need a conscience for that.”

Carter frowned, “You act as though I’m some heartless monster for doing this. But you know as well as I do that you being here was your own doing.” Rafael’s face turned bitter but he couldn’t think of anything to retort with so he sat there in silence. “That’s what I thought,” Carter mocked. He turned away from Rafael; looking down at his watch. They both sat in silence for some time.

 

Carter turned around to acknowledge the man that was walking in, “It’s about time you got here!”

“Traffic,” the man shrugged as he slowly walked towards them.

“I don’t care,” Carter huffed, “Did you at least make sure you weren’t followed?”

“I didn’t see anyone,” he replied.

Carter rolled his eyes, “You probably wouldn’t see them if they were in an ice-cream truck.”

“Come on… Give me some credit,” the man frowned.

When Carter moved out of the way Rafael saw who it was, “YOU!” he snarled.

The man smiled, “Hey Barrrba… Looking good.”

“I should have known you were involved,” frowned Rafael.

“Have been since you took on Munson,” the patrolman nodded.

“Of course,” Rafael rolled his eyes, “Dirty cops stick together.”

“REAL cops stick together!” the man shouted. “We’re the ones taking crooks off the streets and you want to put us in the same cells as them.”

“You’re no different than the criminals in those cells,” Rafael retorted.

An angered look came over the patrolman’s face as he punched Rafael in the mouth, “Screw you.”

Rafael spat blood from his mouth onto the man’s face, “Fuck you.”

“WHY YOU-“ the man huffed lifting his fist again.

Carter grabbed the man’s arm, “That’s enough!” Carter huffed, “Because of you I don’t have the time I wanted.”

“It wasn’t my fault,” the man replied wiping his face on his sleeve. “The sitter knew something was up before I even approached them.”

“You had one job,” Carter frowned, “How’d you lose the boy?”

“They ran,” the man shrugged.

“So you chase after them!”

“I did,” the patrolman admitted, “I lost them in a crowd and while I was searching I saw Tucker.”

“Tucker?” Carter questioned, “What’s he doing there?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed, “But if he saw me there he’d know something was up. I’ve already been under investigation for being caught somewhere I shouldn’t be.”

“Are you fucking kidding me!” Carter growled. “You’re a pussy, I told you how important this was… The boy was the only thing keeping her away and him compliant,” he added as he motioned to Rafael.

“Well surely by now he doesn’t have much fight left,” the man shrugged, “I mean look at him.”

“You just gave him hope, you moron!”

“Come on, he’s probably not far from bleeding out,” the man sighed.

Rafael cleared his throat making the other two men look at him, “As entertaining as this is, I just want to clarify if I heard you right… did you say Tucker was at the park?”

“Looks like Noah isn’t the only one she choose,” Carter chuckled.

The patrolman frowned when he saw Rafael smile slightly, “What? You’re happy she’s with Tucker?”

“You have no idea,” Rafael smirked, “She’s a lot smarter than you give her credit.”

Carter’s face grew still as he took his phone from his pocket, “I sure hope you’re wrong,” he muttered.

Rafael watched as Carter walked away, “You’re afraid and you should be,” he called out to Carter.

Carter ignored him, “Keep him busy, I have to make this call,” he muttered as he brought the phone to his ear.

“I can do that,” the man nodded. “So, any regrets,” he asked as he bent down and picked up the pipe off the ground.

“Meeting the both of you would be at the top of my list,” Rafael sighed.

“Yeah,” the patrolman laughed, “I can see why that is.” He towered over Rafael, “This reminds me of the last encounter we had,” he sneered as he brought the pipe up to his shoulder.

“Wasn’t that a good time,” Rafael said rolling his eyes.

The man swung the pipe connecting it with Rafael’s ribs, “That… all.. you got,” Rafael panted.

“Oh I can do more than that,” the man laughed as he struck the pipe against Rafael again. He did this repeatedly until Rafael was coughing and wheezing, “What you had enough already? Carter had his fun already, let me have mine-“ he began but was interrupted.

“So, I’ve got a guy watching his number,” Carter said walking back, “Someone outside the force has tracked it and apparently he thought it was irrelevant.”

“Oh,” the man frowned, “What’s this mean? For all we know it was nothing.”

“Means I’m surrounded by idiots,” he said rolling his eyes. “It was her, I know it was. She worked around my rules and now I don’t know how long we’ve got, they could be here any minute.”

“I told you she wouldn’t let you get away with it,” Rafael remarked.

“Shut up you,” the patrolman huffed.

“He’s right,” Carter mumbled, “She’s smarter than I gave her credit for.”

“She’s just one person-“

“Just go check the perimeter,” Carter huffed.

The man nodded and walked away, “So, have you decided which lawyer you’re going to hire yet?” Rafael smirked.

“She’s got to catch me first,” Carter replied.

“Don’t worry,” Rafael chuckled, “She will. She’s like a dog with a bone.”

“Doesn’t matter either way,” Carter frowned, “You wont live to see it.”

Rafael tried to stand up but Carter pushed him down; hard, “I’m not going without a fight,” he huffed, “Undo these cuffs and make it fair.”

Carter laughed, “I don’t think so. I just hope I have enough time to watch you slowly bleed out.”

Rafael sat there in silence.

After some time the patrolman ran in, “They’re here!” the man panted to Carter, “We’ve gotta go boss.”

“Crap,” Carter said looking around, “Guess we have to cut this short.”

“Un-cuff me and we can end this,” Rafael snarled.

“Good idea,” Carter replied, “Un-cuff him.”

“What?” the man questioned as he stood Rafael up.

“Do it!” Carter commanded, “It’s not like he’s going to get far with a knee like that.”

“If you say so,” the man replied as Carter tossed him the key and then he quickly undid the cuffs.

Carter watched as Rafael rubbed his wrists, “Take him out the back way and shoot him, make it look clean.”

“They’ll know it’s not,” Rafael frowned, “You can’t make this disappear.”

“I’m pretty good at it,” Carter sneered, “A little money goes a long way around here.”

“You can’t buy her off,” Rafael huffed.

“You’d be surprised what or should I say who some people are willing to forget when given the choice,” Carter remarked.

Before Rafael could say anything they heard a loud bang echo though the warehouse, “They’re in… Won’t take them long till the reach us. You should get going,” the man said. “I’ll take the heat.”

Carter nodded and started to walk away, “What!? After all this, you can’t even do it yourself!” Rafael huffed as he limped forward, “COME BACK HERE!”

Carter turned around and pulled his gun out of his holster, “Shut him up!” he growled.

“YOU’RE A COWARD!” Rafael shouted taking a few steps towards Carter.

 

Olivia was just outside the door of the warehouse with Fin, Rollins and Carisi when she heard Rafael shout out, “YOU’RE A COWARD!”

“RAFAEL!” Olivia rushed as she pulled her gun out.

“We should wait for Tucker’s back up,” Fin suggested.

“He’s been in there long enough,” Olivia huffed opening the door, “I’m getting him with or without you.” Fin nodded and took out his gun, “Okay, good. Carisi go around back with Rollins, Fin you’re with me,” she added then turned and started to run down the hallway.

“YOU HEAR THAT!” Rafael shouted, “It’s over!”

Shortly after Olivia heard two quick gunshots, “Shit,” she huffed as she ran towards the sound. As she burst through the doors at the end of the hall her eyes were immediately drawn to Rafael lying on the ground with two shots in his chest. “NOOO!” she screamed as she ran over to him; the blood around him grew quickly. She placed her gun on the ground as she knelt down next to him and applied pressure to his chest; Rafael moved his gaze from the roof to Olivia. “You’re okay,” Olivia sniffled as she looked into his eyes, “I’m here.” As Rafael continued to stare at her he opened his mouth slightly and blood began to run down his cheek, “Raf… Rafael,” Olivia stuttered. Suddenly his breathing ceased and she watched as the life drained out of his eyes, “Don’t leave me!” she sobbed.

Fin made his way over to Rafael when Olivia started doing CPR, “Liv,” he said solemnly. He knelt down and checked Rafael’s pulse before turning to her, “Olivia, he’s gone… there’s nothing we can do.”

“I’m not giving up!”

“Hey, we’ve got two people running,” Carisi said over the radio, “One’s Carter and the other is unknown… We could use some back-up.”

“’Liv,” Fin sighed, “We gotta get Carter before he escapes. He can’t get away with this.” Olivia stopped as she looked at Fin with tears in her eyes, “He’s gone,” he repeated.

Olivia took a deep breath as she removed her hands from Rafael’s chest and took hold of her gun, “Okay… Let’s get him,” she sighed. She gently ran her hand over Rafael’s face closing his eyes as she stood up. Taking her radio out she said, “Carisi, you and Rollins take the unknown… Fin and I have Carter.”

“Got it,” Carisi replied, “He went north towards the warehouse but we lost sight of him.”

“We’ll find him,” Olivia responded then put the radio away. They started for the nearest exit when Olivia caught a glimpse of Carter running back into the building; “Go that way, we can cut him off,” she gestured to Fin; he nodded and followed her instructions. As Carter ran further into the building Olivia shouted, “Stop!”

“Fuck off!” Carter shouted back as he continued to run.

“Don’t make this harder for yourself Carter,” Olivia yelled running after him.

He could feel Olivia getting closer so he knocked down anything he could; such as crates, barrels and bins, behind him to slow down Olivia, “You don’t quit do you?” he frowned when he looked over his shoulder to find Olivia still there.

“I wont ask you again!” she shouted. As the rounded a corner she saw Rafael’s body on the ground and realised they had just done a loop of the warehouse. Seeing Rafael like that angered Olivia so she fired a shot in the air, “ENOUGH!”

Carter stopped in his tracks and held up his hands, “OKAY! I’m unarmed,” he said slowly turning around.

Olivia walked closer to Carter, “YOU KILLED HIM!” she snarled pointing to Rafael.

“He killed my son,” Carter retorted.

“No he didn’t,” Olivia frowned, “He’s been beating himself up about Warren’s death but that wasn’t his fault and you know that. He was a junkie… he was bound to over do it eventually, but maybe if you had actually helped him he wouldn’t have.”

Carter sighed, “He was destroying the department.”

“Cops like you are destroying the department,” Olivia snarled.

“LIV!” Fin shouted as he entered the room. Olivia’s hands were shaking badly as she held the gun against Carter, “Don’t do this, you’re better than him.”

Shortly after Carisi ran in, “I heard a shot, is-“ he paused as he saw Rafael on the ground. Carisi watched as Fin started towards Olivia, “Is he-” he hesitated.

“Just keep your gun on him,” Fin frowned turning his head to Carisi.

“Okay,” Carisi nodded as he raised his gun and aimed for Carter.

“I know you’re in a lot of pain right now but this isn’t the way,” Fin said as he continued to get closer to Olivia.

“He shouldn’t walk out of here,” Olivia frowned.

“I know,” Fin agreed, “But we can’t stoop to his level,” he said placing a hand on Olivia’s gun, “Give me your gun.”

As Fin started to take the gun Olivia loosened her grip, “Okay,” she sighed as the gun was removed from her hand. “Turn around,” she ordered Carter as she took out her cuffs.

Carter frowned, “Why should-“

“I said turn around!” Olivia yelled.

“I can give you all a lot of money,” Carter propositioned.

“I’d do what she says if I was you,” Fin added.

“Fine,” Carter huffed. When Carter turned around Olivia put her cuffs around his wrists and tightened them, “Bitch,” Carter muttered.

Tightening them more Olivia said, “Just making sure you don’t get free.”

 

When Olivia finally made her way home she hesitated at the door to gather her emotions before seeing Noah. She took a deep breath then opened the door; “MOMMY!” Noah shouted excitedly as he ran up to her and hugged her. As the hug broke Noah looked behind Olivia to the door expecting Rafael to follow; when he didn’t Noah turned back to Olivia and asked, “Where’s Rafí?”

“Um,” Olivia hesitated, “Why don’t you go into the lounge room for a moment while I talk to Lucy and Ed.”

“Okay,” Noah sighed.

Lucy walked up to Olivia and started saying, “What’s going on? Is everything alright now-“

“I’m sorry Lucy,” Olivia’s voice faltered, “Can we talk outside…”

Noticing Olivia was upset Lucy nodded, “Ed can you join us, please?”

“Sure,” Tucker smiled softly.

They followed Olivia, “Are you okay?” Lucy asked when they were just outside the apartment.

“No,” Olivia shook her head and she started to tear up.

“’Liv, what happened?” Tucker said pulling Olivia into a hug.

“Rafael died,” she cried into Tucker’s shoulder.

Lucy placed a hand on Olivia’s back, “Oh ‘Liv, I’m so sorry,” she comforted.

Olivia took a deep breath as she pulled out of the hug, “And now… Now I’ve got to break it to Noah.”

“Is there anything I can do?” Lucy asked.

Olivia gave a small smile, “Thank you but no… I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to be home for a while, I’m not sure how long at this stage.”

“Okay,” Lucy nodded, “If you need anything though, don’t hesitate. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“I’ll let you know what’s going on in a few days,” Olivia replied, “I should probably go in.”

“Alright,” Lucy said, “I’ll talk to you soon.”

As Lucy walked away Tucker stopped Olivia from walking inside by taking hold of her hand, “Olivia…”

“I...” she hesitated, “I’ve got to…”

“Just wait a second, please,” Tucker whispered, “I know what he meant to you…”

“Ed…” Olivia teared up.

“I am sorry that he couldn’t be saved… I hate seeing you like this,” he said, “Do you want help telling Noah?”

Fighting her tears she sniffled, “No… I’ve got to do this…”

“Okay,” he nodded, “I’ll let you go but just remember I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to.”

Olivia nodded as she walked back into her apartment; once inside she saw Noah sitting on the lounge waiting for her, “Hey sweetie,” Olivia stuttered.

“Hi Mommy,” Noah smiled as she walked over and sat next to him. “When’s Rafí coming home?”

Olivia placed a hand on his shoulder, “He’s… He’s not coming home,” she sniffled.

“But he promised,” Noah said disappointed.

Olivia’s heart was breaking, “Noah,” she said fighting tears, “Something bad happened to Rafael at work today.”

Noah’s eyes started to water, “Is he going to be okay?”

Olivia pulled Noah into a hug as tears started to run down his face; “No sweetie,” she sniffled feeling tears of her own run down her cheek, “He was hurt really badly-“

Noah broke the hug and jumped off the lounge, “We can visit him till he gets better,” he sniffled gabbing Olivia’s arm.

“He’s not going to get better,” she hesitated as she pulled Noah closer to her. Taking a deep breath she added, “He… he died.”

“Nooo,” Noah whimpered as he pushed Olivia away. “Noo,” he cried as he ran towards his room.

As Olivia heard the door close she brought her hands to her face as she lost control of her emotions and started to cry. She only allowed herself to cry for a few minutes before gathering herself; as she stood up she wiped away her tears. She took a deep breath as she made her way to Noah’s room, when she reached the door she knocked softly as she opened the door, “Noah?” she asked. As she stepped in his room she saw him crying into his pillow, “I know this is difficult,” she continued as she walked to his bed, “I miss him too.”

“I want Rafí,” Noah said into his pillow.

“Me too,” Olivia sighed as she sat on his bed. She laid down on the bed next to Noah, “Come here,” she added as she wrapped her arms around him. Noah sat up as he moved closer to Olivia then hugged her back as he cried; Olivia kissed Noah on the top of his head, “It’s okay.” Noah quickly sat up, “What is it dear?” Olivia asked. Noah jumped off his bed and started searching his room; “Noah?”

“I can’t Rafi!” he panicked.

“What did you just say?”

“Charlie,” Noah said glumly, “I meant Charlie.”

“Oh Sweetie,” Olivia sighed, “I’m sure he’s around here somewhere.” She got off the bed and helped Noah look; after a few minutes she found the toy dog under Noah’s bed, “Here Noah,” she smiled.

Noah looked at the dog solemnly, “Thank you,” he sniffled.

 

A few days later Olivia walked into the precinct with Noah; she could feel the stares of everyone she walked past. It wasn’t long until Fin stood up from his desk and made his over to her, “Hey,” he said softly. “It’s only been a few days, you should take some more time off.”

“I’m not here to work,” she replied. “Where’s Amanda?”

“She’s around here somewhere,” Fin answered as he looked around the squad room.

Olivia nodded then sighed, “Alright.”

“How are you holding up?” he asked concerned.

“Not too good,” Olivia replied honestly. “But I’ve got to hold it together for Noah.”

Fin nodded then looked down to Noah, “Nice dog,” he smiled.

“His name is Charlie,” Noah said glumly.

“He hasn’t put it down since I told him about Rafael,” she raised her hand to her mouth as her voice trembled. “I just…” she shook her head as she started to tear up.

“Hey,” Fin comforted as he hugged her. “You’re not alone, we’re all here for you.”

As a few tears ran down her face and onto Fin’s shoulder she uttered, “Thank you.”

“Olivia?” Amanda said as she walked over.

Olivia lifted her head off Fins shoulder and wiped away the tears before looking over to Amanda, “Hey,” she sniffled.

“Why are you here?” Amanda asked.

“I want to talk to you for a moment,” she exhaled.

“Noah, why don’t you come with me,” Fin said softly.

“I wanna stay with Mommy,” Noah mumbled.

Olivia knelt down to Noah and said, “I have to talk to Amanda for a moment, I wont be too long.”

Noah lowered his head as he sighed, “Okay.”

“Thank you,” Olivia said pulling Noah into a quick hug. As the hug broke Olivia kissed him on the forehead, “I love you,” she stuttered holding back tears.

“Love you,” Noah smiled as he took Fin’s hand.

“Let’s go get a chocolate or something,” Fin smiled.

As Olivia watched Noah walk into the break room with Fin she said, “Let’s go into my office.”

“Sure,” Amanda replied as she started for the office. After they entered Olivia’s office Amanda closed the door behind her, “Why do you want to talk to me?”

“Can you look after Noah for a few hours? I wouldn’t ask but-“

“’Liv,” Amanda interrupted as she walked over to her; placing a hand on her shoulder, “Of course I’ll take him.”

Olivia took a deep breath as she placed a hand on Amanda’s, “Thank you.”

“Where are you going?” she questioned.

“Raf... Rafael’s place,” she sniffled.

Amanda exhaled softly, “Do you want someone to come with you?”

“No,” Olivia replied. “I’ve got to do this alone… I’m just collecting a few things.”

“Okay,” Amanda nodded, “Call me if you need me.”

“I will.”

As Olivia walked over to her lounge Amanda asked, “How’s Noah coping?”

“He misses Rafael, so he’s been sleeping in my bed the last few nights but if I’m being honest I don’t even know if that’s for him or for me,” she said glumly as she sat down. “This job prepares you to tell families that someone they love isn’t coming home but… It’s so much harder when you have to explain to your son that someone he loves won’t be around anymore.”

“Oh ‘Liv,” Amanda consoled as she sat next to Olivia.

“It’s so hard to watch Noah grieve,” Olivia’s voice trembled.

Amanda put her arm around Olivia’s shoulders, “He’s tough, it’s just going to take time.”

Olivia placed her head on Amanda’s shoulder, “I miss him,” she sobbed.

“I know you do,” Amanda comforted, “Have you even had a chance to grieve?”

“I have to be strong for Noah… he needs me,” she sniffled.

“’Liv, you’re the strongest person I know,” Amanda said. “You’ve been through so much and you’ve always put Noah first but sometimes you need to allow yourself to feel in order to heal and no one is going to think less of you for doing that.”

“It hurts too much to think about him,” Olivia mumbled as tears ran down her cheeks. “I was there… If I had been faster he’d still be alive.”

Amanda sighed, “It’s not your fault… Carter was never planning on letting him leave-“

“Mommy!” Noah said running into her office.

Olivia took a quick breath as she wiped her cheeks, “Yes?” she sniffled.

“I want to go home,” Noah sighed.

Before Olivia could say anything Fin appeared in the doorway, “I’m sorry, he’s fast.”

“It’s fine,” Olivia smiled. Looking back to Noah she added, “I know you want to go home but you have to go with Amanda.”

“I don’t want to,” Noah pouted, “I wanna go home.”

“We’ll have fun,” Amanda smiled, “Jessie would like to see you again.”

“Mommy,” Noah frowned.

“Noah, I need you to go with Amanda…” Olivia sighed, “Can you do that for me?”

Noah sighed as his eyes began to water, “But how do I know you’re going to come home?”

Olivia was taken back, “I’m… I’m going to come home… I promise.”

“Rafí promised,” Noah sniffled.

“Sweetie,” Olivia mumbled as her eyes watered. “I… He…” her voice wavered.

“Noah,” Amanda took over, “Your mom just has some stuff that she needs to do so while she does that we can go to my house. We’ll watch a movie and eat lots of ice-cream, how does that sound?”

“Okay,” Noah grumbled. “I wish Rafí was still here,” he added as he left Olivia’s office.

“I’m sorry ‘Liv,” Fin sighed as he watched Noah run towards Carisi.

“I’m fine,” Olivia said as she got up from the lounge. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay with him? I don’t know how long I’m going to be.”

Amanda nodded as she stood up, “We’re going to be fine… Go do what you need to do and take as much time as you need.”

 

When Olivia arrived at Rafael’s apartment she opened the door and as she entered she hesitated for a moment. Without Rafael the apartment had been drained of all signs of joy, love and life; instead there was this feeling of unbearable pain and dread. She took a deep breath as she continued into the apartment; her eyes starting to water the further she walked. She tried to avoid looking at the photo’s he had hanging in the hallway but one caught her eye; it was a photo of Rafael, Noah and Olivia at the park. She stood there looking at the photo for what felt like eternity; eventually she took the photo with her as she made her way into his bedroom. As she entered the room she saw his Harvard sweatshirt on the floor; picking it up she made her way to the bed and sat down. She unconsciously placed the photo on the bed as she looked down at the jumper for a moment before putting it on; it still smelt of him. As tears started to roll down her face she laid on the bed; putting her face on his pillow, shortly after she broke down and cried. She cried for a while before noticing the wooden box on the bedside table, she wiped the tears away with the sleave of the sweatshirt then she grabbed the box. Opening it she smiled when she saw the photos of him with his mother, “I miss you,” she sobbed. She took out the photos but before she looked through them she noticed there was a handwritten note in the bottom the box; as she pulled it out she saw it was addressed to her.

 

My dearest Olivia,

If you’re reading this then I’m no longer around for you… You have changed my life drastically since I met you. You have brought so much love and joy to my life and I am extremely grateful for every minute I got to spend with you.

You found my grandmothers ring and I regret that I told you to forget about it but I want you to know it wasn’t because I was ashamed or scared. But rather because I didn’t want the first time I talked about the ring to be clouded by the darkness that had fallen around me.

I know I shouldn’t write this in a letter but I need to have a chance to say it, even if I can’t be there when I do… The last dinner I had planned with my mother was actually to discuss my future with you. You are the light of my life and I can’t imagine a single day without you in it.

The ring is yours. Always has been. My only regret is never being able to know what your answer would have been… 

Will you marry me?

Forever yours,

Rafael Barba.

 

Olivia wiped away some of the tears that had fallen while she read the letter and took the ring out of the box. She placed it on her ring finger and uttered, “Yes,” as she started to cry again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to thank everyone who decided to spend their time reading my fic. Those who were there from the beginning and those who are just finding it now. It means a lot to me to have anyone read this and enjoy it so.... Thank you so much!!! 
> 
> I also wanted to add that it was never my intention on killing Rafael, he is my favourite character out of the series but I have two endings and didn't know which to go with so I uploaded this one first.. Dont worry if you're after a happy ending there is one on its way.


	7. Alternative Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, this is the last chapter of Threatening Realisations. 
> 
> If you haven't read chapter 6 I highly recommend that you do.
> 
> For those who have read the official ending you will notice I reused the most of that chapter, it begins to change when Olivia and Rafael reunite.

**Alternative Ending: **

****

“What the hell?” Carisi muttered standing up from his desk.

“What?” Amanda asked him.

“Look,” Carisi said as he motioned towards Olivia’s office, “Carter’s face is a mess.”

“Wait! Is Barba in handcuffs?” Amanda questioned, “What the hell happened?!”

As they watched Carter push Rafael out of Olivia’s office they heard Olivia, “Carter, please don’t do this,” she pleaded. Carter kept pushing Rafael forward as he ignored her, “CARTER!” Olivia frowned as she followed, “He didn’t mean it.”

“Yes I did,” Rafael huffed.

“Shut up,” Olivia hissed.

“I would listen to her if I was you,” Carter smiled.

While Carter pushed Rafael towards the elevator Olivia turned quickly to Amanda, “Call Rita for me,” she rushed. She then turned back and jogged to catch up to Carter, “Can’t we just talk about this?”

“Talk?” Carter laughed, “And here I thought you were only good on your knees.”

Rafael stopped in his tracks just before the elevator and turned to face Carter, “DON’T YOU TALK TO HER LIKE THAT!”

“KEEP MOVING,” Carter snarled as he shoved Rafael backwards into the elevator doors.

Rafael slammed against the elevator doors, “Screw you!” he huffed; when he got his footing again he took a few steps towards Carter. When he was face to face with Carter again Rafael glanced over Carter’s shoulder and noticed Olivia; she looked shocked. Pulling on his handcuffs Rafael growled, “So help me God, when I get free of these I’m going to-“

“Going to what?” Carter said taking a step forward so they were only inches away from each other. “Do your worst and I’ll do mine,” he sneered.

Carisi cautiously joined Olivia, “What’s going on?”

“Talk about it later… I’ve got to stop this before it gets worse,” she sighed as she walked towards Carter, “Rafael just let it go.”

Rafael clenched his jaw as he stared down Carter, “No one talks to you like that,” he growled.

“Right now it doesn’t matter, let’s just focus on getting you home,” Olivia said but when it looked like Rafael wasn’t listening she placed a hand on his shoulder, “Listen to me please… He’s not worth it.”

Rafael glanced down to her hand and sighed, “You’re right.”

“Well, she’s got you wrapped around her finger,” Carter remarked as he brushed passed Rafael and pushed the elevator button.

Rafael’s lip curled; “Ignore him,” Olivia said.

“Olivia?” Amanda rushed as she jogged towards the elevator, “I spoke to Rita-“

“We can talk about that in a minute,” Olivia interrupted.

“Don’t worry,” Carter smiled as the elevator opened, “We’re leaving now.”

“I’ll walk you down,” Olivia said stepping into the elevator.

“What, don’t you trust me?” Carter sneered looking at Olivia; she just glared at him. “Whatever,” he shrugged while he took Rafael’s arm and pulled him in, “Come on.”

Rafael rolled his eyes as he stepped into the elevator, “Let’s get this over with. I’ll be home before noon.”

“Yeah, right…” Carter laughed as he moved to the back of the elevator.

When the doors closed Olivia stood next to Rafael, “Promise me you won’t say anything stupid.”

Rafael laughed slightly, “You know I can’t make that promise.”

“Rafael,” Olivia sighed, “Now isn’t the time for jokes.”

“I know,” Rafael nodded, “But don’t worry… This is bullshit; I could easily talk this down-“

“Wait for Rita,” Olivia advised as the elevator opened again.

“You two done yet?” Carter teased. Rafael looked over his shoulder and glared at Carter, “Oh come on,” Carter grinned, “Don’t give me that look… We’re going to have a fun time.”

Carter took hold of Rafael by the arm then led him out of the precinct; Olivia followed closely behind, “Where are you taking him?” she asked.

“Where do you think,” Carter huffed, “Use your brain.”

“I’ll meet you at 1PP,” Olivia said to Rafael.

“Yeah okay,” Rafael nodded. “See you soon,” he added as he leaned towards her to kiss her.

Just before they kissed Carter sneered, “How sweet,” and he pulled Rafael back. “Now lets go,” he added as he guided Rafael towards his car. When they arrived at the car Carter opened the back door then took hold of Rafael by the top of head, “Get in.” As he pushed Rafael down he smiled, “Watch your head,” then slammed his head into the side of the car. “My bad,” he laughed to himself.

“Hey! You can’t do that,” frowned Olivia.

“Relax,” Carter shrugged, “It was an accident.”

“I’m fine ‘Liv,” Rafael reassured, “Just tell Rita where to meet me.”

“Okay,” Olivia said then she turned around and walked back towards the precinct.

“Well, now that we’re finally alone…” Carter grinned as he leaned in the back of the car. He reached in under the front seat and pulled out a white cloth, “Breath deep for me... We’re going to take a ride.”

“Get fucked,” Rafael snarled.

Carter smirked, “Oh don’t be like that.” He took hold of the back of Rafael’s head with one hand and pressed the cloth against his face with the other, “Don’t worry… You’ll wake up.”

Rafael tried to pull his head away but Carter’s grip was too strong; as he inhaled the sweet smell of chloroform started to make him feel light headed. As his eyesight blurred he thought saw a figure walking towards the car, “O… Liv-,” Rafael stuttered as he passed out.

 

When Olivia got back up to the squad room she was bombarded with questioned from Carisi and Rollins, “What’s going on?” Carisi asked.

“What happened?” Amanda asked next.

“Why was he arrested?” Carisi frowned.

“Okay,” Olivia huffed, “I can’t answer your questions if you don’t give me the time to do so.”

“Sorry,” sighed Amanda.

“Rafael’s been arrested for assault-” Olivia began.

“That’s ridiculous,” Carisi frowned, “Barba wouldn’t do that.”

“Carter pushed him too far so he punched him… As you saw Raf wasn’t in the mood to talk as it was,” Olivia replied.

“What did he do?” Amanda asked.

“Carter brought up Lucia-“

“Geez,” Amanda reacted, “I’d want to punch him for that.”

“I wanted to,” Olivia admitted, “He played on Rafael’s emotions and sadly it worked.”

“Yeah but Barba shouldn’t have been here to begin with,” Amanda commented.

Olivia frowned, “Don’t put this on me.”

“I…” Amanda stuttered, “I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant-“

“She meant that we all saw the way he walked here,” Carisi interjected, “It was obvious there was something eating him up,”

“He’s mourning his mother,” Olivia scowled.

“I know,” Amanda said cautiously, “But… there was something else and don’t pretend you didn’t see it.”

“You know him better than we do,” Carisi added, “If we saw it then you definitely did and that’s why you brought him here, isn’t it?” Olivia sighed as she looked around the squad room; Carisi continued when she didn’t say anything, “What was it? Must have been big.”

“It’s not important,” Olivia answered.

“It might be,” Amanda sighed, “Could go to his state of mind… It could help.”

Olivia took a deep breath as she said, “It could hurt.”

“Come on ‘Liv,” Amanda frowned, “You brought him here because of it.”

“Can you stop guilting me… I can do that myself,” Olivia said as she turned and walked towards her office.

“We’re not,” Carisi uttered following her.

“Talk to us so we can help,” Amanda said entering the office behind Carisi.

“I had no choice,” Olivia mumbled as she reached her desk, “I couldn’t trust him by himself.”

“You don’t trust him?” Amanda questioned.

“Close the door,” Olivia said. She watched Amanda close the door behind her; “This doesn’t look good for the both of us so this doesn’t leave the room… Are we all agreeing on that?”

“Yeah,” Carisi and Amanda both said together.

“He took my gun,” Olivia admitted.

Carisi frowned, “Are you sure? It’s not like him.”

“I found him in the living room holding my gun,” Olivia replied. “And that’s all I’m going to say about it so let’s get started on getting him home.”

“Okay so what’s next?” Carisi asked.

“You said you got a hold of Rita before,” Olivia said to Amanda, “What did she say?”

“I told her Barba was arrested and that you wanted to talk to her but she is as confused as we were,” Amanda replied. “I told her you’d call her back when things calmed down.”

“Okay,” Olivia nodded.

“What do you want us to do?” Carisi asked, “I want to help.”

“I know you do but right now there’s not a whole lot that can be done,” Olivia said. “I’ll be in my office talking to Rita if you need me,” she added as he walked away.

 

As Olivia entered her office she took out her phone from her pocket and called Rita; the dial tone seem to take forever before Rita finally answered, “Olivia?”

“Yeah,” Olivia replied, “Sorry I wasn’t able to talk to you when Rollins called, I didn’t think I would take so long.”

“What’s going on? When I was on the phone with Amanda she seemed preoccupied and I heard yelling,” Rita said.

“Yeah it’s been stressful around here,” Olivia sighed, “Amanda said she told you Barba was arrested-“

“Yeah,” Rita interrupted, “What the hell is going on with that?”

“It’s a long story but Rafael has been on edge a lot recently and with his mother’s murder-“

“What!” Rita exclaimed.

“Yeah, she died yesterday so it’s been rough,” Olivia said glumly. “But as I was saying Chief Carter walked into my office and mentioned her and Rafael lost it,” she continued, “He punched Carter in the face.”

“Wow,” Rita replied, “So Carter arrested him for assault?”

“He did because I wouldn’t,” Olivia answered.

“So where is he now?”

“I believe Carter is taking him down to 1PP,” Olivia sighed, “I was hoping you would be Rafael’s lawyer, if you’re not too busy.”

Rita was quiet for a moment before replying, “Of course, I’ll just have to move some stuff around… But why me?”

“We have history with you,” Olivia said, “We don’t always see eye to eye but you’re really good at what you do and Barba would agree. I just have a bad feeling about this so I thought he could use someone like you.”

“Well I’m glad you thought of me,” Rita replied.

“How much will I owe you?” Olivia asked.

“I’ll do it pro bono,” Rita answered.

“You don’t have to do that,” Olivia frowned.

“I’m taking a New York ADA as a client… It’s a good endorsement for me,” Rita remarked.

“Okay,” Olivia laughed.

“But it he is a friend so of course I’ll do what I can,” Rita added.

“Thank you,” Olivia replied, “How long do you think it will take you to get down to 1PP?”

“Um, I have to finish this meeting I’m in so maybe 40 minutes,” Rita sighed, “Is that okay?”

“That’s okay. It should give them enough time to process him and get him into an interrogation room,” Olivia said. “I’ll meet you there.”

“Should you be there?” Rita asked cautiously.

“I don’t care if I shouldn’t be there,” Olivia frowned, “I’m going.”

“Okay, well in that case I’ll see you there,” Rita said then ended the call.

 

Rafael slowly began to wake up, “Wh-Where am I?” he stuttered as he looked at the floor of the car. When he remembered what happened he quickly sat up and looked out the window, “Where am I?” he repeated when he noticed a warehouse.

“Does it matter?” Carter said; Rafael turned his head and saw Carter sitting in the drivers seat; facing forward. “You won’t be leaving here,” he continued, “But I did give you a chance to avoid all of this and you didn’t take it.”

“Bullshit,” Rafael scoffed, “You had it out for me from the moment we met… I bet even before then; I wouldn’t put it past you being behind the threats I’ve received for the past year.”

“Well,” Carter shrugged, “I didn’t write or send them but I wont deny giving the order.”

“Why?” frowned Rafael, “Surely you had better things to do... your job being one.”

“At first it was just meaningless threats but as time went on and you continued to take down good police it turned into something more,” Carter snorted. “I sent Seth to scare you but I should never have intrusted that with a moron like him.”

“Ohhhh,” Rafael sighed. “So that’s why you were at my apartment… I knew you didn’t go because it was your job, you wanted to see if I was still alive to play your sick game.”

“Maybe,” Carter smiled as he turned to face Rafael; his nose was swollen and his eyes had already begun to bruise. “For awhile it was just harmless fun… well harmless for me,” he chuckled, “I just wanted to see how far I could take it before you quit or snapped, which ever came first. But then you had to go and make it personal by killed my son.”

“I apologised for that,” Rafael sighed, “It was an accident… I told you this before but you didn’t care.”

Carter frowned, “Would you want to hear from the person who murdered your mother that they were sorry but lets move past it?”

“No,” Rafael mumbled under his breath.

“Exactly,” Carter nodded, “You’d want them either dead or to rot in prison… So here we are.”

“I’m guessing this isn’t just a detour to the prison?” Rafael said sarcastically.

“You think you’re funny, don’t you?”

“I have my moments,” Rafael smirked.

“I’ll fix that,” Carter remarked.

Rafael frowned, “You can’t do shit.”

“Is that so?” Carter laughed, “Well aren’t you in for a surprise then.”

“Whatever,” Rafael rolled his eyes, “Do your worst.”

“I will,” Carter grinned. After a moment of silence between the two Carter said, “You know, I didn’t think I would be getting my hands on you so soon after Lucia’s death-“

“Don’t say her name,” Rafael huffed.

Carter ignored him as he continued, “I figured you’d stay home mourning Lucia but when I saw you in Benson’s office I thought I would make the most of the opportunity I had and I’ve got to hand it do you… I didn’t think you’d have the balls to punch me in the open like that.”

Rafael chuckled, “How is your nose? I got you pretty good by the looks of it.”

“You broke it,” Carter shrugged, “But that’s nothing compared to what’s coming your way.”

“What’s that, more of your pathetic empty threats,” Rafael snickered.

“Keep laughing, when I start your going to regret even coming into work today,” Carter smirked. “Speaking of work… Why were you at the precinct anyway? Not that I don’t appreciate it.”

“Does it matter?” Rafael mumbled looking out the window.

“I guess not… I’m just curious,” Carter shrugged. “It’s not going to change anything.”

Rafael sighed, “Olivia asked me to go with her.”

“So it’s her fault you’re here,” Carter smirked.

“No it’s not,” Rafael frowned looking back to Carter, “I’ll never blame her.”

“Why not?” Carter asked.

“She wanted to make sure I didn’t try to kill you,” Rafael muttered.

“You kill me? Now that’s funny,” Carter laughed.

“You will pay for all of this,” Rafael frowned, “I’ll make sure of it.”

Carter chuckled, “Says the man who’s handcuffed in the back of MY car in an unknown location.”

“For now,” Rafael huffed. “You’re lucky I have someone like Olivia.”

Carter smirked, “But your not… Look where you are, all because she convinced you to go with her.”

Rafael sighed, “I could never blame her.”

“Sure you can,” Carter said turning back to the front, “She brought you there… It’s almost as much her fault as it is yours. I mean think about it… She knew you were in no condition to be out yet she insisted on taking you to a place where I was more than likely to show up at…”

Rafael thought for a moment, “I don’t think… She wouldn’t… No, it’s not her fault,“ he frowned.

“Yeah keep telling yourself that,” Carter shrugged.

Rafael sat in silence for a while as he stared out the window lost in thought; ten minutes had past before he asked, “Why are we still in the car?”

“I’m waiting for a message,” Carter answered, “Plus I wasn’t going to carry your dead weight inside when I could just wait for you to do that yourself.”

“What’s so important about this message?” Rafael asked.

“You’ll see,” Carter replied, “I just have to know everything is in place before we can get started.”

“Which moron is this time?” Rafael remarked as he looked back at Carter.

“Does it matter?” Carter retorted.

Rafael chuckled, “Guess not… I mean they’re all moron’s if they work for you.”

Carter sighed as he twisted his body to look at Rafael, “I’m not going to lie… You’re not the first person I’ve brought here but you’re the only one who’s ever been cocky enough to insult me. Don’t you care what happens anymore? Surely you’re not quitting early.”

“Can you not?” Rafael huffed, “You’ve made it clear that I’m not leaving so the least you could do is quit trying to get in my head.”

“Give me some credit,” Carter replied turning to the front again, “If I was really trying, you’d be second guessing everything.”

Rafael rolled his eyes, “Are you sure you’re not just losing your touch?”

“Guess we’ll find out,” Carter replied as he took his phone out of his pocket. He had a twisted smile as he said, “Let’s get started.” Carter got out of the car and slammed his door shut, rocking the car. Rafael watched as Carter made his way around the front of the car, when he reached Rafael’s door he opened it and leaned in, “Come on, you don’t have all day,” Carter smirked; taking hold of Rafael’s bicep. Rafael didn’t put up a fight as Carter pulled him from the car when he was out Carter pushed him against the side of the car, “Run and it will be the last thing you ever do,” he said calmly.

“I get it,” Rafael sighed as he leaned back against the car. While he relaxed he tilted his head back and he closed his eyes as the warmth of the sun fell across his face giving him the odd feeling of comfort. The feeling was so overwhelming he couldn’t help but smile a little.

“What are you smiling about?” frowned Carter.

“Nothing,” Rafael shrugged as he started to take a deep breath.

After he took a few deep breaths he heard Carter mutter, “You’re oddly calm...”

Rafael opened his eyes to find Carter standing right in front of him, “Just enjoying the sun.”

“Enjoy it while it lasts,” Carter remarked as he slammed the back car door shut.

Rafael said rolling his eyes, “You can’t do shit.”

“Let’s find out if that’s true,” Carter huffed as he took hold of Rafael’s arm, “Get moving.”

As Carter pushed Rafael forward Rafael looked up at the rusty warehouse; it looked old and uncared for. While the walked towards the building they stepped into the large shadow the warehouse was casting; all the warmth of the sun was stripped away from Rafael and replaced with the cold feeling of dread. “Why here?” Rafael frowned.

“What?”

“Why did you pick this dump?” Rafael asked.

Carter stopped walking for a moment as he looked up at the warehouse, “I got a call years ago where the owner killed an employee but instead of reporting it he wanted it to disappear. I made that happen without hesitation and since then I’ve owned him, so I use this place whenever I want.”

“So you’ve always been crooked,” Rafael remarked as he continued looking around the building.

Carter laughed, “I would say I’m an opportunist.” As he began walking again he noticed Rafael looking around, “Interested in the building, are we?”

“Just having a look,” Rafael said.

“You’re not going to figure out where we are,” Carter smirked.

“That’s not what-“

“Bullshit,” Carter chuckled, “I would be doing the same thing… But the difference is you’re not a cop and just because you’re sleeping with one doesn’t make you one… Although I’ve got to hand it to you, you picked a doozy. She’s probably worked her way though half the department by now-”

Rafael stopped suddenly, “DON’T TALK ABOUT HER LIKE THAT!” he roared as he spun around to face Carter.

“Well it’s probably true,” Carter remarked, “I did my research before I showed up.”

“She’s worked hard to get to where she is today,” Rafael huffed, “She’s the most dedicated cop I have ever met so of course someone like you would want to tear her down.”

“Sure,” Carter nodded, “But I’m also sure she had help. I mean think about it, you’ve got Cassidy, Tucker and hell I’d bet that she was doing her old partner and he was married-”

“STOP!” Rafael frowned.

“But you’ve thought about this all before, haven’t you?” Carter grinned. “What if I told you I’ve even heard rumours about some ADA before you-”

“SHUT UP!” Rafael roared; pulling on the handcuffs.

Carter laughed, “So you see you’re not even that special, just another notch in her belt.”

“I SAID SHUT UP!” Rafael shouted; his shoulders were straining as he pulled against the handcuffs with all his strength.

“I just struck gold, didn’t I?” Carter smiled.

“You have no fucking idea what you talking about!” Rafael yelled. “You don’t know her!”

“I think you’re the one who doesn’t know her,” Carter remarked, “Has she ever told you about any of them?” Rafael just stood there silent; jaw clenched and nostrils flaring. “I’ll take that as a no,” Carter laughed, “Just think about it for a moment… Why wouldn’t she talk to you about it? I can only think of a few reasons… One, she doesn’t care and think it’s not going to last. Two, she’s using you like you’re using her. Or three, she’s ashamed of what she’s done.”

The handcuffs were cutting into Rafael’s wrists, “If I was free-“

“But your not so just stop there,” Carter smirked. “You only hate me because you know what I’m saying is true,” he said pushing Rafael toward the building again, “It was easy to find things on her but you... You on the other hand have hidden your dirty laundry very well, which makes me think it’s gotta be something bad.”

“You can’t find anything because there is nothing,” Rafael frowned.

“Everyone has something,” Carter remarked, “You might as well tell me.”

“I’m done talking,” Rafael huffed.

Carter smiled, “Interesting.” As they reached the warehouse Carter took a forward and opened the door, “After you,” he gestured.

Rafael rolled his eyes as he brushed past Carter and entered the building. He stopped for a moment as he looked around; the dark feeling of dread returned stronger, “This is a slaughter house…”

“In her glory days,” Carter nodded, “You should have seen her then, she was beautiful.” He closed the door behind him then moved closer to Rafael, “Now she’s only used for the odd storage,” he sighed.

“You’re twisted,” Rafael mumbled.

“Keep walking,” Carter frowned.

“No,” Rafael said standing strong.

Carter placed a hand on his holster, “Move.”

“I’m not scared of you,” frowned Rafael.

Carter removed his gun and held the barrel against Rafael’s chest, “I can end this right here and now but I would have thought you’d have more fight in you… Or at least you would give Benson a chance to find you.”

“How do you know she’s hasn’t already?” Rafael huffed.

“You’re still with me, aren’t you?” Carter sneered, “But then again, I think we’ve established she might not actually care what happens to you…. However it’s your choice, keep moving or die right now.” Rafael sighed as he turned around and started walking down the dark and dingy hallway, “Smart choice,” Carter remarked. As Rafael walked down the hallway he felt Carter press his gun against the small of his back. Rafael grimaced when he saw a big brownish red stain on the floor; Carter noticed and laughed, “That’s what happens when you run but I gotta admit, it was a good shot.” Rafael took a deep breath as they reached the end of the hallway; they were met with a set of rusty dual doors. Rafael watched Carter push against one of the heavy doors, “Well, come on,” he puffed, “Get inside.”

Rafael walked in to a big open room filled with packaging crates, “This is bullshit,” he muttered.

“Oh cry me a river,” Carter sneered as he took hold of Rafael’s arm.

“Get fucked,” Rafael huffed.

Carter snickered as he guided Rafael towards a seat in the middle of the room, “Sit,” Carter commanded as he pushed Rafael forward as he let go.

Rafael stumbled forward a little before turning around to face Carter, “No,” he snarled, “You can’t do this.”

Carter grinned as he placed his gun back in the holster, “Who’s going to stop me?”

“Olivia will,” Rafael huffed, “Sooner or later, she will find me.”

“I’m betting on later,” Carter replied, “Now sit!”

“Undo these cuffs and maybe I will,” Rafael shrugged.

Carter took a quick step forward and punched Rafael hard in the stomach; as Rafael fell to his knees coughing Carter bent down and growled, “You will learn to do what I say.”

Rafael glared as he watched Carter stand up straight, “Is this how you taught Warren?... No wonder he ended up the way he did,” he gasped.

Carter curled his lip as he brought his knee up and connected it with Rafael’s face, “You’re asking for it, aren’t you.”

Rafael felt his mouth fill up with blood so he spat at Carter, “Screw you,” he slurred feeling the blood dribble down his chin.

“GET UP!” Carter huffed as he took a handful of Rafael’s hair and pulled until he was standing. “Sit your ass down,” he snarled as he dragged Rafael towards the chair.

“Why... should… I?” wheezed Rafael.

“If you don’t I’ll tell my associate to get the boy now,” Carter frowned as he let go of Rafael.

“What?” Rafael frowned, “What have you done to Noah?!”

“Nothing… yet,” laughed Carter, “Get in the chair.”

“You don’t have a way to get to him,” Rafael said sceptically.

“No?” Carter said as he pulled out his phone. “Then… What’s this?” he added as he turned the phone to Rafael; showing a photo of Noah, “It’s the message I was waiting for… So, I wouldn’t push my luck if I was you.” Rafael sighed as he sat in the chair, “Good,” grinned Carter.

“What are you going to do to him?” Rafael asked.

“Well that’s up to you,” Carter shrugged, “You clearly care for the boy.”

“Please don’t hurt my son.”

“Why not? You killed mine,” Carter huffed.

“And you killed my mother!” Rafael snarled; feeling more blood dribbling down his chin.

“That I did,” Carter nodded, “I mean there’s no point in denying it… but I wouldn’t have if you didn’t call me a coward right after you killed my son.”

“Don’t pretend that it was all my doing… You wanted to get back at me. No matter what I said that night, you would have gone after her,” Rafael grumbled.

“Probably,” Carter agreed.

“What you did to her…” Rafael hesitated.

“Don’t worry,” Carter grinned, “She was as high as a kite for most of it so she didn’t feel much… But boy did she enjoy herself when she could.”

“FUCK YOU!” Rafael roared spitting blood. “Let me out of these and we can end this,” he added as he started to get out of the chair.

“No I don’t think so,” Carter laughed pushing Rafael back down, “This has been a long time coming so I think I’ll have some fun first.” Carter reached around his back and pulled a knife from his belt; he grinned as he slowly leaned forward gliding the blade softly along Rafael’s thigh. As Carter leaned over him, Rafael quickly raised his other leg and kicked Carter hard in the stomach pushing him back; Carter dropped the knife as he stumbled backwards, “You… little… shit!” he gasped.

“You can’t expect me to just sit back and take it,” smirked Rafael.

When Carter regained his breath he bent down to pick up the knife and spotted something just pass Rafael, “Well… That could be useful,” he smirked. Rafael started to stand up when Carter rushed forward and forced him back down, “We aren’t done yet,” Carter grinned as he continued around to the back of Rafael.

Rafael heard something metal gliding along the concrete, “What was that?”

Carter ignored Rafael as he put the knife in his belt then walked back around revealing the rusty metal pole in his hand. He raised it to his shoulder as he asked, “Now are you going to kick me again?”

“Come closer and find out,” Rafael snarled.

“Wrong answer,” Carter smiled as he swung the pole hitting Rafael’s knee with full force. Rafael cried out in pain while Carter laughed, “Scream as loud as you want… No one’s going to hear you.”

The pain coming from his knee was intense, “You… fucking…” Rafael growled as a few tears ran down his face.

“What was that?” Carter said bringing the pipe up to his shoulder.

Rafael watched the pipe intently, “Nothing,” he muttered under his breath.

“That’s what I thought.”

As the pain in Rafael’s knee slowly dulled to a constant throbbing Rafael uttered, “You’re not going to get away with this.”

“I think I will,” Carter shrugged.

Rafael shook his head, “Olivia wont let you… She’ll come for me.”

“Will she?” Carter snickered, “You’ve still got a lot of faith in her.”

“She wont let me down,” Rafael said.

“Sorry to disappoint but I don’t think she’s going to choose you this time,” Carter replied.

“Choose?”

“Yeah,” Carter nodded, “In time you’ll find out what I mean.” Carter dropped the pole on the ground and pulled the knife back out, “But that doesn’t matter right now so let’s get back to business… Soon you’ll be begging me to end everything,” he grinned as he leaned forward again. “But I’m not going to let you off that easy… You will suffer,” he added as he ran the blade up Rafael’s stomach towards his neck. “I’ve got all day to make it happen and I plan on doing just that so how about we open up that shirt of yours,” he sneered as he hooked the blade under the buttons on Rafael’s shirt and worked his way down cutting open the shirt. When the last button was gone Carter took hold of both sides of the shirt and pushed it open, “That’s better,” he muttered.

Rafael tried to move but Carter placed a hand on his chest pinning him against the back of the chair, “If you wanted my shirt off all you had to do was ask,” Rafael smirked.

Carter rolled his eyes as he brought the knife back up and placed it on Rafael’s right pec; the blade was cold on Rafael’s bare skin. Carter then pressed down hard on the knife drawing blood, “You really have to learn to shut up.”

Rafael clenched his jaw as he felt Carter slide the blade across his chest; his breathing fastened as he did his best to hide the pain, “That… all… you got?” he panted.

“I’m only just getting started,” Carter said as he placed the knife on the left side of Rafael’s collarbone.

“Bring it,” Rafael sneered.

“I’m so glad you said that,” he grinned as he slid the blade along Rafael’s collarbone. Rafael kept his face as still as he could as he felt fresh blood run down his chest; “Oh don’t be like that,” Carter frowned, “You gotta give me something to work with.”

Rafael gritted his teeth as he spoke, “I’m not… giving you… what you want that easily.”

“I think you’re a little backwards,” Carter sighed, “Your suppose to play along so I get bored….”

“I know,” Rafael said feeling sweat start to run down his face. “But either way you’re not going to leave me alone so why play along… At least this way I can annoy the crap out of you for as long as I can.”

Carter grinned, “Perhaps you should really think about your choices better… The more you annoy me the worse it’s going to get for you.” He started to glide the blade across Rafael’s chest a number of times; each time Rafael did his best to give Carter nothing. The third time Carter began to get frustrated when Rafael hardly flinched, “You’re going to give me something sooner or-“ Carter paused when he noticed Rafael’s gunshot scar. “You know, I was shot a while back now-“

“Shame it didn’t kill you,” Rafael muttered, “Would have saved me a headache or two.”  
“As I was saying, I was shot in the shoulder but I’ve lost feeling where it’s scarred. What about yours, do you get phantom pains or just don’t feel anything?”

“You’re kidding, right?” Rafael laughed, “Why the fuck do you want to know that?”

“Curiosity,” Carter answered. As he ran the blade down Rafael’s stomach and lingered over his scar, “Do you feel this?”

“Where’s this going? Rafael scowled.

He looked Rafael in the eyes as he said, “I just want to know if you can feel this…” he paused as he plunged an inch of the blade into Rafael’s scar, “Surely that’s gotta hurt.”

Rafael held his breath as he tried to hide the pain but Carter twisted the blade slightly, making it unbearable; he screamed out in pain. He could feel his hair sticking to his face as more sweat ran down along side a few tears. As he got light headed everything started to go out of focus; his eyes got heavy and he was about to pass out when Carter tapped him a few times on the side of the face.

“Hey, we’re not done yet,” Carter laughed, “If you can’t handle this…”

“This…” Rafael panted as he tried to focus on Carter’s face, “This is nothing…”

“You’re going to need to get better at this,” Carter smirked as he removed the blade from Rafael’s stomach.

Feeling light-headed Rafael slowly looked down and watched as the blood seeped out of him, “I… I can… go all day,” he stuttered as he started to pass out.

“HEY!” Carter said tapping him on the face again, “What did I just say?”

As Rafael tried to focus on Carter he saw him pull a cloth out of his pocket, “W-What’s that?”

Carter looked at the cloth for a moment, “I can’t have you bleeding out on me,” he smirked as he began pushing it into Rafael’s bleeding wound.

Rafael yelled out in pain; he felt Carter’s fingers twisting inside him as he slowly stuffed the cloth into the wound. “Y-you son of a-AAAH!” he screamed; flinching as Carter shoved the rest in.

Carter laughed, “Surely your mother didn’t raise you to speak that way.”

“She did the best she could,” he muttered sounding hoarse.

“Losing your voice already?” Carter chuckled to himself, “How can you go on like this? How are you going to scream out to your Lieutenant in this state?” Rafael stayed silent as he looked down at his wound; feeling the pain intensify with each pulse. “Let’s be honest though, would she even care?”

“Can you stop talking about her,” Rafael sighed.

“Why, are you having second thoughts?” Carter smirked.

“No,” Rafael replied, “I’m just tired of hearing your lies.”

“I guess I can find someone else to talk about,” Carter shrugged, “What about the boy?”

“Leave him out of this,” Rafael huffed.

“He’s not even your son… Hell he’s not really her son-“

“Why are you doing this?” Rafael muttered, “You’ve got me… You don’t need to talk about them.”

Ignoring Rafael, Carter continued, “You’ll never know what it’s like to have a son… but maybe you’ll know what it feels like to lose one.”

“Don’t hurt him!” Rafael shouted.

“We’ll see how the day unfolds,” Carter shrugged, “But for now lets get back to you… Do you think he’ll miss you? I wonder if he’ll even notice that you’re gone.”

Rafael glared at Carter, “I don’t know but I know I love him and his mother and the memories of the ones we love will always stay.”

“Perhaps but who’s to say they love you?” Carter laughed. “I mean not long ago Noah had another Daddy, you remember Ed don’t you?” he smiled. “I’m sure at the time he meant a lot to the boy, does he miss him? If he does then he doesn’t care for you much and if he doesn’t then well… what hope is there for you.” Rafael sighed as he remembered what happened at the hospital; seeing Noah choose to stay with Tucker hurt him more than he would care admit to anyone, including himself. Unknowingly the sadness he felt come over him had shown on his face, “By that expression, I take it he’s probably half way to forgetting you ever existed,” Carter chuckled.

“Shut up,” Rafael huffed.

Carter leaned over Rafael, “You’ll never know what it’s like to have a true family,” he whispered. As he looked over Rafael’s bleeding body he saw something, “Well,” he sneered, “Look’s like you picked a bad day to wear a belt.”

While Carter fiddled with the belt buckle Rafael managed to muster up enough energy to lift his good leg and kick Carter away, “You’re not going to get away with this,” he mumbled.

“You know,” Carter panted out of breath, “For a lawyer, you’re pretty stupid.”

His eyes darted to the pole on the floor; Rafael saw this, “No… No more,” he pleaded as Carter went down to pick it up.

He stopped before he reached the pole, “What?” he frowned; standing back up, “Are you going to behave?”

“I wont kick you, if that’s what you’re asking,” Rafael sighed.

Carter smiled, “Good boy.” He leaned back over Rafael and undid the belt; sliding it out with ease. He wrapped one end of the belt around his hand and pulled it tight with the other making a snapping sound, “Now this is going to be fun,” he laughed as he began to whip the belt across Rafael’s chest.

 

After five minutes of continuous lashing Carter stopped; out of breath he huffed, “You’re tough, I’ll give you that.”

“Sc-ew you“ Rafael panted as he felt all the welts across his chest throb. He was in agony as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

“I’ve got a call to make so use this time to catch your breath,” Carter mumbled as he started to walk away.

Rafael relished in his time alone; he could barely move, he was tired just thinking about running while he had the chance. He opened his eyes as he lifted his head and looked around the room; Carter stood on the edge of the room, phone pressed to his ear. Even if he had the energy to run he doubted he could make it through those doors before Carter could pull his gun. Deciding against it, Rafael stayed in his seat; leaning back again and just breathing in the stale air while he could.

 

Twenty minutes later Rafael could hear footsteps nearing him, “Here,” Carter smiled, “You have a choice... Belt, Pipe or Knife.”

“You’re sick,” Rafael frowned, “I’m not choosing.”

“Come on,” he sneered, “I’ve been making all the choices, its your turn.”

“No.”

“Okay,” Carter nodded as he looked at the belt still in his hand, “Tell me something, did he ever use a belt?”

“Who?” Rafael asked.

Carter’s smile widened, “She told me all about him while she was to high to stop herself.”

The colour drained from Rafael’s face, “W-What?” he stuttered.

“I mean I always knew something happened with a medical history like yours,” Carter sneered.

“You read my medical history, how’d you even-” Rafael frowned, “No, I don’t care about that-”

Carter chuckled, “You’re more interested in what she said.”

“I don’t want to know,” he sighed.

“Oh but you do,” Carter laughed, “You want to know how she called out his name-“

“Don’t,” Rafael said closing his eyes, “Don’t do this.”

“What about how she pleaded me not to stop.” Rafael clenched his jaw as Carter continued, “Or how I had her moaning so loud I thought she’d wake up the building-“

“Stop,” Rafael mumbled, “Please, I… I can’t hear this.”

“Oh but I’m just getting to the good stuff,” Carter smirked, “You really want to hear about how she called out for you,” he paused as he leaned in close and whispered in Rafael’s ear, “Begged for you to help her but you never showed up.”

Rafael opened his eyes to fine Carter inches away, “Fuck you,” he growled as spat in Carter’s face.

“Fucker,” Carter huffed as he wiped his face. “I just wanted to talk,” he added as he jammed his fingers into Rafael’s stab wound; making his whole body tense up, “Now… this feels familiar.”

Rafael trembled as the agonizing pain washed over his body, “Sc-screw y-you,” he stuttered.

“Too much?” Carter smiled as he twisted his fingers one last time before pulling them out of Rafael’s stomach. “How about I leave her alone for now and we talk about your father instead.”

“How about we talk about yours?” Rafael frowned.

Carter laughed, “Nothing to tell; he was honourable man but if you asked me he was always a pushover… Unlike yours, that was a man who knew how to take what he wanted and I can respect that.”

“He was a brute.”

“Sounds like my kind of guy,” smirked Carter.

Rafael nodded, “You’re probably just like him.”

“Must bring back a lot of memories for you,” Carter said.

“Some.”

“What was it like?” he asked curiously.

“What, to live in fear inside your own home?” Rafael frowned. “It was what it was.”

“Who got the most of it?”

“What do you even care,” Rafael huffed, “I’m sick and tired of this shit, just finish this already.”

Carter smiled, “So soon? I don’t think so.”

“Whatever,” Rafael said rolling his eyes.

Carter placed a hand on Rafael’s knee, “Last one, did you save her while he was around?”

“I did what I could,” Rafael frowned, “No that it’s your business.”

“I gave you a chance to save her, any of them,” Carter mumbled, “You choice to assume that was just meant for Olivia and her boy.”

“Yeah,” Rafael sighed, “I didn’t think you were that cold hearted that you would target my mother.”

“She was an easy mark,” he shrugged, “You made it easy. It’s your fault-“

“I know,” Rafael mumbled.

“Anyway,” Carter muttered, “You wanted to finish this so let’s pick up the pace.” He folded the belt in half and whipped it across Rafael’s face; Rafael screamed out in agony as his face began to welt up. He could feel some blood slowly run down his cheek, as he grew weary from the pain. Carter placed a hand on Rafael’s shoulder and shook him, “WAKE UP, it’s not over yet.”

Rafael looked up at Carter and faintly whispered, “Please, stop.”

A devilish grin grew across Carters face as he clenched the belt tightly in his fist. He continued for half an hour, taunting and striking Rafael repeatedly across his body. Carter paused for a moment and took in the side of the man sitting in front of him; Rafael’s face was bruised, bloodied and soaked with tears. “You know, I’m not quite getting the satisfaction I wanted out of this,” he sneered, “Let’s change it up a little.”

“W-What?” Rafael said barely audible.

“You’ll see,” Carter laughed. Rafael watched as Carter unfolded the belt; dropping the buckle.

“N-no,” Rafael stuttered as he watched the buckle swing.

Carter smiled as he swung the belt at Rafael; the buckle connecting with his cheekbone. Rafael let out a harrowing scream; the pain was unbearable. “Now that’s what I wanted to hear,” Carter laughed as he readied his hand for another strike.

“Stop! Please!” Rafael begged.

“Begging already?” Carter commented.

“I can’t… do this anymore,” Rafael panted.

“Fine, I’ll give you a small break,” Carter said putting the belt down. He stood there digging though his pockets and pulled out Rafael’s phone, “Oh I borrowed this from you, hope you don’t mind,” he smiled. “I don’t know how you deal with this thing,” he said looking at the phone, “It hasn’t stopped for the last half hour.” As Carter read the texts on Rafael’s phone he laughed, “Damn she just doesn’t give up, does she? You should hear some of these,” he added as he looked up from the phone. “ _Where are you?... Please answer me… I’ve got Rita with me…_ ” he mocked, “How long do you think it will take her to realise that you’re not going to show up?”

“Let me talk to her,” Rafael pleaded sounding tired, “Let me say goodbye… You denied me that with my mother.”

“Why would I do that?” Carter questioned.

“I don’t know…” Rafael shrugged, “Someone like you probably would get off on it… I just want to say goodbye. She deserves that much-”

“Wait… you actually care for her?” Carter laughed, “I thought you were using her for protection like the coward you are.”

“I would never use her like that,” Rafael frowned.

“So you still don’t think it’s her fault you’re here?” Carter said.

“I… It’s…” Rafael hesitated, “Look, I’m tired… I’m in a lot of pain and it’s probably only going to get worse so please… Just let me tell her that I love her one last time… That’s all I want.”

“All you want?” Carter sneered.

“You’ve got the upper hand here,” Rafael sighed, “I’m done fighting…”

“Have I broken you already?” Carter frowned.

“Do whatever you want… cut me, beat me… kill me… but please,” Rafael’s voice faltered as his eyes watered, “Please let me hear her voice one last time.”

Carter noticed a few tears running down Rafael’s face, “Okay,” he sighed.

“Don’t give me false hope,” Rafael sniffled.

“I’m not,” Carter replied.

“Why’d you change your mind?”

“I didn’t,” Carter shrugged, “I was always going to call her.”

“Why?” Rafael asked.

“Well I’ve got to make sure she’s not going to interfere with this,” Carter mumbled. “Besides I know what it’s like to not be able to say goodbye…”

“That didn’t stop you last time,” Rafael huffed.

“I didn’t actually want to kill her,” whispered Carter. “Or deny you a goodbye… I gave her too much and when I realised it was too late.”

Rafael frowned, “You can’t expect me to believe that… Not with the way you’ve been talking about her.”

“I don’t care if you believe it,” Carter shrugged, “I can’t change what happened so I used it to my advantage… I’m not sorry Lucia died or that you’re here but-”

“Don’t say her name,” Rafael snarled.

“Okay,” Carter nodded, “I didn’t want it to be like this-”

“I don’t care,” Rafael grumbled.

“You don’t want to hear what I have to say?” Carter asked confused.

“Oh please, haven’t you tortured me enough?” Rafael said rolling his eyes, “I heard it before so save me the bullshit speech… Your son committed suicide and you want revenge so we are here.”

Carter’s body language changed; he tensed up as he made a fist and glared at Rafael, “FINE!” he huffed. “I tried to show you some sympathy but you decided to spit in my face instead… You deserve everything that’s coming your way.”

“What’s that, death by boredom?” Rafael said.

“You’re so lucky I need to call her,” Carter snarled, “But before I do I want to go over some ground rules.”

“Like what?”

“Well as you know, I have someone near the boy,” Carter smiled, “If I hear anything I don’t like I wont hesitate to seize and hurt him.”

Rafael took a deep breath, “Okay.”

“Say anything about our location and I will make you regret it,” Carter added pulling the knife from his belt.

“I get it,” Rafael nodded, “Nothing more than a goodbye.”

“Good,” Carter sneered as he used Rafael’s phone and dialled Olivia’s number.

It ran a few times before she answered, “Rafael! Where are you!?”

“Well… If that’s how you answer the phone I can see why he’d prefer to be with me,” Carter laughed.

“What have you done to him?” she asked furiously.

“Well… He’s alive,” Carter shrugged. “He wants to talk to you… But before I hand it over I want you to understand something.”

“What?”

“If I was you, I wouldn’t be tracing this call… Not if you want to see your son again,” he replied.

“WHAT!” she shouted, “What have you done to Noah?”

“Nothing,” Carter answered, “He’s perfectly fine with what’s her name… Lucy… But I have an associate near by so if I hear anything near me I won’t hesitate to send the green light.”

“They have nothing to do with this,” growled Olivia.

“No, but I don’t want you stopping anything,” Carter said.

“You wont get away with this,” she huffed.

“We’ll see,” Carter laughed, “Anyway, here he is,” he added as he held the phone to Rafael’s ear.

“’Liv-,” Rafael uttered sounding weak.

“Rafael, I’m going to get you out of there, it might take time but I will get you,” she rushed.

“’Liv-“

“He’s not going to get away with this… One way or another it will end today,” she huffed. “Just hold on for as-“

“Olivia,” Rafael interrupted, “Please let me talk… I don’t know how much time I’ve got.”

“Okay,” she sighed.

“He’s forcing your hand… Pick Noah or pick me,” he hesitated, “I don’t think he’s bluffing so go get Noah-”

“Hon-“

“Let me finish, please…. I have loved every minute I got to spend with you,” he sniffled as his eyes began to water. “You gave me things that I had given up on getting years ago; you gave me a family… no matter how brief it was and I’ll never be more thankful for that.” Tears started to run down his cheeks, “You brought love… and joy into my life again ‘Liv,” his voice trembled, “I love you so much… But it’s time… Time to let me go.”

“Don’t give up on me,” Olivia uttered, “Tell me where you are.”

Rafael sniffled, “It doesn’t matter.”

“Please,” Olivia pleaded, “Help me.”

Rafael sighed, “It’s some warehouse, I don’t know where.”

“Ah ah ah,” Carter grinned as he put the knife against Rafael’s cheek. “That’s not what we agreed upon,” he added as he took the phone away.

“SCREW YOU!” Rafael barked.

“Now, where are your manners,” Carter laughed as he ran the blade across Rafael’s cheek causing him to scream in pain, “Shh, I’m on the phone.”

“Don’t hurt him!” Olivia shouted.

“It’s too late for that,” Carter snorted as he watched the blood run down Rafael’s face. “Remember you have a choice to make and believe me when I say that I have men everywhere so don’t test your luck or you will lose both,” he added putting the knife in his belt.

“GET NOAH!” Rafael shouted.

“Will you just shut up!” Carter hissed as he punched Rafael in the face.

Rafael almost fell off the chair from the force of the punch; while he waited for the room to stop spinning he felt fresh blood dripping out of his mouth and down his uncovered chest. “I think… you broke… my jaw…” Rafael slurred.

“Oh don’t be a baby,” Carter huffed. “I didn’t hit you that hard,” he added as he ended the phone call.

 

When the call ended Olivia just stood there in complete shock, “Olivia?” Rita said confused, “What’s going on with Barba?”

As she slowly put her phone in her pocket she looked at Rita, “Barba isn’t showing up,” Olivia sighed.

“Yeah, I figured that… What’s going on?” frowned Rita.

“Long story,” Olivia replied, “But he’s alive.”

“For how much longer though,” Rita hesitated, “From what I gathered from the call… It doesn’t sound like he’s in good shape.”

“He’s not,” Olivia agreed, “I don’t know what’s happening to him but he’s ready to give up… I think I’ve bought some time but I don’t know how long.”

“Oh my,” Rita sighed.

“Yeah,” Olivia nodded, “I’ve got to go inside… Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Rita smiled, “Call me if you need me again.”

“I will,” Olivia said turning towards 1PP.

“And Olivia,” Rita called out, “Bring Barba home.”

“I’m certainly going to try,” Olivia nodded as she continued. Olivia quickly entered the plaza and began to make her way upstairs when she spotted Tucker; “HEY!” she called out.

Tucker turned towards her, “What are you doing here?” he questioned.

“Looking for you,” Olivia rushed, “Barba need’s your help.”

“Why should I care?” Tucker frowned.

“Please,” she pleaded, “I need your help… You’re the only one in here I can trust with this.”

“Okay,” he sighed, “What’s going on?”

“Rafael is missing.”

“Are you sure he hasn’t just left,” Tucker shrugged.

“He’s not like that!” Olivia frowned. “He was arrested earlier this morning and he’s been missing ever since.”

“Who arrested him?”

“Carter,” Olivia sighed, “I should have… It would have been safer for him if I did.”

“What do you mean safer? Have you spoken to him since his arrest?” Tucker questioned, “I thought you said he was missing.”

“He is,” Olivia rushed, “Look, I don’t have time to explain everything… He’s being tortured and Noah is in danger-“

“Tortured? Noah?!” Tucker interrupted, “What the hell is going on?”

Olivia sighed as she looked around, “The threats didn’t stop… He thought it was Carter and I should have believed him straight away. Anyway, the night Warren died Raf was jumped and after that it stopped for a while… We figured that Carter was avoiding us… Well that was until Rafael’s mother was murdered.”

“What?” Tucker frowned.

“Yeah… and today Carter showed up at the precinct and pushed Rafael too far so he punched Carter,” she shook her head, “And now he’s being tortured because I can’t find him…”

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before now?” Tucker said confused, “This is something I should have known well before it got to where it is now.”

“You wouldn’t have done anything… At least that’s what Barba thought,” Olivia answered. “So we decided it was best to keep it as quiet as possible.”

“Well, look how that worked out,” Tucker huffed.

“Will you help me or not?” Olivia frowned, “I’m running out of time.”

“Of course I’ll help,” Tucker nodded, “Anything you need.”

“Do you know anyone in the private sector that can trace numbers?” Olivia asked.

“Yeah, why not use ours?” Tucker frowned.

“Carter is probably watching it,” Olivia paused, “Can you track his phone for me… But keep it between us, I don’t know who’s in Carter’s pocket.”

“Yeah sure,” Tucker said pulling his phone out, “I’ll get right on it… Wait, what about Noah?”

“Carter has someone near Noah but I don’t think he’s got hold of him… If I can get Lucy home Noah should be safe,” Olivia replied.

“You focus on that and I’ll find Barba,” Tucker said.

“Thank you,” she said relieved, “I’ll be outside…”

“Okay, I’ll come find you when I’m done,” Tucker nodded then walked away.

 

As Olivia made her way out of the building she quickly dialled Lucy’s number but didn’t answer Olivia’s heart dropped, “Please pick up,” she muttered as she redialled.

“Hey Olivia,” Lucy answered, “Sorry, Noah was showing me something so I just missed your other call.”

“Where are you?” Olivia asked.

“We’re at the park… Why?” Lucy questioned.

“Are you able to get home?”

“Um, yeah I don’t see why not,” Lucy answered, “Are you coming home early?”

Olivia sighed, “No. There’s a threat against you and Noah so I need you to get home as soon as you can.”

“Really? Okay, one second,” Lucy paused. When she spoke again she sounded far from the phone, “Hey Noah, come get your back we’ve got to go.”

Olivia was relieved when she heard Noah’s muffled voice, “Aw, do we have to? Are we going to see Mommy?”

“We’re going home,” Lucy answered.

“Will Rafí be there?” Noah asked.

“Um, I don’t know… Maybe,” Lucy said sounding closer to the phone. “Okay, we’re going to head home now.”

“Okay, thank you,” Olivia paused, “Um and Lucy?”

“Yeah?” Lucy responded but before Olivia could say anything she added, “Hang on-“

“What?” Olivia frowned.

Olivia’s heart stopped when she heard a man’s muffled voice, “Hey! I noticed you two are leaving… I can give you guys a ride.”

“Um, no that’s okay,” Lucy answered.

Olivia whispered, “Lucy-“

“Don’t worry, I’m a friend of both Olivia and Rafael… I heard that there was some trouble and just want to make sure you both get home safely,” the man continued.

“Lucy,” Olivia rushed as she ran her free hand through her hair, “If you can hear me, I need you to know I did not send him... I don’t know him.”

“Okay,” Lucy replied.

“If he knows it’s me on the phone, he might be forced to do something… Can you leave safely?” Olivia asked.

“Who you talking to?” the man’s muffled voice asked, “Is it Olivia?”

“No, it’s just my Mom,” Lucy answered. “Sorry Mom but I’ve got Noah right now so I don’t think I can get home until later.”

Olivia began to pace, “Okay, can you get somewhere like a, um, a restaurant?”

“That sounds good, I’m sure Noah could eat,” Lucy replied.

“Good,” Olivia sighed.

“One second,” Lucy paused for a moment. “I’m busy so I really have to go,” she added away from the phone.

“I can drop you off somewhere,” the man said.

“No that’s fine,” Lucy replied, “We can walk.”

“You know… I’m a cop, you can trust me,” the man huffed.

“No, it’s fine,” Lucy replied sounding flustered.

The man sounded closer, “It’s Olivia isn’t it?”

“I really have to go,” Lucy answered.

“Don’t walk away from me,” the man growled.

“Let go of me!” Lucy shouted.

“Get out of there!” Olivia panicked, “LUCY GRAB NOAH AND RUN!”

Olivia heard the fear in Lucy’s voice, “Noah… We have to go… It’s okay I got you. ”

“I want Mommy,” Noah cried out.

“I know,” Lucy panted, “Just hold on tight-“

“LUCY!” Olivia shouted but the call was disconnected. As she took the phone from her ear she made her way towards the nearest wall; running her free hand through her hair. Her heart was racing as she dialled Lucy’s number again. “Shit,” she muttered when there was no answer; she could feel her eyes start to water.

She closed her eyes as she took a few deep breaths; five minutes later she heard Tuckers voice, “’Liv?” As she opened her eyes and looked at him he added, “What’s wrong?”

“I was talking to Lucy and someone approached them,” Olivia said shaking her head.

“Then what?”

“I don’t know,” Olivia sighed, “The call was disconnected.”

“Where were they?” Tucker asked.

“The park… you know, where Noah likes to go,” Olivia answered. “If Carter gets a hold of my son or Lucy-.”

“He wont,” Tucker reassured as he gave her a hug.

“It’s bad enough I don’t know where Rafael is,” she muttered into his shoulder.

“I know,” he sighed as he broke the hug, “Why don’t you try her again?”

Olivia nodded as she looked down at her phone but before she could do anything it started to ring, “Lucy?!”

“Sorry, I don’t know what happened,” Lucy replied.

“Are you okay? How’s Noah?” Olivia rushed.

“We’re fine,” Lucy reassured, “We ran for it and made it to a near by café… I think we lost him.”

“Okay, stay there and I’ll come get you-” Olivia began.

“’Liv,” Tucker interrupted, “I have a location for Barba, why don’t you go get him and I’ll get Lucy and Noah.”

“I should really be with Noah,” Olivia replied.

“I get that but don’t forget Barba needs your help,” said Tucker, “They’d expect you to go to Noah, that’s why they’re there. If you go they will know where Noah is but if I go I wont draw any unwanted attention.”

“Yeah… Okay,” Olivia sighed, “Okay Lucy, change of plans, Ed is going to come to you. Don’t leave his side please. He’ll take you back to my place; you’ll be safe there.”

“That’s fine,” Lucy said, “We’ll stay here.”

“Okay good, he’s leaving now so it wont be that long. I’ll be home as soon as I can,” Olivia said as she ended the call. She took a deep breath then looked over to Tucker, “Thank you.”

“Don’t be,” smiled Tucker. “I should get going though.”

“What about Rafael?”

“Oh yeah,” Tucker replied as he searched his pockets. “I wrote it down, here,” he added as he handed her a piece of paper. “I figured you could use some help so I called a few friends of mine to meet you there, you can trust them.”

“I have Carisi, Rollins and Fin,” Olivia frowned.

“Yeah but Carter could have a precinct,” Tucker explained, “He’s not going to just let you walk in and take Barba.”

“He’s more likely to be alone,” Olivia replied.

“I don’t care, I’d rather you have the back up and not need it than to find you lying on the ground bleeding out,” Tucker frowned, “Just take the help.”

“You’re right,” Olivia sighed, “I hope I don’t need them but thank you… I just… I need this to go as smoothly as possible.“

“I know,” Tucker nodded, “I just fear that Carter won’t go down quietly... targeting your son was purely a strategic move so I’m sure he’s got an escape plan all set out already and if that is the case you’re going to need as much help as you can get.” He sighed as he continued, “Carter sounds like he’s out for blood and if it comes down to a shooting match I fear that the first side who shoot’s will be the one who walks out.”

“I hope it doesn’t come to that,” she replied.

“That makes two of us,” Tucker sighed, “I should get going though, Lucy’s waiting for me.”

“Yeah,” Olivia nodded, “Hopefully I’ll be home in a few hours at most.”

“Don’t rush this… Do it right and bring him home.”

Olivia smiled, “That’s the plan.”

“Talk to you when it’s all over,” Tucker said as he turned and walked away.

 

 

Carter was in the middle of running the blade down Rafael’s chest when his phone rang, “Arrrgh this better be good,” he muttered to himself as he stood up. Rafael breathed a sigh of relief as he watched Carter fish the phone out of his pocket. Carter looked at Rafael, “I wouldn’t get too comfortable.”

“What a shame, I was just starting to enjoy this,” Rafael smirked.

“Second wind huh? Guess she does have an affect on you,” Carter remarked. He turned away as he answered the phone, “What?” Carter started to pace in front of Rafael as he continued, “What do you mean you lost them!” he roared, “I don’t care about your excuses… You moron! Without him I’ve got no leverage to keep her away from here… You had one job and you couldn’t even do that right… Whatever, just get your ass here,” Carter rolled his eyes as he ended the call.

“Trouble in paradise?” Rafael smirked.

“You do know what that means for you, right?” Carter frowned.

“What? Are you actually going to kill me now?” Rafael mumbled.

“It means she chose him,” Carter sneered, “She’s not coming for you.”

“Maybe not,” Rafael shrugged, “But at least now I know you can’t hurt him.”

“How touching,” Carter replied. “It amazes me that you still care for them, even though she’s left you here to die.”

“I told her to,” Rafael replied, “They mean everything to me but you wouldn’t understand what that’s like.”

“I did,” Carter huffed, “Before you took it all away from me.”

“Were you willing to die for your son?” Rafael frowned. Carter glared at him; his fist tightening around the handle of the knife, “I’m going to take your silence as a no… Well, you see that’s the difference between you and I; I’m willing to die in order to make sure Noah is far from your grasp,” he paused as he looked Carter in the eyes, “I took my chance to save my son, can you say the same?”

“You have no idea what I did for my son!” Carter snapped.

“You didn’t help him! He needed you and you casted him aside, or worse, you used his addiction to your benefit,” Rafael huffed.

“How dare you accuse me-“

“No,” Rafael interrupted, “Don’t pretend it’s not true… How many times have you used his addiction to your benefit?”

“I…” Carter hesitated, “I never-“

“I know you’ve used it against Olivia to make me out like a bad guy,” Rafael said.

“You are,” Carter frowned.

“Not like you though and I think that’s an important distinction,” Rafael sneered.

“I don’t hide who I am behind a wall of fancy suits,” Carter huffed. “My turn to ask a question… How many people have you killed?”

“I…” Rafael hesitated as he looked away from Carter, “One.”

“That’s not true, is it?” Carter replied.

“I’m not hiding some big secret,” Rafael frowned.

“Then look me in the eye and answer my question, how many?”

Rafael hesitantly looked back at Carter, “I’ve done a lot that I’m not proud of but I’ve never purposely set out to kill anyone.”

“How many?” Carter repeated.

“You lose witness’s all the time… it happens,” Rafael sighed, “How many have you personally disappeared?”

“ANSWER MY QUESTION!” Carter yelled.

“It was years ago,” Rafael mumbled.

“I will not ask you again,” Carter huffed.

“You do what you must to win the case,” Rafael paused, “Sometimes… sometimes you put the case before the victim and once that happens, you deal with the aftermath any way you can.”

“What did you do?”

“I gave her a loan,” Rafael sighed, “I knew she’d buy drugs but I let it happen because I needed her testimony and by God did she deliver… But she overdosed hours later leaving behind a 10 year old daughter.”

“So you’ve always had it out for junkies?” Carter huffed.

“No!” Rafael frowned. “It’s not like that! I didn’t want either of them to die, I didn’t mean-”

“Boohoo,” Carter mocked.

“I wouldn’t expect sympathy from you,” Rafael mumbled, “You’d need a conscience for that.”

Carter frowned, “You act as though I’m some heartless monster for doing this. But you know as well as I do that you being here was your own doing.” Rafael’s face turned bitter but he couldn’t think of anything to retort with so he sat there in silence. “That’s what I thought,” Carter mocked. He turned away from Rafael; looking down at his watch. They both sat in silence for some time.

 

Carter turned around to acknowledge the man that was walking in, “It’s about time you got here!”

“Traffic,” the man shrugged as he slowly walked towards them.

“I don’t care,” Carter huffed, “Did you at least make sure you weren’t followed?”

“I didn’t see anyone,” he replied.

Carter rolled his eyes, “You probably wouldn’t see them if they were in an ice-cream truck.”

“Come on… Give me some credit,” the man frowned.

When Carter moved out of the way Rafael saw who it was, “YOU!” he snarled.

The man smiled, “Hey Barrrba… Looking good.”

“I should have known you were involved,” frowned Rafael.

“Have been since you took on Munson,” the patrolman nodded.

“Of course,” Rafael rolled his eyes, “Dirty cops stick together.”

“REAL cops stick together!” the man shouted. “We’re the ones taking crooks off the streets and you want to put us in the same cells as them.”

“You’re no different than the criminals in those cells,” Rafael retorted.

An angered look came over the patrolman’s face as he punched Rafael in the mouth, “Screw you.”

Rafael spat blood from his mouth onto the man’s face, “Fuck you.”

“WHY YOU-“ the man huffed lifting his fist again.

Carter grabbed the man’s arm, “That’s enough!” Carter huffed, “Because of you I don’t have the time I wanted.”

“It wasn’t my fault,” the man replied wiping his face on his sleeve. “The sitter knew something was up before I even approached them.”

“You had one job,” Carter frowned, “How’d you lose the boy?”

“They ran,” the man shrugged.

“So you chase after them!”

“I did,” the patrolman admitted, “I lost them in a crowd and while I was searching I saw Tucker.”

“Tucker?” Carter questioned, “What’s he doing there?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed, “But if he saw me there he’d know something was up. I’ve already been under investigation for being caught somewhere I shouldn’t be.”

“Are you fucking kidding me!” Carter growled. “You’re a pussy, I told you how important this was… The boy was the only thing keeping her away and him compliant,” he added as he motioned to Rafael.

“Well surely by now he doesn’t have much fight left,” the man shrugged, “I mean look at him.”

“You just gave him hope, you moron!”

“Come on, he’s probably not far from bleeding out,” the man sighed.

Rafael cleared his throat making the other two men look at him, “As entertaining as this is, I just want to clarify if I heard you right… did you say Tucker was at the park?”

“Looks like Noah isn’t the only one she choose,” Carter chuckled.

The patrolman frowned when he saw Rafael smile slightly, “What? You’re happy she’s with Tucker?”

“You have no idea,” Rafael smirked, “She’s a lot smarter than you give her credit.”

Carter’s face grew still as he took his phone from his pocket, “I sure hope you’re wrong,” he muttered.

Rafael watched as Carter walked away, “You’re afraid and you should be,” he called out to Carter.

Carter ignored him, “Keep him busy, I have to make this call,” he muttered as he brought the phone to his ear.

“I can do that,” the man nodded. “So, any regrets,” he asked as he bent down and picked up the pipe off the ground.

“Meeting the both of you would be at the top of my list,” Rafael sighed.

“Yeah,” the patrolman laughed, “I can see why that is.” He towered over Rafael, “This reminds me of the last encounter we had,” he sneered as he brought the pipe up to his shoulder.

“Wasn’t that a good time,” Rafael said rolling his eyes. The man swung the pipe connecting it with Rafael’s ribs, “That… all.. you got,” Rafael panted.

“Oh I can do more than that,” the man laughed as he struck the pipe against Rafael again. He did this repeatedly until Rafael was coughing and wheezing, “What you had enough already? Carter had his fun already, let me have mine-“ he began but was interrupted.

“So, I’ve got a guy watching his number,” Carter said walking back, “Someone outside the force has tracked it and apparently he thought it was irrelevant.”

“Oh,” the man frowned, “What’s this mean? For all we know it was nothing.”

“Means I’m surrounded by idiots,” he said rolling his eyes. “It was her, I know it was. She worked around my rules and now I don’t know how long we’ve got, they could be here any minute.”

“I told you she wouldn’t let you get away with it,” Rafael remarked.

“Shut up you,” the patrolman huffed.

“He’s right,” Carter mumbled, “She’s smarter than I gave her credit for.”

“She’s just one person-“

“Just go check the perimeter,” Carter huffed.

The man nodded and walked away, “So, have you decided which lawyer you’re going to hire yet?” Rafael smirked.

“She’s got to catch me first,” Carter replied.

“Don’t worry,” Rafael chuckled, “She will. She’s like a dog with a bone.”

“Doesn’t matter either way,” Carter frowned, “You wont live to see it.”

Rafael tried to stand up but Carter pushed him down; hard, “I’m not going without a fight,” he huffed, “Undo these cuffs and make it fair.”

Carter laughed, “I don’t think so. I just hope I have enough time to watch you slowly bleed out.”

Rafael sat there in silence.

After some time the patrolman ran in, “They’re here!” the man panted to Carter, “We’ve gotta go boss.”

“Crap,” Carter said looking around, “Guess we have to cut this short.”

“Un-cuff me and we can end this,” Rafael snarled.

“Good idea,” Carter replied, “Un-cuff him.”

“What?” the man questioned as he stood Rafael up.

“Do it!” Carter commanded, “It’s not like he’s going to get far with a knee like that.”

“If you say so,” the man replied as Carter tossed him the key and then he quickly undid the cuffs.

Carter watched as Rafael rubbed his wrists, “Take him out the back way and shoot him, make it look clean.”

“They’ll know it’s not,” Rafael frowned, “You can’t make this disappear.”

“I’m pretty good at it,” Carter sneered, “A little money goes a long way around here.”

“You can’t buy her off,” Rafael huffed.

“You’d be surprised what or should I say who some people are willing to forget when given the choice,” Carter remarked.

Before Rafael could say anything they heard a loud bang echo though the warehouse, “They’re in… Won’t take them long till the reach us. You should get going,” the man said. “I’ll take the heat.”

Carter nodded and started to walk away, “What!? After all this, you can’t even do it yourself!” Rafael huffed as he limped forward, “COME BACK HERE!”

Carter turned around and pulled his gun out of his holster, “Shut him up!” he growled.

“YOU’RE A COWARD!” Rafael shouted taking a few steps towards Carter.

 

Olivia was just outside the door of the warehouse with Fin, Rollins and Carisi when she heard Rafael shout out, “YOU’RE A COWARD!”

“RAFAEL!” Olivia rushed as she pulled her gun out.

“We should wait for Tucker’s back up,” Fin suggested.

“He’s been in there long enough,” Olivia huffed opening the door, “I’m getting him with or without you.” Fin nodded and took out his gun, “Okay, good. Carisi go around back with Rollins, Fin you’re with me,” she added then turned and started to run down the hallway.

“YOU HEAR THAT!” Rafael shouted, “It’s over!”

“Olivia!” Rafael called out when she entered the room. “He ran,” he added limping towards Olivia. “He said he’ll be back. He’s got a surprise… I don’t know what that means.”

Olivia put her gun in her holster as she walked closer to Rafael; “What did he do to you?” she sighed as she saw all the injuries on Rafael.

“Doesn’t matter,” he smiled as he closed the gap between them and hugged her. Tears ran down his face as he muttered, “I didn’t think I would see you again.”

“We’re a team,” Olivia said as she broke the hug. “Now, let’s get you out of here,” she added wrapping an arm under his shoulder to help take his weight off his knee. “Fin, can you give me a hand?” Fin nodded and did the same as Olivia on Rafael’s other side.

“What about Carter?” Rafael asked.

“The tact team should be here soon,” Olivia answered, “Don’t worry, we’ll get him.”

“Okay,” Rafael nodded.

As they started to leave they heard Carter’s voice booming around the warehouse, “LEAVE HIM AND GO! This doesn’t concern you!”

Olivia felt Rafael flinch at the sound of Carter’s voice; “I’m not leaving without him!” she shouts back as she looks around to find Carter entering the room. “You should take cover, can you walk?” she whispered to Rafael.

“Not… really,” Rafael gasped.

“Okay, Fin help Raf get behind those,” Olivia said gesturing to some wooden crates. When Fin nodded Olivia turned back towards Carter; removing her gun from her holster as she started slowly walking towards him.

When they got to the crates Fin said, “You should sit, take some pressure off that knee.”

“I’ll be fine… Go help her, I don’t trust this,” Rafael said as he slowly crouched behind the crates. As Fin walked away from Rafael he leaned out and saw Carter walking slowly towards the chair.

“I’m unarmed, you can’t shoot me,” Carter smiled as he raised his hands. “If you knew what was good for you, you’d give him to me!” he shouted.

“No!” Fin shouted. “You were supposed to be one of us, what happened?”

“He happened… He killed my son!”

“Don’t blame him for that,” Olivia frowned.

“He’s not leaving here alive!” Carter shouted, “Don’t go down with him!”

Rafael was so engrossed in what they were saying he didn’t hear the patrolman come up behind him, “Boo!” he grinned as Rafael jumped; eyes wide. “Hey Barrrba, we’re not done with you yet,” he said placing the barrel of the gun to the back of Rafael’s head.

“O… Olivia?” Rafael whispered; his heart racing.

“Oh, I hope you don’t mind,” Carter smiled, “I brought back up.”

Olivia turned to look at Rafael, “PUT YOUR GUN DOWN!” she yelled as she raised her own to the patrolman.

“Any sudden movements and his brains get splattered all over the floor,” the man shouted back.

“I will not ask you again!” Olivia frowned.

“Fine,” he yelled as he looked over at Carter.

Olivia quickly glanced back over her shoulder to Carter to find him giving a nod, “NO!” she said as she pulled the trigger twice; killing the patrolman.

Rafael was frozen for a moment before he realised he was still alive; he looked over to Olivia wide eyed; “Thank you,” he mouthed unable to find his voice. Olivia nodded then turned back to Carter; while Rafael gathered himself he noticed the gun the patrolman had dropped. After a moment of thought he picked it up then looked back over to Olivia and saw there were a few more cops joining the group.

“Told you I had back up,” Carter laughed.

Rafael watched as their attention was drawn away from Carter; which was enough time for Carter to slip out. Deciding Carter wasn’t going to get away Rafael stood up and chased Carter; he did his best to ignore the pain shooting out of his knee as he ran. Rafael followed Carter outside the building but when he realised he would never be able to catch up in his condition he fired a shot. “STOP!” he shouted.

The bullet hit a barrel next to Carter, “What the fuck!” he shouted as he stopped dead in his tracks and turned around.

“What can I say, I’m not a good shot,” Rafael shrugged as he walked closer.

 

When the tact team showed up Carisi and Rollins led them towards Olivia in the warehouse; as they entered they saw the group of cops aiming their guns at Fin and Olivia. The tact team quickly raised their guns and moved towards the group of cops, “DROP YOUR WEAPONS!” someone on the tact team shouted.

Realising they were out numbered, the corrupt cops complied, “Okay, don’t shoot!” one of them shouted back, “Carter forced us.”

“Well that was easy,” Carisi said walking over to Olivia.

“Where’s Carter?” Amanda asked joining them.

Suddenly they heard a shot; Olivia quickly looked behind her to find Rafael was gone, “Shit… did you see where Barba went?”

“No,” Fin shrugged.

“No sorry,” Amanda replied.

Carisi frowned, “I think I saw him head towards the door… I figured you told him to get out of here.”

“You guys good here?” Olivia asked.

“Yeah, go find him,” Fin said.

“Do a sweep of the building to make sure there aren’t others hiding somewhere… I don’t want a repeat of what happened,” Olivia said looking over to the dead patrolman.

“You heard her,” Carisi yelled, “Let’s get started.”

 

When Olivia ran out she was relieved to see Rafael was still alive but as she got closer she noticed Rafael pointing a gun at Carter. As she approached him she said gently, “Rafael, don’t do this.”

“Stop there, Olivia,” Rafael huffed.

“You know I can’t let you do this,” she sighed as she slowly continued towards him.

The gun in his hand was shaking, “HE KILLED MY MOTHER!”

“I know,” Olivia nodded, “But we need to take him in if we are to get justice for her.”

“What about me?” he huffed. “JUST LOOK AT ME!” he shouted as he turned his head slightly showing Olivia his bruised and bloodied face, “This has to end now.”

“He doesn’t deserve to get away with it-“

“I’m glad you agree,” Rafael said as he tightened his grip on the gun.

“No!” Olivia said walking closer, “You know this isn’t justice.” Rafael’s hand lowered slightly, “Don’t let him change who you are,” she added closing the space between them.

“Stop,” he muttered raising the gun, “It won’t end if he’s still alive.”

“It will,” Olivia replied placing a hand on his shoulder, “You’re not him, you’re better than this.”

“I’m ending this now,” he said tightening his grip as he took a step closer to Carter. His hand was shaking as he pointed it at Carter’s head, after a moment of hesitation Rafael yelled out in frustration and lowered the gun. Olivia quickly removed the gun from Rafael’s hand, “I’m sorry,” he mumbled as he turned towards her.

“It’s okay,” Olivia said as she put the gun in the back of her belt. She then took out her handcuffs and walked towards Carter, “Turn around,” she huffed.

“Let me leave and I’ll make it worth your while,” Carter proposed.

“You threated my son more than once then you kidnapped and tortured a New York prosecutor, I’m not letting you walk,” Olivia frowned, “Now turn around!”

“Fine,” Carter said rolling his eyes. When Carter turned around Olivia put the cuffs tightly on him, “Tad tight don’t you think?” he frowned.

Tightening them more Olivia said, “Just making sure you don’t get free.”

Rafael let out a small laugh as he limped over to the nearest wall, “Karma’s a bitch isn’t it.”

“Shut up,” Carter mumbled as he watched Rafael lean against the wall.

“Hey, you’re mine now,” Olivia smiled, “I’d watch what you say.”

“Oh get fucked,” Carter growled, “We’re only here because he didn’t have the balls to pull the trigger.”

“We’re here because no matter what you did to him in there you didn’t break him. He’s still a better man than you will ever be so count yourself lucky,” Olivia frowned.

Carter rolled his eyes, “Shut up bitch.”

“OI,” Rafael frowned as he started getting off the wall.

“Don’t get up,” Olivia said to Rafael. “He doesn’t get it,” she paused as she leaned in close to Carter, “He’s my bitch now,” she finished; pushing Carter forward.

Carter glared at Rafael as he laughed, “I’ve got a lot of friends Barba-“

“Shut up and keep moving,” Olivia huffed pushing Carter again. “I’m going to hand him over to Fin, then I’ll be right back and then we’ll get you to a hospital,” she said to Rafael.

“Don’t worry,” Rafael smiled. “I’m not going anywhere,” he added as started to slide down the wall until he was sitting on the floor.

 

Twenty minutes later Olivia took Rafael to the hospital and sat by his side as the doctors examined his jaw and knee, “Looks like we’re going to have to do surgery on your knee however on the bright side your jaw is fine.”

“How soon will he get the surgery?” Olivia asked.

“Tomorrow if I can find an open operating room,” the doctor replied. “It needs to be done as soon as possible.”

“And my jaw is fine?” Rafael asked confused, “I could have sworn it was broken or something.”

“It’ll bruise but the X-Ray says its fine,” the doctor replied.

“Okay, well can I just come back tomorrow for the surgery?” Rafael mumbled.

“Rafael,” Olivia sighed.

“Sorry but I’d prefer it if you stayed here for the next few days at least,” the doctor answered. Olivia nodded so the doctor added, “I’ll be back in a few minutes; I’m going to get some sutures so we can start closing all those gashes.”

“Okay, thanks doctor,” Olivia smiled. When the doctor left the room Olivia turned to Rafael who was sitting on an examination table, “You have to stay here tonight.”

“I don’t want to,” Rafael sighed. “I want to go home.”

“I know,” she said gently, “But I don’t want something unexpected to go wrong and I lose you anyway.”

“I just don’t want to be left alone.”

“You’re not alone,” Olivia comforted, “No matter what happens I’m always here.”

Rafael smiled a little, “Okay, I’ll stay.”

“Thank you,” she smiled. Olivia looked around the room for a moment before hesitantly saying, “I’m sorry, I have to go.”

“Oh,” Rafael sighed.

“I’ll be back in an hour or so,” Olivia comforted. “By the time the doctors are done with you, I’ll be here.”

“What do you have to do?” he questioned.

“I have to get Noah from Tucker and see if Lucy is okay,” she replied.

“Don’t bring Noah,” Rafael mumbled.

“He’d want to see you.”

“And I want to see him,” Rafael sighed, “But…”

“But what?” she asked.

Rafael took a deep breath, “But I don’t want to scare him,” he hesitated.

“Oh Raf,” she said placing a hand on his shoulder, “Noah wouldn’t-“

“I look like a monster,” Rafael frowned, “I don’t need to look into a mirror… I can feel it.”

“Rafael-“

“I mean… Just look at me… This is only going to get worse as I start to scar,” Rafael paused as he looked Olivia in the eyes, “I’m going to look like Frankenstein’s monster.”

“He’s not going to see you that way,” Olivia said gently, “He idolises you… So much so sometimes I fear it will bolster your ego.” Olivia paused as Rafael chuckled. “He loves you and this is never going to change that.”

“I really hope you’re right,” Rafael said with a slight smile.

“I know I am,” she smiled as she sat down next to him.

Rafael just looked at Olivia as silence fell between them; he took in the way she smiled, the way she touched him gently on the shoulder but the thing that got to him the most was the way she looked at him. He could see the guilt and sadness she was trying to hide; before long Rafael found himself startled by the sound of his own voice, “He got to me ‘Liv…”

“I know, I’m sorry. I should never have let you leave the precinct,” Olivia said.

“No,” Rafael frowned. “I don’t just mean this,” he said gesturing his body, “He got to me… He made me question- Never mind.”

“What? Hon talk to me please,” she sighed. “I want to be here for you.”

He sighed, “He spoke a lot about you… He knew what to say and it worked.” Rafael sombrely looked at Olivia as he hesitated, “I… I questioned us... What this really is.”

“Oh,” she said looking down.

“No,” he said placing a hand on hers, “Don’t get me wrong… My love for you never wavered… It’s just what he said… I don’t know… I shouldn’t have let him get to me like that.”

“He made sure it would,” Olivia said, “He’s trained to manipulate everything.”

“Maybe but I knew you,” Rafael mumbled.

Olivia hesitated, “Knew?”

Rafael withdrew his hand from her as he took a deep breath; he turned his head away from her, “I…”

“Rafael… What’s going on?” she asked gently.

“You care for me, right?” he asked gingerly.

“Where’s this coming from?”

“That’s not an answer,” he sighed, “I’m not being played or used, am I? I need to know.” When Olivia didn’t answer he turned his gaze back to her; she looked stunned and offended, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“I just…” she paused as she took hold of his hand, “Today, I thought I lost you and until the moment I saw you standing in front of me I felt empty. I honestly don’t know what I would do without you… I need you with me. You are my everything… I love you.”

“I love you too,” Rafael smiled, “I’m sorry, I know what Carter said wasn’t true but it just got to me.”

“I know,” Olivia nodded, “And that’s okay, he’s cunning but we’re stronger than him. We can get through this together.”

“Together,” Rafael nodded.

After a moment of silence between them Olivia sighed, “I have to go and get Noah, did you want anything from your place?”

“Um,” Rafael paused, “Can you get a photo for me?”

“Sure,” she smiled, “Which one?”

“Any of my mother,” Rafael answered.

Olivia placed a hand on Rafael’s, “Of course I can.”

Rafael looked her in the eyes, “Thank you.”          

  

When Olivia got to Rafael’s apartment she looked around for the wooden box, “Where did he put it?” she frowned. She searched the living room and when she couldn’t find it she moved on to his bedroom. “There it is,” she sighed in relief as she walked over to his bedside table and picked it up. As she opened it she took out the photos and scattered them on the bed as she quickly searched for a nice photo of Lucia and Rafael together. When she found it she picked up the photos again and started to put them away when she noticed a note at the bottom of the box. Curious she picked it up and read it:

 

My dearest Olivia,

If you’re reading this then I’m no longer around for you… You have changed my life drastically since I met you. You have brought so much love and joy to my life and I am extremely grateful for every minute I got to spend with you.

You found my grandmothers ring and I regret that I told you to forget about it but I want you to know it wasn’t because I was ashamed or scared. But rather because I didn’t want the first time I talked about the ring to be clouded by the darkness that had fallen around me.

I know I shouldn’t write this in a letter but I need to have a chance to say it, even if I can’t be there when I do… The last dinner I had planned with my mother was actually to discuss my future with you. You are the light of my life and I can’t imagine a single day without you in it. 

The ring is yours. Always has been. My only regret is never being able to know what your answer would have been…

Will you marry me?

Forever yours,

Rafael Barba.

  

Olivia teared up a little while she read the note; she took a deep breath as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She felt confused and saddened by the note; _He thought he was going to die,_ she thought, _How could he write something like this_. After taking a few deep breaths to gather her thoughts she placed the letter along with the photo in her pocket and left Rafael’s apartment. Her next stop was home to which an overly excited Noah greeted her, “MOMMY!”

“Hey baby,” she smiled as she picked him up.

He hugged her tightly as he said, “Where’s Rafi? Is he coming over? I wanna see him!”

“Slow down Noah,” Olivia replied. As she walked further into the apartment she calmly added, “He’s not coming home today. He’s in the hospital.”

“Oh,” Noah sighed, “Why?”

“A very bad man tried to hurt him,” Olivia explained.

“Oh no,” Noah worried.

“Don’t worry,” Olivia comforted. “He’s okay now and we’re going to see him soon.”

As Olivia looked up from Noah she saw Tucker making his way toward her, “How’s Rafael?” Tucker asked.

“He will be fine,” she nodded. “Thank you for staying with them.”

“Anytime,” Tucker smiled, “If there-“

“Mommy?” Noah interrupted.

“Yes Noah?” Olivia answered.

“Did you get the bad guy?”

Olivia nodded, “I got him.”

“Good,” Noah said seriously.

Tucker smiled a little before continuing, “If there isn’t anything else you need me to do I should probably get back to work, I’ll see you around.”

“I think I’m good now,” she smiled, “Thank you again.”

Once Tucker had left Olivia put Noah down and turned her attention to Lucy who was sitting on the lounge, “Are you okay?” she asked.

Lucy smiled, “I’m fine, how are you?”

Olivia chuckled a little, “I’m better now that I know everyone is safe. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that.”

“What happened?” Lucy asked gingerly.

Taking a deep breath Olivia answered, “A corrupt cop decided to attack Rafael and had no problems hurting you two in the process.”

“Oh no,” she frowned.

Olivia sighed, “He’s been badly hurt but he will survive.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Lucy smiled.

Olivia thought for a moment before saying, “You can take the rest of the week off, I’m not going into work anytime soon and I think you have had enough excitement for one week.”

“Are you sure?” Lucy asked, “I’m honestly fine Olivia.”

“Thank you but I think I need to be with my son and Rafael for a while,” she smiled.

“Okay,” Lucy nodded.

Looking down at her watch Olivia said, “I should really get back to Rafael, he’ll be wondering where I am.”

“Yeah, I should get going too,” Lucy replied. “Give me a call when you want me to come back.”

“Will do,” Olivia responded.

“Bye ‘Liv,” Lucy said as she started towards the door. Before she left she gave Noah a big hug, “I’ll see you soon.”

“Bye bye Lucy,” Noah smiled.

Once Lucy left Olivia said, “Noah, we have to go. We’re going to see Rafi.”

Noah squealed in excitement, “Yay!”

Olivia laughed, “Come on, lets go.”

“Wait!” Noah panicked, “I gotta get Charlie.”

“Okay but hurry, Rafi’s waiting,” Olivia nodded.

  

Twenty minutes later Rafael smiled when Olivia entered the hospital room, “Hey.”

“RAFI!” Noah yelled.

Rafael looked at Noah solemnly, “Hey kid.”

“What’s wrong?” Olivia asked as she walked closer to him.

“It’s nothing,” Rafael sighed.

“Raf,” she said tilting her head slightly to the side. “You can talk to me, you know.”

Noah ran up to the side of Rafael’s bed, “Rafi, I hope you feel better soon and look I brought Charlie”

Rafael forced a smile as his eyes started to water, “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

It suddenly dawned on Olivia, “Ohh,” she sighed. “It’s the _Rafi,_ isn’t it?” she asked quietly. Rafael fought back the tears as he nodded; “Noah sweetie-“ Olivia began.

“No don’t,” Rafael interrupted, “It keeps her alive.”

“I don’t want to upset you,” she said sympathetically.

A lone tear escaped Rafael’s eye and slowly rolled down his cheek; “I don’t want my mother to become something we avoid. I love… I loved her too much to allow that to happen. He will not destroy my memory of her,” he paused. Olivia had moved towards him while he spoke; watching her, he wiped away the tear and took a deep breath before continuing, “He doesn’t get to win. He can break me all he wants but he does NOT get to destroy her memory... I will not let that happen to her.”

Olivia picked up Noah as she sat on the edge of Rafael’s bed; she held Noah with one hand and with the other she searched through her pockets. Soon after she pulled out a photo of Lucia and Rafael; she smiled as she looked at it, “We wont let that happen,” she said placing the photo into Rafael’s hand.

Rafael looked down at the photo; his emotions were all over the place, he didn’t know whether to smile or to cry. “Thank you for getting this,” he smiled; as he spoke he felt tears rolling down his cheeks. “I miss her.”

“I know you do,” Olivia comforted.

“There’s so much she’s going to miss out on,” Rafael sighed, “ _Because of me_.”

“It’s not your fault Rafael.”

“As much as I blame Carter for everything that’s happened, I blame myself more,” he muttered. “I should have warned her about him… I should have done something, anything. She was so excited to have a grandson… she was going to spoil him rotten,” he paused; smiling a little. “Now she doesn’t get to do that…”

Seeing Rafael sad; Noah wiggled out of Olivia’s arms and moved along the bed towards him, giving him a hug, “Rafi, I missed you,” Noah mumbled into Rafael’s chest.

Rafael flinched; closing his eyes, as he felt Noah’s weight pressing down on his sore chest, “Noah, sweetie,” Olivia said gently as stood up to get Noah.

Rafael wrapped his arms around Noah tightly; not caring about the pain, “I thought I’d never see you again,” he whispered into Noah’s hair. As he kissed the top of Noah’s head a fresh tear rolled down his cheek. When he opened his eyes to find Olivia smiling tenderly at them, “I’m so glad you found me,” Rafael smiled.

“I was never going to leave you,” Olivia replied.

“Rafi?” Noah sniffled. “Are you okay now?”

Rafael shifted his gaze down and was greeted by a pair of blue eyes looking back at him, “I’m okay,” he nodded.

“But you’re stilling crying,” Noah sighed.

“Oh buddy,” Rafael laughed a little, “These are happy tears. I’m just thrilled to see you again.”

“You’re a sweet boy,” Olivia beamed.

“Come sit with us,” Rafael said patting the bed.

Noah jumped up off Rafael and sat so his legs were dangling off the side of the bed, “Mommy sit next to me!”

Olivia chuckled, “Okay.” As she sat down something fell out of her pocket, when she looked down she saw the note lying at her feet. “Oh yeah… Um,” she hesitated as she picked it up.

“What?” he questioned.

“What’s this?” she asked as she showed him the paper.

“A piece of paper,” Rafael smirked. Olivia frowned unamused, so Rafael continued, “Come on, from here I don’t know what tha…” he paused, “Wait… You got this photo from the box, didn’t you?”

“I did,” she nodded, “How could you write something like this?”

“You’re getting mad at me?” Rafael asked confused, “Did you even read it?”

“I’m not mad,” Olivia sighed, “You didn’t know what was going to happen… You can’t ask me to marry you while mourning your death if it ever came to that.”

Rafael sighed, “In my defence you weren’t suppose to read that any time soon if at all. I just wanted to make sure I got the chance to tell you how much you really meant to me… even if I wasn’t around to do it.”

“What does this mean for us?” Olivia asked.

“Just ignore it,” Rafael sighed, “Pretend you didn’t see it.”

“I can’t do that,” she frowned, “Please talk to me about this.”

Rafael nodded, “Okay, I don’t want anything to come out of it like this. I want to marry you one day but not like this, not now. I’m sorry.”

“Rafael-“

There was a subtle knock at the door and when they turned they saw Carisi standing in the doorway, “Hey,” he smiled.

“Hey,” Rafael smiled back, “What are you doing here?”

“Was on my way home and wanted to check on you,” Carisi replied as he walked into the room.

“Uncle Sonny!” Noah said excitedly as he jumped off the bed and ran over to him.  
Carisi kneeled down and gave Noah a big hug, “I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” he said as he saw Olivia.

“A little,” Olivia admitted, “If you don’t mind can you give us a few minutes?”

“Oh,” Carisi sighed. “Yeah, sorry. I can take Noah with me, if you want. I think I saw a vending machine down the hall; we can go get some food, sound good buddy?”

“Ooo YES!,” Noah smiled.

Olivia nodded, “Thank you.”

“No problem,” Carisi smiled, “We’ll be back soon.”

Rafael watched as they left the room before turning back to Olivia, “What was that about? We could have this conversation later.”

“No,” Olivia sighed, “We need to finish it now.”

“There’s not much left to talk about,” Rafael sighed. “I don’t want to go through with what I wrote.”

Silence fell between them as Olivia thought, after a while she blurted out, “Move in with me.”

“What?” he questioned.

“Move in with me,” she repeated, “If you still feel the same way as you did in this letter...”

“I…” he hesitated, “Of course I do but I didn’t write it to force things to happen. You weren’t suppose to read it… I just had to make sure that if something was to happen to me you’d know exactly how I felt about you… That there were no doubts between us; that for me, this was it. I don’t want your pity invite-”

“It’s not like I’m asking you to marry me,” she smiled, “You already did that… I’m asking you to move in with me not for pity but because when you called me earlier and told me to let you go I realised I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to give you up without a fight. I want to be able to come home to you and I want everything that entails, from squabbling with you to a lazy Sunday afternoon snuggling on the lounge watching a movie.”

“Wouldn’t that be nice,” he smiled.

“It’s possible,” she replied.

“I don’t know,” he sighed.

Olivia took a deep breath, “I don’t know what Carter said to you but please don’t let him dictate where our relationship goes. If you’re having doubts, I can understand that-“

“I’m not,” Rafael interrupted. “I just… I just don’t want you to do something you’re not ready for just because I’m in here,” he said gesturing to his hospital room, “Or… because of this letter… Things are going to get a lot harder from this point on and I don’t want you to feel forced to take on that responsibility because you feel guilty.”

“Rafael, I don’t-“

“I know you do ‘Liv,” Rafael smiled gently. “The way you look at me now has changed whether you’re aware of it or not. I just don’t know if I can deal with it all if you started to regret this because it’s not what you want.”

“Okay,” she sighed, “I’ll be honestly, I feel guilty. I knew Carter was a bad person; you warned me about him on more than one occasion but I still let you leave with him and for that I’m forever going to be sorry. But that’s never going to change the way I feel about you.”

“I don’t blame you,” Rafael sighed, “He wanted me to but I don’t. I want you to understand that, it never was or will be your fault. I love and respect you way too much to allow that to happen.”

“I love you so much,” Olivia smiled, “I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I think the best step for us now is for you to move in with me.”

“I,” Rafael hesitated, “You don’t feel forced into this, do you?”

“Raf, the guilt isn’t making me do this. I’m asking because I love you and I want to come home to you, to share a bed with you and not have to wait days on end for us to spend time together,” she replied.

“Okay,” Rafael nodded, “I want all of that... Let’s do it.”

Smiling Olivia leaned in close to Rafael and gave him a kiss, “I’m excited.”

As Olivia started to pull away Rafael leaned up and continued kissing her; he ran one of his hands along her back up towards the base of her neck while he placed the other on top of hers. “I could do this all day,” he smirked against her lips.  
While they kissed, Carisi walked back in with Noah in his arms, “Hey, we alright to come back?... Oh, sorry.”

Rafael broke the kiss and turn to look at Carisi, “It’s fine, thank you for giving us some time.”

“That’s what friends are for,” Carisi smiled.

“How long are you staying for?” Olivia asked as she got up off the bed.

“I can’t stay long,” Carisi replied as he put Noah down. “I’m helping Rollins with Jesse tonight,” he turned his gaze to Rafael as he said, “We’re making cannoli’s… Lets see how well that goes.”

Rafael laughed, “Might want to buy some back ups.”

“I always have back ups,” Carisi quipped. “You taught me that.”

“Well if people stopped drinking my coffee I wouldn’t have to,” Rafael smirked. “It’s good to see you again.”

“I’ll leave you two to catch up,” Olivia smiled, “Noah do you want to go for another walk?”

“I wanna stay with Rafi,” Noah said as he started to climb onto Rafael’s bed.

Rafael twisted his body a little to help Noah on the bed, “It’s fine ‘Liv, he can stay if he wants to… I’d like to spend as much time with him as I can.”

“Okay,” Olivia nodded, “I’m going to get a cup of coffee and I’ll be back in twenty.”

“Alright,” Rafael smiled.

 

An hour later Carisi went home and it was just Olivia, Noah and Rafael again; as they sat together on Rafael’s bed Olivia hesitated as she said, “Don’t suppose I can convince you to stay away from work for a while this time?”

Rafael smiled, “I’m not going back to work anytime soon. I already spoke to Jack while you were gone, he said Peter will have to stay for the time being-“

“I guess I can live with that if it means you actually take the time off,” she interrupted.

“I wasn’t done,” he paused, “Peter’s staying to do the cases he’s already got.”

“What about yours?”

“A friend of yours is back in town, she’ll be taking over my cases for awhile,” he smiled at the confused expression on Olivia’s face. “It’s Casey Novak, Jack was talking to her about Peters cases but with all this going on, he offered her mine.”

“Oh, I didn’t know she was back in town,” Olivia smiled, “It would be good to work with her again.”

“Yeah,” he nodded, “Just do me a favour and don’t get too comfortable with her… I might need your help getting my job back but that’s a while away. I still need to decide if I’m going to go back or just retire.”

“Retire?” Olivia questioned, “I thought you liked your job.”

“I do,” Rafael sighed, “I love getting to work with you but this job has taken so much from me… It’s nearly killed me twice. I just don’t know if I can go back.”

“You’ve worked so hard to get where you are,” Olivia sighed, “What would you do if you retired?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “Maybe be a stay at home dad for a while if you let me after that who knows maybe I’ll try my hand at teaching. I rather enjoyed showing Carisi around… Just don’t tell him I said that.”

“Of course you can be a stay at home dad,” Olivia smiled. “I think Noah would love that… But do yourself a favour please, don’t decide right now.”

“I know,” Rafael nodded, “I have a lot to think about and believe me you’re apart of that conversation when it comes time to decide. But for now I think I’m just going to focus on the time off.”

“That’s good,” Olivia smiled. Shortly after a nurse knocked on the door as she entered, “Everything okay?” Olivia said concerned as she stood up.

“Yeah, he’s going to be okay but unfortunately-” the nurse hesitated, “Visiting hours are over… I have to ask you to leave.”

“Oh,” Olivia frowned looking down at her watch, “I didn’t realise it was so late.”

“Sorry,” the nurse sighed, “I’ll give you five minutes to say goodbye.”

“Thank you,” Olivia smiled as she watched the nurse leave. Turning to Rafael she said glumly, “I should get Noah home-“

“I don’t wanna go home,” Noah frowned as he played with Charlie’s ears, “I wanna stay here with Rafi.”

“I’m fine,” Rafael reassured.

“We’re going to come straight back in the morning,” Olivia said.

“I wanna stay,” Noah grumbled as he rubbed his eyes.

“You’ve had a pretty big day yourself,” Rafael smiled, “You must be tired.”

Noah nodded, “But what if you get hurt again.”

Rafael felt his heart break a little, “I-I…”

“He’s safe now.. The doctors wont let anything happen,” Olivia reassured.

“You sure?” Noah asked.

“I promise,” Olivia smiled, “But we do need to leave, so why don’t you say goodbye.”

Noah climbed up onto the bed and hugged Rafael, “Hope you can come home soon.”

Wrapping his arms around Noah Rafael whispered, “I’m gonna miss you.”

Noah’s hug tightened, “I love you Rafi,” he mumbled into Rafael’s shoulder.

Rafael glanced over to Olivia as he smiled, “I love you too.”

As Noah sat up he placed Charlie next to Rafael’s arm, “Goodnight.”

Rafael watched as Noah jumped off the bed and stood next to Olivia, “Aren’t you forgetting something,” he said as he picked up the toy dog.

“He’s staying with you,” Noah replied.

Confused Rafael asked, “But don’t you want him?”

Noah shook his head; “He’ll scare away the bad guy if he tries to come back.”

Rafael was at a loss for words for a moment as he stared at the dog, “I… Thank you.”

“That’s very kind of you Noah,” Olivia beamed.

There was a subtle knock on the door, “I’m sorry but you have to leave now.”

“Okay,” Olivia sighed as she walked over to Rafael. She leaned down over him and gave him a quick kiss, “I’ll be back in the morning.”

Rafael pushed himself up giving her another kiss, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she smiled. She took hold of Noah’s hand and headed towards the door, “Call me if you need anything, no matter what time it is.”

“I will,” he smiled. Shortly after Olivia left Rafael found himself falling asleep.

 

Rafael woke to find himself in a dark room, “Olivia?” he called out but only his echo responded. As he got out of bed he walked around trying to find any source of light when he heard a laugh in the distance, “H-Hello?” he stuttered. Met with nothing but silence Rafael continued to walk forward; he felt as though someone was watching him in the darkness. “Anyone out there?”

Suddenly the laughter started again but much closer and louder, “You thought you could get rid of me that easily.”

“Where are you?!” Rafael shouted as he looked around him.

“Right here!” the voice said as a bright light shone in his face.

As the light shone in his eyes Rafael could just make out a dark figure behind it, “Who are you? What do you want?”

“Oh come on,” the man laughed, “After such an intimate day you’d think you’d remember me.”

“Carter?” Rafael frowned.

The light disappeared as Carter spoke, “You shouldn’t have made it out alive.”

“But I did!” Rafael huffed, “Now show yourself!”

“How are you going to live with yourself?” Carter laughed; his voice travelled all around Rafael. “You’re responsible for all of this!”

“Show yourself!” Rafael shouted as he looked around him for Carter.

Rafael heard something clink behind him then suddenly he felt something around his neck, “You’re not getting away that easily,” Carter whispered into his ear.

“You can’t hurt me!”

Carter tightened the belt around Rafael’s neck and pulled, “I didn’t hear that?” he mocked. Rafael couldn’t breath as the belt got tighter and tighter, “Can you feel it all just slipping away from you?”

Grabbing at the belt Rafael wheezed, “I… Can’t… Breath,” his heart was pounding out of his chest. Carter’s laugh woke Rafael up; he shot up in his bed, grasping for air. He quickly pulled everything off him from the heart monitor to the IV in his arm; he tensed up as he moved to sit on the edge of his bed when he saw Charlie. He paused for a moment as he picked the dog up and just sat there staring at the toy; as he began to calm down he heard the heart monitor in his room flat lining.

Shortly after a nurse ran in, “What happened?” she rushed as she got closer to his bed.

“I…” he panted.

“I thought you flat lined,” she said relieved, “Why’d you remove everything?”

“I…” Rafael gasped, “I… I’m sorry.”

The nurse took hold of his arm, “You’re cold,” she noted as she picked up the IV.

“What?” he said absently.

“You’re covered in sweat,” she said as putting the IV back in.

“Oh,” he mumbled as his breathing began to slow down.

As she connected everything back to him she asked, “What happened?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Please don’t lie, I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me,” she sighed.

“Yeah,” Rafael nodded, “Sorry… It was just a stupid nightmare.”

“After everything you must have gone through, I wouldn’t say it’s a stupid nightmare,” the nurse reassured. “Do you want some company for a while?”

Rafael smiled gently, “No that’s okay… But is it okay if a make a phone call?”

The nurse looked down at her watch, “It’s 2am… We usually discourage phone calls this late.”

“Please,” Rafael said, “I’ll be quiet.”

“Okay,” she nodded, “I’ll come back in an hour or so to see if you’re still okay.”

“Okay thanks,” Rafael nodded as he watched her leave. He waited for the nurse to disappear around the corner before leaning over to his bedside table and grabbing his phone. He dialled Olivia’s number and waited; leaning back into the bed. As the phone rang Rafael sat there staring down at Charlie; bewildered at its ability to calm him.

“H-Hello?” Olivia yawned.

“Sorry to wake you,” Rafael sighed.

“Don’t be,” Olivia replied, “I’m glad you called. What’s going on?”

“The dog worked,” Rafael mumbled.

“What?” Olivia questioned.

“Noah’s dog, Charlie” he replied as he pat the dog, “I thought… Doesn’t matter what I thought but when I woke I was comforted by the thought of Noah leaving Charlie for me.”

“Are you okay?”

“I, I’m alright now,” Rafael answered, “I just wanted to hear your voice again.”

“Was it a nightmare?” Olivia asked cautiously.

Rafael took in a deep breath, “Yes.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” she suggested.

“No.”

“Okay,” Olivia replied, “What do you want to talk about?”

“Anything,” Rafael sighed, “I just want to listen to your voice.”

“Anything it is,” Olivia smiled.

They stayed on the phone; talking about everything from new movies to future plans together, for over an hour until Rafael was relaxed enough to dozed off back to sleep.

 

*

 

Three months after Carters attack on Rafael; Olivia woke in the middle of the night to find Rafael lying next to her; he was tense, “Rafael?” Olivia whispered as she sat up. When he didn’t wake Olivia placed a hand gently on his chest; it was cold with sweat, Rafael flinched under her touch but still didn’t wake. Realising he was most likely having a nightmare Olivia tried again to wake him, “Hon… wake up.” As Rafael woke suddenly he sat up and took hold of Olivia’s arm pulling it off his chest; his grip tightened around her forearm, “Rafael, let go please,” she said.

Rafael looked frightened as he tightened his grip; he stared at her arm for a moment before realising where he was, “I’m so sorry,” he panted out of breath.

As he let go Olivia pulled her hand back to herself, “It’s fine.”

“I… I didn’t mean-“

“I know,” Olivia interrupted.

He watched as Olivia rubbed her forearm, “Did I hurt you?” he asked gingerly.

“I’m fine,” she replied looking down at her arm.

“I did,” he sighed, “I’m gonna move to the lounge.”

He started to get up when Olivia placed a hand on his shoulder, “Don’t go.”

“I just hurt you,” he frowned, “All because of a stupid dream.”

“Raf, don’t go,” she repeated calmly, “Please stay.”

He turned to face her; his hair was drenched in sweat, “I’m sorry,” he sighed as he stood up and walked towards the door.

“Hon?”

“Don’t get up,” he mumbled as he opened the door and walked out. When he closed the door behind himself, he made his way towards the living room and sat on the lounge. He closed his eyes as he leaned against the back of the lounge when he heard a door squeak followed by footsteps. Shortly after he opened his eyes to find Olivia standing off to the side of the room, “’Liv,“ he sighed. She moved closer to him without saying a word, when she reached the lounge she sat next to him, “I can’t-“

“Don’t,” she hushed him. She twisted herself on the lounge to face him, “You don’t have to say anything but I’m not going to let you go though this alone.” As she placed a hand on his chest she added, “You know I’m here for you… Always have been.”

He brought a hand up then placed it on hers and gently removed her hand off his chest; as he looked at the red handprint that was there he hesitated, “I was back there... When you placed your hand on my chest I thought it was Carter, so when I woke I…” he mumbled as he tenderly ran his thumb over the red mark. He sat in silence as he traced the handprint; after awhile he took a deep breath and looked at Olivia, “It’s not just nightmares… I can barely look at myself in the mirror… I hate leaving the house… I hate being afraid. ‘Liv I don’t like who I am now. ”

Olivia lifted her free hand to gently brush some his hair out of his face then she tenderly embraced the side of his face, “You’re the same man I fell in love with.”

“No,” he frowned, “No, I’m not. I’m turning into _him._ ”

“You’re not your father Rafael,” Olivia said bluntly. “You are better than he ever was and you know that. Carter didn’t ruin you and he never will. You’re stronger than they are.”

“I know,” he said bringing a hand up and placing it on hers, “But I should never hurt you-“

“No,” she interrupted, “You don’t get to decide what I’m willing to go through for you.”

“’Liv-” he began.

“I’ve almost lost you tw-twice,” she faltered, “I’m going to stand by your side through all of it, even if that means a few accidental bruises along the way, I’m okay with that... Remember I woke you from the nightmare so don’t blame yourself.”

“’Liv you shouldn’t just accept this,” Rafael sighed.

“Okay,” Olivia replied, “Well answer me one question, would you have done it if you knew where you were and what you were doing?”

“No of course not,” Rafael frowned, “I would never allow that.”

“Then don’t worry about it,” Olivia nodded, “It was an accident.”

“Okay,” Rafael agreed. Olivia leaned in and gave Rafael a quick kiss then placed her head on his shoulder. They sat there for a while just enjoying each other’s company; Rafael relished moments like these; it made him feel safe. Ten minutes had passed without a word between the two of them; deciding to break the silence Rafael sighed, “I have to testify in a few days.”

“I know,” she said, “But we’re going to get through it together.”

“I was talking to Casey last week and she doesn’t want me on the stand,” he admitted.

“Why?” Olivia asked confused, “You’re the case, you unfortunately have to.”

“Yeah and she knows that,” he sighed, “She’s just worried because I told her everything… I had to.”

“What do you mean by everything?” she frowned.

He sat in silence as he took a deep breath, “I told her what I did… That I almost shot him… She needed to know.”

“What did she say?”

“That it’s going to complicate things,” he replied, “And she’s not wrong.”

“Casey didn’t say any of this to me,” Olivia said.

“She’s not suppose to,” he shrugged, “Not the only reason why she wishes I wasn’t on the stand.”

“What do you mean?”

“Carter… He, um,” Rafael hesitated, “He fired his council… Judge forced him to keep them as back up but Carter is taking charge.”

“WHAT, how could they let this happen?” Olivia frowned as she lifted her head.

“It’s his right,” Rafael sighed, “I don’t think I can do this… Every time I think about him I get so angry I just… I just know that I’m going to screw things up and he’ll walk.”

“Listen to me,” Olivia said placing a hand on the shoulder her head had previously rested, “I know its hard, believe me I know what it feels like but you know what I had when I had to face Lewis in court?”

“What?” he asked.

“You,” she smiled, “You were there every step of the way; you prepared me for his cross-”

“That’s different though,” Rafael replied.

“Why?” she questioned, “Cause you’re not the prosecutor?”

“It’s just different,” he frowned, “I’ve never had to go up on the stand myself ‘Liv… To play the role of the victim, everything I say matters and I can’t just turn it around if something goes wrong.”

“Nothing will go wrong,” she comforted, “You know exactly what your doing and you’re not alone up there, I’ll be in the court room with you. If things start to overwhelm you just look at me and take a deep breath.”

“I’ve never been nervous walking into a courtroom but now… Now I’m afraid to,” Rafael mumbled. The room fell into silence as Rafael shifted himself on the lounge so he was facing Olivia; even half asleep Olivia looked beautiful to him. “He’s going to mention that I punched him and kicked him…” he hesitated, “And almost shot him.”

“In self defence, anyone can see that,” Olivia reassured.

“The kick was but that’s it,” Rafael mumbled.

“If he mentions that he’s admitting guilt,” Olivia said.

“That doesn’t matter, he’ll spin it some how,” Rafael replied. “If Carter is smart and we both know he is, he’d use the fact I’m not on trial for his sons murder to his advantage. It would show a bias between him and I because of the departments scandals. It’s how I would go if I was in his place,” Rafael sighed.

“His son’s death was a suicide-” Olivia corrected.

“Then he’ll use my arrest,” Rafael frowned, “It doesn’t matter what he uses to spin his story.”

“You’re right,” Olivia agreed, “He’s going to do everything he can but remember you’ve been doing this a lot longer than he has. You know every tactic there it… This is your turf and he’s got to follow the rules. You’ve got this.”

“I wish I had your confidence right now,” Rafael half-heartedly smiled.

“I’ve always believed in you,” Olivia smiled.

“Always?” Rafael smirked.

“Since the moment I met you,” Olivia nodded.

Rafael leaned in and gave Olivia a quick kiss, “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me… I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said grabbing his hand. As she slowly stood up she gently tugged on his arm, “Let’s go back to bed, it’s more comfortable than this lounge. I don’t know why I let you talk me into buying it.”

“What?” Rafael chuckled a little, “It’s stylish.” He stood up behind Olivia and wrapped his arms around her waste, “Lead the way.”

 

*

 

“How did we get here Mr Barba?” Carter shrugged. “I mean I know I’m on trial for the alleged kidnapping and torture of you but why?”

“You’re asking me why you’re on trial?” Rafael frowned.

“Where are you going with this Mr Carter?” Judge Walter Bradley frowned, “I’ve given you leniency, don’t abuse it.”

“Sorry,” Carter sighed, “I didn’t go to Harvard so I’m new at this.”

“Objection,” Casey frowned.

“Withdrawn,” Carter nodded, “Let’s get back to it… You’re claiming that I kidnapped and tortured you but no one has mentioned how it started that day. Why don’t you tell us?”

“Objection Your Honour,” Casey said standing up, “Relevance?”

Carter turned to the Judge as he said, “Goes to character Your Honour.”

“Make your point fast,” Judge Walter sighed.

Carter nodded then turned back to Rafael, “Who hit who first?”

“I did,” he mumbled.

“I’m sorry I didn’t hear that,” Carter sneered.

“I did,” Rafael repeated louder, “I punched you that morning.”

“Broke my nose,” Carter nodded as he turned to the jury, “Then what happened?”

“You arrested me for assault,” Rafael sighed, “But I wouldn’t have punched you if you didn’t kill my mother!”

“Objection!” Carter yelled, “I want that stricken from the record, it has nothing to do with this trial. If it were true I would have been charged with it.”

“That will be stricken from the record and the jury is instructed to ignore that statement,” the Judge paused as he turned to Rafael, “Just answer the questions, you know better.”

“You were arrested for assault yet no charges were followed up… You’re not the only one to leave that day with broken bones and bruising so why am I on trial and you’re not? You’ve got blood on your hands too.” Carter sneered.

“YOUR HONOUR!” Casey huffed.

“You’re on thin ice Mr Carter,” Judge Walter frowned.

“I’ll rephrase,” he nodded, “You attacked me and you’re not on trial, why?”

“It was self-defence,” Rafael frowned, “I was trying to stay alive.”

“Self-defence,” Carter smiled, “I’m so glad you said that, was it really self-defence to punch me?”

Rafael’s face grew weary when he realised what Carter had done; he looked past Casey and saw Olivia. He sighed, “No.”

“What about when you held a gun against me?”

“Yes.”

“Was it?” Carter frowned as he walked up to the witness stand. “You and I both know that it wasn’t.”

“You had tortured me for hours,” Rafael frowned.

“Let me remind you, you are under oath,” Carter huffed, “Or is breaking the law that easy for you now?”

“It was self-defence,” Rafael frowned.

“Was it!? Carter yelled, “Did I have a gun? Were you fearing for your life!?”

“Objection, asked and answered!”

“NO!” Rafael huffed before the Judge could say anything. “You weren’t armed. You had tortured me for hours, just look at my face! You’ve left me scarred for the rest of my life… Sometimes I think it would have been easier if you had of killed me or if I had of pulled the trigger. You were after me for months; you manipulated me, tried to turn everyone against me and even murdered my mother.” Rafael paused as he saw Olivia in the distance; she had her eyes closed and her hand over her mouth; head shaking. He sighed, “I didn’t want you to get away.”

“You shot at me,” Carter said calmly as he walked back towards the jury, “You were going to kill me, weren’t you?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Rafael frowned.

“I’m not on the stand,” Carter sneered, “Now answer my question. You wanted me dead and you were ready to do it yourself.”

Rafael hesitated as he took a deep breath, “Yes.”

“What stopped you?”

“Olivia did,” Rafael answered.

“That would be Olivia Benson, correct?” Carter asked.

“Yes.”

“The Lieutenant in charge of the Special Victims Unit?” Carter said, “The one in charge of my arrest?”

Rafael nodded, “Yes, she saved me from you.”

“Are you two sleeping together-“

“OBJECTION! Relevance?” Casey frowned.

“The jury deserves to know what kind of relationship the two of them have Your Honour,” Carter shrugged, “It goes to show that this was all a set up.”

“A set up?” Rafael scoffed as he rolled his eyes.

“Quiet Mr Barba,” Judge Walker frowned, “Overruled, you may proceed with caution.”

“Thank you,” Carter smiled as he looked back at Rafael.

Rafael glared at Carter for a moment before answering his question, “Yes. I have an intimate relationship with Lieutenant Benson but we did not set you up.”

“No?” Carter questioned, “Then why aren’t you on trial for the death of my son?”

“Your Honour this is getting ridiculous,” Casey huffed, “You’ve given him more than enough leeway.”

“My apologies, I’ll ask a different question,” Carter suggested; the Judge nodded so Carter continued, “When did this intimate relationship start?”

“I don’t remember the date,” Rafael answered, “But I guess it was about the same time we first met you.”

“Oh how convenient,” Carter snarled, “How long after did you two decide to drive my son to suicide?”

Casey stood up quickly, “OBJECTION!”

“Sustained,” Judge Walter frowned, “Get back on topic or end your cross.”

“I’m sorry Your Honour, I just get emotional thinking about him. I never did get to say a proper goodbye… A parent should never out live their child,” Carter said glumly. The Judge just glared at Carter; clearing his throat Carter continued, “My point was that it’s interesting to see that when an ADA and a Lieutenant of the NYPD hook up they both suddenly start doing things that no **respected** officer of the Law would do.”

“We didn’t do anything!” Rafael huffed. “You came after me… sending your henchmen after me. I’ve almost died _twice_ because of you but that was never good enough for you, was it! You had to take everything from me, my job, my mother, my mind…” Rafael paused as he looked down at his hands; they were shaking. “I can’t leave the house without feeling like there’s someone lurking in the darkness waiting for me around the corner. Every time I close my eyes I see both you and… and my mother taunting me. **Blaming me.** Because of you I’m terrified all the time,” he faltered; eyes watering he looked over to Olivia. She had leaned forward; eyes widened in surprise, as she listened intently as Rafael spoke. As Rafael watched her he saw the upset expression on her face; he had never told her any of this. She lowered her gaze away from Rafael; head shaking as she sat quietly; Rafael sighed as he turned his gaze back to Carter.

“Is that so?” Carter said looking pleased with himself. “Tell me more, what’s it like?”

“Your Honour,” Carter’s defence attorney frowned as she stood up, “I would like to confer with him before this continues.”

“I don’t need it!” Carter huffed.

“If he doesn’t want it, I can’t force him but I would take an objection from you Mrs Novack,” Judge Walter suggested.

Casey looked over to Rafael in the stand as she thought to herself; he looked nervous but confident so she sighed, “I’m good.”

“Okay, proceed,” the Judge said as he sat back into his chair.

“Where was I,” Carter muttered to himself, “Oh yes… What scares you? Is it the nightmares?” Rafael watched Carter intently as he spoke; everything in the background fell away into darkness until it was just the two of them. Rafael felt isolated and alone, his heart pounding inside his chest as if it were ready to explode. “Do I need to repeat the question?” Carters voice echoed around him, “Do the nightmares frighten you?”

“Yes,” Rafael sniffled as a tear rolled down his cheek.

“How often do you have these nightmares?” Carter said as he walked up to Rafael.

“Does it matter?”

“I just want to know the severity of what you’re going through,” Carter replied as he placed his arm on the witness stand.

“E-every night,” Rafael said; voice trembling.

Carter leaned in close as he stared into Rafael’s eyes, “Do you wake up screaming?”

“S-sometimes,” Rafael stuttered.

Carter’s voice bounced around Rafael’s mind; _Do you hear her cries for help? Do you hear her screams? It’s your fault she’s dead. You should have died that day…_ Rafael felt sick; his heart thumping against his chest; his breathing laboured, the feeling of being alone consuming him. “Are you even paying attention?” Carter said sounding much closer. **_More real._**

Rafael heard the muffled voice of the Judge break through the fog, “Answer the question Mr Barba.”

“W-What was the question?” he sniffled in a haze.

Carter cleared his throat; “I’ll repeat it slowly for you… Do you have any regrets that day?”

“Y-yes,” Rafael sighed as he brought a shaky hand up to his face and wiped away the tears. “I should have pulled the trigger.”

“Thank you,” Carter nodded as he started towards the defences’ table.

Something caught Rafael’s eye as Carter moved out of the way; as he shifted his gaze he saw Olivia peering through the darkness. _I’m not alone_ , he thought, _She’s always been there for me._ Rafael took a deep shuddering breath as a tear rolled down his cheek, “I’m… I’m a broken man because of you.”

A twisted smile appeared across Carter’s face as he turned around; “A broken man?” he mocked.

Rafael watched as Carter walked back towards him, “I live in fear for the first time in years and I can’t escape it.” Switching his gaze over to Olivia he continued, “I’m afraid to open up to the people I love about any of this for the fear that it’s just too much to deal with. I lie to everyone; I tell them I’m fine when inside I’m falling apart.” Rafael paused as he looked back over to Carter; who was now standing just in front of the witness stand. “You got so deep inside my head that I’m afraid I’ll never be who I was and who I am now frightens me, I’ve hurt people I love and I don’t want to do it. I don’t want that to be who I am. You’ve broken me and turned me into someone I’d rather forget.”

“You mean your father?” Carter sneered, “Now that was a man who knew what he wanted.”

“Don’t bring him up, he has nothing to do with this,” Rafael frowned.

“Your Honour,” Casey huffed, “This has gone on long enough and if he doesn’t have any questions relevant to the case he should end his cross.”

“I agree,” Judge Walter nodded, “Hurry up Mr Carter.”

“Sorry Your Honour,” Carter sighed, “I’m done… defence rests.”

“Okay,” the Judge said as he turned to Rafael, “You may step down Mr Barba.”

Rafael nodded as he stood up; his legs felt like jelly underneath him, he slowly made his way out of the courtroom in a haze, doing his best to avoid looking at Olivia.

 

As Olivia left the courtroom she saw Rafael standing off to the side staring out the window, “Hey,” she said cautiously as she approached him.

“I’m sorry,” he sighed; still in a haze.

“Was all of that true up there?” Olivia asked as she placed a hand on his back.

Rafael looked away from the window and turned his gaze to her, “Every word.”

“You never told me any of that,” she replied.

Rafael still felt distant from everything as he looked at her, “Yeah I guess I just…” he trailed off.

“You never said that you were having that much trouble coping with everything… You hid that from me,” she said.

“I know,” he sighed as his head started to clear, “That’s what therapists are for, right?”

“Yeah… If you actually went to one,” Olivia sighed.

“Who told you I wasn’t?” Rafael questioned.

“Your therapist,” she answered.

“You two aren’t suppose to talk about me,” Rafael frowned.

“We don’t… She called the house looking for you, as it turns out you never showed up to your first appointment… You said…” Olivia paused.

“I know,” he nodded, “I said I was going… worse than that I pretended I did and I’m sorry.”

“Where do you go when you say you’re going there?”

Rafael sighed, “The only place I can feel close to her again.”

“Lucia?” Olivia asked.

Rafael nodded, “I sit with her for hours, sometimes I talk to her but most of the time… I cry.”

“Oh Raf,” Olivia comforted. “I would have understood.”

“I just-” Rafael paused as he felt his eyes water.

“It’s okay,” Olivia said with a gentle smile, “You don’t have to say it.”

“Thank you,” he smiled back.

A moment later Olivia hesitated, “I don’t mean to bring the conversation back to what you said up there but you said you’ve lost a lot including your job… Casey only has it temporary.”

“No it’s not,” Rafael sighed.

“What do you mean?”

Casey walked up interrupting them, “What the hell was that? We had a plan and you ignored it.”

“Where were you?! You let him get to me, I thought you were good at your job,” Rafael frowned.

“I am but when you ignore everything we worked on. We had a plan-“

“You’re kidding right,” Rafael huffed, “He got to me again and you just left me out there to hang.”

“I did what I could,” Casey frowned.

“No you didn’t, you could have ended it sooner,” Rafael sighed. “Why didn’t you take the Judges suggestion for that Objection. I was in the middle of a break down and you let it happen!”

“I didn’t know,” she sighed, “But we needed Carter to act the way he did when he asked those questions to prove to the jury that he’s not who he’s putting out there.”

“You’ve got my job, the least you could do is help me sleep at night by putting this son of a bitch away,” Rafael huffed. He quickly turned on his heels and walked away before they could stop him.

“Is he going to be okay?” Casey asked watching Rafael walk towards the elevator.

“I don’t know,” Olivia sighed.

“You know I didn’t hang him out to dry,” Casey said.

“I know,” Olivia nodded. She looked over to Casey to find she was already looking back, “And he knows that too… He’s going through a tough time.”

“I get that,” she sighed, “But he’s not taking it out on you, is he?”

“What!?” Olivia frowned, “No, why would you think that?”

Casey looked down at Olivia’s arm; “I noticed it yesterday... I just want to make sure you’re okay too.”

“It was an accident,” Olivia replied.

“So it was him... ‘Liv you know I can help you-”

“Casey, it’s not like that at all,” Olivia sighed, “I woke him from a nightmare and it took him a few seconds to realise he was safe. He didn’t mean it and he’s been beating himself up ever since so don’t give him shit for it. It was an accident.”

“Oh,” Casey replied. “I just wanted to make sure your okay.”

“I appreciate it,” Olivia nodded, “But Rafael’s right, the best way you can help right now is by making sure Carter doesn’t walk.”

“I’m doing my best,” she reassured, “I know how important this is.”

Olivia sighed, “But lets be realistic, after what just happened in there what are Carters chances of walking?”

“I honestly don’t know where it stands right now, it could easily go either way,” Casey replied. “Do you want to get a cup of coffee to talk about what happens if he does walk?”

“No,” Olivia answered, “I should go find Rafael, he needs me right now.”

“I understand,” Casey nodded, “Let me know how he is.”

“I will,” Olivia smiled as she promptly made her way towards the elevator. She spent the next hour trying to contact Rafael but when he didn’t answer she thought of all the places he was likely be and only one place made sense to her.

 

“What’s happened since I last spoke with you?” Rafael muttered. “Well I hurt Olivia, I made a promise to myself that I would never do that and here I am… Doing just that,” he sighed. “He always said it would make me more of a man but you know what it makes me feel? It makes me feel small and… Undeserving-“

“Who’s undeserving?” a gentle voice said in the distance. Rafael looked over his shoulder to find Olivia approaching him, “You weren’t answer any of my calls.”

“How’d you know where I was?” Rafael said quietly.

“It’s the one place you feel close to her,” Olivia replied as she approached the gravestone. “How long have you been here?” she asked as she reached him.

“I came straight here after I left the court house,” Rafael answered as he watched her kneel down next to him.

“So a while then,” she smiled. “What we’re you talking about?”

He smiled when Olivia leaned on him, “Bit of everything.”

“Oh?” she said placing her head on his shoulder, “Want to talk about it with me?”

“You don’t want to hear this,” he replied.

“But I do… Please Raf,” she sighed.

“Okay,” he nodded, “Where do you want to start?”

“What were you saying when I walked up… Something about underserving?” she suggested.

Rafael sighed, “Alright… I was talking about us… well me actually.” He felt Olivia lift her head to look at him as he spoke, “I was talking about the bruise on your arm and how it should never have happened.”

“Rafael-“

“I know, I know. You keep saying its fine but ‘Liv, it’s not,” Rafael mumbled.

“Hon,” Olivia sighed, “You know I wouldn’t excuse it if I had no reason to, please stop beating yourself up. I’m fine, we’re fine…”

“Okay,” Rafael nodded.

“What else were you talking about?”

“The trial,” he mumbled. “You know… It makes me sick that he’s getting away with murdering my mother.”

“I know,” Olivia sighed, “I don’t like it either but we don’t have the evidence.”

Rafael sighed deeply, “He knew what he was doing.”

“We’ll get him,” she reassured, “It might take us time but we’ll find something. In the mean time let’s make sure this son of a bitch gets what he deserves for hurting you.”

“I love it when you’re out for blood,” Rafael remarked.

“If I had my way prison would be the least of his troubles,” Olivia replied.

Rafael chuckled, “I’d love to see that.”

She leaned against him as they sat quietly enjoying the warm summer sun when Olivia found herself saying, “Can I ask you something?”

Rafael hesitated for a moment before answering, “Sure.”

“It’s about your job,” she sighed.

“Oh,” he nodded, “Yeah, I was going to bring it up eventually.”

She smiled a little, “I just want to know what’s going on.”

“I understand that,” he sighed, “I spoke to Jack last week.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, we spoke about my return to work,” he answered. “It didn’t go as expected… He suggested more time while the trial was going on but I got the feeling he thought I was unstable. Granted sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind but I don’t need other people thinking that… so I quit.”

Olivia lifted her head and looked at him surprised, “What?”

“I handed in my resignation letter a few days ago,” he said.

“I thought we were going to talk about that together before you made any final decisions.”

As Rafael shifted his gaze to meet hers; Olivia saw the pain and vulnerability he was trying to hide. **“ _I’ve got to move on,”_ ** he said with a weary expression. Speechless for a moment Olivia simply nodded as she placed her hand on the side of his face in a tender embrace. “I feel like I’m letting you down,” he sighed as he leaned into her hand and placed one of his hands on top of hers.

“You could never let me down,” she smiled as she ran her thumb gently over the scar on his face. “I just don’t want you to regret anything.”

“Regrets?” Rafael smiled, “No, this way I get to spend more time with Noah and less time watching my back. ‘Cause let’s be honest ‘Liv my political career is over and I’ll probably never be a Judge, so I’d rather relax for a while and see where life takes me from here.”

“Well, if this is what you want, I can understand that,” Olivia replied.

“If it goes the way I want it to-“ he paused. “You know what,” Rafael frowned to himself, “Fuck it. I’m going to make it go the way I want it to.”

“What?” Olivia asked confused.

Rafael dug around his pockets and pulled out a small black velvet box, “I know this isn’t how it should be,” he said as he got up on one knee. “I know it shouldn’t be at my mothers grave but I’m tired of waiting… I was waiting till I was 100% again but I don’t think that day will come. In saying that, you make me feel safe.. You always have; to me you’re the only family I’ve got left and I don’t want to waste any more time. I love you and I love Noah…” he smiled as he opened the box. Olivia watching him; completely shocked, as he revealed his grandmothers ring, “I don’t want to waste a single second with you… This… Us… It means the world to me… Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”

“Oh my god Rafael… Yes… Yes!” she said with a grin from ear to ear.

“Really?” he smiled; eyes wide. “H-here,” he stuttered excitedly as he took the ring out of the box. Rafael quickly put the ring on her finger and looked up at her to find she was already staring at him, “God I love you,” he smiled as he leaned in and kissed her. “At least you know no one’s going to have the same engagement story as you,” Rafael laughed.

“I’m honestly lost for words right now,” Olivia chuckled.

“You don’t need say anything,” he smiled, “I’m just honestly so lucky to have met you and that you want to spend the rest of your life with me.”

“I’ll always love you Rafael,” she said.

Slowly standing up Rafael smirked, “Let’s go home.” He held out a hand for Olivia; she took it and stood up next to him. As they started towards the exit Rafael said, “You know she was right.”

“Lucia?” Olivia questioned.

“Yeah, she said if it was meant to be it’ll happen when she gave me the ring… Now look at us,” he beamed, “We’ve made it.”

 

The next day Olivia was wrapped up in Rafael’s arms on the lounge as they spoke about wedding plans when Rafael asked, “Have you told anyone yet?” Rafael smiled; running his fingers lightly up and down Olivia’s arm.

“Just our friends,” she replied. “Amanda was ecstatic.”

Rafael laughed, “I’m just happy that one day I get to call you my wife.”

Olivia was about to say something when she noticed Rafael’s phone blinking, “I think you’re getting a call,” she frowned.

“It’s probably nothing,” Rafael sighed.

Olivia saw the name on the screen, “It’s Casey,” she said as she leant forward to get the phone.

“Leave it,” Rafael shrugged, “I’d rather just sit with you than to deal with all that right now.”

“It could be important,” Olivia replied, “Mind if I?”

“Yeah okay,” he sighed.

“Hey Casey, it’s Oliv-… Okay, I’ll pass it to him,“ Olivia frowned as she sat up off Rafael, “She wants to talk to you.”

Rafael rolled his eyes as he took the phone from Olivia, “Yeah?”

“Your testimony got leaked,” Casey said.

“What, how?” Rafael frowned as he leaned forward.

“I don’t know how but you know the other cops they arrested with Carter?” Casey asked.

Rafael stood up and began to pace around the room, “I never met them but yeah.”

“One of them heard it somehow,” Casey continued, “He wants a plea-“

“Don’t give him a plea, he deserves everything after what he and his boss did to me,” Rafael huffed.

Casey sighed, “I know you don’t want any deals but we already made one with him.”

“What! How could you?” Rafael yelled.

“What’s going on?” Olivia asked.

Rafael just looked at Olivia as he spoke into the phone, “Well what did you get out of it then?”

“He’s going to testify against Carter,” Casey said.

“In exchange for what?” Rafael mumbled.

Casey hesitantly answered, “Witness protection.”

“WHAT!” Rafael growled, “We didn’t need him.”

“Yes we did,” she sighed. “Carter wants a plea now.”

“No!” Rafael huffed as he started towards the bedroom.

“He knows he’s not getting away with it,” Casey continued, “He’s worried about your testimony and wants to plead guilty.”

“What’s he getting for it?” Rafael sighed as he closed the bedroom door behind himself.

“He’s got to allocute in court… he wants you there when he does it,” Casey replied.

“Of course he does,” Rafael said rolling his eyes, “But what does he want for his plea?”

“He wants a reduced sentence and protective custody for the whole duration,” she answered.

“And you took it didn’t you?” Rafael frowned.

“I had to,” Casey mumbled, “Jack wanted it to be over.”

“What about what I want?!” Rafael huffed.

“I thought you’d be relieved,” she sighed, “It’s done, he can’t walk away from this now.”

“So what? I testified for nothing,” he growled. “He got to me again for nothing!”

“No, it wasn’t for nothing,” she reassured, “You made this happen, without that testimony Carter wouldn’t be scared enough to take the deal.”

“So that’s it then?” Rafael sighed.

“Pretty much,” Casey answered, “Just be there when he pleads guilty and then you’re done with him forever.”

“I wish that was true,” Rafael said glumly, “But okay, see you then.”

 

After everything went quiet Olivia slowly made her way to the bedroom door, “Rafael?” she said gently as she opened the door. She saw him sitting on the edge of their bed leaning forward with his head in his hands, “Raf?”

Rafael look a long deep breath as he lifted his head, “Hey,” he half-heartedly smiled.

“What’s going on?”

“Carter’s taking a deal,” Rafael sighed, “He’s pleading guilty.”

“What kind of deal are we talking about?” Olivia said as she walked further into the room.

“Reduced sentence and protective custody,” Rafael mumbled.

“Did they even ask you what you wanted to do?” she frowned as she sat on the bed next to him.

“No,” he said shaking his head, “Jack wanted it to be over. The headlines don’t look good for either department and this is the fastest way to end it…. As much as I would have liked to see him get the max, I’m kinda glad that he took the deal.”

“Why?” she asked.

“Everyone knows what kind of monster he is now,” Rafael replied. “There’s no question of who he really is.”

“How are you okay with all this?”

“I’m just glad I have you by my side,” Rafael answered, “Without you, I probably would be at the bottom of a bottle.” He gave Olivia a soft kiss on her cheek then began to stand up as he added, “I’ll be fine.”

Olivia quickly stood up taking hold of his hand; he looked surprised as she pulled him into a hug, “Does this mean it’s over?” she mumbled into his shoulder.

Rafael hugged her tightly as he genuinely smiled, “I think so.”

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it. Thank you for reading and hopefully it was a happy enough ending. I really enjoyed spending a lot of time and effort into writing this story and having it pay off... for it to be completed. I never thought that I would be able to finish it and that people would enjoy it so thank you all. It really does mean a lot to me for you to take the time to read it. 
> 
> And a special thank you to all those who commented on each chapter, you kept me writing and I'm so grateful for that. 
> 
> Until the next one...


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